(Mike, who usually does these recaps, is vacationing in Hawaii. I’m taking over this week, planning to kill any momentum he may have created with suitjamas.)
Barney raised a ruckus at Laser Tag and has been banned for disorderly game play and three counts of shoving. Ted doesn’t see what the problem is — Barney’s too old for that sh*t stuff anyway. Which leads to a new addition to the “Murtaugh List,” named for Danny Glover’s character in the Lethal Weapon movies, which indicates things that they are now too old to do. Barney defies the Murtaugh List, and will disprove it by doing everything on the list in one weekend. If he succeeds, then Ted will have to help him break into Laser Tag and toilet-paper it. If he fails, then Barney has to listen to Ted talk about architecture.
Ted tells Robin that he’d rather be old than be young, so Barney and Robin come up with a list of geezer things that Ted must do — eat dinner at 4pm, wear reading glasses, take too long answering the phone, yell at neighborhood children, go to bed at 8pm, and so on. Ted and Barney raise the stakes on their bet. Whoever completes their list first, wins.
Barney’s struggling with his list. His pierced ear has a smelly infection, his back hurts from sleeping on a Futon, he blew out his knee and he got real messed up at a rave. Meanwhile, Ted’s finding it a breeze being old. Until watching all four Lethal Weapon movies gives him the realization that although Murtaugh claimed he was too old for that sh*t stuff, he did it again and again anyway. Old-guy list be damned! Ted helps Barney toilet paper Laser Tag.
In the subplot, Marshall is helping Lily coach the kindergarten basketball team. Little does Marshall know that Lily is using this as a barometer on Marshall’s parenting skills. Lily has the feel-good Kumbaya approach to kids’ sports, while Coach Marshmallow is all blood-and-guts Bear Bryant on the youngsters. Lily says that unless Marshall uses her coaching method, she will “silent treatment him into the ground.” So Marshall caves in. So, according to Marshall’s retelling of the story, their team gets absolutely destroyed by a bunch of tall, angry men and a Teen Wolf, and red-haired referee Kenny isn’t giving them any calls. But despite the humiliating loss, everyone on the team still got a participation trophy — even Marshall.
What We Liked
Laser Tag knows no age restrictions. Kind of like stripping in the Midwest.
A gentleman’s agreement. Huzzah!
When people give us stuff we haven’t earned, like diplomas, jobs and promotions.
Some of the finest TP work we’ve ever seen.
What We Didn’t Like
Marshall’s Murtaugh impersonation.
McElroy & LaFleur, the Canadian inspiration for Lethal Weapon. But we do like the phrase “African Canadian.”
Ted laughing during Lethal Weapon 4. There’s nothing to laugh at in that movie.
Turkey that is described as “extremely lean” but clearly isn’t.
“Rockin’ a party hunch. I like it. Closer to my booze.”
Photo: ©2009 FOX TELEVISION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.Credit: Ron P. Jaffe/FOX