CBS

Jill has awakened from her long winter of hibernation, left the comfort of her cave and the solace of her television and gone in search of nuts and berries and adventure. And she entrusted this blog to me, me who thinks the best thing that could happen on Survivor (any season, mind you) is that hunger will overcome everyone and in a bout of totally understandable temporary insanity the castaways will unite and eat Jeff Probst (possibly the cameramen could provide them with some fava beans and nice Chianti to add that certain Je-ne-sais-quoi to the event). Not that someone […]

Eliza isn’t liked by anyone, so her best strategy is to align with fellow outcast Jason. When Jason tells her that he has the hidden immunity idol, she’s excited that her alliance might have some power, especially if they can join with Ami when the tribes merge. But Eliza doesn’t yet know that Ami got booted off, and that what Jason believes to be an idol is just a stick that Ozzy carved a vague face into. The tribes are told to gather their personal items immediately and go to a new location, and they correctly assume that a merge […]

Ozzy is a little shaken by talk at the last Tribal Council about how people think he’s a controlling leader of the tribe. He doesn’t see himself that way — he thinks he just has a lot of good opinions and know-how. But apparently not the good sense to not cuddle with Amanda around the rest of his tribe. Ami tells Ozzy that Tracy was trying to get her to overthrow Ozzy, but Ami prevented anything crazy from happening, and Ozzy shouldn’t worry about his safety. He feels uneasy, thinking that Ami is a little too adamant in her assurance. […]

On Malakal, Tracy thinks Ozzy is too controlling — he decides when the tribe eats, what the tribe eats, when the chickens will be killed. She thinks he’ll win the game unless they get him out of there. Erik, meanwhile, idolizes Ozzy, who is taking the young ice cream scooper under his wing. Cirie can’t come up with enough figurative language to describe the situation — stardust comes out of Erik’s mouth when he says Ozzy’s name; the two are like the father teaching his cub in The Lion King; “I think if Ozzy were to propose marriage to Erik […]

Tracy’s not happy that there are now four Faves against three Fans on the Malakal tribe, and she’d like to get one of the Faves to flip, so they’d be back to even. Ami sees that Tracy feels on the outside, so she gives her a pep talk, telling Tracy that she, too, has felt like she’s on the bottom rung, but “I’m not going to be Poop Pants. The more you’re Poop Pants, the sooner you’re going out.” I think everyone should work “Poop Pants” into any pep talk or speech. “Win one for the Poop Pants.” “Ask not […]