Discovery Channel Alaskan Bush People recap: Alarmed & Dangerous

Ryan Berenz

Go Here For All Of Your AWESOME And EXXXTREME Alaskan Bush People Needs!

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

Alaskan Bush People

There was no new Alaskan Bush People episode last week. Worst Christmas ever.

But the Browns were still busy drawing out their legal proceedings even longer. Seriously, it’s not like they’ve got Johnnie Cochran defending them. Their lawyer, James “Smooth Jimmy” McGowan, thinks the Internet has punished the Browns enough, and the prosecutor in the case isn’t even trying. (Yes, Lisa Kelley, I am calling you out for Bush Lawyerin’.) This case is becoming a bigger farce than the TV show.

I suppose I should recap this new episode. Sigh.

The Browns return from their productive halibut fishing excursion to discover that another bear has ransacked Brownton Abbey. The bear scoffed at the Browns’ meager fortifications and wrecked the place like a rented Ketchikan apartment. “Putting a sawhorse in front of the door will not stop me, fools!” said the bear. “And just to show my contempt for you, I will intentionally have an accident with my feces on your floor!” The bear ate all the dog food. He bit into canned goods. And the one speck of food that he left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Matt sets off with a very long stick to track down the bear and bark like a dog at it. But this one is smarter than the average bear and it realizes that it’s Matt out there and he poses no real threat. The bear will bide its time for that inevitable moment Matt does something stupid. And that moment would be when Matt pours frying oil on the “midnight fire.”

The following morning, Billy assembles the Counsel of Browns to determine what is to be done about the bear problem. Noah believes he can create some kind of bear-deterring device. Oh, I can’t wait to see this.

Matt skiffs Noah to Hoonah to visit the junkyard operated by Kenny and his partner Elijah, Alaska’s only permanent black resident. I give props to ABP for diversifying its cast. Kenny is not at the dump today, as he is still dead and his remains are interred in the root cellar back at Brownton Abbey. After some searching, Noah finds some junked police squad car lights. Not only would they make a good bear deterrent, but they could do double duty in Noah’s Bush Discotheque.

Over at the dock in Hoonah, Matt meets Paul, the boss man who has been funneling all of his unwanted hauling jobs to the Browns out of pity. Paul’s vessel is the LITE WEIGHT, which must be an homage to Matt’s tolerance for alcohol. Paul has some items that need hauling to Tenakee Springs: A crate of windows, some bags of flour and sugar, and a cooler for the grocery store. Matt accepts the job, because Matt’s character arc includes being able to make sound managerial decisions eventually.

Back at Brownton Abbey, police sirens are going off, frightening away Mr. Cupcake, the cats and the sacrificial chickens.

Noah’s rigging up a motion detector that will trigger the police lights and a siren that will scare away bears. Billy starts talking into the loudspeaker like a kid who just got Mr. Microphone. I still don’t understand why the Browns are having such difficulty with the bears. The Browns have The Skiff. The Browns also have a trebuchet. So what’s the problem?

SkiffTrebuchet

All this bear stuff is really turning off the female demographic, so let’s include some Bush Romance in this episode. Madeline, a seasonal hospitality worker at a lodge in Gustavus, is coming to visit Bear. Of course, Ami goes all apeshit about grandbabies again. Seriously, Ami is the only contraception the Brown boys will ever need. She’s dreaming that each boy will have four kids, and Bush Addition says that equals … 20 grandbabies! Rainy and Birdy? Ami dreams that they will be childless spinsters who talk to cats.

Bear wants to show Madeline that he doesn’t live with his parents and that he’s a grown, independent man who lives in a treehouse next to his parents. Bear figures he’d better get to work on that treehouse, and he’s got all kinds of pirate-inspired ideas for it. “Yeah, he’s working with cartoon physics,” Bam says. “He doesn’t realize he needs to tone it down.” They get to work and produce something that could support the weight of two people. At least Bam got some sweet digs on Bear while they were working. “One of these days I’m going to count how many times you say ‘AWESOME’ in a 24-hour period,” Bam says. Bear fires back with a sick burn about “Respect the danger.” Bear is excited about the view from up there. “I’ll just be staring out to the ocean, wondering if the EXXXTREME Princesses are staring out to an ocean somewhere.”

That night, the Browns hear a bear poking around near the chicken coop. Birdy would lay down her life for those chickens, so she mobilizes the Bear Patrol and raises the alert status to DEFCON 1.

BearPatrol

The bear is chased away without incident. The Browns have won this round. But he’ll be back … and next time, he’s getting all Revenant on their asses.

The following day, Bear brings Madeline to Brownton Abbey via The Skiff.

SkiffMadeline

Billy and Ami are just tickled to death with Madeline. Ami talks about all the bears and stuff around Brownton Abbey, but you know she’s checking out Maddy’s pelvis to estimate how many grandbabies it might bring forth. Bear takes Madeline out on an EXXXTREME date of tree-climbing. But there will be no Brown seed implanted in Madeline, at least not this summer. Madeline must return to Arizona and college, where she will have frat bros sucking shots of Wild Turkey from her navel. And so the Brown boys have lost yet another female to the scourge of higher education.

Noah is in his tent of horrors, listening to classical music and putting together his bear alarm. He’s soldering stuff and using water bottles again — everything Noah has ever built has incorporated water bottles in some capacity. “Some of my favorite scientists were classical scientists,” says. “They were completely original. Of course, I’m not Einstein. Einstein’s dead. I’m not Tesla. He’s dead, too. Me? I’m Noah Brown, and everyone will know my name.”

Matt and Gabe are preparing for the hauling job to Tenakee Springs. The Skiff is in need of maintenance. “Poor skiff  has sure seen better days,” Matt says as he pounds a mallet on the metal hull. Matt gets the idea to attach some of the corrugated metal they used for the roof to reinforce The Skiff’s bow. “Franken-Skiff is alive!” declares Gabe. I’m a conceited sumbitch, so I’ll just say the producers threw this scene in there just for our amusement.

That night, the bear returns. He approaches the Browns’ cabin, runs into some rope, sets off Noah’s alarm, and gets the hell out of there. “My bear alarm worked. Of course it would — I made it,” Noah boasts. “But to make sure that it worked, I added a tripwire for redundancy.” I feel like this entire TV series is a “tripwire for redundancy.”

The day has come for the boys to haul stuff to Tenakee. Billy huddles them up and gives them a pep talk, and says he has some concerns about Bam’s abilities with the Integrity. “I can brag a little. I’m a good skipper,” Billy says.

AlaskanBushPeopleOpal

The boys cast off for Hoonah. After a pointless argument about how they’re not going to argue, the boys pick up the cargo. Bear says that they must be 100 percent respectful of the cargo, while sugar and flour spill out from the bags on his shoulder. Then they go to pick up the cooler, which they just figured was going to be a little Coleman Xtreme (Ha!) or an Igloo. Instead, they learn they’re hauling a 550-pound commercial-grade beverage cooler from the fine folks at Beverage-Air. Beverage-Air has not yet added “As Seen on Alaskan Bush People!” to their marketing materials. The Brown boys start hoisting the cooler into the Integrity, but they’ve literally reached the end of their rope. (See, Billy, that’s how you use the word “literally.”) The chain on the hoist is too long and the bottom of the cooler does not clear the top of the deck. Matt gets the idea to remove the chain and replace it with a shorter length of old tow rope. The idea of Matt cutting ropes should terrify everyone, but they all seem cool with it. Matt’s plan actually works, though, and they get the cooler secured to the deck. Even Bam gives Matt some love.

In the interstitial segment, Birdy’s cat Bye-Bye has been missing for several days. To bring Bye-Bye back, Birdy is sounding out cat calls. “MOW! MOW! MOW!” Birdy’s trying to mimic a panicked mother cat, then she tries to mimic a mating call. And now I understand why Ami has no dreams for her daughters reproducing.

Back to the Integrity, where this hauling job is EXXXTREMELY important. Very very serious. Chance at redemption. Blah blah blah. But there’s bad weather ahead, and blah blah blah, etc.

Next week is the season finale. I won’t spoil anything but, here’s a hint:

ChickenKilled

“I AM THIS FOREST, MAN!”

49 Comments

  1. Well ABP is entertaining,post production needs some help… LOL… Seriously if a bear comes into your homestead & your family needs meat??? Problem solved!!! If Bam can’t figure out how to slow down a boat (reverse) he should not be a skipper… And really it’s not because ” he cares too much” he is an angry,control freak…and as long as mom is around those boys will never get a second date, no girl wants to talk babies on the first date… Try And keep it REAL!!!

  2. Well… I think that if my family needed meat, and a bear came into my homestead, problem solved!!! NOAH, hello…a vertical windmill would power browntown until it grow’s into a small city! Then you could use a WATER PUMP to get water in the house… Just for starters… BAM, get a clue!!! It’s called reverse… why dose everyone try to explain bam’s anger issues & control issues with (he care’s so much) He is an idiot who thinks he knows all & is always rite, fact is he is exactly the opposite, roofing,Matt was doing it rite,& he goes off on Gabe because he can’t get the sheet up to him & Gabe’s fingers are not strong enough to hold onto 2 inches of a 15 foot sheet… He also has no business at the helm of a ship, boat, skiff… hilarious at a “profound” level…
    All in all ABP is an entertaining show that needs better Post production, please keep it real, homesteading in Alaska dose not have to resemble Gilligan’s island..,

  3. Ryan, I await, with great anticipation, your review of last night’s APB shows—the finale and post-finale (for lack of a better term). Just briefly, and putting aside any real medical issues, the complete lack of common sense displayed by the Browns (or Discovery) to protect “their” land/buildings (or whoever owns said property/buildings) is truly mind-boggling.

    • While it did appear they left without doing much to clean up and secure things, it appeared to me like they put up electric fencing on the front door and electrified the bear’s main entrance through the window.

      That brings up what another time when the editors are showing scenes out of order. This was the second time I noticed the window covered with what appeared to be chainlink fencing. The first time was when a bear was supposed to have run away from Noah’s bear alarm. I don’t imagine plain chainlink would slow down a bear. But, if it was put up over the window as part of an electric fence… now that might actually deter bears.

      A solar powered electric fence is one of those bear deterrents recommended by several internet sites which they could have used.

  4. Was going to stop watching because I dont like fake lying people thinking they’ve got everybody fooled. Its an insult to peoples intelligence. But then again, if I didnt watch, I wouldnt get to come here and read Mr. Berenz’s hilarious interpretations of the same show I just watched! It makes it worth watching those phonies. Lol! We all love reading the recaps! 22 of us here in the sorority, plus some visiting boyfriends, all give you TWO THUMBS UP. ^^ Keep it up!

    • If your sorority made it this far you might as well hang in there for tonight season finale. Never know if the ABP are coming back, which might end the fun.

    • Personally, I enjoy how-to shows. So when ABP first came on was looking forward to watching, thinking it would be that type of show. It didn’t take long before I stopped watching.

      I also sometimes watch shows like TruTV’s Worlds Dumbest. I started watching ABP again, not as a how-to show, but to watch the Brown fumble around like the Dumbest shows. The celeb commentary was missing, so I looked around and found
      http://forums.previously.tv/forum/883-alaskan-bush-people/
      as well as Ryan’s recaps here.

      Over time, it wasn’t enough to just laugh at the show’s antics. Other viewers were raising legitimate questions in the commentaries. Lo and behold, my reason for watching changed again. First I thought ABP would be a how-to show. Then I found it to be a comedy. Now I find it to be educational.

      It’s a how-NOT-to show. I laugh and groan at the on screen antics of the Browns, then go to the commentaries. In the commentaries I laugh at the gaffs others point out that I missed, and learn from some of the question and answers. Even better than a how-to, sometimes a question and or answer prompts me to google a topic. For example if you enter “bear proof cabin” you get several things the Brown’s could do, as well as things they are doing wrong.

  5. This show is a “trip wire for redundancy.” lol I was complaining to my Aunt about people who don’t even care the Browns claim to live in the bush, when they only live in Alaska during filming. She was like, you don’t have to watch it. But but that’s no fun 😉

  6. What is really going on with the Bush people? Do they live on the island? Do any of them have real jobs? Any hope of ANT of them ever having a serious relationship with a PERSON???
    What are the legal problems they are having? Do they ever do anything that’s like a REAL family?
    Do they ever change clothes? Certainly there must be a thrift
    store some where nearby? Who would want to be with someone who wears the same clothes for over 1 year?
    Thank You,
    Mary Jividen
    Mar

  7. Hey Ryan, good stuff, binge reading all the past recaps was great!

    I have to say that the main reason I watch ABP is so that I am armed for the recap… c’mon Thursdays!

    Of note from the last episode is that weaponizing the skiff seems to be proceeding, it now has an armored nose; one can assume it is for ramming as a prelude to boarding?

    I also liked how it was decided that the father would stay safely in the cabin (to sleep?) while all of the expendable characters went out to face the bear. One can only wonder if this was the desire of the production crew, the children or the slightly less expendable father.

    I would have liked to have seen more of a back story on why the cat ran away in the first place, perhaps it didn’t like it’s role as bear bait or the sound of sirens going off randomly as random circuits were tried. Speaking of which converting from one voltage to another is pretty much what electronics is all about, doesn’t take much of a Tesla or Einstein to get that one figured out. (hint: transistors, relays, etc) I wonder if he tried the ‘ole standby of taking a transistor radio and putting it in a bleach bottle arm cuff.

    Maybe next year’s title could be “Orange is the New Bush”, or “How to Determine if a State has Extradition to Alaska”. I predict an episode where the RV is wrecked or swamped and the Browns lose everything or the sink in the condo breaks and the Browns lose everything.

    I also wonder if they ever got the meat they so desperately needed for survival a few episodes back after the exxxtreeme effort of walking up the nearest hill in the middle of the day. Oh well.

  8. Ryan, I am curious to know what the Browns do for a living when they are done filming in Browntown? In TX or CO, do they all live in the same house?! Do the boys have jobs and/or girlfriends? If they really live in the lower 48, I wonder why we haven’t heard from neighbors or someone who knows them on this blog or others? Do you have any information that you can share?

  9. I think they left bait inside the house to encourage the bear to break in … it would not take much .. some food especially a couple of old pieces of salmon would do it… .. the cameras were too well positioned both inside and outside the house for this to be a coincidence. ..

    I also hope they had their subsistence permit in place to catch the halibut … and (so far) .. no talk of bartering the halibut … which they had to take back to Honnaah to store in a fridge as they do not have the fridge and power out at “brown town” …

    So much for really living in the wild!!

  10. I really enjoyed everyone’s comments about the bear, being it black or brown, entering the cabin but maybe not ransacking it.
    You’re all missing the best segment of the show, Madeline. What girl in her right mind would be drawn to Bear? Her parents would be so proud of her, after spending thousands of dollars on tuition for college, only to graduate and live in the bush, climb trees, and live in one. I wonder how many trees Bear has to cut down to earn enough money to buy condoms?

  11. Chickencide, Catcide, Cupcakecide? I see that Ryan is predicting dead chickens for next week. I’m thinking something a little further up the pet chain—one of the cats or Senor Cupcake. Has Bye Bye lived (died?) up to his/her name? Maybe it is The Skiff—somehow it sought shelter in the house and, well…..I don’t want to think about it…..

    • I saw what looked like a dead chicken in the preview, but it’s possible one of the cats will get it. You know how shows like “Lost” or “The Walking Dead” introduce a character that has no purpose but to quickly die? Maybe that’s what they’re doing by suddenly introducing the cats. All that talk about “more than one way to skin a cat” on the boat might foreshadow that it’s sayonara for Bye-Bye. Of course, no cats will be harmed in the making of this show …

      • Yes, I saw that, too. It just appeared the Browns’ reaction went beyond a dead chicken…if we are to believe their reactions. Maybe that was their last chicken—the one whose meat was to take them thru the winter— and now they will all starve. 😉

  12. My confusion (well, one of my many confusions with this series) is Ami is roughly only 52 years old, why does everyone act like she is half dead? Billy, at 63, even with his seizures (diabetic reactions from miracle cake?) keeps talking like he’s 110 years old. If those Brown kids play their cards right, they could live at home with their parents for another 30 years!

    • Billy is playing up the health issues …. for when they are missing from the show doing time in jail for fraud.

      They are also now blaming Billy’s health on his legal issues … Can;t take responsibility .. he stole the money… had stalled judgement day for years (with help of discovery channel lawyers) .. and now blames the prosecution for his self induced stress.

  13. Now I make no claim to personal knowledge about bears in Alaska or anywhere else, but according to this website http://www.adfg.alaska.gov/static/hunting/blackbearhunting/pdfs/hunting_black_bears_in_southeast_alaska.pdf at page 5 , there are no black bears on Chichagof Island—just brown bears. The bear that “broke in” to the house was a brown bear, yet Matt was shown allegedly chasing a small black bear with a stick. (I tried to copy/paste the website but could not–so typed it in here manually). And, even if that article is incorrect or whatever, Matt’s bear was obviously smaller than the break-in bear and, therefore, was not the culprit—at least I would defend that black bear in court as a case of mistaken identity. Further, I would defend the brown bear as he/she was clearly entrapped through the luring by bait/food/honey/whatever. Also, did anyone take plaster castings of the paw prints or do a DNA test on the–ahem–bear by-products on the cabin floor so the “real” bear could be positively ID’d? I think not—case closed in favor of the bear(s). 🙂 (And if Bird ‘n Rain need a gun to pick blueberries or lay a hose in a creek—then Matt needs one to go on a bear round-up—c’mon! That stick hunt was ridiculous.)

    The hauling job: As David pointed out, flour was pouring from the flour bag as it was carried to the boat—-yes, that is customer service at its finest. Further, the guys seemed unconcerned with the customers, in general, as it was their oft-repeated mantra that they had to get this job right “for the family” and to “prove” to their parents that they could do it on their own. Really? I always thought it was my clients/employer/customers/etc. that came first from a job point of view. I did not work so I could go home and get a high five or a wolf howl from my family. But, heh, maybe that is just me.

    Speaking of howls—while we seemed to be spared howls on this week’s show, we were, unfortunately, “treated” to the ear-shattering caterwauling of Birdie. Jeepers! Birdie, please do not do that again. Between the MEOWS! and the tooth, Birdie’s dating future seems a little bleak. If Billy & Ami really love their children “more” they would do “more” and make sure Birdie gets a new tooth. The only reason I can think of that she hasn’t had it fixed is because she actually likes it and is trying to identify with her cats in a snaggletooth kind of way??? Could it be?

    Noah and the Bear Alarm: Is there an alarm around the trapper cabin, Noah’s tent, the treehouse, the tire house, the outhouse—or does everyone just take their chances and hope the bear goes to the main house? Shouldn’t the system encompass the entire Browntown complex? Then, again, why am I asking these questions to which there are no logical answers….

    • Hoy cow! I think you might really onto something here. I deleted the episode but that sure looked like a black bear Matt was harassing (for lack of a better word). Also I am sure I have seen other black bears supposedly filmed near the cabin. I didn’t realize that there were no black bears on Chichagof Island as I am not from this area. But it really makes all the sense in the world. The bears do somewhat overlap at times in their territory but where there is a high concentration of brown bears there is usually no black bears as the browns are much bigger and higher up the food chain. So it makes all the sense in the world that on Chichagof with its high concentration of brown bears there is no blackies. So unless my eyes deceived me I have seen a number of black bears in filming. The film crew at times loves the night vision camera like a kid with a new toy on Christmas even though you can see the sunlit sky in the background. So that night vision camera kind of obscures things sometimes. Now there are areas in southeast Alaska where the black bears are pretty thick. So maybe they filmed some of those scenes elsewhere. That is a great catch Lower48.

      • Well, David, I would like to take full credit—but I saw a comment from another site that there were no black bears on Chichagof so I started looking around the internet out of curiosity and ran across that website about hunting black bears in Alaska. I bow to anyone who has the absolute facts on the subject—but we have definitely seen more than one kind of bear in ABP. And, clearly the bears weren’t the same in the most recent episode. Despite all of that, I enjoy the show—it makes me laugh.

      • I am sure ample B-roll footage of Black Bears in the wild available from all the rest of the Alaskan reality projects the producers are shooting. The excessive use errrrr ABUSE of B-roll just keeps coming, and out of sequence even. When will the gold mining company come up through Port Frederick sound (which is not the ocean, so SpotlessAMI never would have had a view of it) to start strip mining. Oh – that’s right, the BrownKlowns have a trebuchet to defend themselves.

  14. This is a question for David and anyone else who may have an “answer”. I have lived in the Midwest my entire life; (Chicago suburbs now) but I have known of bear encounters in IL, WI and CO. A story was updated this week about a bear attack in 2014 in the Yukon of a woman, Claudia Huber. The authorities believe that the family dog’s barking prompted the bear to break through a window to get to the dog (as prey). I was wondering your thoughts on Mr. Cupcake’s presense in Browntown. Of course, these attacks in Browntown only happen when the cast is away on fishing trips (or living in Hoonah and Texas) and are not home when the bears raid their camp. Basically, I am asking if Alaskans actually living in rural areas like the bush have pets like dogs and cats and not fear bears breaking into their homes looking for that prey?

    • In Alaska many of us have dogs. Some times it seems like everybody has a dog if not two. Out in the bush a lot of folks have dogs. Many are working dogs like sled dogs, hunting and pack dogs while some are pets. Generally bears avoid dogs. Also forget about the dumb police sirens, Cupcake would be not only a good bear deterrent but also a good alarm. The bears avoid the dogs barking and the commotion. Nothing is 100% and there are cases where the dog has made a situation worse by getting involved with a female that has cubs or making bear feel cornered.
      As I said in my previous post brown and black bears tend to avoid humans and civilization in most cases. The problems come from bears being fed or getting into garbage. Then you have a situation with bears being drawn into close contact with humans. It would be very rare to have one of these two types bust through a window and attack. Not saying it has never happened, just rare. An older bear struggling to feed itself can be dangerous as it is getting very hungry and desperate. There was a case not far outside of Anchorage a number of years ago where a female fled onto the roof and the bear chased her up there and got her. I think it was two years ago in Denali National Park where a photographer was hiking and taking pictures and the bear chased him down and got him. So in the end they are wild animals so there are no 100% hard and fast rules. Just keep in mind that in Alaska bear attacks are somewhat rare and more people up here are killed by moose than bears.
      Off topic a bit but the bear you do need to really avoid is the polar bear. Only found in northern costal Alaska in very remote areas human contact is rare. But the polar bear is the only animal on the planet that will intentionally stalk and eat a human. Sharks will attack humans but mostly because they think you are a seal. Polar bears can be very aggressive, curious and pesky at times. A number of cases of them plunging through a window to get inside. I am sure far less than 1% of the world population will ever encounter one. If you see one walking down the street in your area, go the other way. I have worked on an oilfield site on the Arctic ocean before and we had to have two people as fulltime polar bear spotters just in case because there was one in the area. Talk about keeping your head on a swivel.
      One last thing I forgot in my previous post. The bear poop the bear left for the Browns in the cabin really looked smeared and not in a normal pile. Very much like it was transported there and not left naturally. I will leave it at that as we probably don’t need to over analyze that.

    • Well, I don’t live in bear country, but I’ll go ahead and give my opinion. Everything I’ve read says a dog can be one of the best defenses against bears. Unfortunately, if a dog scares away 99 out of 100 bears, that means there’s still one bear left to attack. From what I read there were several factors which contributed to making the Yukon bear the exception.
      Of course, that’s in the real world, not in Browntown where Mr Cupcake lives. In Browntown, the best defense is to send Matt out to stalk around in the woods armed with a stick, while Mr Cupcake chews on the two legged Bear’s arm.

      • If you haven’t watched Werner Herzog’s incredible documentary Grizzly Man, about Timothy Treadwell, I can’t encourage you enough to do so. On of my all time favorites. It really shows you a lot of bear behavior in the wild. Now it is absolutely not a textbook example of how to interact with bears, but it does show you that they aren’t out to get humans at all cost.

  15. Winter is closing in on the Browns… yea we know. Every episode winter is closing in. Yet none of these seasons ever shows us the Browns wintering over in Alaska. I wonder why? Hello Texas!
    Ok, onto the whole bear breaking in scene which they have been showing teasers for a number of episodes. I studied this section of the episode like the Zapruder film. They boys nail up 5 long boards over the window and adjacent wall to cover up the window with no framing. When the bear pulls the boards down there are only 4 boards, just over the window and they are attached by an outer framing. So obviously not even close to the same boards the Browns put up. The way it comes down you can tell it is barely tacked into place unlike the fairly long nails the Browns were pounding in. Also when the bear enters there is no glass on the left side nor does it show the glass broken or even a frame inside. So the glass was obviously removed before the bear entered. This whole thing was doctored and I don’t know how we can doubt that the window area was baited with food to bring the bear to the cabin and in the window. Also can somebody please explain to me how they have at least three cameras covering every angle of the window including and inside view, but yet there was no way they didn’t have any wide angle cameras covering the inside of the cabin to show the bear ransacking the place? Seems just a bit odd for a show struggling for story lines that they wouldn’t want to show a blow by blow of the bear going through the Browns cabin. Almost like… I don’t know, just maybe,… a bear never ransacked anything! I will not believe for one second if that bear came in the cabin and got into everything they wouldn’t have filmed everything for the shows sake. Amazing how the film crew knows exactly where to place and aim every camera for the perfect angles of the bears yet wouldn’t throw a couple inside to catch the action. Also for those of you scoring at home… Bears filmed at the cabin at night 472, times the Browns were home 0. Almost like they don’t stay there at night or something. Conclusion of bear scene – bunch of hooey!
    The whole scene with Matt going after the bear in the deep brush with only a stick (and a film crew and a swat unit with rifles right behind him) is just, I just don’t even want to break it down. The Browns love to show off all of their many many guns, yet you would go out unarmed. What can you really even say? SIGH. BTW Matt, your average male black bear is nowhere near your estimated 800lbs you thought he was. This would be a brown bear weight not a black bear. Ami mentions how they have had 6-8 bears in camp at once. Oh Ami, bears are not pack animals. That would be wolfs. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ABP producers hire a real Alaskan to help you figure out how to pronounce towns in Alaska along with basic facts of the wildlife.
    Just to frame in this whole living around bears thing that was shoved down our throat for much of the episode and continually through this series. I have lived in Alaska most of my life. We live with bears along with many other wild animals. The rulebook on bears is most importantly don’t leave garbage lying around and especially keep food covered up in sealed containers. Do everything you can to make sure you don’t surprise them, like running around in the brush where you can’t see. Lastly if it is a mother with cubs, stay very far away as if the mother feels there is any threat to the cubs she will take care of the situation. Otherwise bears avoid people unless they have been socialized to humans and view them as a meal ticket. That is why you should never feed the bears. Most of the bears want nothing to do with humans and will avoid them. This show does a real disservice, and basically just outright lies to try and imply that they are blood thirsty animal’s continually circling civilization looking for their opening to pounce and kill humans. Honestly the bear stuff in this show is plain nauseating if you are around bears at all. Mind your business and stay clear or them and they will stay clear of you for the most part.
    When they are having the family meeting about what to do Snowbird with a straight face suggests that the family raises a baby bear so they will have a bear of their own. My gosh, I just have no words. Does this seem like this type of suggestion comes from a family living in the bush for 30 years or a family that lives in Texas and watches bears on the National Geographic channel?
    Noah “I take trash and turn it into something useful”. How about you try that with this show Noah?
    This show seems so repetitive on many subjects. Driven into the ground this week is the boys stepping up and proving they can do anything without mom and dad. Like doing an occasional odd job is some great achievement that proves they are successful adults. The Browns seem to have a different expectation for their adult children in their 30’s then the rest of society.
    The whole treehouse scene to impress the girl… SIGH. I still have no idea how these guys are single.
    Overall Madeline seemed like a decent person but oozed of somebody not into anything that was going on and just wanted to get through the filming and collect her money. At the beginning they talk to her like she just flew in from Arizona the way they describe how it is to live in Alaska. Guys, she spends the summers about 20 miles from you. But based on how she mispronounces the town name I am starting to think that she doesn’t actually live there either. Bear seems to like her because he is looking for extreme, and she is close to that. Bear must be confusing this with another date we didn’t see because while nice, Madeline seems quite reserved and not even close to extreme. Some of her quotes were great like “Bear is such a unique person”. AKA Bear is a weirdo. Also my personal favorite “Bear has opened my perspective”. AKA, well now I know what I am NOT looking for. Lastly “Bear is the polar opposite of the guys I know”. Let’s just say I don’t think that was meant as a compliment. The awkwardness of the date ends with Madeline informing Bear that they can stay in touch by… writing letters by snail mail. I don’t think any female informing a guy they can stay in touch by “snail mail” can be taken in any other way as a second date is not coming. She will say this while texting the cool guys on her smart phone as she walks away. Sorry Ami but it doesn’t look like Madeline will be bearing you 4 grandchildren.
    Noah and the bear alarm was as ridiculous as all Noah “inventions” are. Invention to Noah means recreating in a really crappy fashion things that are already invented but done much better he makes them. He makes the wiring to the sensor switch seem so complicated when it isn’t. His trip wire was great as if you looked closely it was chicken wire across the steps. Also you see the lights on in the house as if they are home but the windows have no boards across them like they do in every other scene in this episode even when they are home. Again, hundreds of thousands of people live in Alaska many of which have bears in their area, but only the Browns seem to need to have police sirens. Also it just seems weird to me that the Browns are just fine that Noah sits in his tent and plays with his toys and does no real work. Guess public assistance is alive and well in Browntown.
    Is it me or is there a new cat in every episode that we previously knew nothing about? Snowbird claiming she can understand and speak cat language was especially cringe worthy. Especially her last one where she seemed to meow to a children’s song as the cat danger cry. Just don’t understand how people don’t believe this show is real.
    At the beginning of the hauling job we have to hear the same old crud from every one of the Boys how they have to prove themselves to mom and dad. Yawn. I liked all the new fancy electronics that appeared on the bridge of the Integrity. Must have found it all at the dump. Also if you pay attention the crappy repair of the skiff jumps on and off depending on the scene they show. Would somebody get the production crew a dictionary and open it up to “editing” and “proofing” sections for them.
    Because we didn’t have a Christmas episode I will give you all a late gift and save some of you time. Here goes… “Why don’t you just stop watching if you don’t like it? Stop being a hater. Why are you so obsessed with the Browns, you must be jealous of them. I love the Browns and they are so great, trustworthy, loving and great people so you need to shut up. You need to get the #$%^ off the internet because the Browns are so great.”. Think that should cover it.
    Most importantly… HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

    • If they did bait their cabin to attract bears..(which I believe they did!) … it would be the most stupid act ever committed on any “reality” show to date …. the result will be to train a brown bear to break into cabins and homes!! . the best outcome is the bear gets shot …. the worst outcome is someone gets killed.

      • Excellent point John. That would have been a very bad move for the reason you pointed out. That is exactly why it is best to just leave bears alone and don’t disturb them. Nothing good ever comes of it.

    • Regardless of what everyone says I still like this show. I’m a big fan of the Browns Family.
      They are many shows on TV that are fake, touch up and they get under my skin. Pick on those. I don’t watch them. Like hip hop, want to married a millionaire, sister wife’s, the Kardashians. I could go on and on.. To me the Browns are more real. MORE EPISODES PLEASE.

Comments are closed.

About Ryan Berenz 2045 Articles
Some thing I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife