A&E’s 60 Days In Recap: Pod Wars

In A&E’s 60 Days In episode “Pod Wars” (Sept. 15) tensions run high in F-Pod between upstairs and downstairs inmates. And a race war threatens to break out in C-Pod. In D-Pod, Brian receives some unwelcome attention from the pod boss.

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Last week, Brian failed to make a good first impression with his new D-Pod crew. Let’s see how he’s doing this week.

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Oooh, I don’t like the sound of that. “His initiation process is worse than any other person’s I’ve ever seen,” says Capt. Scottie Maples. Now I don’t know if Scottie’s talking about the worst hazing he’s seen in the program or the worst hazing he’s seen all-time. I don’t think it matters to Brian. Daffron, the pod boss, won’t leave Brian alone, and I can’t tell if Daffron’s just teasing Brian or if he wants to actually do … you know … stuff to him.

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Brian’s not doing himself any favors, though. Eating a grilled cheese sandwich with a spork is a great way to draw attention to yourself.

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Ha! +1 to Daffron for the Seinfeld reference. After dinner, Brian just wants to sleep, but Daffron calls him a bitch and we’ll just have to wait until next week to see Brian get his ass kicked.

On the subject of ass-kicking, there’s a brouhaha brewing in F-Pod between the upstairs Team Up All Night! and the downstairs Team We Just Want to Sleep, Dammit! Sheri starts talking smack, then has to recant and defuse the situation when Ashley, captain of Team Up All Night!, decides to come downstairs to punch someone.

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Sheri talks her way out of it, and Team Up All Night!’s party rages on. They’re dismantling their e-cigarettes to turn them into real cigarettes rolled in tampon paper and smoking that nasty stuff. A CO comes in, starts inspecting stuff, sees clouds of smoke in the cell and removes Team Up All Night! from of the pod. And there was much rejoicing.

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But this celebration was short lived, as Team Up All Night! returned to the pod three minutes later. Oh, well.

Dion’s doing really well in C-Pod. Almost too well. We’re introduced to the pod boss, Sheckles, who lords over the TV remote control.

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They’re all getting ready to watch FX’s American Horror Story, which I’m surprised is permitted in jail given all the crazy sex and creepy violence on that show. Dion’s sick of watching the Kardashians (who isn’t?) and wants to watch some “man stuff.” He asks Wa Wa, one of the pod’s elders and Sheckles’ sidekick, if he can borrow the remote. Sheckles permits it. Dion has won Sheckles’ favor.

Monalisa is bonding with the other inmates, trying to understand what her imprisoned daughter went through. Monalisa’s earned the respect and admiration of some of the younger inmates, especially Stephanie, who looks at Monalisa as kind of a pod mom.

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Eh. Let’s not go that far.

Ashleigh is having boob trouble. You see, when you volunteer to go to prison, it’s not smart to do it right after you have a child because the child might need you and maybe you might need the child. Ashleigh’s been in there three weeks, and is having lactation issues. Sheri decides to step in and see what she can do to help.

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So who is that person and why is Sheri asking her for breast pumps? She looks like she’s a producer on the show, not someone with access to breast pumps. We’re told that Ashleigh can only “hand express” so much breastmilk, not enough to keep the milk thing going. Ashleigh can have a breast pump if it’s provided by a family member, but in the meantime:

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Ashleigh gets on the phone with Zac and orders one breast pump from Amazon, which turns into a brief argument about whether or not they have Amazon Prime. Ashleigh hears her son crying on the phone and it makes her all weepy, but it might help with the boob thing. Sad Ashleigh.

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Ryan doesn’t have a lot to say or do in this episode, but he makes the most of his screen time boasting about how he knows more about what’s going on in the prison than the sheriff does. That makes sense, since the purpose of this whole thing is to go inside the prison and inform the sheriff. Ryan’s already got a nice long snitch list in progress.

In C-Pod, Sheckles is dissatisfied with the quality of an e-cigarette that some mohawked dude named Jeremy sold to him, and he demands a refund or a piece of Jeremy’s butt. A brief “basketball game” breaks out in a room, and there’s the sound of someone getting slapped around. Jeremy emerges from the room, looking no worse for the wear, and hides under his blanket.

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A CO comes in to check on things, but these aren’t the droids he’s looking for. The CO goes about his business and moves along.

And then everyone’s gearing up for the second half of this basketball game, which has the potential to be much more exciting and a lot more racist than the first half. The white guys don’t really like Jeremy, but he’s white, and they’re going to defend their “own kind.”

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Dion consults with OG and determines that the white guys won’t have much of a chance if things go down.

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I just hope they don’t rely too much on OG’s skill with a broomstick, because we all saw how that went last time, and it did not go well. At least Sheckles, the chessmaster of C-Pod, is always thinking three moves ahead.

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A bunch of white guys besiege Jeremy and start kicking the crap out of him. C-Pod heartthrob Kody has got the lead on this one. Hell, you don’t even have to pay Kody to kick someone’s ass.

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Sheckles decides that he’ll grant Jeremy clemency if he agrees to leave the pod. Jeremy requests to be transferred. When the CO comes to escort Jeremy out, he asks where he got these severe facial and head contusions. Jeremy says that he “fell down,” because of course he did.

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What does Quintin think about all of this? Well, Quintin is annoyed. This is Quintin’s Annoyed Face.

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Next Week: Dion’s ready to rumble, Monalisa says bye to Stephanie and the COs break out the riot gear!

About Ryan Berenz 2012 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.