Ryan Berenz, Author at Channel Guide Magazine

Uh … Football?

September 7, 2007 Ryan Berenz Comments Off

Man, these two-day work weeks are killing me. I tuned in to the NFL Kickoff Special last night on NBC. Mrs. Cubicle QB walks in while Kelly Clarkson is belting out some song, and asks me, “What the hell are you watching?” I’m like, “Uh … football?” I generally hate musical acts before sports events. I’m compiling a list of bands and artists that I want banned from all sports venues (and some of them are bands that I actually like). Having John Mellencamp also perform was like a swift kick to the privates, since we already have to suffer […]

GSN “Grand Slam” Marathon And Finale Update

August 31, 2007 Ryan Berenz Comments Off

GSN made some changes to its game-show tournament Grand Slam schedule after Channel Guide Magazine went to press (GSN messed with the wrong people). Because the changes affect the last episodes of the season, we thought we’d let you know about them. And because we love you, too. So here’s the revised Grand Slam schedule: Saturday, Sept. 1 at 7pm ET Featuring semifinal matches: Jennings-Harris winner vs. Kitt-Carpenter winner & Rutter-Ogas winner vs. Pawlowicz-Legler winner Encore showings Sept. 1 at 10pm ET, Sept. 5 at 8pm ET and Sept. 6 at 10pm ET. Saturday, Sept. 8 at 12pm ET GRAND […]

“Fore Inventors Only” Taps In For Par

August 31, 2007 Ryan Berenz Comments Off

GOLF CHANNEL’s reality competition series Fore Inventors Only has its live finale Sept. 4 at 10pm ET, and only one of the five remaining contestants’ inventions will win a marketing deal with GOLF CHANNEL and have their winning product sold in golf retail shops. Viewers will decide who wins by voting online and can do so right up to the fourth segment of the finale. Comedian George Lopez, who seemingly spends every waking moment at celebrity golf tournaments, will cohost the finale with GOLF CHANNEL’s Rich Lerner. Here are the five products which made it to the finale: Hill Shot […]

“The Kill Point” Countdown Finale Recap

August 27, 2007 Ryan Berenz 1

Wow. The Kill Point has come and gone. It’s been a lot of fun following this series since April. Now I’m going to have to find some new show to obsess over. I’m open to suggestions. Last night I had a fantasy football draft (I got Larry Johnson) during the two-hour final episode and had to watch it on the DVR when all 18 (!) rounds were finally done. So I’m a little groggy this morning. So, on to The Kill Point… Mr. “Creepy Me” Mouse is outside the bank, stumbling around with all the SWAT guys trained on him. […]

New ESPN MNF Crew Review

August 21, 2007 Ryan Berenz 3

Because I wanted to see the awesomely meaningless Super Bowl XLI preseason rematch and get a sampling of ESPN’s revamped Monday Night Football team, I tuned in to last night’s Bears vs. Colts game — the first half, anyway. I’m not masochistic enough to watch the second half of a preseason game on ESPN. When the production crew wasn’t missing one of Rex Grossman’s fumbled snaps because they were airing NASCAR promos, I was pleased with two thirds of their broadcast. I figured it wouldn’t take much for Ron Jaworski to be an improvement over Joe Theismann, but Jaworski really […]

“The Kill Point” Countdown Episode 5 Recap

August 20, 2007 Ryan Berenz Comments Off

Episode 5 opens with Mr. Mouse having a serious case of the Creepy Mes. He’s scrawling stuff in his notebook, and speaking jibberish in Arabic. He’s doing this in the boardroom near the photograph with the bug in it, so the cops can hear everything he says. They’re a little weirded out, too. And Mouse’s wound is getting a little nasty with gangrene. No, he’s not well. Wolf tells Deke to call a bunch of vets they know and start a protest outside to give the cops a little something else to deal with. A nice diversion while Deke’s guys […]

There Is No More Refuge From Ryan Seacrest

August 16, 2007 Ryan Berenz 2

More disconcerting news from FOX Sports today: Ryan Seacrest, host of FOX’s AMERICAN IDOL, the No. 1 television series in the nation, is set to join the cast of FOX NFL SUNDAY, America’s No. 1 NFL pregame show, for the biggest day on the sports calendar: Super Bowl Sunday. The announcement was made last evening by David Hill, Chairman, FOX Sports Television Group. The wildly popular television and radio host has agreed to serve as “entertainment host” for FOX SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, the Super Bowl XLII pregame show. The plan is to utilize Seacrest’s expertise to wrap the entertainment portions […]

FOX Knows You’ve Been Clamoring For More Barry Switzer

August 14, 2007 Ryan Berenz 1

FOX Sports today released its NFL on FOX broadcasting teams, as well as some changes to its FOX NFL Sunday studio show. Giving up the traveling studio show that had Joe Buck working double duty as studio host and play-by-play man, FOX NFL Sunday returns to the FOX Network Center in Los Angeles. Curt Menefee is the new full-time host, and he’s joined again by Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and Jimmy Johnson, with funny guy Frank Caliendo and weather chick Jillian Barberie adding their segments. Perhaps realizing the importance of having an actual “information guy” there to give the show […]

“The Kill Point” Countdown Episode 4 Recap

August 13, 2007 Ryan Berenz Comments Off

Episode 4 opens with our favorite crazy SWAT sniper waxing philosophical about bullets and sniping. You just know this guy is going to do something big soon. Back in the bank, Rocko has to pee, and Rabbit is just a little too interested in watching. Rabbit forces Rocko to take off his pants and lie face-down on the floor, then lectures Rocko on the meaning of fear. Rabbit sticks his shotgun in Rocko’s butt. Oh, so that’s fear. Cali’s wife calls him and tells him she has a surprise for him. She also says he looks like “a cool asshole” […]

Deion Sanders, Oxygen To Unleash Pestilence Upon Us

August 8, 2007 Ryan Berenz 1

Like most sports fans, my Deion Sanders tolerance threshold was crossed sometime around 1995. Following his long, long overdue retirement from football, he’s continued to annoy me as an NFL TV studio analyst. But I never really had the urge to body slam or electrocute Deion … until he said this recently: I believe [Michael] Vick had a passion for dogfighting. I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It’s like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn’t tap out when he knows he can’t win. […]