It’s Minnie’s birthday! Time for a party. And we know from experience that nothing bad ever happens when reality shows celebrate birthdays!
Monie asks her bestie if she’s going to make any birthday resolutions, which makes me panic for a second. Birthday resolutions aren’t a thing, are they? I have a hard enough time making a New Year’s resolution, and I know I’m going to fail on that one. I guess on my next birthday, just recycle my perpetual New Year’s resolution and say I’m gonna make my ass less fat.
Minnie wants to find a man who and resolves to find one who isn’t a chump. Or abusive. Thumbs up on this resolution, Minnie, You’ve been burned before and it’s time you realize that you’re worth it.
Monie shares that she’s signed up for a voice over acting class, which I imagine would be the best class ever. “Class, today we’ll be studying the work of Mel Blanc. Who can do a Bugs Bunny impression?”
The twins (dressed like twins) shop for home goods at a swank store. Unfortunately they have caviar tastes on a hotdog budget. The girls are the only ones in their households working; their boyfriends have been playing “Househusband” ever since they relocated from Texas. Andrea is also supporting her young son, so her budget is really strapped. Amanda and Andrea decide that the men need to get jobs.
Minnie meets the Cheeks for lunch and to apologize for getting the twins an interview at Boogalou, a club they consider “theirs.” Her apology is kinda accepted. Bri is thinking of doing a re-bootcamp seminar to work through some of her issues with men. Emily and Minnie agree to go too, to work on their own man-issues.
When Andrea tells her boyfriend Chris that it’s time for him to get a job, he gets defensive and says that Andrea’s “going to clubs and shaking her ass” isn’t a job. Chris doesn’t realize that Andrea’s real job is being on TV show. When Chris storms off, Andrea tells him to go back to Texas. Which would be awesome, because he kinda sucks.
After the fight, the twins fold the world’s smallest load of laundry. They should come to my house and see the amount of stuff I cram into my washing machine! They call their mom and ask her for advice, and mom encourages them to stay the course and promises to visit!
Emily, Bri and Emily attend Re-bootcamp with Pastor Cal and his wife Wendy. The motto of the camp is to “find your voice and keep your man,” which is terrible advice if you’ve met Lontel or Wooda. Bri wants to work on herself because she is too forgiving of the men who mistreat her. Minnie wants to stop trying to find men to fill the vacancy left by her father’s absence and Emily lets her loser boyfriend get away “with stuff.”
The women have to walk down a path and pull numbers off of signs bearing negative comments that describe their lives. I know it’s way more complicated than it has to be, which should be the actual motto of the camp. “Re-bootcamp: It’s more complicated than it has to be.” I can’t get over how Pastor Cal’s wife is wearing a fishing vest. Then they women are made to put camo makeup on their faces, look into a mirror like Stewart Smiley, and then Pastor Cal yells negative comments at the women. Again, this is way too complicated. Somehow, the women find solace in this, but a single day isn’t going to undo a lifetime of trauma. Keep with it girls, and work on loving yourself every day. More on camp later…
It’s the big day of baby Andre’s visit. Andrea is over the moon to hug her little boy and Amanda is excited to see her parents. But cutie Andre is more excited to see his daddy, Chris (Andrea’s boyfriend). Why didn’t Chris stay in Texas and take care of his son? Andrea had to be on a TV show, but why did Chris need to leave the job I assume he had to come play househusband? I would assume that it would be better for Andrea’s career if people thought she was single. Andrea tells her parents about her issues with Chris, and Andrea’s dad wants her to kick Chris to he curb.
Back at re-bootcamp. When each woman reveals a harmful relationship issue, Emily and Bri talk about their confusing and toxic relationships. But Minnie, instead of talking about how her father abandoned her, reveals that her ex-fiancé cheated on her and had a child with another woman. It’s brutally honest and took a lot of courage for Minnie to share that painful secret from her past.
“Little may be your stature,” says Pastor Cal, “But it’s not your worth.” Stop for a minute. Allow that to sink in, and appreciate the beauty in the simplicity of his statement. I admit that I find this experience hokey, but Cal and his wife and their lesson of accepting yourself for who you are is swaying me. I’m totally team #PastorCal. Minnie, forget Pastor Troy, find a man with a kind heart like this!!!
Then the women burn papers that represent their negative feelings of self worth and watch their negative feeling about themselves turn to ash. Hopefully they can take a bit of today’s lesson and remember it when dealing with unworthy men.
Andrea and Amanda take their family to eat at a cantina with giant stools. After the girls clamber up, the girl’s parents take Jordan and Chris to task for not having jobs and the twin’s mom asks when the girls are going to find careers more dignified than twerking. The girls stress that they aren’t strippers, but their mom says, “There’s always gonna be someone who wants to put you down.”
Back at the house, the twin’s dad express concern that the twins’ boyfriends are taking advantage of them. Listen to your pop, Chris and “the other one” are hella lazy. The twins’ sweet dad tells them that when he first learned they were little people, he was relieved because the doctor’s initial diagnosis was — in his mind — much more difficult. He also admits that he’s embarrassed of the girls’ twerking careers, and it’s the first time he’s ever been embarrassed of his daughters. The girls laugh, but it makes me pause for a second. No parent ever looks down at infant and says, “precious daughter, I wish that when you are older, you are a successful rump-shaker.” Dads want their daughters to be doctors, or teachers or businesswomen, not exotic dancers. So while the girls use twerking to pay the bills in the here-and-now, they need to look a their futures and plan something more mainstream.
Monie takes Morlin out to lunch and reveals that she was fired from Minnie’s hair salon after less than a week on the job. Morlin is upset and calls Monie stupid. Morlin tells Monie to get her “s@#$ in order and stomps off. Boo for Morlin.
Later, Monie goes to her first voiceover class. Minnie goes with — because what teacher doesn’t like non-paying people tagging along? At the class, Monie realizes that voiceover work is a lot more challenging than she anticipated and after a tongue-twister warm-up, it’s time to record a promo spot. After a few mis-steps, girl gets the hang of it, and by the end of the class, her cheerful and cartoon-like voice is put to good use. If only we could get Monie to read the Little Women: Atlanta promos!
Emily, Bri and Bri’s son meet Ms. Juicy for lunch. The Cheek’s had barely sat down and already, Juicy is digging for morsels of news. Emily tells Juicy that she’s pregnant and that the twin’s didn’t believe it until she tinkled on a stick for them. “At a picnic?!?” wonders Juicy, who can barely contain her glee. They also tell Juicy about Minnie’s birthday party and Juicy says she’s going to crash the party and get Minnie to confess that her relationship with Troy was a sham.
Emily thinks that if Juicy shows up uninvited, all hell would break loose, and that’s exactly what I’m hoping would happen. Hell. Breaking. Loose! FWIW, Ms. Juicy musta got her hair did because she’s looking great. But we’ve been watching the tease all episode, and we know her hair isn’t going to stay that way for long for long.
It’s daytime, and the sun is shining, so it’s the perfect time for a party at a club. Minnie and her Mom arrive, and Minnie is glam in a hot red dress, tiara and a birthday sash. Monie arrives with her entourage, and is wearing what looks like a sequin COOGI sweater dress. The twins show up next with their boyfriends, and then Cheeks, Bri and Emily arrive with their baby daddies. Emily is really starting to look pregnant, is she sure she’s only 8 weeks along?!? Everyone who isn’t one of the sexy six is escorted to the background while the six ladies dance by themselves.
Out comes Minnie’s birthday cake to whoops and screams. And then the screams turn to shock and horror as Juicy ambles in like Ursula the Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid. “Oh Hell No!” says one of the twins. Oh Hell Yes, I say!! Juicy makes herself at home and magnanimously announces that she’s come to apologize to Minnie , “Because I knew I was gonna be the bigger person and I knew you wasn’t going to do it.” While she’s talking, Juicy is rubbing her hands and face with a soiled napkin, which is distracting and disgusting.
Juicy’s evil smirk makes me want to slap her silly and her offer “To let bygones be bygones” makes me want to scream. Juicy is the new Alexis Carrington, I love to hate her! Minnie tries to be genteel and thanks her long-time friend for coming and forwishing her well on her birthday. This makes Money see red and she lays into the red-head. Monie and Juicy start jabbering at each other, Juicy delivers the epic line, “I’m the queen of Atlanta, Boo” and Monie dumps a drink on Juicy’s head!!
We’re talking about a giant, 20-ounce, restaurant size, plastic tumbler of water. For the briefest of moments, Juicy’s giant eyes look out from behind a liquid cascade with the same shock of a baby who’s been thrown into a swimming pool. Monie storms around like a deranged boxer itching for a fight, chanting that Juicy looks like a wet puppy dog. Juicy simply stands in the middle of the club, seething. I can’t believe that no one is rolling around on the floor; I bet that Monie’s a scrappy fighter.
Minnie can’t believe what’s just happened. Her best friend ignored her pleas for civility and caused a humungous scene at her party. Juicy just sits down and delights in Monie making herself look bat-s@#$ crazy. Monie can’t believe that by throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the ATL, she wasn’t hoisted onto shoulders and paraded around like a conquering hero. So she storms out of the club. Ladies and gentlemen, crazy has left the building.
Next week, it’s a driver’s ed., apple-picking, hair pulling kind of episode. It’s about time someone pulls on some weave!
Little Women: Atlanta > Lifetime > Wednesdays at 10pm ET/ 9pm CT
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