Toddlers and Tiaras — a.k.a. the show that brought us Honey Boo Boo, child — is coming back to TLC next month. In an all-new, 13-episode season, the reality train wreck about tots in cupcake dresses and more makeup than I wear in a year and their fame-seeking mothers will introduce audiences to more pampered princess-wannabes and show how the pageant circuit has evolved in recent years.
If you’re wondering what exactly that might entail, the press release reveals that the spray tans and teeth-perfecting flippers of yore have given way to “luxurious beauty treatments and private jets” plus “relaxation exercises and acting classes” and also professional coaches that set parents back thousands of dollars.
Because majoring in Pageant in college … OK, it’s not a thing yet. But anything for the Mega Ultimate Grand Supreme trophy, people. And yes, that is a thing.
Cambrie won her first pageant at age 2 and her intense training methods command major dollars. Jaimie has competed in pageants since birth and “does whatever it takes to make her girls shine on stage — even using a portable spray tan machine to get her girls to ‘get brown and get a crown.’”
Yes, I know. But that’s why we watch it.
And the child abuse comments start … now!
Toddlers and Tiaras returns to TLC on Wednesday, August 24 at 9/8c.