So, my fellow TWD fans … it’s coming. The end of Season 6. I’m not excited about it based on what I’ve read — which is a ton because I’m trying desperately to find some kind of consolation. But there is ZERO. And why would there be? AMC wants us to flip out until next season. Jerks. (I mean that in the most loving way. Sort of.)
Tonight’s penultimate episode, “East,” starts with Carol. Tobin comes in while she’s planning her exodus, and they have sexy time. We don’t see it, which is just fine with me. Her bags are packed and under the bed, the note is written … she’s ready … and she flees in the wee hours. Like the lady-ninja we’ve come to love, she leaves completely undetected.
In retrospect, this is very disturbing to me, though — she leaves with a vehicle. She has proven herself a brute, but I doubt she pushed it down the road, and later on when we see her driving it, it’s notably loud. Have our soldiers let their guard down? Fudge if they have, because the sh-t storm that’s coming is bigger than anything they’ve experienced.
To punctuate this, Richonne, as many of you ‘shippers call it, wakes up and shares an apple, thanks Jesus for their bounty … but what got Adam and Eve thrown out of Eden? Exactly. Symbolism, my friends … symbolism.
(There’s symbolism all over the place as the episode begins, but other than the apple, I’m only gonna mention the little “insignia” on the grip of the pistol Carl takes up.)
Then Rick opens his mouth with that overconfidence thing he’s been cultivating. What he says is fair warning that Alexandria is very close to being dog poop on the shoe of fate. Hilltop too, maybe. Still not so sure about those guys. Haven’t seen Jesus since he jumped out of the idiot compound.
Anyway. In brief, Rick states the following: Alexandria is the best place ever, and the people there are more than ready to deal with any force to be reckoned with (cough). It’s a good thing you have no britches on, Rick … you’re getting too big for them. Now shut up; you’re making me ill. I know about jinxing sh-t. I do it all the damn time. Knock on your head, please. If Johnny Cash says “It’s all over,” trust me … it is. Now, stop enjoying yourself. It’s the damn zombie apocalypse. Get the hell out of bed. The world ain’t yours. Never was.
Maggie’s concern is safety, but Mr. Dixon has other plans which interrupt her preparations. He has somewhere to be, and before his mates can wrassle him down, he’s out. I knew it was coming … he had that look … okay, he always has that look, but the motorcycle and the tiny teaser clip from last week gave it away.
A posse quickly assembles to give chase. Glenn and Michonne hop into a van. Abraham insists they “make room for his freckled ass,” but Rosita steps up. She insists she be the one to go in his place because he needs to hang back and protect people … plus she knows where Daryl is headed. He abides, and I thank the powers that be, because I’m pretty sure the Alexandrians aren’t really ready for what’s a-comin’. They need him.
Meanwhile, Tobin shows Rick Carol’s note. Rick heads out in a huff to gather info on her departure, but no one saw or heard a thing. Morgan readies a car, and after shouting a satisfactory number of directives, Rick takes the passenger seat.
Alexandria is down quite a few bad-asses. No Bueno.
Meanwhile, fugitive Carol buzzes down the road in a VW that far surpasses mine — it has spikes and the windows actually open. I’m not making any more car payments.
She sees a truck ahead, and it’s full of gun-toting asspipes. Of course they shoot at her immediately. Their mistake. She may be leaving Alexandria because she’s sick of killing people, but she’s been a survivor since day one. She’s not going down without a fight, even if she’d rather not.
They shoot out a tire and wound her gas tank, so she has to stop. The ballsy boogers in the back of the truck force her out of her car. I see her clutching that rosary, and I think ick, but she’s got something else up her sleeve.
The inquisition begins … Hero (Hero? Primo? What? Do they pick their names out of the asshole fishbowl? I can’t help but think they all got beat up in high school) asks where she came from. She says she’s been pretty much nomadic, but they don’t buy it. They know her spiky VW came from Alexandria. They’ve been closer than we’d like to think.
Carol goes into actress mode … or maybe she’s not acting. Maybe she is truly stressed out and can do nothing but simper … or she can use the automatic she has sewn into the sleeve of her coat.
When Hero mentions they’re headed to Alexandria and would be happy to take her back, she gets teary-eyed and breathy again. One of the dopes in the truck suggests Hero scoop her up before she “passes out.” She begs them to turn around and go back, but they don’t listen … she has to shoot them. The driver makes it out unscathed, but he’s dumb – he approaches her car with a gun drawn. Spike trumps gun and Carol kabobs him.
Zero is also alive and hiding behind the truck. He looks a lot less smarmy than he did a minute ago, and when Carol tells him to come out, he tries to pass. He grabs his knife, but she’s got kabob’s gun … a shot is fired, but because it’s epic commercial time, we don’t get to see the outcome of their face-off. We get to guess.
Back at the ranch, a now tolerable Enid who actually smiles, insists she take Maggie’s guard shift so Maggie can eat some pickles and put her feet up. It’s very sweet.
Morgan and Rick drive along, looking for Carol. Which way did she go? East or west? I sure hope the two of you figure it out soon … I’m really tired of your conversations about badass and goodass. You’re both a little touched in the head at this point. Meh.
OK! Answers to Carol vs. the guy with the inferiority complex! He’s down with a gut-shot, and Carol has vamoosed. BUT still, another Neganite is alive in the cab of the truck, though he is wounded. He tells Zero to just shut-up and die and then gets out to pursue the lone lady who kicked their asses. What part of “all your fellow man-beasts are dead” don’t you understand, guy? You should just shoot yourself now, so I don’t have to view anymore stupid for a minute. Sigh …
Rick and Morgan finally find the car that Carol took … and the dead guys. Zero, who isn’t quite dead yet, dies because he isn’t up for Rick’s questions. Rick notes that the spears lying about are products of the blacksmith from Hilltop. The dead guys were Saviors. Observant.
After surveying the scene and discussing Carol’s killer instinct and/or her instinct to run away from it, Morgan sees a blood trail leading off into a field. It could be Carol’s whether she left the scene alive or not. Regardless, they follow it. They are determined to find her in whatever state she may be.
As they walk off into the field, Rick observes how close they are to Alexandria. He realizes that they didn’t end it. Morgan makes sure Rick realizes that they actually started something. Heavy.
The wounded Neganite leftover — who must have stepped out to take a pee or something while Rick and Morgan were checking things out — comes back and finds Carol’s rosary on the ground. He also follows that blood trail.
Rosita, Michonne and Glenn make it to the place on the railroad tracks where Denise was killed. They also find Daryl’s bike hidden in the brush. Rosita thinks they should let Daryl be, but Glenn ain’t having it. He insists Rosita tell him which way Dwight and the douchebags ran off. Rosita nods in the direction, and they go.
Even if I didn’t already know this season is going to hell in a handbasket next week, I’d know that all six of our people are in for some extreme unpleasantries. It would just be nice if I wasn’t well aware that one or more of them will end up dead.
Glenn’s group finds Daryl and begs him to return to Alexandria … for his sake … for the people back “home” that need him. Glenn says what I think: “It’s gonna go wrong out here.” He looks as sad and stressed out as I feel. But Daryl is stubborn, and letting Dwight live is weighing heavy on his shoulders. There is nothing that can be said to change his mind. He continues on, and Rosita follows. Guess she grew a conscience since the railroad tracks. Glenn and Michonne turn to head back to Alexandria.
They stop near a pond, and Glenn talks about how they all got lucky finding each other, but the world is way bigger than they ever imagined … that things aren’t what he expected they’d be.
Then there’s a really annoying f’ng whistle and d-bags step out from behind trees with guns pointed at our pair. They can do nothing but comply when D, himself, makes his stork-beaked, beady-eyed, spaghetti-haired presence known. If I could reach through the TV and start the other half of his head on fire, I would go to bed a fairly happy woman, but alas, I can only insult him in my angry recap.
Michonne and Glenn are now captives. Two down.
Morgan and Rick continue on their quest for Carol and continue talking about the whole killing, not killing, people can change blah-de-blah-blah stuff. Morgan makes sense to the side of me that lives in a world where there is law and order – or some kind of semblance of it, anyway. But if I lived in THEIR world? Not a chance.
They see a walker with Carol’s fashion sense. She’s fresh, but she ain’t Carol. Ahead, they see a barn and, in the barn, there is a guy. That guy can’t find his horse, and he can’t come out to talk to Rick and Morgan, either, because the walkers are coming. Rick tries to shoot the guy as he’s running away, but Morgan makes him miss. A walker almost eats Morgan’s face, but Rick kills it, and then there are no more walkers so it’s time for them to stand around talking again.
Morgan finally hits the sweet spot. He tells Rick about how “It’s all a circle. Everything gets a return.” He saved the Wolf who saved Denise who saved Carl. Well played, Morgan. He insists Rick return to protect Alexandria and swears he’ll find Carol. Rick actually listens and hands Morgan a gun before departing. Morgan actually takes it and Rick returns alone.
Back in Alexandria, Abraham apprises Rick of the situation and sees the disappointment on his face when he finds out that no one else has returned — including Michonne. This leads to a chat about letting people “in” and tearing the world a “brand new asshole.” In this world, they go hand-in-hand.
Speaking of assholes, Glenn and Michonne are tied up and stuck with a pack of them out in the woods … but before I go there, an issue with Maggie must be addressed.
Enid pays her a visit and gives her a haircut. Afterward, it appears there’s a major complication with Maggie’s pregnancy. She falls to the floor, holding her stomach and screaming in agony. There is no longer a doctor … except for that guy at Hilltop.
OK, back to the woods. Daryl and Rosita spot Glenn and Michonne, but that pasty-faced, punk-ass, pustule on a pig’s behind is one step ahead of a rescue.What the hell? Suddenly, dingle-berry Dwight is slicker than four of the best warriors Alexandria has?
Daryl and Rosita drop their weapons and put their hands in the air. Then Dwight squeezes one off into what appears to be Daryl’s arm (it better be his arm!) … blood covers the camera lens, the screen goes black, and then we hear, “You’ll be alright.”
Here’s what I have to say to that Dwight … I don’t know what you did, but I have an idea, you prick. I just hope I don’t have to wait until next damn season to revel in you meeting your demise, but I probably will. In the meantime, I will send a steady stream of hate mail to your house. Enjoy it.
So there you have it folks! Let’s discuss all of the questions that will most likely go unanswered until next season!
- What exactly happened to Daryl?!
- Where’s Carol? She got out of there pretty damn fast … quite a feat for a wounded woman. What’s up?
- Is Morgan going to have a revelation while he’s on his own? So far, the Neganites we’ve encountered have been pretty lame, but we all know they ain’t gonna stay that way. Will he finally admit that some people WON’T change because they really enjoy being psychopaths, and the zombie apocalypse has given them the golden opportunity to do whatever the hell they want with pretty much zero repercussion?
- Where art thou, Jesus?
- Is Maggie going to lose Glenn, his baby and her mind? How much more crap are the writers going to shovel onto this woman? Sadistic bastards!
- How long am I going to have to put up with Dwight’s ugly mug? I’m tired of using my thumb to blot out his face when it shows up on the screen.
Let’s discuss … and while we’re at it … who is going to end up dead next week? COMMENTS! Bombs away!
Tweet me @KimberlyThies1
And just in time for your Easter basket, here’s a few bonus shots from last week’s episode.
The Walking Dead Season 6 finale premieres Sunday, April 3 at 9/CT on AMC.