A&E’s 60 Days In recap: Welcome to the Thunder Dome!

60 Days In Ryan Berenz

60 Days In

Welcome to the first recap of A&E’s 60 Days In (Thursdays at 10pm ET/PT), a.k.a. So You Think You Can Survive Two Months In Prison.

To be clear, I am not watching and recapping 60 Days In because I care about prison reform or the rights of the incarcerated. Nor am I pursuing a technical college evening degree program in Correctional Science or any of that. On the list of things that I worry about on a daily basis, prison conditions are 36,447th. No, I’m 100 percent in this thing for making wise-ass commentary (perhaps you are familiar with my work?) about reality show participants who chose to go to county jail for two months in exchange for money and/or A&E Reality TV Fame. Those of you who take any of this too seriously will be cast for the spinoff 60 Days In a Days Inn. You’ve been warned.

60DaysInDaysInn

ALSO SEE: A&E’s 60 Days In: Would you go to jail just to be on TV?

The Clark County Jail in Jeffersonville, Ind., is home to 500 inmates. Here are some of them:

60 Days In

60 Days In

60 Days In

Lovely people, all.

There is one good thing about being in Clark County, and that is drugs are cheaper to get inside prison than on the outside. Corruption is rampant among the corrections officers, and Sheriff Jamey Noel wants to clean house and find out where the drugs are coming from. The best way to do that, obviously, is to get several of law-abiding citizens from a range of ethnicities to infiltrate the prison’s general population and have them filmed under the auspices of a documentary about first-time inmates. “What I need are ordinary people that have never committed a crime to live in my facility for two months,” Noel says. Noel seems to have brokered this deal with the 60 Days In producers as a way to get a big upgrade of the CCJ’s surveillance system, with 300 cameras capturing all the action throughout the prison.

So, let’s meet a few of our lucky contestants.

Zac is a Marine reservist from Tennessee. He’s done tours in the Middle East as a combat engineer clearing roads of IEDs. He wants to be a DEA agent, and thinks this prison gig will help toward that. Out of the seven, Zac’s probably the most capable of handling prison life. I am particularly intrigued by his wife, Ashleigh, and what she does while Zac’s deployed in Iraq or volunteering to be in prison.

60DaysInAshleigh

She kinda makes me want to stand up for Second Amendment rights.

60DaysInAshleigh2

Next up to bat is Maryum Ali, the eldest daughter of Muhammad Ali and a social worker who has done gang prevention work.

Barbra, 25, is a military wife and a stay-at-home mom of two. She wants to know if prison inmates have a higher standard of living and quality of life than her hard-working husband. I don’t know how well Barbra will be able to keep up the charade, unless her story is that she got jail time for selling homemade baked goods at a church fundraiser.

Tami, 46, has been a police officer for 20 years. She had a rough childhood, but has settled down with her wife and cute daughter who looks like she just came back from starring in an off-Broadway production of Annie.

60DaysInSophia

Isaiah, 19, grew up in the hood. He wants to know what kind of life his brothers have had behind bars.

Jeff, 33, works in private security. He is a mall cop aspiring to be a corrections officer. He will most miss “pooping in private.” He also likes smiling.

60DaysInJeff

Jeff has dinner with with some family members, including this woman who might be his grandma. She’s a tough old bird who looks like she might’ve done some hard time herself back in ’64. Jeff tells his folks that he’s going away for a while, but can’t say where. Maw Maw here says that she will personally kick the ass of anyone who messes with her dear sweet Jeffy.

60DaysInJeffsGrandma

Finally, we get to Robert, the reason why we all haven’t turned this show off yet. Robert, 45, is a teacher and mentor from Pennsylvania. “There’s not one concern I can make it several months in jail without any problem,” Robert says. “I think it’s going to be like a country club environment. Make new friends, watch TV, eat good food, prop my feet up and stretch my toes.” Now, someone who says this should not be teaching or mentoring anyone. He is an ass. In fact, he’s such an exaggerated ass that I suspect he’s an actor planted in this group to be both the villain and the comic relief. “I really like to use soft-bristled toothbrushes,” Robert says out loud during the training session. “Will I be able to bring in my own, or will they have some provided?”

Here’s where Tami gives the “Get a Load of This F***ing Guy” look:

60DaysInRobert4

What’s Robert going to miss the most while in prison? His blender. He loves himself some smoothies.

60DaysRobertBlender

“I really believe I’m going to make some new friends in here,” Robert says of prison.

“I get the feeling that he’s in for an awakening more than he realizes,” Zac says of Robert.

Indeed. And we look forward to every moment of it.

50DaysInRobertSmug

17 Comments

  1. Everyone of these “inmates” (the “actors”) have serious issues..the most frightening though, is Robert….sociopath comes to mind and fear for the children he may (or not) be teaching..

    • I agree, Also Robert should be punished if he speaks to children filling their heads with the Idea that prison is a country club..

  2. This show is funny. I really watch this every Thursday lol. I love how they ask the “podfather” if he saw the crazy guy punch up on that little bitch made Jeffrey. ” he punched me really hard. I dont feel safe any more!” He checked out so fast after he got punched on. It must be nice to be able to say, I want out, and they let you out. Dude really put the Sheriff’s program at risk right there. But fuck it, I hope he did. It’s kind of intrigues me that the inmates don’t know that there people are Rats. They kinda did for real, when they was pressin the new guy’s for information on their cases. Robert was kind of slick, though covering up the camera like he did. He’s something else for sure. This jail is definitely a country club resort of a place. Microwaves whenever they want, showers and toilets for every room. Big ass tv WITH A REMOTE!!! Probably cable too fr fr. If I had to be in a county jail, that would be super sweet time. I’m from Columbus Ohio, and Jackson Like (FCCC2), The Workhouse. That place is HORRIBLE. 13″ flat screen, behind scratched up plexiglass, one little tiny ass shower, u can’t bend over in to wash your feet, one toilet, one sink, one little towel rack, scratched up stainless steel mirror, 21 bunks, 35 inmates, lights stay on 24/7, the deputys dont ever come by unless to do count, or feed you, no windows can’t see outside, and you only get commissary every 14 days, all u can get is hygene, Reese cups 1.50, nutty bars .75 party mix 3.25. Prices are crazy. And if your white and scared like these guys, your getting extorted FOR SURE.

  3. Many ear’s ago I checked into the county jail tank in Flint,Mi on a friday afternoon & that nite plus sat./sun. we ended up with a cheerful crowd. From killer’s-drunk’s-wife beater’s-rape’st-molester’s-B&E guy’s and yout average warrent guest’s. It was an experience so I guess these people on the show have too much idle time or they’re really hard up. Anyone who’s been locked up know’s when the door slam’s shut–that getting in’s easy but getting out’s a bitch!

  4. What is Zac’s wifes full name?!

    Robert is a sociopath wasp.
    Tami is an insecure child who can’t lift her own body weight and is a “cop” of 20 years. Calling the girls sheep for having fun passing time while she is alone and miserable.

    Ali woman is just there.

    Barbara joined a clique because she’s bored and Tami will only cause problems for her.

    Jeff is a bitch and always will be a bitch. A perfect Corrections Officer.

    Zac is a typical military type who somehow isn’t suspected… But his wife is insanely attractive.

    Now for the show.
    In my jail, No cups, No bowls, No TV, no iPod, no earplugs, no extravagant commissary. But in this jail they have almost every day amenities. And sure as FUCK no e-Cigs!! JESUS!
    60″ HDTV, c’mon…

    Also real inmates don’t just run up to the new guy and demand to know everything about them and then talk like gossip girls in their cells about them.
    We get what’s called a “snitch list” from the CO’s. Also violence and rape doesn’t happen in Jail only in prison. (Typically).
    That Clark County Jail really is a country club compared to real jails.

    I have to call shenanigans on 75% of 60 Days in.

  5. Man I hope that guy Robert really isn’t around kids in grades k-4. There is something extremely wrong with that guy. He’s no doubt an idiot and should never be allowed around any child without adult supervision.

    • Robert’s a screwed up Mr. Roger’s clone with mental health issues ,or just your everyday airhead american.

  6. This series is a joke if you ever done time! Everything about it except for respect is bullshi*! we can smell a snitch quicker than anybody!

Comments are closed.

About Ryan Berenz 2012 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.