Comedy

Posted by Ryan Leslie is taking very creepy photos of G&G employees for a promotional calendar. This year, they’re American historical figures. Todd is Paul Revere, the first American sex symbol. Sex sells. Sex sells food. Sex sells liverwurst and ant killer. Leslie gives Todd $300 to take his shirt off. Ingrid and Amy are arguing about who gets to be Betsy Ross. Ingrid wins out, and Amy is stuck with the oversized frumpy Martha Washington outfit. The right woman won because Ingrid is a smoking hot Betsy Ross. Todd invites Ingrid into the freezer to, you know, have sex. […]

Posted by Ryan The G&G crew is enjoying Internet video of Amy from Super Value Mart getting it on with a district regional manager in the employee break room. Leslie scolds his crew for making fun of people, but the video of his high-school (and current) crush in action proves too much for him to resist. Amy is distraught over being fired. Apparently she signed a morality clause, and having sex with her boss in the break room and having it broadcast to millions somehow violates that clause. Amy realizes that Leslie is her only friend. Suddenly, an assistant manager […]

Posted by Ryan Todd put together a nice business presentation for Leslie. Todd must be serious — he’s wearing a suit and everything! It seems Todd won five cows in a game of poker, beating out some mentally challenged guy named Ricky who sucks at bluffing. Anyway, Todd thinks “The mouth of the people needs fresh meat!” and he wants Leslie to start selling fresh beef at the G&G. Leslie likes Todd’s idea, and like a seed, Todd’s idea needs manure to grow. Someone needs to go No. 2 all over Todd’s idea. Like how customers can select live lobsters […]

Posted by Ryan Leslie’s new Customer Appreciation Corner offers free coffee for everyone. But there’s a problem — he’s gone through 45 cases of French Vanilla Coffee-mate creamer this week alone. Where’s it all going? Carl knows. He’s hooked on the stuff, drinking it straight, making Carltinis, adding it to Juevos Carlitos and putting it on fish. At the customer service desk, Leslie notices Ingrid writing about her Virginity Goodbye Project. Yes, Ingrid is a virgin, but she’s decided to put an end to that. Leslie supports her in this effort, and wants to know if there’s anything he can […]

Posted by Ryan It’s the one-year anniversary of Leslie’s father’s passing. A year ago, Bud Pool collapsed in the kosher foods aisle, and like the yeast in the lavache bread, he never rose. Carl was the first on the scene, but he could not resuscitate Bud — there were mumblings that Carl had to stock the bread first. Leslie’s having a memorial service for his father in the kosher section, and Ingrid plays four mournful tunes on her accordion. Leslie wants to spread his father’s ashes, but he can’t do it in the store, as the ashes are too “chunky.” […]

Buck is over an hour late to work, and he stinks of booze. He tells Richard that his friends took him out last night for his 21st birthday, and he drank a lot of kamikazes, cosmopolitans or cosmokazes — he can’t remember. And apparently he hooked up with an older blonde French woman … who looks a lot like Amy from Super Value Mart. Knowing Leslie would feel betrayed, Richard and Buck have to keep this a secret. Leslie thinks Buck has a drinking problem, and he wants to mobilize the crew into helping Buck out. Yolanda has to get […]

Leslie and Carl are setting up for tomorrow’s big promotion in which Greens & Grains customers can go into one of those money booths for a minute and grab all the flying cash they can. Amy from Super Value Mart storms into Greens & Grains wondering why there are “Free Money!” banners all over her parking lot. As a gesture of goodwill, Leslie lets Amy into the booth to grab a little cash for herself. (Amy loves money. And Leslie loves Amy loving money.) But the booth is filled with $5,000 in silver dollar coins that Leslie’s father stashed away […]