They’re Proud To Be American Idols

by WindUpDoll

Do I even need to tell you that the results show is chock full of filler? There’s a songwriting competition.

Then it’s the cheesy group number! Starting off with ‘Get Right Back To Where We Started From.’ Do you get it? They were all singing songs from the year they were born, so that’s where they started from. Get it? It’s way cheesy. Michael Johns and David Cook do the ‘I’m-a-dude-this-is-so-not-gay’ chest thump. It’s because the girls are doing all the lead singing, leading the guys to do silly things. I hear this song and I think of Art Bell. Kathy calls it ‘dorkalicious.’

Back from commercial we get the ‘inside’ look of what it’s like to be an American Idol. The kids are in the recording studio recording their songs for iTunes. David Cook then essentially does an iTunes infomercial. Carly questions all the buttons on the sound board. I hate to tell you, Carly, they do know what all those buttons do. iTunes, iTunes, iTunes! Watch Carly squeal as she holds her iPhone! Why not put a big Apple logo on the Coke glasses?

After the recap, Ryan gets to sorting. One by one the contestants come out, and of course, some get the ‘stool’ treatment, while others get the comfy couch.

Chikezie is out of the gate first. Ryan of course has to detail all the judges’ comments. He’s sent to the stools. Brooke heads out and once again has to defend having the band come in to join her. Whatever, she gets to be comfy on the couch. Carly comes out and Ryan cuts to the chase — she’s not pregnant and she’s safe. She’s apparently ecstatic about both. I would be, too.

Commercial break — the Idols have to shill for Ford again. They get to be on T-shirts, jackets, CDs and then the guy gets into a Ford. It was one of the more realistic Ford ads they’ve done.

Back to the axe — David Archuleta gets sent to the couch in about two seconds. David Cook, who I found out was doing Chris Cornell’s Billie Jean, is safe. Whoever Chris Cornell is. David’s gone with a scarf instead of a rag tonight. Syesha is out next and is sent to the Stool Boom next to Chikezie. Michael Johns gets sent through, and we’re told that the Idols will be meeting Dolly Parton next week. Damn, I guess Kristy could be around for a while. Blech.

Oh, we get a close-up of Constantine and Gina whatever her name is. Constantine can’t pull his eyes away from the camera.

Crappy questions from the public — Chikezie, are you single? David, why did you sing that song? Some 16-year-old wants Ryan Seacrest’s job. Simon tells her she doesn’t need a lot of talent. Brooke, who would you sing a duet with? She picks John Mayer. Snooze. Does Simon consider himself the most attractive person on the show? It’s not what he says, it’s what other people say. Well played, Simon.

Next we get an update on Kimberley Locke. She’s opened a restaurant, lost 40 pounds and is releasing her second album. Sounds like she’s doing more great gay dance music. She sings a ballad, ‘Fall.’ I’m not hating, but it’s kind of boring. I’d rather hear her dance music. Paula says she looks great.

Time for an Idol Gives Back commercial. Lots of people will be there. Whatever. I want to know where the 76 million dollars goes, Ryan. That’s my problem — I’m not seeing a breakdown of what you spend to raise this money. I have no problem with many of the charities that they fund. That’s great. But I want to know why giving through Idol Gives Back is better than giving directly to a charity. Then they mention the wildfires. Wasn’t that way AFTER Idol Gives Back last year? So were they sitting on some of that money? Too many questions — I should be able to find that information on the American Idol website. If anyone has, please comment so I can check it out.

Ramiele gets asked about being sick the night before. Whatever, she’s safe.

Kristy and Jason come out next. Apparently Lee Greenwood called and loved Kristy’s ‘rendition.’ Gack, she’s safe. Can she go home next week, please? Can she get overconfident with Dolly Parton and that be her downfall? Jason has joined Chikezie and Syesha in the bottom three. Ryan tortures the poor boy into babbling on about how he knew he was going in the bottom three. Then he tells Jason he’s safe. So that last ‘joining the bottom three’ bit was a complete waste of time. Like a lot of the results show usually is.

We get some blah, blah, blah before Chikezie is sent home. Oh, well. It’s not like he’s a bad singer, he just didn’t stand out like he needed to. He sings the R&B stuff well, but he stands out when he’s singing something with more energy, as he did the first week of top 12 competition. The slower stuff sounded like you were at the mall, not a concert. As is typical, when he sings the song on his way out, he sounds better than he did last night. Shots of the crowd include the typical misty Paula and Chikezie’s mom, gesturing him to come to her. That was creepy.

We’re down to the naughty nine final contestants. Will Kristy continue her evil ways? Only time will tell for … American Idol.


  1. Oh THAT Chris Cornell…. one of those ‘you know, that one song’ dudes. And don’t forget Audioslave!

    And that Lee Greenwood song only makes me think of yokels harassing people, or worse, for not standing up. Yet they’ll completely violate the flag code by wearing a sequined American Flag vest. Oy!

  2. When I’m on American Idol, I’m going to sing “Hava Nagila,” that way anyone who doesn’t vote for me is an anti-Semite.

    The Lee Greenwood song creeps me out. The only time you ever hear it is when there’s a national tragedy or war or something.

  3. Whoever Chris Cornell is? Dude had a cameo in Singles, the greatest Bridget Fonda movie ever made. (At least I think. I’ve only actually seen one.) And, oh yeah, he also sang in Soundgarden, which was, like, the third or fourth greatest grunge band of all-time … which would put them at about No. 29,347 overall.

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