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C.S.I.: Er, This Is Not The Way To Stave Off McDreamy

What the hell was that? I mean, when Tarantino grabbed the reins at C.S.I., the show got a little goofy and an extra dab creepy, but at least it kept a pinkie toe within the bounds of believability. And most importantly, it was still great fun, and completely engrossing, to watch. Last night, after having a plot thread that promised the reunion of the team plus a tasty side dish of Sara/Grissom romance dangled in our eager faces, what we got instead was an endlessly tasteless mishmash that appeared to be penned by a gang of frat boys with posters […]

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House: Osama The Astronaut Gets A Lifesaving Boob Job

Or House: Kumar With No Harold Goes to Princeton-Plainsboro Or House: I Hear Cameron, Chase and Foreman. With My Eyes. Forgive me for a quick minute while I try to land that whole thing about hearing with one’s eyes — the primary complaint of Patient du Jour for Season 4, episode 2. Cause I’m really stuck on that sucker. And whether or not I’m actually continually aware that sound enters through the sides of my head alone. And how, since PdJ actually seems to be having a particularly visual acid trip more so than any auditory issues, she decided she […]

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Tuesday Night’s All Right For Fightin’ — “Cane” Recap/Review

Posted by Sarah “To protect my family I will do anything, and that is both my blessing and my curse …” — Alex Vega, in what I assume is the new opening sequence of Cane It’s another gorgeous, sunny day in Florida, and Alex Vega is up before his alarm, looking worried. The guy’s got a lot on his mind: His father-in-law passed over his oldest natural son to make him CEO of the family business, and he just had someone bumped off for crimes past. Eventually his alarm goes off and he gets out of bed, showers, and puts […]

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House: He’s A Loner, Cuddy. A Rebel.

As the official, card-carrying, biggest fan of House, like, ever, I’ve come to a couple conclusions. One, it’s a darned good thing I’ve never been hospitalized for anything more confounding than childbirth. Because if my own medical team were forced to break into my home in search of what ails me, about all they’d discover — courtesy of 3 cats, a zillion-year-old house and five other family members who can mess a hell of a lot faster than I can clean — is that I should have been dead a long time ago. And two, after last Tuesday’s hilarious, heartbreaking […]

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Dexter Hits Bottom As His Bodies Rise

Posted by Elaine B. (Warning: contains spoilers) Like every Dexter fan, I anxiously awaited the moment when our good-guy killer would return and say “Tonight’s the night.” Unfortunately, this season that means bowling, bowling and more bowling and, in spite of the team shirts that proclaim “Bowl till you bleed,” there is a world of difference between a split and a slice. Knowing how long it has been to the minute since he last killed (his brother), Dex is getting hinkey. The only severed body part he has to play with is the Barbie doll head his brother left as […]

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C.S.I.: Sara Smiles

Posted by ButtonKnows If I were Warrick Brown, man, I would be getting nervous. Reeeeal nervous. Because I am guessing about 15 episodes of C.S.I. from now something really inventively crappy is going to happen to him. He’s due. See, at the end of Season 5, toward the denouement of a twisty storyline almost as inventive as this past season’s miniature killer, Grissom’s team wound up with their Nick in a box. (“Step one: Build a plexiglass box. Twooo… put your cop in that bah-ha-hox. Three: Make them open the box.” You can take ‘er from here … and yeah, […]

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Praising “Cane”: A Recap/Review

Posted by Sarah Last night was the series premiere of the new CBS drama Cane. I’ve been looking forward to this show for a month or so now, ever since I dreamed that I watched the entire series in one night. My excitement had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Jimmy Smits (pictured right) is a fine-lookin’ man. My hopes were further raised when I saw that the premiere would be shown “with limited commercial breaks,” thanks to a generous corporate sponsor who has monopolized the limited ad time. Well! Maybe that kind of thing happens pretty often, […]

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Dexter vs. Doakes

Posted by: Elaine B When last we saw our favorite antihero, Dexter was absorbed in the fantasy of being hailed as a hero by the citizens of Miami for dispatching the Ice Truck Killer. This season takes up where the last left off, with Dexter in a funk and missing his brother who, with no adherence to the Code of Harry, might have been the ideal person to dispatch Dexter’s ongoing headache, Sergeant Doakes, who is stuck on Dex like a duck on a junebug. We can surmise that, in the case of Doakes, it takes a killer to see […]

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Brewers Vs. Cubs Spills Over Onto The Small Screen

With the division race in the National League Central still up for grabs, the Chicago Cubs and Milwaukee Brewers are taking their rivalry to a new venue: television. You might remember that, back in June, four Brewers — shortstop J.J. Hardy, center fielder Bill Hall and pitchers Chris Capuano and Jeff Suppan — appeared in an episode of The Young and the Restless. (If you don’t remember, here it is. By the way, does she still think Chris Capuano is the “best left-handed pitcher in the entire league” at 5-12 with a 5.21 ERA?) Well, tomorrow, while his teammates take […]

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USA’s Burn Notice Sizzles

Occasionally there is talk about somebody wanting to do an updated remake of the British cult classic series The Prisoner, in which a spy who resigns is transported to a mysterious village, where he is trapped because he knows too much. That talk can stop for a while, since — whether intentionally or not — USA Network has effectively taken that premise and turned it into a very fun and thrilling comedy/drama series called Burn Notice, which premieres June 28. Jeffrey Donovan plays Michael Weston, a spy who — unfortunately, in the middle of a dangerous mission — is suddenly […]