There are many public break-ups that make front-page news, but perhaps none with the exception of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony has shocked more people lately than the unexpected split between golfer Tiger Woods and longtime caddy Stevie Williams (pictured here with Woods).
Seriously, is no relationship sacred these days? Stevie not only helped Tiger win 72 tournaments — including 13 majors — but he stood loyally by through all of his boss’s injuries, sexual escapades and marital woes. If there was ever one person who deserved a lifetime contract, this was the guy.
Sadly, life moves on, and so must we. But first we wanted to compile a list of five celebrity candidates we think should carry Tiger’s bag (and baggage).
Charlie Sheen: If anybody can relate to sexual controversies, it’s the master of the goddesses. And who better to divert focus away from Tiger than Hollywood’s biggest narcissist? Instead of fans heckling the golfer, they can direct their comments to his attention-starved caddy. Duh… (you know the rest).
Dr. Drew: Tiger has demonstrated he needs counseling, so why not have a professional on hand at all times? If he seems distracted by a pretty woman in the gallery, Dr. Drew can tell him to focus on the hole.
Charles Barkley: The NBA Hall-of-Famer and TNT analyst has what many consider to be the worst golf swing ever, but the Round Mound of Rebound wouldn’t be hired to hit shots for Tiger. We believe Charles would offer some much-needed levity, especially after an errant drive: “Tiger, that was turrible. Turrible, turrible, turrible.”
Ray Romano: A very good golfer himself, the former Everybody Loves Raymond star is now looking for work after his recent TNT show Men of a Certain Age was canceled. Like Barkley, Ray could lighten things up for Tiger, who has always been very high-strung on the golf course.
Melissa McCarthy: We think it’s important to include a woman on our list, but it can’t just be any woman. We’re going with the sassy star of Mike & Molly and Bridesmaids, because she won’t take any grief from any man. Tiger has had females falling at his feet his entire career, and what he needs now is one who will kick him in the backside when necessary. Melissa is the perfect candidate.
So who do you think might make a good celebrity caddy for Mr. Woods? Feel free to chime in below.
Bill Clinton…he can easily relate to Tiger’s recent spate of bad PR, especially as it involves sexual dalliances. And he can make executive decisions regarding the proper club for the occasion. Clinton is a golf nut and he and Tiger can share cigars at the 19th Hole.