Discovery Channel Alaskan Bush People recap: Bush Heart

ABP Seizure Ryan Berenz

Go Here For All Of Your AWESOME And EXXXTREME Alaskan Bush People Needs!

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

The Integrity is bound for Tenakee Springs, heading into bad weather with a cargo of sugar, flour, windows and a giant-ass Beverage-Air cooler. They must deliver these supplies intact and on schedule, or Paulie “Lite Weight” Weltzin of Sea Level Transport will have the Brown boys sleeping with the halibuts. But thank the Good Lord for all that Magically Disappearing Bad Weather on ABP.

Back at Brownton Abbey, Billy’s got ants in his pants about his four grown sons out on the boat during the Magically Disappearing Bad Weather. He bravely ventures into Noah’s Carnival of Oddities & Curiosities tent to complain about how they have no way of communicating with the Integrity. “It’s great being isolated and all that, and we love it, but it’s not great.”

Wait. What the hell did Billy just say? “It’s great being isolated and all that, and we love it, but it’s not great.” Yes, according to Billy’s Bush Logic, living in the Bush is great except when it’s not, which is practically all the time. This quote, and the one about the chicken feces from this episode, sum up everything I feel about this sublimely terrible TV series.

After some unnecessary time-killing docking drama, the boys unload the Integrity. First up, Bam and Gabe have to deliver windows to someone. It’s a Bush Delivery, meaning that they just lean the windows up against a wooden footbridge and call it a day. I suppose the deformed guy living under the bridge will pick them up at some point.

Matt wastes time by going to a Bush free-cycle shed, which is sort of like a Goodwill store, but free. The unwritten rule is that you’re supposed to bring something to the shed in order to take something out of the shed. Matt’s contribution? A pair of socks. Dude leaves some socks “for the next guy.” Matt takes some spoons, a gorilla suit (sans mask), an ice tray, a book and a cordless drill (no battery charger?) … in exchange for socks. Is there no end to the Browns’ ripping off Alaskans?

Because there can’t be an ABP in which Noah doesn’t make your skin crawl, Rainy and Birdy bring Noah an injured baby bird. “Whenever something is close to death, they bring it to me, so that I can be the one that has to deal with it,” Noah says. “I prefer being the one that deals with it.” Noah’s character has become so ghoulishly campy that I half expect Thing to pop out of a box somewhere. “Out here, it’s very unforgiving. Things die,” Noah says. “And then they end up in jars in my tent.” (I may have added that last part.)

Feeling bummed out about the injured bird? Here’s a little comic relief:

ABP Seizure

Yes, Billy has another off-camera seizure. It’s “debilitating” and “massive” but it’s not the Big One.

Back in Tenakee, the boys manage to get the cooler off the Integrity without incident, and some bleeding-heart hippie locals offer them a hand and an ATV assist. It seems the ferry situation in SE Alaska has gotten so bad that Snyder Mercantile in Tenakee had to resort to using Alaskan Bush People to deliver stuff. (Maybe ABP could help Snyder Mercantile update its Facebook page once every year or so.) The Browns deliver the cooler intact, and the old lady with the giant polar bear dog is very pleased. She has many exciting things planned for that cooler.

Then the boys must deliver whatever’s left in the bags of sugar and flour to the Party Time Bakery, which also desperately needs Facebook help. (Call me. I am willing to barter for some of those cinnamon rolls.) The delivery goes without a hitch. The boys have totally redeemed themselves, and Paulie doesn’t have to bust any kneecaps.

Billy and Ami discuss what’s the best course of action (or inaction) for Billy’s health. Billy’s sick of doctors with their know-it-all science and medicine that might prevent him from dying. They’re just gonna run the same bunch of inconclusive tests again. “This is déjà vu is all this is,” he says. Experiencing déjà vu is not serious, but you should seek medical attention if you experience déjà vu all over again. Ami asks Billy to remember the Great Coma of 2005 (it used to be 2006) and that time he died twice in the ambulance.

The following morning, the Integrity is ready to shove off, but first Bear and Bam must debate the role that socks play in the drying of one’s boots. What’s up with this episode and socks? Then in a scene out of Jaws, they sit around comparing scars and their origins. None of those can compare to the emotional scars I will always have from watching this show.

All of this tomfoolery enrages The Skiff, who decides he’d rather die than put up with these imbeciles. The Skiff intentionally takes on water and starts sinking.

SkiffScuttle

The Browns try to bail the water out of The Skiff, but The Skiff puts up a fight. It’s decided that they’ll hoist The Skiff onto the Integrity‘s deck, and after some mildly comical fumbling, they eventually do it.

Then comes the call. Noah’s on the radio telling his brothers on the Integrity that “Dad had one of his episodes.”

Billy, Ami, Noah, Birdy and Rainy are on a boat headed to visit the doctor in Juneau. Then suddenly they’re on a boat on their way back to Hoonah. It’s almost like they didn’t get off the boat to see the doctor. The producers didn’t make an attempt to make this look authentic. We didn’t even get to see an exterior of the hospital in Juneau this time. Not even a phony waiting room. I smell EXXXTREME B.S. here. We’re told Billy received some bad news from the doctor, and he’s trying to figure out how to break it to the family when they’re all back together.

The Browns return home to find that a bear has busted up Brownton Abbey like a high-school kegger. It laughed at Noah’s weak bear alarm and ransacked the place. It knocked down a wall from Matt’s tire hut. It trashed all the trash inside their house. At least the bear left Billy’s dad’s bible alone, since the bear prefers the King James version and Billy’s dad had the Douay-Rheims translation.

The Browns have lost everything, even the stuff they lost the last time they lost everything.

Billy sees this as a good time to tell everyone that the doctor wants him to go down to the Lower 48 and get evaluated by more doctors. All this would be more surprising if we didn’t already know that Billy was phoning in his court appearances from Seattle last fall. Billy breaks into his whole “I AM THIS FOREST, MAN!” spiel. He’s afraid that if he goes down to Seattle, he’ll never come back to Alaska. But being away from the bush didn’t seem to bother him for those years he admitted he didn’t even qualify as a permanent resident of Alaska. And a reasonable person should be skeptical that Billy is even really ill, which makes this all the more insidious.

So that’s why I get infuriated when Billy starts name-dropping the Good Lord and preaching about how leaving the bush is like “closing your ears to God.” Billy’s faith is just another set piece, another prop, another stupid bear alarm that looks and sounds cool on TV but doesn’t actually work. Viewers offering up prayers for the Browns may just as well ask the Good Lord for Klinger to get discharged from the Army on M*A*S*H or for Ross and Rachel to finally get together or for Doogie Howser, M.D., to get laid.

I do not know what lies ahead for ABP or if there will be a Season 4. It might depend on if/when jail time is served. A lot will depend on just how much growing up Discovery is willing to do. And a lot will depend on just how long we’ll be able to laugh at this show in great enough numbers to warrant it remaining on TV.

But I’ve heard reports of the Browns filming stuff in San Diego.

DADGUMIT!!!

ABPMontyPythonGod

69 Comments

  1. Translating ABP:
    Substitute Lawyer for Doctor
    Substitute Summons for Seizure

    So now the story goes: “While the boys were playing boat, Billy Brown was hit with another summons.” Or the frantic radio call “Get the lawyers over here, Billys being served.” Billy was obviously winded after having been served (when he was hiding in the woods)

    Due to the number of summons that Billy has experienced recently they must seek out a Lawyer. They travel to Hoona where they get the grim news. “My Lawyer says I should go to the lower 48.” (To reduce the chance of summons and possible warrant. Can you see the Sheriffs finding Noah’s crude trip wire while serving the warrant?)

    Tripe such as “If I go I fear I won’t come back…. (A free man)” start to make sense.
    Going on the lam with just their backpacks start to make sense.

    The fact that they were only recently discovered goes hand in hand with the fact that they weren’t there prior to that to be discovered.

  2. “Despite their medical and legal woes, RadarOnline.com can exclusively reveal that the famous family and their Discovery channel show will be back.”
    “The series will be returning,” a Discovery spokesperson exclusively told Radar.

    I never doubted for one second that our 1st family of Alaska would return. I seriously don’t know who I amazed more by… the Brown family or Donald Trump. There seems to be nothing that either can say or do no matter how low they go that dents their popularity among their delusional fans.
    I for one am starting to warm up to the idea of the new big city Browns. How can it not be fun as we see them marvel at crazy things like water, fire and the wheel. We will learn new things like they have never seen another human being and thought they were the only people on earth. Noah will invent things like shoes, sunglasses and roads and will transform life on the planet as we know it. Good times

    • I for one Ryan would be going to your boss with this news and asking for that raise you have been wanting in lieu of the therapy that will be required down the road to be forced to watch another season of the ABP.

  3. How did we get the coma victim to Hoonah when skiffmobile and big boat were on hauling job? Same deal coming back, skiff maybe reproducing!!!! What happened to the teaser with the big boat taking on water in engine compartment? What a farce!

  4. What would be awesome, was if someone made a supercut of all the times Billy has said “we need to pick up the pace or we die” or “winter is coming man” or whatever.
    If they had picked up the pace every time Billy said so, they would be running and building at such a pace, Browntown would now be the empire of Brownia.

  5. What would be cool was if someone made a supercut of all the times Billy says “we have to pick up the pace or we die” and “living like this means we are free as fuck” or whatever.
    If they really did pick up the pace every time he has said it during three seasons, they would be running at building so fast by now, that Browntown would be the empire of Brownia og something.

  6. i am sorry i dont believe alot of this,please explain to me where i can find everything you all are saying!i need to see it to believe it and be able to make up my own decicion.
    thank you

    • I’ll go out on a limb and assume you’re asking about the recent court settlement. If you want to read about the case, just goggle alaskan bush people, and click on the news button. There are lots of article there for your reading pleasure, going back a year to when they were first charged.

  7. Billy and Bam on their way to the the Big House (and restitution plus community service)! Billy made some lame excuse about being confused about the paperwork concerning residency and that he was glad they could “settle” it. NO BILLY, THE JUDGE SENTENCED YOU! That is not settling! No worries, it’s only 30 days.

    • The whole affair is just ridiculous from beginning to end. Billy alone was charged with 24 class C felonies with a max of 120 years in prison. He alone stole almost $8,000. How on earth you can come to the end and do only 30 days in jail with 40 hours in community service when that amount of theft is a felony in every state. You could see from the beginning that the prosecuting attorney just didn’t seem to want to go after this case. It was going to take some time, but still. Billy is getting the gift of a lifetime to only have to do 30 days in jail for his crimes. The rest of the family getting off with nothing… wow. On the other hand there was nothing surprising in the verdict as it was completely telegraphed that this is what was going to happen. Also I like how Billy still attempted to make this out as a misunderstanding to say…

      “Alaska’s dividend program has specific requirements for the length of time in the state, and the reasons for being out of Alaska. Because of the way we live our lives and the way we often unconventionally travel, I didn’t keep good track of our movements,” Billy tells PEOPLE in a statement.

      The rule is you cannot be out of Alaska more than 180 days. So Billy couldn’t remember if had been away from home for more than 6 months? Really tough. Keep in mind he admitted to being gone for over 3 years. Also I like how he says they “unconventionally travel”. Drop the bush living already Billy. You have admitted in your statement you not only didn’t live in the bush but didn’t even live in Alaska. You statement makes it sound like you are traveling by dog team in the middle of nowhere. You travel by car, ship and airplane like everybody else. Like I have said before… If Billy’s lips are moving, he lying.
      At least the whole thing is finally over. Billy is has now been convicted of lying and theft. So there is no more arguing this point.
      This is probably good news for the show. Discovery obviously wasn’t going to cancel this show unless Billy got life in prison and even then I am sure it would have turned in ABP:Lockdown. Discovery couldn’t give a crap less that everything is fake and made up and the stars of the show are breaking the law stealing money. As long as the rating were good that is all that mattered. Personally I don’t care either way what Discovery does. As long as they were finally brought to some justice and made to pay for their crimes for stealing from all of us Alaskans.

    • I find several things interesting about this case. From the different reports I have read, oldest brother, Matt, was never charged with any PDF crime…it was Billy, Ami, Bam, Bear, Gabe and Noah. So, maybe Matt never applied? I don’t know one way or the other, but I am curious about that.

      Also, I have been intrigued—from a legal POV—at the maneuverings to basically let everyone off the hook criminally-speaking (although the funds have to be repaid) except Billy and Bam. I have to assume they volunteered to be the fall guys, to take one “for the family” so-t0-speak. I suppose this saves the taxpayers of Alaska some money by not prolonging the proceedings, yet still makes sure the money is paid back, while exacting some punishment for the crimes. (David, I am not an Alaskan—although I have traveled there—so I hope I am not minimizing anything here from an Alaskan viewpoint). As the family, according to them, travels as a wolf pack, taking two wolves out of the action for even a short time will inflict some general pain on the family as a whole. Wonder what kind of community service Billy and Bam will do—clean up the Hoonah dump? Return the Browntown ” land” back to pristine condition? Keep Bird from meowing? Get rid of Noah’s top hat? Stop howling?

      And, like David, I would like to know more about Billy’s “unconventional” way of traveling from 2009-2013. Perhaps he went through wormholes so time kept shifting or the family somehow found themselves on the Enterprise during one of its time travel adventures—or maybe The Skiff had something to do with it…..

      • The citizens of Hoonah should get a vote on the community service assignment. They are the ones that have suffered these fools the most without having the option of turning off the television. It will probably be Billy and Bam giving public service announcements: Don’t Feed the Bears, Don’t Chase Bears With Sticks, Wear a Lifejacket When Boating (especially in the skiff if you are a Brown!).

      • Well I might be able to help a bit Lower48. When you apply for the Alaska State Permanent Fund Dividend you fill out paperwork that you are indeed eligible to receive it (you are an Alaska resident, Alaska is your current home, you haven’t left the state for more than 180 days in the previous year). It is QUITE clear you are agreeing to these term as it says on the bottom you are swearing this is true, and if you are lying could face criminal prosecution and prison time. So there is zero misunderstanding. When you turn your paperwork in you have to have two signed witnesses that are agreeing that you are indeed eligible. It tells the witnesses that if they are not telling the truth that the person is eligible they are signing for, they face prosecution and the permanent loss of their dividends in the future. This obviously is meant to scare people from helping to turn in falsified documents.
        So if we break this down, underage children do get dividends but their parents sign for them. So all of the Brown children underage wouldn’t get in an trouble for trying to get ineligible dividends because they are minors and they didn’t sign anything. So obviously Bam and Billy signed up for their dividends for each year (2009-2013) and I am sure were witnesses on the rest of the family’s applications. Matt must have not tried to apply for a dividend or signed as a witness because he wasn’t even charged. So that would explain everybody but Ami, Gabe, Bear and Noah. Since they were charged they must have applied, but not sure why they weren’t prosecuted.
        So this really wouldn’t be a case of anybody being the fall guy because each person that applies for a dividend has their application looked at as an individual. Unlike say a car theft where somebody steps up and says “I took it and nobody else knew”.
        The biggest part to think about in a case like this is that you are putting the prosecution in the position like all cases of proving their case. It was doable certainly as there was enough evidence to go ahead and criminally charge them. But a lot of the evidence against them was witness testimony that they were living out of state. But the witnesses certainly didn’t tail them for 3 years and the Browns moved a lot. So now you are trying to piece together different people in different states along with certain records as to where they lived. So it seemed as if it was a winnable case but was going to take a lot of time and effort to piece everything together. Plus you never know what could happen if one of the jurors doesn’t go along. Please keep in mind though that the Browns (or anyone else) could come forth with documents and witnesses to prove they did indeed live in the state. Stuff like phone records, receipt’s for groceries, gas, rent payment and other daily living activities. It really isn’t that hard to prove you lived in a state. The Browns couldn’t do that. But they kind of played a little chicken with the prosecution by telling them “We can’t prove we lived in Alaska, but you prove we never went back at anytime”. So it was going to be a long drawn out costly affair to prove when and when they lived other places. Also the Browns smartly kept coming up with excuses to drag this out so it wouldn’t ruin their TV show. So the deal was made, which was in the Browns favor in my opinion. Where I am ok with this is, the state of Alaska and all the residents get their money back, a number of the Browns can never receive any more dividends for the rest of their lives no matter if they live in Alaska or not, there is a small bit of jail and community service, and it wasn’t a violent crime they committed so why bother to spend a lot more money housing and feeding them in prison for many years.
        Hope that helps a bit.
        Speaking of which we have between January 1st and March 31st to fill out this years dividend application so it is time to fill mine out for this year. And yes, I am eligible.

        • I dunno, David, maybe you should show us some receipts 😉

          I was not surprised at the plea deals as our court system would be buried within days without them. Very few cases of any type actually go to trial. I do find it most interesting that Matt either did not apply or maybe he actually lived in Alaska away from the others and was eligible…although that latter speculation is most unlikely.

        • Thanks, David! Now leave the Browns alone!

          I’m in L.A. for the TV critics conference, so I haven’t been fully engaged in the recent ABP developments. The court ruling came come down a few days AFTER Discovery Channel execs were here, so we couldn’t take them to task on the issue.

          • Ryan @ 9:31 a.m. —and so much for the wolf pack who cannot bear to be apart more than a nanosecond.

          • Hey, could Billy’s attorney “Smooth Jimmy” McGowan have presented some kind of statement from a physician to prove the veracity and extent of the “complicated medical issues”? You know, like a doctor’s note that gets you out of work/school? I have my doubts that Billy is even ill…

          • Jails and prisons have medical staff—the Judge was correct in his assessment that Billy shouldn’t escape doing time—ill or not. Mental illness/incompetency might keep you out of jail/prison, but you’d just be locked up in a secure medical facility instead. So, Billy, off you go!

          • Anybody else read about Bam claiming PDF benefits for one or more dependent children (real or imaginary)? And, really Mitt Zombie, only a 10% chance of Browns sinking a boat at any given time?

  8. You know what it is just a TV show….Most of the stuff on television is not true…So why think this one is..Granted these people dance to a different tune, but it is entertaining.

  9. Off topic: Ryan, will anyone at Channel Guide (you?) be blogging about The X-Files? Maybe Mulder an Scully should investigate Browntown.

  10. I like that they have less moving equipment than most college students. How far were they going to drag that cooler until they magically found a person with a tractor and trailer to haul it?

    • The whole segment is typical of the Browns. IRC, back before Paul, the owner of the real transport company, agreed to send small jobs in their direction, he came and inspected the Integrity. As I remember it, Paul told Billy the rigging needed to be replaced, and Billy assured Paul it would be. I wonder if Paul knows that the Browns are still using the same rigging, rigging that Matt said may be older Matt himself.

      Like I said, typical of the Browns. Why do any preventive maintenance, just use it till it falls apart. When, not if, something falls apart, it’s not because of poor maintenance, but just “Brown Luck”.

  11. I like the show, don’t care if alot of stuff is obviously manipulated, as basically everything else is, especially on tv, so who really gives a _. I like to see nature, the woods, instead of fake lips, duck faces, and pop culture bs. They do lift logs on their own, or is that fake? They build sht, and every once in a while give good advice and ideas about being in the woods, and more importantly family values, lacking most everywhere else. Better than 90% of other reality shows out there. Watch it if you like it, watch something else if you don’t, or simply stfu.

  12. I’ve watched every ABP because the boys remind me of the Stooges. I can’t believe how fake it is. The hunting scenes are idiotic. I say this because I’ve lived most of my 61 years in the outdoors. The show is just a good laugh . I cannot believe the mess they left in Browntown they just walked away and left the forest a littered mess. I always wondered what happened to the accents they were supposed to have from living away from civilization. They seemed to go away after time. Discovery can’t possibly believe people really take the Browns seriously. There is no way these people lived in Browtown full time with one of boys actually living in a tire house. Just ridiculous but a good laugh .

    • Okay Dave you nailed it. I thought they were the 3 Stooges myself. Lets throw in Laurel & Hardy to make it 5 idiots.
      I like to watch the show only so I can ridicule the episodes. And that comes easy because of the stupidity they express.

  13. I like the show very much and hope that it continues very much no matter what! It is much better than a all the Cop shows and nothing shows. I go thru hundreds of channels and always land on Bush People. Discovery channel please keep it going!

  14. Your posts used to be a lot funnier. Now, you’re just a dick. Spend less time tweeting, and write better recaps. Lazy work Ryan, real lazy.

  15. Another season down, I think the comradery between us ABP-skeptics keeps us going on in this series. I reckon Discovery should grow up. Of course, they don’t want to admit the deceptiveness going on with their series. But wouldn’t we all like an episode where they admit they don’t live in Alaska permanently, or perhaps show them facing their court statements. Like that would happen.

    • There is no doubt the camaraderie between us has kept me going even though I have skipped a number of episodes. I have the season finale and their clip show on the DVR but still haven’t watched it. The last episode to have to endure and it feel like I have run out of gas. My hats off to Ryan for enduring through this. This show can be very tedious. If it wasn’t for this forum I would never watch this show. Funny thing is that I looked back at the comments section to see about when I started reading and writing here. It was about a year ago. Feels like it was five. It has been a really weird journey while riding the ABP train.
      The funny thing is that they really could have played this differently from the start and it would have worked out much better. What if they just told the truth? The show starts with Billy and the clan in Texas and he and the family have had enough of the rat race and decide to return to Alaska. They want to live a simpler life and be closer as a family. They aren’t these awesome survivalists who have lived in the bush for decades but real life regular people who used to live in Alaska long ago and want to return. Then viewers follow the family as they go on their journey including the bumps along the way as they figure things out. I think many people dream of doing this and could totally relate. Instead ABP came out of the gate with this ridiculous lie about how “after 30 years in the bush they were recently discovered”. The more they got cornered on how this was completely fabricated, the more they had to circle the wagons. Then they have a complete divisive show where you are a fan or a hater and nothing in between. If anybody believes that this show is real at this point then they are probably in the process of buying the Brooklyn Bridge or Florida swampland. Swiss cheese looks water tight compared to the Browns story. All this could have been avoided if they just stayed closer to the truth. Even much of their legal troubles, while still not helpful, wouldn’t undermine their whole story.

  16. After watching the last three episodes, I am convinced Bam sees the writing on the wall (and perhaps this blog!) and has acted a bit more normal. Maybe he is trying to avoid the ridicule he is sure to face in the slammer. I bet no one sees the inside of a cell though, Discovery will see to that. Even if there is no Season Four, with some internet research, we will be able to keep up on the Brown’s antics. Pretty sure the skiff giving up the ghost proves the Browns read this and might have a bit of a sense of humor about themselves? I hope so! If there is a Season Four, I hope it’s “The Browns In The Big City”. There’s not much else for them to screw up in the bush!

    • I know right! Bam is definitely my favorite Brown. It irks me how most of them act like us viewers feed right into the skit they call a show. Anyways, having the Browns in the city would be a good change.

      • I think the Browns in a city format would be like torture. All it would turn into is… what are these crazy 4 wheeled things people are moving around in they call cars? They would make it out as everything in the modern world is just so new and amazing like they have never seen it before. Kind of like they are caveman that recently crawled out from under a rock. They Browns have had cars, motorhomes, computers and cell phones and have travelled all over the US. In the court records of their case it has shown them flying commercial jets in and out of Alaska. They have Youtube videos from at least 5-6 years ago. Just keep all this in mind when and if their new footage from the city (heard it was San Diego) is shown in their next episodes. That is exactly how they will play it as this big fish out of water story. You thought the show was bad now, wait till the Browns in the city comes out. It will be nauseating.
        For me at least the shows has become pretty simple: If Billy’s lips are moving… he is lying.

        • True, it would be a bit of a nightmare, but no more of a nightmare than that Bird-brain meowing like someone from an insane asylum. At least they could “fight” their way out of the city! I wouldn’t think there would be enough steam left for another season if I hadn’t stumbled on to this blog (which I binge read and find hilarious) and discovered there are so many Brown “believers”.

          • Wait! Wait! Wait! Forgot to comment on Noah, and it might be my last chance! That monotone nutcase ended the last show in full dress…top hat, duster, and that stupid cane. It lead me to believe he thought it was his last appearance and wanted to go out looking sharp. Weirdo!

          • The meowing the different cat call was hilarious and so over the top you couldn’t not find it funny. I was staring at the screen questioning if I heard that correctly. Come on, when you lived your whole life in the fake bush, how could you not have picked up cat language?
            Noah over the course of the last season kind of went from the quiet one to that of a mad scientist. I kept waiting for him to coming running out of his tent yelling… IT’S ALIVE!!!!
            Many of the characters in this show became so type cast it became ridiculous. Like Bear had to be filmed always running, jumping and howling. Seriously, we get the shtick already. It is like they all became one trick ponies.

        • We already saw them pretend not to know what a microwave or a cell phone is.
          Meanwhile they have had utube channels for 10 years.

  17. What will become of the chickens? (or are they dead already?)
    What will become of the little bird that Noah imprisoned? (or was it left to die?)
    Does the same production crew that made the mess have to clean it up or are we to believe that they just trashed the bush and left it like a cheap room in Ketchican?
    What will become of the skiff? Perhaps it will find it’s way to the halls of Valhalla? (okay I am trolling for another awesome pic of the skiff)
    This was a tough episode to watch, mostly because they were talking.

    • I was happy to see on the “Off the Grid” episode that the chickens survived and were left with some Hoonah locals.

  18. After enduring another cringe worthy episode, 2 things passed thru my mind-(1) if Billy did indeed go to meet ” The Good Lord”,maybe at least Matt’s halfass root cellar could finally be put to use,and (2) the ending of them filing out of the bush reminded me (kind of,a little) of the Von Trapp family making there getaway at the end of The Sound of Music.In a trashy,classless way,of course.

  19. Okay, Ryan, your best line EVER: “The Browns lost everything, even the stuff they lost the last time they lost everything.” Wonder if this includes the deer call previously “rescued” from The Opal? And no one except Birdie seemed upset at the alleged loss of Rain’s childhood drawings or whatever they were—Rain didn’t seem to care (maybe she was wondering, “What drawings?”) and Mom Ami didn’t give a hoot. For a family who had previously “lost everything” they sure had a lot of things. Wonder who got stuck cleaning up the mess?

    I’m glad I am not a parent in The Brown family. I would not want my children hovering about waiting for me to leave this mortal coil. Creepy! The Browns are real doomsday downers—looking for that last seizure—even Billy is on board with the death watch. Thought to ponder: Since Billy is The Forest, if he breathes his last in The Forest, will the whole forest die?

  20. Now that ABP is done can you start blogging about Dual Survivor? I don’t know that I can survive too much time without your humor Ryan!!!

Comments are closed.

About Ryan Berenz 2106 Articles
Some things I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife