Jesus, Preacher fans! Two weeks to wait? Felt like a damned month! So welcome back, sinners!
Episode 2 takes us back to 1881. A little girl is sick in bed. She sees a man in the doorway and smiles. I assume it’s her father. A woman (her mother?) pushes him aside and goes to her.
The man in the doorway looks intense, and he has a journey ahead of him. Few details are revealed, but the woman expects the trip to take a few days. She wants him back safe. He heads out on horseback to a destination unknown.
He rides over sun-baked terrain until he’s stopped by a child offering food. We see a group of covered wagons in the background. The man spends the evening with the waggoneers, and a tale is told of moving from St. Louis to uncharted territories in hopes of something better. The man remains stoic. He knows there is nothing better to be found … there is no paradise.
In the next scene, the man continues on, passing under a tree filled with hanging Indians, scalped, gutted, and rotting in the sun. He takes no notice. A sign indicates he’s entering the “Towne of Ratwater.” So the whiskey really is Ratwater!
Back in the present, Jesse, with his newfound preacherness, is dunking his parishioners in a water trough. Baptism. Some are held under longer than others … Tulip, inappropriately dressed for church, is held under the longest. When she moves her hand from her nose to reveal a sh-t-eating grin, Jesse relents.
Those two mystery guys who know more than we do are watching from afar. One says, “It doesn’t make sense.” What? What doesn’t make sense? The fact that Jesse, a former degenerate, didn’t explode? I don’t know about the other casualties, but Tom Cruise … well, I guess Jesse just ain’t all that bad.
Tulip thanks Jesse for saving her, again mentions the job he doesn’t want and speeds away. I’m sure she’ll be back for communion.
Somewhere inside the church, organist Emily is proving a horrible barista, Cassidy is still asking for money, and the parishioners are discussing Ted’s uncomely demise.
Cassidy has his first encounter with Eugene. Of course he reacts inappropriately. Eugene is ushered away by his embarrassed father, and we find out what happened. Jesse explains Eugene’s “Arseface” was caused by a suicide attempt via shotgun. Cassidy, who knows no couth, says Eugene should have tried harder. Oh, Cassidy … you’re a shite, but you’re probably more honest than the people around you. Say what you feel.
Before the conversation can continue, a parishioner asks Jesse for a moment. Jesse excuses himself, but not before asking Cassidy to act human, which he can’t because he ain’t, though he does seem a bit touched by the fact Jesse likes having him around. It’s so sweet.
Turns out, the parishioner is a bus driver and a filthy pedophile. Great combination. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile” (Billy Sunday) is the perfect quote for this sh-tbag. He wants to be absolved of sinful thoughts about a little girl on his bus. Apparently he thinks confessing once a week makes his illness okay. It’s clear he has no intent to change. He just wants the pardon. This defies deplorable.
I’ll say it again. I’m not into the organized religion thing, but I think the symbolism here is important. If a person sucks, there is no absolution … not from church, confession, dousing oneself with holy water, calling in an exorcist … NOTHING! Hellfire and brimstone should be expected – or something less biblical but equally as horrible – don’t wanna be accused of hypocrisy.
His confession makes Jesse’s ears ring. Confessions may be confidential, but confessions to a preacher with unearthly powers carry ginormous consequence. Jesse stops listening. He knows as well as we do there’ll be no “repenting.”
The day is done. Jesse’s outside smoking. Dogs are barking. They bark a lot, I’ve noticed. Jesse yells, “Be quiet!” They all shut up. What I wouldn’t give for that power. He’s beginning to understand what he’s got going on.
Switch gears! A bunch of trucks head down the road. Q.M.&P. They look like a SWAT team, but they’re actually meat barons. The brigade is going to talk a couple out of their home to make room for a meat processing plant. They have a briefcase full of cash, and while the man of the house looks unhappy, his wife nudges him to agree. The bulldozers barely wait for the furniture to be moved.
The exchange is super creepy. I imagine we’ll see more of the bald man in charge of Q.M.&P. I hope he’ll eventually be at Jesse’s mercy. Oh, yeah! Donny’s got a hand (heh) in this, too. Even better. He needs more “bunny in a bear trap.” Obviously, he hasn’t learned. One busted arm isn’t enough.
Back at the church, the sign is messed up again, and Cassidy is waiting on the porch.
They enjoy a dinner of booze and cigarettes and get acquainted. Jesse believes God’s plan involves him saving sinners. Cassidy believes God is too busy for that shite. God has a lot to do. Jesse’s visions of grandeur might not be high on the list. This leads to a fruitless pissing match between two “losers” as to which is the bigger one.
Cassidy says Jesse’s aspirations are boring, and Jesse says boring isn’t the worst thing he could be. Cassidy disagrees … boring IS the worst thing … yeah, he’s got a point. Boring is so damn boring.
Cassidy is curious about Jesse’s scrapping skills, but Jesse turns the conversation to Cassidy. Who is he? “It’s quite typical, really.” He’s a vampire … 119 years young. He’s currently trying to outrun a group of slayers trying to knock him off. He’s a Sagittarius and into Chinese food … interesting! He also hates The Big Lebowski. This is a first. Everyone I know loves that movie.
Jesse asks for a pull of Cassidy’s poison. He’s “warned” but he drinks it and drops like a log. Cassidy takes Jesse’s wallet and keys. Of course … all part of the plan.
The duo of who knows occupy the Sundowner Motel. They have an aversion to towels, an agenda and a really big trunk. They step out with the trunk to Johnny Cash one-upping Soundgarden’s original Rusty Cage. Everything about Preacher is fabulous.
Cassidy is headed somewhere in Jesse’s truck. He sees headlights in the rearview.
And then we’re on an acid trip. Oh, wait. I think it’s the weird that’s murdering holy-rollers, and it’s in Jesse’s guts … antacids are in order. Or an old coffee can.
As Jesse snores away in his church, the duo of I dunno preps for an exorcism or murder or something. It’s pretty bizarre and unclear, but that trunk’s getting filled, be it all of Jesse or just that pulsating weird in his belly.
Next, one of the two turns the crank on an old-timey music box while the other starts singing Wynken, Blynken and Nod. My mom read this poem to me at bedtime, but Jesse’s already SLEEPING. I predict it’s not going to work, but it is certainly another bit of crazy to enjoy!
It doesn’t work, so a chainsaw comes into the picture. They can’t lure the thingy out with a lullaby, so it looks like they’re gonna try surgery. Cassidy saves the day and says a whole bunch of stuff I’m sure is hilarious, but I can only understand about a quarter of it. Bottom line … the caper will go unfinished.
Let’s make this quick. Cassidy is shot. The shooter checks on Cassidy while his cohort struggles with the chainsaw. Cassidy isn’t dead, so there’s a scuffle. The guy with the chainsaw comes to rescue his sidekick, who is ironically being beaten about the head by a Bible-wielding vampire. This is the best kind of twisted sh-t. Ever. Period.
Needless to say, Cassidy wins, but it isn’t over until he grabs the chainsaw (with the cohort’s arm still attached) right before it makes its way back to Jesse. Channeling Scarface, he saws the duo to bits, jams pieces-parts into the trunk, and then cleans up before anyone’s the wiser.
Meanwhile, Tulip’s at the whorehouse playing poker and winning. You know what? All of this is so damn off, you can’t blink AT ALL while watching. It’s difficult, but if you do, you’re gonna miss something fun. I suggest grabbing the Visine and waiting for those commercials.
She gets a call from someone named “Danny.” She says she’s got hers, and asks if he’s got his. Curious.
Cassidy aims to bury the trunk, but when he throws open the church doors, it’s morning … jibbity-jabbity bastard. He’s mad about the sun. I get it – I just wish there were subtitles.
Emily’s the one who wakes Jesse. She’s got a casserole and he’s got an appointment. She complains about Cassidy and his sleeping all day … par for the course, doll. Jesse heads off, casserole in hand.
He visits Mrs. Loach and her daughter, who happens to be brain dead. This makes me sad. I hope my family thinks more of me than to ever leave me in a comatose state. Rub lotion on my face, empty my waste receptacles, move my arms and legs around to keep me limber … for what?
Jesse tries to console (and talk sense into) Mrs. Loach. She dismisses Jesse’s words of comfort and says she’ll feed his casserole to the dogs. A fine thanks for a sincere visit, though I understand her pain – her selfishness, not so much.
When Jesse leaves, he sees the school bus. He’s gotta do something. But before he can, Tulip zaps him with a taser and chains him up somewhere. She’s still pushing the job. Jesse still ain’t interested. He just “don’t give a sh-t.” Tulip refuses to give up. She knows deep down, Jesse’s a “bad, bad man.” She just won’t let it rest. She’s entertaining, but she’s pissing me off. He’s not actually chained to anything.
Back at the church, Jesse tries to rid himself of the chain that was only attached to his ankle, and Eugene shows up. He says his baptism didn’t really work. God still ain’t talking. Jesse, frustrated, tells Eugene to keep on trying … just like everyone else. Eugene says no matter how hard he tries, he just stays the same. He asks if Jesse understands. Jesse does. Bigtime.
Jesse pays a visit to the pedophile. He breaks in, finds the perv flossing, punches him in the face, turns on the tub, removes his jacket and hangs it up, and then gets down to real business. The pedophile will forget about the little girl on the bus.
The water is smoking hot, and it takes three dunks to “cleanse” the pig of his passion. Jesse repeats, “Forget her!” Three times a charm. Forget who? It’s done. Jesse understands his power, and he’s completely freaked out.
Elsewhere, Cassidy finally buries the trunk. But I think it’s empty because the next scene involves Sherriff Root questioning the guys who were supposed to be in the trunk. They’re from the government. No! They are not!
It all ends with Jesse paying another visit to Mrs. Loach. He wants to pray with her daughter. He sits on Tracy’s bed, and tells her to open her eyes.
OMG … what the hell is going to come of this???
Okay, it’s comment time. I’ve got some questions.
- Did the woman in the beginning have pointy teeth or not?
- How did Tulip get Jesse’s steering wheel up on a light pole?
- Do YOU have any suggestions to improve the church?
- How did the duo of disaster get their suits cleaned so quickly?
- How can I possibly cover so much sh-t in a little recap?
Speak to me, fans! Sound off in the comments and follow me on Twitter @KimberlyThies1. I yap it up during episodes.
New episodes of Preacher premiere Sundays at 9/8CT on AMC.