A&E’s 60 Days In Recap: Hazed and Confused

60 Days In

In A&E’s 60 Days In episode “Hazed and Confused” (Sept. 8), Dion and Brian get their Pod assignments. Quintin witnesses a medical emergency. Sheri and Ashleigh have trouble with rowdy neighbors. Chris has to decide whether or not he can continue in the program.

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After eight hours of continuous vomiting, Chris has decided that eight is enough.

60 Days In

Chris gives the signal to the producers that he wants to be yanked out. Chris has severe anxiety, which is understandable considering that he’s been thrown in jail without committing a crime. It’s decided that Chris will get a medical furlough and will spend the night at a hotel to get his head and stomach straight, and decide if he can continue. After getting a consultation with the program’s psychologist, Chris determines that he’s not going to return. Does this mean we’ll be seeing no more of Chris on the show? Dude, we hardly knew ye.

In D-Pod, Ryan is tight with Garza, who busted up his hand in a fight in last week’s episode. Since it’s prisoner code to never acknowledge a fight, Ryan says that Garza got injured in a basketball game. So from now on, we’ll be calling fights “basketball games.” Garza needs Tylenol, and he can’t go to pill call without blowing the lid on the basketball game.

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Ryan decides that he’s got the cajones to get the Tylenol for Garza, but gets cold feet in the pill call line when the guy dispensing the drugs wants to verify that guys are actually swallowing them. Ryan instead asks for shower shoes, which won’t do much for Garza’s owie. Probably a smart move.

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Ryan returns to Garza without the goods, and Garza is none too pleased. “F*ckin’ weak, bro,” he tells Ryan.

It’s Dion’s turn to get his Pod assignment, and he’s going to C-Pod with my man Quintin. Once inside the door, Dion’s immediately greeted by “the smell of sh*t and asscheeks. It stinks.” Dion immediately notices Quintin, “the old dude living under the stairs,” and assumes that Q is a serial killer because “Quiet people be the craziest.”

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But after listening to Quintin’s tales of jumping off three-story buildings, Dion realizes that Q is only a little bit crazy. Dion seems really upbeat about prison and he fits in pretty well, which is kinda disconcerting for a number of reasons. Prison probably beats Detroit any day.

In F-Pod, it’s just your typical ass-in-the-face kind of day.

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Sheri keeps busy by organizing and labeling a bunch of stuff to try and maintain some order and control in a place where there is none. She also invents the word “Dishésed.”

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Sheri probably needs to trifle with dishésed and stuff just to keep her mind off how miserable it is in there and what she’s missing at home. It’s Sheri’s daughter’s eighth birthday, and a very brief and uncomfortable phone call does little to soothe Sheri’s guilt over missing it. Sad Sheri.

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On the subject of uncomfortable phone calls, Ashleigh finally gets a hold of Zac, who is living large in Vegas in a hotel suite and cruising the Strip in his rented Ford Mustang. Zac is in Vegas to take a test to become a corrections officer, or at least that’s his What Happens in Vegas story for Ashleigh. Ashleigh gets pouty and gives him the “You don’t know how awful this is” guilt trip, which doesn’t make sense because Zac knows EXACTLY how awful this is. Ashleigh needs to chill and find herself a pointless hobby like Sheri’s.

Or maybe Ashleigh and Sheri can work on a project together. Sheri notices how Ashleigh is following the program’s guidebook to the letter and sees that they have way too much in common for this to be coincidence. Sheri goes out on a limb and brings up the whole wink wink … you know … the thing. 

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And so now we have two F-Podders who are in cahoots, just like last season. That’s no fun. It would be so much better if two people in the program absolutely hated each other and played basketball.

Monalisa has gone from complaining about everything to grilling all her cellmates about their life stories. One of them is Stephanie: “Heroin is your best friend but at the same time it’s your worst enemy.” Man, if you really want to ruin your life and the lives of the people you love most, I’d recommend heroin.

Brian’s not feeling comfortable in classification. He senses that everyone is on to him and he’s going to get shivved at any moment. Brian gives the distress signal and gets pulled out of classification, much to the dismay of Capt. Scottie Maples. “We’re already in jeopardy of losing Chris. Losing two participants at this stage would be an absolute disaster,” he says. After some coaxing, Brian decides he’s going to stay. To be continued…

When the lights go out, F-Pod goes crazy! Team Up All Night has it goin’ on till the break of dawn. They do whippits. They do each other.

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Woah. When did we change the channel to Cinemax?

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Of course, the revelry doesn’t sit well with the inmates who actually want to sleep. Ashleigh also doesn’t want to be exposed to drug use, since she’s a recovering addict and is afraid the temptation to do whippits would be too great. Tensions run high in F-Pod.

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Over in C-Pod, we watch a guy slowly collapse to the floor. Quintin presses the Emergency button, which he should know by now is only for serious stuff like when the phone doesn’t work, your bedroll is too thin or there’s a spider near your feet. Two COs show up and really have no idea what to do, relying instead on the other inmates to give the guy first aid. But really, there’s not much the COs can do besides wheel the guy out of there and get him some real medical attention. Quintin is not pleased with the emergency response and plans to call his alderman.

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Dion’s a smart kid who seems to enjoy playing dumb in prison. “They say I’m here for armed robbery,” he tells another guy. Jeez, if you were arrested for armed robbery, wouldn’t you be 100 percent sure of that? I’d say that Dion’s story didn’t compute, but it’s possible that the other inmate just believes Dion’s too stupid or his rap sheet is too long for him to know exactly why he’s in prison. Either way, Dion’s doing just fine.

Brian, on the other hand, is not doing so well. He finally gets his pod assignment, and he’s going to D-Pod with Ryan. Brian doesn’t get the warmest of welcomes.

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Taking a particular interest in Brian is Daffron, the D-Pod boss who looks like he really shouldn’t be the boss of anything.

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Brian does himself no favors by being smug to the other inmates, who immediately turn on him and start harassing him with nekkid sexual overtures.

60 Days In Party

Whew. Thank goodness that’s over. Now Brian can relax and …

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Next week: Pod Wars! Upstairs vs. Downstairs in F-Pod! Black Guys vs. White Guys in C-Pod! Everyone vs. Brian in D-Pod! Basketball games! Don’t miss it! Only on A&E and only on 60 Days In!

[OK, I’m like two episodes behind now. But I’m going to get caught up. Thanks for sticking with me!]

1 Comment

  1. After Discovery’s production of the fake, “Alaskan Bush People” reality show, featuring Billy Brown, and the Brown Family, it’s really hard to believe any TV shows, which claim to be true-life productions by the Cable Network channels. Maybe we owe con-man, Billy Brown, a thank-you for exposing how fake some reality shows really are.

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About Ryan Berenz 2009 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.