Why Discovery should cancel Alaskan Bush People, but won’t

Alaskan Bush People Billy Forest Ryan Berenz

Go Here For All Of Your AWESOME And EXXXTREME Alaskan Bush People Needs!

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

 

I’ve been out of it for a little while. Did I miss anything?

On Monday, Juneau Superior Court Judge Philip “The Hammer” Pallenberg laid down a sentence of 30 days in jail to Billy Brown and son Joshua “Bam Bam,” plus 40 hours of community service each and fines and repayments totaling more than $21,000 combined. The taxpayers of Alaska will get their money back (sort of) and the Browns can never file for the Permanent Fund Dividend again. 

Billy’s lawyer, James “Smooth Jimmy” McGowan (I picture him as Saul Goodman in my imagination), changed his strategy from the “Browns’ Brand Has Suffered!” to “This Man Is Not Well!” McGowan also argued some stuff in court that contradicts stuff on ABP. From Tegan Hanlon of the Alaska Dispatch News:

McGowan argued against jail time in the case, highlighting Billy Brown’s complicated health problems with his heart and liver. He said Brown had a seizure three or four years ago that put him in a coma. Now he has about three seizures a week.

“They’ve actually changed what the show is all about because he can’t stay in the Bush anymore because he needs to be near medical attention,” McGowan said. “So the Brown adventure is moving to an urban setting because he needs to be around doctors. So it’s the real deal, judge.” 

That’s a lot of lawyerin’. Let’s sift through that:

  • We know about Billy’s Bush Central Nervous System and the seizures, but the ailments of his Bush Heart and Bush Liver are new ones.
  • Billy had a seizure three or four years ago that put him in a coma? Just how many comas has Billy had, exactly? Was this in addition to the Great Coma of 2005/2006, or is Smooth Jimmy trying to make the Great Coma sound more recent? I would like to see a detailed timeline and flowchart of these comas.
  • So their TV show is now going to be Alaskan Bush People? That’s some major retooling, indeed.
  • The Brown adventure is moving to an urban setting for the sake of Billy’s health. But what of that bulljive from Season 2 about the Browns having to leave the Craphole That Is Ketchikan immediately OR THEY WILL ALL DIE? THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE!

Here’s Billy’s statement, as reported by the Juneau Empire:

“Your honor, I just want to say that … I do truly apologize for all of this, and not only for myself, but for, you know, the time and trouble I’ve taken from you and all the people involved in this,” Billy Brown said. “I truly learned a lot about this, and I think truly that you will never see me in any judicial system whatsoever as long as I live.”

And here’s Bam’s:

“I regret the circumstances … and I have learned a lot from the experience, and thank you for all the trouble, and that’s it.”

On the subject of Bam, a big social media firestorm erupted when it was reported that Bam filed PFD claims for his three minor children. Woah. Bam has three kids?  I read one person’s pitch that Rainy was actually Bam’s daughter. Fortunately, that toothpaste was put back into the tube, and the Juneau Empire regretted its Bush Fact Checking:

Correction: An earlier version of this article erroneously stated that Joshua Brown signed a written statement admitting that he applied for PFD checks for his three minor children during those years using false residency information. It was Billy Brown who did so. We regret the error.

We know that ABP won’t be canceled anytime soon, barring a Discovery Channel executive having an ethical epiphany, because the Browns have been spotted up and down the West Coast filming in places like Oregon, San Diego and San Juan Capistrano. (If Ketchikan was going to kill the Browns, then I can’t wait to see what San Diego does to them. Bear overheats at 60 degrees, so he’ll probably spontaneously combust.)

Stoopid Housewives has the lowdown on the Browns’ Lower 48 follies, including tips from a Hoonah resident:

However, our insider says that ScammerBilly does not want to return to Hoonah because the majority of locals are “mean” to the Browns! … Another reason ScammerBilly does not want to return is that the ABP story line has him and the rest of the Browns actually LIVING in the BrownTown cabin!

With all of this evidence stacked up, a reasonable person would think that Alaskan Bush People should be canceled immediately and Bear should kindle a fire with every shred of its existence. But Discovery Channel is a business, and no one accused businesses of being reasonable. And Discovery Channel is in the entertainment business, so it gives less of a crap about being reasonable than other businesses. As long as idiots like us keep loving/hating and watching this thing, Discovery’s going to keep airing it.

And thank the Good Lord, because my reason for living, breathing and working would be gone without Alaskan Bush People. I hope it goes on forever and becomes even more of an AWESOME and EXXXTREME Epic Shitshow every year. Just imagine the possibilities:

  • ABP  should give up any pretense of reality and just go totally balls-to-the-wall crazy. They could have Bear encounter Sasquatch. They could have Noah attempt surgery on Billy. They could have Birdy enroll in dental school. Gabe could enter Alaska Toughman competitions. The Brown boys could take on the Harlem Globetrotters. I HAVE 20 SEASONS’ WORTH OF IDEAS, PEOPLE!!!
  • ABP could just reair all three seasons with a new audio track featuring the Browns revealing everything that was B.S. in every scene.
  • The court supposedly said that Billy and Bam’s community service cannot be a part of the TV show. The court has done the public a great disservice here. The court SHOULD have decreed that all of their community service be televised live in a 40-hour, commercial-free marathon on Discovery Channel. I would watch every freakin’ glorious moment of that.

And finally, I love these people:

 

Barty

Oh. 😢

51 Comments

  1. Please do not cancel the Alaskan Bush People show. I find it very interesting and I am tired of everyone canceling all the good shows that are on. So these people made some mistakes, well how many stars in the lower 48 have messed up? Do I really need to list names?
    It’s a great show and you should keep them on…..

  2. Let the one with no wrongs cast the first stone. Everyone makes mistakes. They are owning up and doing their sentences.
    The family is extrodinary and I would like to communicate with them. Some of my questions have been answered but a few are not. For example:
    1. Is the Integrity in jepordy of being lost due to non payment?
    2. Can a fund be set up for the families’ benefit.
    3. Can someone give me their postal address.
    4. Are funds needed for hospital expenses?

    • You are free to spend your money however you like, but this family does not need charity. If you wish to help people who are truly in need, I recommend donating to a reputable charity instead.

  3. It is definition of car crash tv. You desperately want to look away before they wreck but you just can’t drag your eyes away.

    For love of God never leave these guys alone in the bush they might inadvertently poison a poor Kodak with their ‘bush engineering’

    I feel lucky in that I’ve been to Alaska and met some of the wonderful people who live there. Rarely have I been made to feel more welcome. I’m also really glad my mum made me go to school and the dentist no matter how much I bitched and whined

  4. I watch the show but I had no idea what else was going on until someone told me to look them up, , I always wondered if they were for real, it is interesting to me what other facts might come out. I think they just couldn’t make it in society and would have to resort to camping out because they didn’t work or have a place to live, someone must have stumbled across them during one of those times and decided to create a discovery episode about it. I also watch alaskan frontier, those people seem to be for real.

  5. It is a TV show! To the people who are not fans – why are you here, and why are you posting comments about them?? Go somewhere else!.

  6. Perhaps all you people that are so down on the Browns should take a really good look at wall street, Enron and a few other big conglomerates, then you can get to see real dirty business, quit picking on the little guy, and whining and do something about the corporations that get away with anything based on the huge payoffs to political parties and anyone else keeping them in business

    • I don’t think we should leave the Browns alone about what they have done wrong anymore than big business. The fact of the matter is big business is run by whom.?Everyday people just like the Browns that’s who dumbbell. No one and I mean absolutely no one should be told it’s alright to steal, lie, cheat, and commit fraud. These things are wrong for everyone. No one should be excluded. And this is certainly no way to make the world a better place!

      • Well said. Committing fraud , forgery and theft from a company is a serious crime and something that criminals do. The Browns are criminals.

  7. I love the whole Brown story and would be lost with out seeing them on the show. Keep up working with the Browns and the best to Billy. Hope answers and improvements can be made for Billy.

  8. I recognized Paul, the Brown’s hauling business benefactor, on Building Alaska. Looks like he’ll be making a delivery to one of the building sites next week. Too bad the Browns are all in the lower 48 at the hospital with Billy. Had they been at home taking care of business they might have made the delivery.

  9. Last evening, while browsing the Internet, I came across a “beefcakey ” wet-in-the-shower pic (from the waist up, thank goodness!) of Gabe Brown. First…..who took this picture? Secondly…..imagine walking into your teen’s bedroom and seeing that pasted on the wall! Yeeks! Now I hav a reason to want ABP cancelled. Unfortunately, my weird obsession with the Brown’s antics overrides my disgust. I know…….I am part of the problem!

  10. Way to go Peg……
    I myself would rather watch the Alaskin bush bears eat the browns very slowly and making them live just a wee bit longer to endure the pain. The way people are today is a statement on why people still watch that nasty show. To pay a family of people that make their living on hurting others is shameless. To allow these trashy people to make one dollar telling lies about a false filled life is truly just a statement on the discovery channel. They started out with a great run with deadliest catch and went to a catch they should have thrown out. The channel is going downhill fast and this kind of show will speed their way down the path. I can not believe a company could be this underhanded. But wonders will ever never cease . May the brown family men get rapped by sasquach himself.

  11. Anyone one who has ever stepped out into the woods to hunt ,fish or camp should have known from the begining these were not real “bush” people. The show was just make believe with a comedy twist. I never in my life saw anyone in the woods hunting or hiking with a top hat and ankle length black over coat . A black leather motor cycle jacket or tracking a deer doing forward rolls. How about aiming at a deer with black scope covers still on. Building a house with hand tools and a chain saw…I got a good laugh at all this on every show I knew it was a put up. You couldn’t last 6 months in Alaska or Montana or living in the Allegany National forest in PA the way they did things or the way they dressed. In fact they never did stay out in the bush that long. That they might not be good people and have had run in’s with the legal system that is Discovery’s fault for giving the green light for the show and staying with it. Wasn’t there a Housewife and husband who did and are doing time for cheating the government. I don’t think networks care anymore as long as they make money. If the Browns become Las Vegas pavement people I guess I might watch just to see them be ridiculous. In the end nobody is forcing me to watch if I don’t want to .

    • The Browns in the wilderness is ridiculous, but the Browns in the city is a train wreck I will not be able to look away from. The Brown acting like they have never seen anything from modern technology even though they flew down to California on commercial jets, are driving around in cars while staying in hotels. Must see TV.
      No doubt the networks could care less morals or ethics. They are for profit entities that care about making money. They only make money because people watch this stuff. So as long as people are watching they are doing the logical thing to continue to produce it. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. The only thing of interest at this point for me is how bad this story and the show can get and they still keep their audience. The Browns in the big city is going to ratchet up the stupidity to a whole new level and I am interested as heck to see how this plays out. I do not underestimate the Browns in the least at this point. You could put them on network TV in primetime while they do a one hour sock puppet show with no sound, and their fans would make them the number one rated show.

  12. Why not have a subscription to watch the brown family adventures. That way people who love watching this show can continue to enjoy and the moaners can get busy else where.
    Also the the brown family can have some money to use on them selves.
    I love the show and admire the family unity and love that the brown family have between themselves.
    Keep strong and long may you continue.
    Peace and love to you all

  13. What McGowan neglects to tell people is that prisons have excellent medical facilities, the one in Anchorage will also make use of the medical facilities available at the hospital in the city. Much better than most towns have!

    So there is that lie dealt with, now if Billy Brown is having 3 seizures a week how come he is shown driving an RV across the lower 48? How many states allow people with undiagnosed seizures to drive a car, rv or boat? Now Billy was taped for the show driving on roads, this is a man whose seizures will put him, his family’s and other people’s lives at risk by him driving.

    This is a felony and leaves him open to jailing by each state he drove in. Now either he is liable for jail in all those states or his undiagnosed seizures are an attempt at a “Get out of jail” card. So either he has committed perjury in his testament in Alaska or serious driving offences in each of the states that those RVs went into!

    • In defense of defense attorneys, McGowan was not obligated to “tell the people” anything…nor is any defense attorney. His/her job is to represent and advocate for his/her clients. It is the State—always—that has the burden of proof in a criminal case. Further, judges know that jails and prisons have medical facilities or access thereto so McGowan was not hiding anything from the court. As I stated earlier in this blog, attorneys are required to zealously represent their clients under the Rules. That is what McGowan did…his client, Billy, is still going to jail…but McGowan worked for him properly under the rules of our adversarial legal system.

      • When Billy’s attorney argued the health issue, the burden of proof shifted to Billy.
        I thought an attorney would know that.

        • It was just an argument to try to lessen the sentence not determine guilt…there is no burden of proof in that sense…it is so the judge can look at different factors to detetmine the sentence, for example: If a sentence is mandatory per a legislative enactment, any prior criminal record, remorse, any reports from the probation people, etc. or health could be a factor though usually isn’t.

          Depending on the jurisdiction, the burden of proof could shift if there is an affirmative defense like self-defense or entrapment but here the only discussion was whether Billy’s health issues should keep him out of jail, which is not a burden shifting issue.

          • Are you sure you’re a lawyer? The burden doesn’t shift?
            Using your legal reasoning, Billy’s lawyer could stand up and say that his client had a medical condition that precluded jail for him, and then what? The prosecution would have the burden to prove a negative???

    • Prisons have terrible medical facilities, even more so now that they are all run for profit and contracts handed out to cronies.

  14. I hope they have another season I love watching this show even though they broke the law if they pay for there crime than let the show go on

  15. I really did love the show but I hope the show does not continue. I don’t know which is worse, the whiney, mean, insipid, hateful insults, dug up bones, low blow comments from the haters or the disappointing “facts” about the show. All the “crimes” took place before the first show aired and the Browns are paying fines and restitution, doing time and community service. No other criminals community service is broadcast – theirs should not be either. The haters keep saying they shouldn’t get special treatment. Health conditions change and progress, I’m not a doctor but have special experience with seizure disorders Billy may need special monitoring in jail, and it would not be safe or smart for him to live “off the gid” with his condition. Stick a fork in ABP, I think they’re done. Mr Berenz will just have to find another group to pick apart, put down and poo poo. TV world is full of them.

    • Ah yes, the repentant Browns.
      Stealing horses? Gee, your honor, I am sorry.
      Welfare fraud? Gee your honor, I am sorry.
      Drunk driving? Gee your honor, I am sorry.
      Lying about residency on fishing licenses (not a biggie compared to murder but I happen to hunt/fish/trap for part of my living and I follow the damn rules.) Gee your honor, I am sorry.
      Destruction of public property? Gee, your honor, I am sorry.
      Collecting money three years in a row from the PFD fund when you knew you didn’t qualify? Gee, your honor, I am sorry.
      The only time the Browns are ever sorry is when they get caught. And apparently not all that sorry because the DUI, welfare fraud and fishing license fines all went to collections.
      And these are the documented things. There are also testimonies from many people about their lying, thieving and filthy ways. They stole guns and jewellery from one of my dearest friends – right after she was widowed. And then they split the State.
      So Billy is “sick” now is he? Perhaps he could stop chain smoking and eating a steady diet of crap food as a start. Oh and dining out at the Tilted Kilt is not diet friendly. Better pics would be at some healthy restaurants.

      • You really sound angry. How exactly has this show hurt you? Oh, it hasn’t! I guess you just don’t have much of a life.

        • Peg and I are from Alaska. The Browns hurt us by stealing money right out of our bank accounts along with our families. They hurt us by illegally taking wildlife from our state they were not entitled to take. The endangered Alaskan lives by driving drunk on our roads. Oh, so I guess they have hurt us directly. Sorry about not being fans of the show because we are victims of their crimes. Way to be completely uneducated about your comments and allegations. I for one have to question the life of a person who roots for people that commit crimes against innocent people.

      • Well said. Most of us Alaskans are very aware of all this. They have hurt many people here. I can’t believe the courts let him off with a slap on the hand for all those years of PFD checks when other people have been handed long sentences for just one check.

    • I could not agree more with Peg’s comments. We are only discussing their long line of crimes they have been caught and prosecuted for. I cannot tell you how many first account stories I have heard of the Browns over the years bullying people, stealing from people, lying to people, leaving terrible messes and leaving people holding the bag by not paying people what they owe them. For the most part we stick to the facts of what they have been convicted for. Don’t think for a second there aren’t a tremendous amount of other things they aren’t accused of. Based on the Browns overall conduct it isn’t really a stretch to not want to believe all of these other accusations. Nobody is going “Oh the Browns. No WAY they could have treated other people badly”. I don’t bring them up because I wasn’t there, and they weren’t convicted of it. Don’t think for a second there aren’t lots of stories from other Alaskans of bad behavior.
      “All the crimes took place before the first show aired”? Who freaking cares. They committed all of these crimes Lynn. What, are they born again Christians? Now after a life of bad behavior they have seen the light? Good gosh Lynn, they are looking in the camera right at you and telling you as of first filming about their long life in the bush while they were living in Texas. Just lying away about their whole story. BTW Lynn, those fines and restitution that the Browns are paying, that is because they were caught red handed stealing money for three years AFTER they were turned in by a tip to the authorities. Are we supposed to celebrate the fact they are paying back money they stole? They steal just short $21,000 and two of the family members are going to do 30 days in jail? Merry freaking Christmas from the Alaska court system. They will never get a better gift then that. That amount of money is felony theft in all 50 states. They should have been doing years in prison.
      “Billy may need special monitoring in jail”. Again… who freaking cares? So your logic is sick people have a free pass to commit fraud and theft because they don’t feel good? Don’t break the law if you don’t want to go to jail. Also I have zero idea if Billy is sick or not. Seems awful funny that there was never a scene of him in a hospital or ever a camera shot of any of these seizures. When Cpt Phil Harris on Deadliest Catch had his stroke you were right there for the stroke and in the hospital with him. Billy doesn’t have to let anybody film his seizures if he doesn’t want them to. But this is boy who cried wolf. They lie about everything so unless I see it, it didn’t happen. It is just amazing no matter what the Browns do delusional people will find an excuse for it.
      I am going to give you a hypothetical situation…
      You come home Lynn to find your house has been broken in and much of your stuff has been stolen. You run out of the house, look down the street and you see a truck driven by the Browns driving away with your stuff in the back of the bed. I am your neighbor and it leads to this exchange…
      Lynn: “OMG, the Browns just broke in and stole my stuff!”
      David: “Now Lynn, the Browns are great people. Everybody makes mistakes.”
      Lynn: “What! They just stole my stuff and I saw them red handed with it!”
      David: “Lynn, you are just being whiney, mean, insipid and hateful.”
      Lynn: “Are you crazy? They just stole my stuff!”
      David: “Lynn… The Browns are great people and really show good family values.”
      Lynn: “Are you not understanding me! They just stole all of my belongings!”
      David: “Look, the Browns area good family, and there should be more people like them.”
      Lynn, this is how many people in Alaska feel when we are being preached at that we are just being mean and the Browns are just so great. The Browns have treated Alaska like their own personal outhouse. They have stolen money from us for years on end. They lied about stealing the money. They have illegally caught fish when they were not entitled to do so. They have driven drunk on our roads while endangering peoples lives. Yet somehow the Browns are great and it is us that are being sour grapes. I have to sit here and read comments that attack us, and cheer the Browns on. Wow, talk about living in a Bizzaro world.

      • I am going through similar teeth-gnashing over the Netflix “Making a Murderer” series. It’s made Wisconsinites look like idiot hicks. It’s made law enforcement look corrupt and/or incompetent. It’s taken a horrific crime, showed only the evidence that fit the series’ narrative, and got people all riled up and signing petitions to have a disturbed, dangerous man released because they saw it on the teevee and it must be true!

        • I cannot tell you how many people or media outlets I come across that are talking about that series. Without seeing it, I understand your comments perfectly. Too many documentaries, or things of the sort, spin an interesting story that gets everybody talking, but the facts are pretty one sided to fit into their storyline. For me the text book case is Michael Moore. While I liked some of the early work he did, I soon began to realize that he was spinning the story to fit his interpretation rather than a balanced look at things. Boy could he rile people up to his cause, and he comes across as pretty politically motivated. Once people watch things like that they feel 100% like they now understand the facts and are empowered one way or the other. It honestly makes me a bit sad how much hold the media can have over some people. Once they have bought into their version of the story, they are completely closed minded as to other points of view or the possible truth not being what they are thinking. Bringing this back to ABP, now that the trial has put to rest the did they, or didn’t they steal and break the law question, you would think the view of the Browns would move more toward the negative. Instead it seem a lot like politics or other human behavior that show rather than change our opinion based on new information, we just harden our stance that we now have. In the case of ABP post trial the tension just seems to be ratcheted up a few notches. I think fans are totally losing sight or what they are backing, and the difference between real life facts and what they watch on TV. I personally don’t care if people enjoy the show and the series goes on another 10 years (boy you will have some writing to do). But to come on here and be told how wonderful they are, and everybody needs to be positive or shut up is just head scratching.
          BTW… based on your viewpoint of “making a murder” as entertainment versus reality, is it worth my wife and I watching, or just a story spun to their viewpoint?

          • I haven’t seen it myself, and I doubt that I will. Lots of us in WI followed that case 10 years ago, and there are details from it that I’d like to have wiped from my memory. It is a fascinating true-crime story and I don’t fault the filmmakers for doing it and audiences for watching it. I do fault the people signing petitions and sending hateful messages to Manitowoc police. The system has failed many truly innocent people who are far more deserving of petitions and outcry than Avery.
            And, full disclosure, I have family member that is a retired law-enforcement official from one of the counties involved in the case. So I do have trouble thinking objectively about this whole deal myself.

      • David and others,
        Why not give State, who,what and where they took place since you stated you personally knew of some of their crimes. If you show the
        the proof or where it can be found, since most records can be publicly accessed. Then we can see for ourselves, and not just think it’s some Jack—, running off at the mouth. as the saying goes, proof is in the pudding. plus just how well do you people know them and where from, and when. That would go a long way in seeing proof and truth. That would stop a lot of the BS and prove the point, of all the crimes, some of which I have never heard of and would like to research. Where did you see video of him driving an RV?

        • Are you serious? They were just convicted of crimes in an Alaska state courtroom. This was national news. If you cannot find it (public record like you said), nor any of the many stories reporting it then I have zero idea what to tell you. They admitted in the testimony to the court where they were living… hint: it wasn’t in Alaska. In the same statement the Browns admitted to stealing money from all Alaskans. On the book jacket to Billy’s book One wave at a time, there is a picture of the whole family standing next to their RV.
          Honestly Kate if you haven’t heard of these crimes you just aren’t even trying to find anything out, or you don’t want to know the truth. You would like to research this? Either do it or don’t. Not a whole lot of skill or time to Google the Alaskan Bush People. No matter to me either way. I however am not your personal assistant who is going to run around and do all of your legwork for you.
          If you are just a fan of the ABP and could care less about their behavior and crimes, then by all means enjoy the show. I am not a fan because the Browns stole money from me and all Alaskans.

          • I am ok Ryan. Thanks for checking. We are 365 road miles north of Anchorage, but we shook pretty good. It was 1:30 AM when it hit and my wife said she was starting to wonder why I wouldn’t stop shaking the bed. I slept right through it.
            My Dad was here in 1964 when the good Friday earthquake hit Anchorage, and that one was 9.2 and the most powerful recorded quake in North American history and the 2nd most powerful in world history (recorded). Despite being so far from Anchorage he said Fairbanks was rolling. It went on an amazing 4:38 seconds. Crazy.

        • I am another Alaskan that can tell you David and Peg speak the truth. This court case that has been on the news is only the tip of the iceberg. If you want proof get online and do some research. There’s even a facebook page where you can meet many people who personally know them.

  16. Try telling your children (real children)it’s ok to lie and profit. THANKS! Discovery for another fake tv show.

    • Discovery doesn’t have to do that. Your children can learn to lie and profit from it by reading the newspapers, listening to radio, and watching the news. By the way, which of those do you think does the most harm; Alaskan Bush People, newspapers, radio, or television news?

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About Ryan Berenz 2009 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.