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Dance Moms Season 5 episode 23 recap: Chica Mica Meet Laquifa!

July 7, 2015 Lori Acken 31

Welcome back to Discord Central, Dance Moms nation. Everyone recovered from all of the drama (bra-ma?) that went down at the end of last week’s episode? Good. Because this bad boy is nothing short of a snooze. We start out with a little confab among the girls in which they discuss whether Kalani is really gone for good and what is going on with Abby and the shout-fest that was last week’s competition. Meanwhile, the Moms are in the Mom Closet talking about pretty much the same stuff. Bad feelings. Bad feelings abound. Let’s see if Gia has something reassuring […]

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 22 recap: Little Miss Loose Cannon

June 30, 2015 Lori Acken 60

Welcome back, big bunch of losers that we are, Dance Moms nation. But at least we get a peek at the brand new studio — or the mass of cement and beams that passes for the new studio. But Abby says it will be our fully completed home in just three short weeks. Uh huh. Will too. Let’s get down to business. Which is, for the most part, that we’re a big bunch of losers and it’s probably going to cost Abby business. OK, Mack is not a total loser. She’s on set filming the Nick series Nicky, Ricky, Dicky & […]

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 21 recap: Yer a regular livin’ doll

June 23, 2015 Lori Acken 30

Welcome back, Dance Moms nation. I am pleased to report that my screener is complete with intact persons this go ’round, so no lobotomy humor, I’m afraid. But we did get the LA version of the Welcome to Ohio sign (and a freaky caption), so that’s nice. A little bland, what with no cows and yard waste and what have you, but we’ll take what we can get. We start out with light hearted moments with the girls taking their loss in stride and congratulating Mack on her victory over Maddie last week. After playfully tussling with her little sister, Mads […]

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 20 recap: Return of the Mack (Oh My God!)

June 16, 2015 Lori Acken 65

Man, Tuesdays come around fast, don’t they Dance Moms nation? But we ended last week on a win, so maybe this week will finally be California sunshiney for a change? Yes? No. We don’t even make it into 3rd Street Dance before we’re comparing Abby to a big ol’ baby who doesn’t handle transition well. Well, I suppose. If the bootie fits. But anyway. And furthering my theory that Abby is a wily hostage of the DM producers and is going to make them pay but good for that, when Jill expresses surprise that she’s actually in the studio when […]

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 19 recap: I got 99 problems (but this itch ain’t one)

June 9, 2015 Lori Acken 53

Well that was a short-lived respite, wasn’t it Dance Moms nation? What did everyone do with their Lonely Tuesday? According to Lifetime, tonight’s is actually episode 517, but I’ve done 18 recaps even before this bugger — and not counting the specials — so if everyone could kindly just march along to the beat of my episode-count drummer so we all stay on the same parade route, I’d be grateful. We cool? Good. So anyway, ALDC L.A. starts today! Well, kind of. Everyone is in L.A. , but we’re still squatting at 3rd St. Dance. Jill says Abby is a big […]

Dance Moms Australia special Part 2 recap: Abby whines and Nia shines

May 26, 2015 Lori Acken 79

Why didn’t any of you warn me that Dance Moms is already back June 9, Dance Moms nation? I know you knew before I did, because you always know things before I do, even I get paid to know the things. And here I was looking forward to at least a handful of relaxing summer Tuesdays after we wrap up our Australian adventures and head off to further torment in L.A. But noooooo. Speaking of noooooo, that’s about how much fun Abby wants the girls to have before getting back down to business. A little snuggling koalas and that is […]

Dance Moms Australia Special Part 1 recap: Making Astras of Ourselves

May 19, 2015 Lori Acken 64

Even though we’ve been reading about it and watching stuff on YouTube for months now, its time for the official Jeff Collins-crafted version of the ALDC’s Australian misadventures, Dance Moms nation. Everyone got their comfortable walking shoes … and their passport? No, no everyone does not. We start out in the dark of night at LAX where Abby is two hours from departure and a million light years from knowing where hers — plus her driver’s license and her credit cards — is. Er, what seasoned traveler heads to the airport without checking and rechecking boarding passes and necessary I.D.? Isn’t […]

Dance Moms Seeing Stars recap: Corn, beef, (re)hash

May 12, 2015 Lori Acken 31

Time for another reunion show, Dance Moms nation, this one called “Seeing Stars” since we used up “Playing Favorites” on last time’s and “Enough About the Videos, Already!” was apparently not an option. JC, Executive Producer Superstar, is still apparently copping to the title and he starts us out by reminding us that we’re all packing up and moving to L.A. so tonight’s festivities will serve as a fond farewell to Pittsburgh. Except when he introduces Abby, she promptly says that we are not either leaving Pittsburgh. We’re expanding. Making a place to which the Pittsburgh kids can migrate, if you will. […]

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 18 recap: The Patriot and Games

May 7, 2015 Lori Acken 39

Sorry for the delay, Dance Moms nation. Rough week. But since this is the mid-season finale, I could hardly let it go unnoticed, now could I? Sure I could. But I didn’t. Because I like you. We’re back at Starbound, where we seem to be pretending that we didn’t end at Nia’s video premiere last week. I thought we’d dropped by Starbound already, but there is Cathy with her megaphone pondering Abby’s absence and only Melissa, Jess, Nia, Holly and Jo Jo seem to be representing ALDC. Holly says something must be up. Melissa says, the others are just still at […]

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 17 recap: Holly, Jump ’n Jealousy!

April 28, 2015 Lori Acken 46

We’re back in snowy Pittsburgh, Dance Moms nation and despite the fact that everyone is bundled to the teeth, the Pitt Crew professes that there is no place like home. We rifle off all the reasons why — family members left behind, the comfort of routines, what have you. OK, L.A.’s probably better. But apparently we’re only home for a smidge anyway, because Melissa says she can’t believe this will be our last Pittsburgh pyramid. Jill will believe it when she sees it. Lori, too. Sure enough. We’re only home for a week, before we turn back around to Cali. […]