Bravo For Project Runway As Season 5 Begins

by WindUpDoll

It’s that time again, kids. Didn’t that year go fast? Oh, yeah, it has only been about 4 months since the last ‘season’ of Project Runway ended. But because of the Bravo/Lifetime/Weinstein drama, we have to have yet ANOTHER season of Project Runway this year. Not that I’m complaining, ’cause I’m not. I love the show; but there is such a thing as overkill. And I’ll reserve my judgment about the decision to move to Lifetime until we start to see the next season. But I’ll tell you one thing, if Lifetime tones down the gay, I’ll be way disappointed.

Again, we’re at the beginning of the season, so there’s a lot of folks to keep track of. Because of this, I’ll merely be supplying the highlights until the personalities shake out as the season progresses. My apologies to those who won’t make it very far.

Suede needs to make millions for Suede. I agree, Suede, as it takes money to keep one in a blue faux-hawk. We’ve also got the silent fashion assassin, but I totally missed her name. Joe is the straight guy who’s doing this to make his daughters proud, which is cool.

Designers are summoned to the roof by Heidi and Tim in typical Project Runway fashion. Heidi has to reiterate that they are in their new home at Atlas Apartments in New York. Tim tells the contestants to knock their socks off. Heidi teases them by making them think that their first challenge is coming up. HAH! It’s not. First they get to booze it up with some Moet et Chandon. Be careful, designers — sometimes Project Runway sets a booze trap of overindulgence and overconfidence.

Daniel Feld has a menagerie of animals — some living, others mounted in a frame. I learned this from the brief snippet of audition video I got to see.

Aha! The post-party morning and Tim Gunn is at the designers’ door at 4am. Rise and shine, kids, hope the party was fun! Of course, by the time the designers are filmed walking down the street, it’s daylight out, so they had a couple of hours. The first challenge is revealed and the designers are given the same challenge that was given to the first group. Austin Scarlett helps Tim Gunn introduce the challenge. He will also be this week’s guest judge.

Designers have $75 and a half-hour to shop for crap at the grocery store from which to make their design. Some folks have a plan, others don’t. Some folks are avoiding food like the plague; others are drawn to the challenge. One designer has a basket of only Solo cups. Could be interesting.

Did Tim Gunn just call the designers a bunch of slackers? I can’t wait until the commercial is over!

We’re in the Parson’s workroom and the designers are all atwitter about being there & seeing their name on their mannequins. Designers have until midnight tonight to finish and the winner will get immunity.

Kelli Martin, and no the show is still on Bravo and not Lifetime, is dying vacuum cleaner bags with coffee and bleach. She thinks her dress will be ugly in a good way. Stella is all stressed out because her trash bags are too loud & thin. She whines to Tim & he tells her to make it work. Jennifer, I think, is kissing paper towels & pinning them to her dress. Blayne has a weird feathery thing on the back of his dress. Tim tells him to commit. I’m hearing Michael Kors say Appalachian Barbie when seeing Suede’s dress & MK isn’t even in the room. Jerry is wishing the grocery store had more to offer. Cause it’s the grocery store’s fault.

Ah, the slacker comment comes out — Tim is worried about the prevalence of tablecloths in the workroom & the lack of challenge of working with what is essentially a piece of fabric. Before going to commercial, we hear Korto exclaim “My veggies!”

Suede is rethinking everything and covering his tablecloth with a bunch of blue squares. Like they will distract the judges by highlighting his hair. Blayne is the first one to finish and Stella is still freaking out about the trash bags. Everyone is encouraging her to get it together. Some seem to be helping her. She declares that she’ll be the biggest jackass of the nation if she’s eliminated first.

The designers prepare for their first judging, so they’re all nervous about meeting them. They’ve got 1 hour to get their models ready. Blayne has to hand-sew his model’s crotch because her proportions are a bit bigger than he anticipated. Designers judge that Jerry’s dress looks like it’s for an axe murderer. Korto’s ‘my veggies!’ exclamation is shown as part of her dress was apparently in the fridge. Before commercial, Heidi says she is not impressed. Uh-oh. No one wants an unimpressed Heidi Klum.

Heidi is on the runway telling the designers that one day in fashion you’re in, the next day, you’re out. She reminds them that this challenge is about innovation and introduces our intrepid judges.

Emily thinks her dress with a huge collar is ‘wearable.’ Daniel used all plastic cups for his dress. Terri is blown away by her own dress. Humble, yes? Stella used ugly cheap-ass trash bags & made something. Stella is very deep. Jerry thinks he went to town. Blayne is thinking he’s going to win this. I love it when gay men call their dresses for women sexy when they’re so not sexy.

We quickly tell half of the designers that they are in the mediocre middle. Heidi puts it nicer, but the result is the same — they leave the stage & know they’re safe.

Who’s still up is Daniel of the plastic cups, which Austin loves, Heidi likes the sculpture elements, MK wanted it to go further, but he also likes it. Also up is Jerry, and Michael Kors thought his model was a bridal nurse with a handi-wipe gone wrong. Heidi thinks it’s for a hospital plumber. Even Austin thinks Jerry could’ve been more creative.

Korto gets props for using produce and styling. Stella just started sewing it. Michael said there was no wow. Heidi is not impressed. Kelli talks about her process of dying things and burning things to get the look she wanted. The judges are impressed overall. Blayne calls his outfit girlicious. Heidi calls it Playboy bunny gone wrong. Austin doesn’t like the diaper shape. Michael Kors thought he was judging the wrestling challenge again. Blayne is shocked.

The judges talk very nice about Daniel and Kelli. Korto again gets props for taste and food, but not for the tablecloth. The judges don’t talk nice about Stella, Jerry and Blayne. Butt-ugly, strange and hideous. Michael Kors also brings up the slasher/killer vibe off Jerry’s outfit. That’s never a good sign. Laura Bennet would say that there was some serious ugly going on.

Korto is safe. Kelli is crowned the winner with immunity. All the other designers hate her. Daniel is safe. Diaper Blayne is in. Jerry and Stella are the last two designer standing. Jerry’s look was not wearable and Stella went too easy & didn’t do enough. Jerry gets punished for doing a decent job, but just doing it ugly. So here’s a note to all future designers — if anyone uses the words ‘killer’ or ‘maniac’ to describe your work, maybe you should rethink something.

Next week Tim calls something a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park. Korto’s already having a meltdown and it’s only week two. Sweet. Thank you, Project Runway. I love you.