Dance Moms Season 5 episode 26 recap: Babies, bats and unruly hats …

dance-moms-kira-shower-ALDC-onesie Lori Acken

Mama’s home, boys and girls! And since I was away for so long, I want everyone to hit up the comments section and tell me the best thing and the worst thing about the two episodes I missed. Also, veteran readers, how about that John R. Kasich, Governor, running for president?! At least WE know who the guy is, anyway.

dance-moms-season-5-episode-10-ohio-signLooks like we got us an intact ALDC LA while I was away, too. Jill’s so happy about it that she decides to do a cartwheel in a skirt, which allows the first screen capture of my return to feature a blurred spot. Thank you so much, Mrs. Vertes.

dance_moms_season_5_jill_c
TAAAADAAAAAAAA!

dance-moms-season-5-jill-tadaWeirdo.

Melissa responds with a little spazz of her own that apparently also included a cartwheel which did not make it on camera. Probably because her underpants didn’t either.

dance-moms-season-5-melissa-spaz

The girls get some celebratory construction hats to slap on their heads and then Abby says she’s timed the grand opening of the studio to right after Nationals and right before the girls head back to Pittsburgh, so the girls can hang out at the big event and sign autographs and stuff.

Jill doesn’t feel so cartwheelsy anymore. She thinks Abby’s focus should be on Nationals. And Nationals alone. And giving Kendall a solo at Nationals.

Pyramid — and it looks like I missed a group win. Yay, group win! Even though Abby says no one has really improved. She blames the bright lights of Hollywood. I agree — except I’m not talking about the girls.

Kalani is bottom of the bottom. Then JoJo. She forgot her dance and, thusly, lost to Kendall. No Nationals solo for her. Nia rounds out the row. Holly says she’ll never be given a solo at Nationals so whatever.

Row two begins with Kendall. Then a stunned looking Maddie. Abby says even though her favorite was supposed to be the lead in the group dance, sister-of-lead was all people talked about. Was she? Was she all you talked about?

dance-moms-season-5-maddie-shocked
This week, we’re roadtrippin’ to Spokane to attend another Sheer Talent thing. Solos go to Kendall, Maddie and Mack. Kendall has to beat the unbeatable in order to dance a solo at Nationals (let’s just start the Nationals drinking game now, shall we?).

Kendall’s solo is inspired by Little Red Riding Hood and because I remain 3,000 percent certain that Abby is enjoying the hell out of jerking the producers around, it’s called “Blowing Red.” Insert your own joke here. I can hardly wait to see what the choreography involves.

dance-moms-season-5-blowing-red

Maddie’s is called Into the Woods and it’s “a little darker,” according to Abby. Melissa, who is beginning to worry me more than usual, looooooooves it!

Mack’s is called “Batsh*t Crazy.” I am not making that up. I AM, however, now 3,000 and eleven percent certain that Abby is enjoying the hell out of jerking the producers around. We do the requisite squealing over the no-no word and then Abby says Mack will be playing … a bat.

Everyone is in the group dance and in keeping with the Inappropriate Week theme, it’s called “Always A Bridesmaid,” inspired by the movie Batsh*t Crazy Bridesmaids. Which makes JoJo do the pee-pee dance.

dance-moms-season-5-jojo-pee-dance

Let Abby and Gianna demonstrate what walking down the aisle looks like.

dance-moms-season-5-abb

Then Gianna flat-tires Abby. Abby decks Gianna. Pretty much exactly as I would expect Abby’s wedding to go.

Speaking of weddings, Kira doesn’t believe in them, but she is five months pregnant so yay! Abby beams and wants to plan the shower — but only if they’re getting married, too. Melissa says it’s 2015 so whatevs with the shotgun shower idea. Holly says maybe that’s why Kira’s been acting  a little cray-cray. Kira says she’s just glad everyone knows why she’s getting fat.

Mikey Minion Minden calling! Holly and Nia step outside to hear the exciting news that they will be shooting another video next week. And they get a tag-along. A nosy, cranky one.

abby-mighty-early

Melissa says it could be worse. Holly says no one supports her. And also Abby knows durn well who is going to get solos, so all this pretending they’re still up for grabs is silly. Then we give Melissa crap for not supporting Mack’s chances at Nationals (drink!) as much as Maddie’s.

Let’s have an example.

Mackenzie whimpers to Melissa that the solo is too hard and Melissa gives her the old “Oh for f**k’s sake!” pep talk and tells her to get over it. Abby throws in an “only babies cry,” to which Kenzie offers the most sensible thing anyone has said all day.

mackenzie-everyone-cries

The poor kid says the pressure to win is too much for her, but no one really cares.

Speaking of babies, next we ask Kira if she’s gotten all nesty yet and before she can answer, Melissa gets manic about her own need to have the nursery set and the clothes hung mere moments into her pregnancies.

melissa-nesting-2Like, all the clothes hung.

melissa-nesting-1

And the crib just so.

melissa-nesting-3Mmmhmmm. Well. OK.

Here’s how the wedding dance will shake out:

Mack is the whip-cracking, rule-following maid of honor.
Kalani’s just there for the party.
JoJo is the attention-seeker.
Maddie’s too good for this thing.
Nia is, and I quote, “the old hag,” who has been in too damn many weddings.
And Kendall just thinks everything’s pretty.
Abby says character is everything.

The mothers are happy. Except Jill. She says Musical Theater doesn’t win. Holly kind of agrees.

Because Kendall is terrible with props, we give her a prop — this time a long, floaty scarf that she has to toss around. Jill doesn’t like that either. Understandable.

Maddie will be a tree that has come to life. Abby says the routine’s a winner. Baby Groot says so, too.

Jill says even if Kendall wins, the only way Maddie won’t have a solo is if she’s off hobnobbing with celebrities on some better offer.

Meanwhile Holly invites JoJo to be part of Nia’s new video. Melissa and Jill ignore her.

And then we’re in Spokane … except for Jill’s pants, which apparently stayed home.

dance-moms-season-5-where-are-jills-pants

Not as funny — Kira’s not here, either. On her way to the hospital with pregnancy troubles. Melissa gives her a call and she sounds chipper enough, so maybe everyone would like to hear Nia’s new song. Maybe not. Let’s get ready.

Mrs. No-Pants says the costumes and the choreography clearly indicate whom Abby would like to win the solo shootout. Then she helps Kendall not be nervous by telling her not to be nervous which makes her totally nervous.

Mack is back to having to wear animal ears when she dances. And they start her music way too early. Or maybe not. Oops, editors. Oops.

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Either way, she kills it.

Maddie’s turn.

Maddie-the-woods

Maybe I’m just overly refreshed and optimistic from two weeks off, but unless my eyes deceive me, Abby actually gave Maddie some new, more sophisticated choreography instead of the usual stuff. The dance is lovely and moody and complex …and she even gets to stay sitting up at the end of it. The crowd goes nuts. Kendall goes pale. Paler.

For a minute, I think I heard wrong and Kendall’s solo is actually called “Glowing Red,” which would be nice, but no such luck. “Blowing Red” it is. And her fate is sealed in the first 30 seconds of the dance. The crimson scarf goes fluttering to the stage instead of back into Kendall’s hand.

kendall-drops-scarf

Jill looks like nothing could have surprised her less, and to be honest, I look like that, too. And I could not feel worse for the kid.

That is, until she recovers perfectly, dances beautifully and even earns a cheer from Abby. Still, nothing infuriates me worse than Abby’s willingness to waste this kid’s natural grace and talent and her gorgeous, emotional face on solos that are beneath her talent or designed to spotlight her weaknesses.

Backstage, Jill rants wearily because that is Jill’s job this season. Abby makes Kendall feel worse. Then Kira shows up and saves the mood. All is well with her and Kalani’s sibling-to-be.

Holly reiterates that musical theater is almost a guaranteed loser. Speaking of which, Abby says the announcer is the worst one she’s ever heard her in her life.

The bridemaids are freakin’ adorable though. There are a few spacing and timing issues, but there is no denying the entertainment value.

dance-moms-always-a-bridesmaid

Time for awards and a look at the worst announcer ever, who is an interesting specimen in a Lawrence Welkian sort of not-so-wunnerful way.

Mack takes her division.
Kendall gets second place.
Maddie takes the division.
Group wins, too.
No surprises there.

Let’s have a baby shower!

dance-moms-kira-shower-ALDC-onesie

Who’s super-proud of her dorky present?!

abby-shower-presentKira also gets a Ring Pop to represent the mandatory “bridal” portion of the festivities and then the girls smear her face with frosting because preteens are not good at baby showers at all.

Then we get in a splendid fight about when we are allowed to leave L.A., whether Melissa is or is not staying till the 5th or winging to Hawaii on the 3rd or a big fat liar either way or what. We don’t settle anything, but it does get Abby to leave the room, so I call it a win.

Next week on Dance Moms, props continue to not work out, and Erin Babbs and the Murrieta Minions are back once again.

So what say you, Dance Moms nation? Did I miss anything good? Did you do an inappropriate cartwheel at the sight of Abby’s new studio? Are you excited for Nia’s new video? Was Kendall set up to fail? Does Abby already know who is competing at Nationals? Did you drink every time someone said “Nationals?” How many fingers am I holding up? Are you buying ALDC onesies for all your gift-giving occasions hereto forth? Sound off in the comments section below.

New episodes of Dance Moms premiere Tuesdays at 9/8CT on Lifetime.

49 Comments

  1. New recap is going to be hopelessly late, gang. I’m in L.A. covering the Television Critics Association summer press tour and am crosseyed busy, but I’ll do my best to get ’er done, even if it takes a day or two. Or three.

    • Thanks for letting us know. More power to you for even being able to recap this stuff (I couldn’t do it).

    • Thanks for the heads up, Lori!! I will be lying in an agonized heap on the floor waiting for your recap…

        • Sure, Lori gets to schmooze with her celebrity pals while leaving us curling up with withdrawls.

          • It’s Nine Tuesday night
            Something evil’s lurkin’in the dark
            Under the moonlight
            You see a sight that almost stops your heart
            You try to scream
            But terror takes the sound before you make it
            You start to freeze
            As horror looks you right between the eyes
            You’re paralyzed

            ‘Cause this is Miller
            Miller night
            And no one’s gonna save you
            From the beast about to bite
            You know it’s Miller
            Miller night
            You’re fighting for your life
            Next to a Miller
            Miller tonight, yeah

          • ABBY AND THE MESS

            Hey kids, take her out to dinner
            The spotlight’s hitting someone
            That’s been known to change the winners
            She’ll kill her dancer’s chance tonight
            So stick around
            You’re gonna hear ripped off music
            Stolen walls of sound

            Say, Christy and Chloe, have you seen her yet
            Ohh, but she’s so spaced out, abb abb abb Abby and the mess
            Oh but she’s starved and she’s never full
            Oh Abbby she’s really mean
            She’s gonna make me puke, a total kook
            You know I read it in this magazine
            Abb Abb Abb Abby and the mess

            Hey kids, plug into the worthless
            Maybe they’re blinded
            But Abby makes them clueless
            Who shall survive? let us take ourselves along
            Where they fight their parents out at the meets
            To find who’s right and who’s wrong

            Oh Christy and Chloe, have you seen her yet
            Ohh, but she’s so spaced out, abb abb abb Abby and the mess
            Oh but she’s starved and she’s never full
            Oh Abbby she’s really mean
            She’s gonna make me puke, a total kook
            You know I read in this magazine
            Abb Abb Abb Abby and the mess

            Abby, Abby and the mess
            Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby and the mess
            Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby and the mess
            Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby and the mess
            Abby, Abby and the mess

          • Thanks for the excellent song parodies, John! 😉 You’re keeping us sane (ish) while we wait for Lori’s recap!

  2. So glad you’re back, Lori! I was really missing your wit and just getting to go over it all with people who are just as sick of it as I am, yet still watch. It’s just a little ooky that we do it….but I still use the ol’ car crash or train wreck scenario to explain my continuing to watch something I dislike so much. The last two weeks of the ‘flash back episodes’ have involved a couple of Abby’s worse abuse of Chloe and it still has the power to sicken me and make me really hate a morbidly obese bully that abuses children because of some sick ‘getting back at all the girls my mother loved at her dance studio, while I was too fat to dance’, or whatever the heck she is working out through her abuse of these children. Our episode tonight dealt with the dance off of the same number between Chloe and Maddie. They both had the same dance, same music and same costume. And anyone who doesn’t know dance…Chloe should have taken it no matter what the scoring said. Her turns were flawless and ended perfectly on the beat while Maddies were frenetic, and sped up and landed badly. Then we saw her push Macks away after she ran up to hug her. They have a little bitch slap fest…best part of the show. But when, once again, Chloe chokes up as she talks about how fair it was to pass the award to Mattie and she was glad for her friend, as she chokes with tears, made me cry with her once again. Then the next episode where I remember that Abby waxes absolutely righteously as she gives Maddie the top of the pyramid for her graciousness and fairness in having to go through being overlooked for the reward while evil Chloe tried to take it from her. Her being caught in her culpibility at the end of the show by the announcer coming in and ‘thanking Abby for calling the score mistake to their attention’ right after she had just lied to Jill by saying she had nothing to do with it. Gaah!!! I actually think that the judge probably gave Chloe extra points in that catagory, and it probably is something that they would do…bonus points or something…but Abby wasn’t going to let it go as it meant a win for Chloe instead of Maddie. Just as Abby insisted to Melissa, that there was no way Chloe should have won, I am telling you that Maddie was not better. Chloe was more fluid and more musical and finishes her movements and just flat has better technique. I hope that all those who have forgotten Chloe remember what a great dancer and great kid she is after watching that horrible episode again. The show that dealt with Nia’s journey was really good in that we see that Nia truly had come into her own and lets it all slide right off now that she has found her own power. You go, Nia! I truly don’t care about who dances a solo at nationals as I have (spoiler alert) read about what happens there and how pointless all this who dances what stuff is. I loved it when in the current episode, Nia has just taken it for a given that she’s not getting a solo, and when Abby threatens her about it, she just nods and keeps planning her next video. Whee!

    Well…sorry to go on about the other episodes they have been trotting out trying to get interest back into the show. I do enjoy the ‘pop up video’ comments, but not enough to want more seasons of Dance Moms.

    Anyway…once again I am so glad you’re back! Glad to hear you had a nice time!

    • P.S. Oops…forgot to mention this weeks show! Boo to Abby for giving Maddie great choreography and a designer costume, while once again she gave Kendall choreography that nowhere near compared to Maddies…PLUS another prop and then the lecture guaranteed to make her drop it…you know…’don’t drop it no matter what!!!’ I am not a big Kendall fan, but more and more feel sorry for her. As for Kira…well, good for her that she’s having a baby. I really hope it all works out for her and that she gets Kalani out of there once the season is over. I didn’t care for the ‘always a bridesmaid’ number at all. Definitely don’t think it deserved to win and found Arianne’s post very enlightening about editing and scoring.

      Lori, I agree with you at this point about Abby throwing caution to the wind with some of her behavior lately. It’s weird times for sure!!

      • “Congress passed a law prohibiting the fixing of quiz shows (and any other form of contest) … public hearings triggered amendments passed to the Communications Act in 1960. Therefore, the bill that President Eisenhower signed into law on September 13, 1960 … declared illegal any contest or game with intent to deceive the audience.”

  3. I went to this competition in Spokane, WA (my hometown). The group number Bridesmaids did not win first place! They did some editing magic to make it look like they did. Did anyone else out there go to this taping???

      • According to the Dance Moms spoilers page, the Spokane competition that DM was in was May 16th, so your link isn’t to the right competition. There isn’t a results page for this competition on the Sheer Talent site — probably because this wasn’t a real Sheer Talent comp, but one of DM’s fake invitationals.

    • So Arianne, what you’re saying is *Dance Moms* is a fake show about fake competitions with fake results to see who will be the fake competitors at a fake nationals?

      Who knew?

    • I’ve always heard that this happened but didn’t really believe it. I mean I’ve always known the competitions were fake but I couldn’t believe that they would seriously retape some things. now that you’ve said it I definitely believe it. I’ve heard that there were also 2 or 3 episodes in the past where Chloe beat Maddie but they retaped it and showed Maddie winning. Do you remember what they really did place?

  4. TWEENAGE DANCELAND

    Out here in the field
    We’ll dance for fwee meals
    We’ll wear pigtails to make mom’s living

    We don’t need to fight
    To prove we’re right
    We don’t need to be forgiven

    Don’t cry
    Don’t raise your eye
    It’s only tweenage danceland

    Kenzie, take my hand
    We’ll travel west crossland
    Dance with the fire
    Drape your arm across your shoulder

    The exodus is here
    Your older sis’ is near
    Just get this over
    Because you’re getting older

    Tweenage danceland
    It’s only tweenage danceland
    Tweenage danceland, oh yeah
    Tweenage danceland

    We’re all dancin!

      • Thanks Lori, I couldn’t do this without you

        ———————————-

        All I wanna do is have some fun
        I got a feeling I’m not the only one
        All I wanna do is have some fun
        Until the plug is pulled up on Santa Monica Boulevard

  5. LORI!!!! So glad you are back, my lunch hour on Wednesdays have been lonely without you. I haven’t watched the episode yet, had to catch up on a few things last night so will have to watch it later. I feel wine will be involved……can you say nationals?

    Abby is definately up to something or she is on some serious meds, either way her antics are very entertaining.

    Welcome back Lori!

  6. Mrs. Lori is very happy to be back (well sort of, because vacation was dreamy) and not very happy about the idea of a Season 6 because I think this entire season has proven we’ve kinda run out of stuff to have this show about. Regarding the transgender issue, I did not see the dance, so I can’t comment on it specifically. But I support everyone’s right to live a lawful life that makes them feel happiest in their own skin. And teaching children tolerance and compassion is not just right, but vital. As DrK pointed out, you don’t have to embrace the message or the lifestyle, but attacking the individuals, especially in a manner such as what happening on the I Am Jazz blog is horrifyingly wrong and we are addressing it.

  7. We’re in the new dance studio, and yes Jill’s cartwheel was not a good idea. I guess she was auditioning to be one of KK backup dancer in the next video. And she carried this theme on with the crazy short dress at the competition.

    I like that Maddie is not automatically at the top of the pyramid. Some part of me wants to keep her on that pedestal, and I don’t want to fall into the ‘haters’ side of it’s time to knock her down a peg. I am happy that more people get to be on the top of the pyramid. Mack was given the hardest part of in the ‘Fenced In’ dance and she delivered. I agreed with Abby that you had a tendency to watch her more during the dance.

    I am glad that Kira shared her pregnancy news with the moms. I did feel that they missed a sense with Kalani (or Kira) telling the girls. That could have been a great moment to capture. I was very surprised in a positive way with Abby’s reaction. The smiles, enthusiasm, and planning the baby shower were refreshing. I also enjoyed (my view, not everyone’s) Abby’s take on the need for marriage. She was like a mother to Kira and I think she really cares about her. I can’t remember seeing Gia and often wonder why she is not on camera more.

    It seems to be a rest period for mama drama except for Jill. Poor Kendall gets stuck with the prop again. Maybe this is a way to redirect the focus from dance technique comparison to something else that can be blamed on Abby.

    Mack got to be a bat (instead of Chloe’s bird collection). She got to cover up her pig tails with horns. A very good dance but I would like to see her try a different style. For some reason I always notice her in the group dance and she has done a great job keeping up with dancers who are two years older than her.

    Maddie was perfection as usual, and the with a large costume budget (remember the early days when the moms made the costumes) she looks amazing every time she goes on stage. If you look back at Kalani’s “The Investment’ solo you see a different approach to choreography. The west coast dancers seem to dance at a slower pace and use strength to control movement while Abby uses movement to gracefully move from one step to the next at a faster pace. I would enjoy seeing Maddie’s dance at a slower pace. (If you watch the Dance Awards videos on YouTube you will see that Maddie style is different from all the other competitors in her age group – same for Mack)

    Abby’s comments after Kendall’s dance were right on point. I can see great improvement in Kendall’s dance technique. She is a far better dancer now than a year ago, but now comes the need for Kendall to really believe that she has the technique in her muscle memory so that she can interject her emotions into her dancing. Just let it go Kendall and don’t be afraid to fail. (Did anyone notice that during her rehearsal you can hear Gia in the background say that Kendall is more concerned with how she looks than how she is dancing?)

    I just love JoJo when she is given the opportunity to add her spice to any dance. She pulled my eyes to her in the group dance. A little more cleaning of the dance would have helped but a very entertaining dance.

    I’ll skip the silly time filler of a fight between Jill and Melissa at the end. I was under the impression that these two were joined at the hip all season long.

    In next week’s promo we see Nia telling Abby about a conflict with ALDC rehearsal on Thursday to shoot her video. Missing was 1. JoJo having the same conversation or 2. Nia saying it was her and JoJo who have a conflict. Is this the way JoJo exits Dance Moms?

  8. A controversial post but I have to comment on this. I apologize for wondering off into a larger societal conversation.

    In a prior episode the MDP did a routine about trans-gender people. I felt that this routine was VERY inappropriate for young female dancers. Abby has done dances about societal issues most notably “the last text” and “where have all the children gone”. I think that these issues reflect problems in society as a whole. I feel that Dance Moms was used by Lifetime or Collins Avenue to promote their own programming in this area. It’s about the profit. We will know in the next few weeks when we see that series or movie from these companies.
    I have to admit I just don’t get the message about the trans-gender issue. I will share with you that I have a birth defect that makes my physical appearance unique. In my case there are about 1,500 people in the US with the same condition. And yes I went through the normal life events of being teased in the teen years, being taken advantage of because of my physical limitations, and being stared at all the time. Whether you are too tall, too short, too thin, too heavy, etc., we all have challenges in our lifetime. God made us all unique in order to give us the choice to carry on with our lives or to wallow in our sorrows. The trans-gender crowd does not have a corner on courage since ALL of us have to have courage to live our lives.

    To ask 10-14 year old female dancers whose hormones are raging and whose personalities have not yet fully formed to be dragged into this mature subject is inappropriate. Shame on Lifetime for allowing this to happen!!!!!

    • Here’s the thing, you don’t have to “get it”, you just need to accept it and not trash and vilify these people for doing what they feel they need to do in order to live happy, healthy, productive lives. Unless you plan on being in a physical relationship with someone who is transgendered, then it has absolutely no impact on you. Live and let live, such a simple concept yet people seem to think that means they can condemn others for not reciprocating.

      • Thanks for your comment Michelle.
        I agree, just live your life and be known for more than your sexual orientation. I do not believe that my comments ‘trashed or vilified’ anyone.

        What I do not get is why there was a need to drag young female dancers into a political discussion. As I said it’s all about making money.

        On a minor point, as an American I have to follow the laws of the land but that does not mean that I need to accept the underlying subject matter.

        • I don’t think you’re giving young people enough credit, kids learn about this stuff every single day, what was wrong with hearing about it from someone who is actually GOING THROUGH it themselves? And is willing to talk about their troubles and challenges, because of people not accepting them? I wasn’t saying your comments on this board were trashing or vilifying, I was actually referring to the ones on the I Am Jazz post Lori made a few weeks ago, I apologize if I made you feel attacked, that was not my intent. This may be considered political to you, but for some, young people as well as adults, this is a part of THEIR lives that they’re putting out there. What would be the point of sheltering the girls and not letting them see for themselves, something good that can some out of someone’s struggle for acceptance?

          • Lets try and allow children to mature at there own pace and not rush them into very complicated and politicized subject matter. My concern with the dance on DM is the physical and personality maturity of the dancers. You are correct, there is great value in hearing how other humans are dealing with issues in their lives. My read is that this subject is being used to make money for Lifetime and/or Collins Productions. As a fan of DMs you become emotionally involve with the dancers as you have watched them grow-up before your eyes. I am focused on the dancers not the trans-gender storyline. There are a lot of ways to get the story our to the public at large. I just feel that DM was a poor choice to accomplish this task.

        • I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree :), I don’t see it as a money-grabbing thing at all, but a way to show these girls something that is affecting more and more people every day, in the public eye with someone their own age. I think they were honored to do this tribute dance not just for the man it was written for, but for someone like Jazz who has to deal with hate and basically threats on her life every single day. If something positive can come out of their struggles, whether it be an adult or a child, I’m all for it. For someone like Jazz, I don’t think it’s about the money she’ll be making from the show, but to demonstrate awareness and tolerance.

    • While I agree with “just live your life — not everything needs to be made into a Lifetime movie” stance, I disagree that 10-14 is too young (and I think all of Jeanette’s group were in the older range?) to be introduced to the transgender subject. It is happening around them and could even be happening to one of them. This is the age when they are forming their opinions/views on things — what better time to be introduced to and talk about these things?

      • Agree, although I think Lifetime is just doing the “we believe in tolerance and Jazz has a new show, so why not make it a storyline on DM?” spiel. And this isn’t the first time homosexuality has been part of the show, back when Laquifa made an appearance I don’t recall a big deal being made out of a gay cross-dresser being part of the show. Also, the military dance “Don’t Ask, Just Tell” was about gays in the service. I applaud Lifetime for “going there”, most networks wouldn’t touch it, so I have to commend them for it.

  9. The Dance Moms show experience is just fascinating!!!! Here are some of my impressions from the past several weeks.

    For all the Abby haters out there the line between reality and ‘TV show production’ is really blurry for me. I have heard the moms and kids talk about the way Abby treats the dancers/moms when the cameras are off. The tone is very different from what we see on TV. I saw (link below) an interview with Payton Ackerman. She just turned 18 and has moved to Hollywood to search for a job in dancing. During the interview she mentioned that Abby gave her the chance to teach Hip Hop classes at the ALDC-LA. Payton provides some insight into how the production company creates scenes that make people look confrontational.
    With the fight between Abby and Collins Avenue we have seen more emotional scenes between the dancers (example JoJo) and their teacher. Let’s hope that the spirit of the show returns to one that we saw in Season 1 and 2, less mama drama and more about the teaching process. I have seen multiple sources that confirm that there will be a season 6. Kira (on Afterbuzz) said that she has received the call sheets for season 6.

    Season 6 questions:

    Kalani and Nia will be 15 years old when the season starts. How does this impact the group dance classification?

    Scheduling conflicts with other outside projects could cause cast members to move on with their careers. JoJo is everywhere and now seems to be connected to Disney. Nia’s singing/videos are doing great. Same for Kendall under Abby’s direction. Mack has a lot of irons in the fire with singing and acting. Maddie continues to have larger dancing/acting projects in the works all the time, and I hear singing is next for her. While Kalani remains focused on her dance career she has ‘the look’ and spirit to be a very successful actress if she ever wanted to head in that direction.

    And of course Kira has the issues associated with her pregnancy.

    Here is the interview with Payton – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AnE2ojkpnE

    Here is the AfterBuzz with Kira – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK5E7TwFaUc&list=PL39B296C901D02761&index=1

    • With Kalani, Nia and by this time next year Maddie and Kendall, being 13 and over, that would bump them up to the teen category, they average the ages. Unless Abby plans on creating another junior group with 10 year olds and younger, there’s no way they will compete junior again.

      • I agree, but this leads to what to do with Mack. She would be 10/11 dancing in the teen division. I like the idea of adding new younger kids, but I guess we will have to wait and see.

        • That’s always going to be the case when you have kids, or one kid, younger than the rest of the group. My nephew is a dancer and he often does duets with the assistant teacher at his studio (who is also still a student, he’s taken to mentoring my nephew so to speak since there aren’t many boys who dance there). My nephew is almost 13, and his partner is 20, most of the time they end up dancing in the 15/16 age group because of the average, but other times they’re in the 18 and up category. It all depends on the competition and what their rules are. At the majority of competitions dancers are allowed to move up to an older age group, but not down to younger as that would clearly give them an advantage, but not if they are against older kids. You might recall back when Abby originally had Maddie in the 6-8 group and Chloe in 9-11, but then moved Maddie up to the same category as Chloe, that happens all the time, as long as you’re on the older end of the scale of those groups the judges don’t care.

  10. LORI!!!!!!!!! MAMA’S HOOOOOMMMMMEEE!!!!!! YAY!!! Did you have a good vacay? Did you take a Maddie posed picture on the beach? Did the other people wonder why you were an emotional slump on the sand? Did you haughtily walk away????

    Ok the best things that happened on the 2 episodes you missed (#1 and #2 are about the first episode you missed, and the #3 and #4 are about last weeks episode)
    1.) The Panic Room dance was great, the girls acting together is getting much better!
    2.)Kalani doing her lyrical showcases perhaps why Abby doesn’t want her doing lyrical for overall scoring with Maddie, she was phenomenal!
    3.)Jojo was SO excited for her solo, she had such passion up until that forgetful moment, but Abby surprised us all with the instead of yelling, she HUGGED her. It was nice.
    4.)The song that Jeneattes team performed to was beautiful, I don’t think the dance story they told completely connected but wow, powerful song! #itgetsbetter

    Here’s what I call the Abby blues section or the worst things that happened (same rules as the best things)

    1.)Abby’s “Last minute” removal of Kalani…she knew she wasn’t gonna have that girl do that dance, why make the kid miserable and go through the motions.
    2.)Gia is startin to get a bit of an attitude..”I didn’t approve that music”…well dang girl! I think she needs like a serious vacay.
    3.)Nia on the bottom row pyramid for now reason…I mean if she really wanted to knock Maddie down a peg, and just put Nia on the board for doing what she was suppose to , then shouldn’t they have been switched? But you know how Abby feels about Nia…and Jojo…but mainly Nia.
    4.) The girls won again, that at least keeps Abby off the psycho crazy train and just on the normal crazy one.

    Now let’s get to this weeks episode…

    I think Holly is drinkin some seriously amazing green tea cuz she seems so unbothered by things this episode, she knows Nia’s chances at a dance at Nationals are slim cuz Abby is not exactly her biggest fan and she knows that Abby already has a pretty good idea who she wants for nationals (i’m fairly sure if Maddie could do like soap kids and super rapid age she’s enter her in juniors, teens, and if she had a time machine she’d have mini Maddie in the mini division! But yeah, I’m lovin the super calm, not carin that the other moms besides Jess are bein haters about Nia’s career, and is just like I’m soakin up the sun and drinkin this delicious green iced tea…I bet it’s Panera…it’s fused with passion fruit and very tasty, you gotta try it!

    Was Kendall set up to fail? Pretty much. Abby knows she can give that kid Maddie-esque choreography and she refuses to especially when she goes against Maddie. This time was more noticeable mainly because Maddie’s choreo this week was an even bigger step up than what she normally gets so it’s like “whoa look at the gap!” Do I necessarily think if given the same choreo could beat Maddie? probably More no than yes but I bet she could give Maddie a need to look at her like “so I gotta watch out for you huh?” And the need to always throw a prop in the girls hand in becoming ridiculous, when was the last time Maddie had to handle a prop solo style? So I get Jill’s ranting’s this week…THIS WEEK!

    The bridesmaids dance was adorable, too adorable not to win. All the girls took their roles to heart and acted the crap out of it, minus the food poisoning from Cuban food!

    Did I take a drink every time someone mentioned Nationals? you bet I did, and your homegirl over here will be sleepin pretty well to say the least!

    SO GLAD you’re back Lori, I’ll continue to expect your usual brand of HILAR-riousness I’ve come to enjoy on the dance mom crazy ride Tuedays!

    • OMG the Cuban food poisoning……by FAR the funniest scene in the entire movie. But I digress LOL.

      I LOVED Maddie’s solo (and I’m usually indifferent as they’re almost always the same 6 steps and turns she’s been doing since she was 8) the choreography finally did justice to her new-found maturity and acting skills. From what I can recall, I don’t think Maddie’s used a prop since “I can’t find the words” or “Helen Keller” back in the day, but I could be wrong. Her costume this week was a little over the top though, however it worked with the routine and the music so I guess it’s fine.

      Poor Kendall, if people would just leave the kid alone before she goes on-stage in front of telling her to correct this and that and then turning around and telling her not to be nervous, but she HAS to win or off with her head….I mean, no wonder the kid is a nervous wreck and drops her prop! Some dancers/athletes need that last second pep talk (or tear down in Abby and Jill’s case) but others do better if they can just get in their own little world and focus on what they need to do by themselves, no distractions.

      I enjoyed Mack’s solo, it was a lot more mature compared to what she’s done in the past, but AGAIN she’s way ahead of the music, not even listening to it! Drives me nuts, she’s rushing so quickly all of the moves look mechanical and like when you used to speed up the record player so the music was Mickey Mouse-esque (you younguns out there probably have no clue what I’m talking about, but that’s ok LOL). I really wish she would get more lyrical solos, so she HAS to take her time and do more fluid movements. I see a lot of bad habits she’s picked up from Maddie, not really finishing her motions and just moving into the next one right after the other. I was kinda proud of the kid though for saying to Abby that EVERYONE cries, she’s pretty gutsy standing up to Abby, and I hope she doesn’t lose that quality. I’d wager that she’s going to be the little rebel of the family when she gets old enough to actually have a life outside of dance (hey we can all dream can’t we?) with the attitude to match.

      The group dance was cute, but I really wonder why Abby would compare it to the Bridesmaids movie, and how many kids have actually watched it….for their sake I hope not many LOL.

      Lori if you’re able to find it, I suggest rewatching at least the two group routines from last week, namely Jeanette’s studio. Run Run Run was probably the most beautiful piece I’ve seen in a few years, the music was LIVE and chillingly beautiful. I “got” the storyline that the girls were trying to portray, but just the story behind it is sooo amazing, you’ll be blown away. ALDC’s was beautiful too, but I was partial to Run. In a nutshell it’s the story of a transgendered man and his process and experience of undergoing the changes and people’s acceptance, or not, of it. Totally off topic, but not really, you should definitely check out the comments section from your post on that little girl Jazz and her new show. I was SICKENED by some of the comments towards this little girl, I literally wanted to track down some of these posters and tear their heads off for being so ignorant and hateful to a child. I won’t go into detail because this isn’t the place, and frankly I would get too angry again.

      So….yeah, that’s pretty much it. Hope you had a fabulous holiday, I’m just coming back from 2 weeks vacay as well, and if you’re like me, it wasn’t NEARLY long enough LOL.

  11. So good to have you back, Lori!! I, too, hope you had a wonderful vacation. Loved your recap, as usual. Your recaps never disappoint, and are always worth waiting for!!
    Speaking of never disappointing… Jill’s selection of clothes continues to baffle, astound and amuse me. I missed the underpants shot, though, coz it went by so quickly while watching the episode. Thanks for the screen capture. And thank heavens for the blurred spot!
    I watched the full version of Maddie’s solo, and it was breathtaking. What a waste of talent that Sia just had her making weird faces in her 3rd video, instead of dancing.
    Kendall is a beautiful dancer. Too bad Abby sets her up to fail with props all the time.
    MacKenzie’s solo was very well done, very mature- I watched the full version of it, too. But shouldn’t she have braces? Just asking. Don’t beat me up.
    I loved the dresses in the group number! I, too, noticed timing and spacing issues. I could be wrong, but it seemed like Kalani’s hand and arm movements were a half a beat behind. But she must have a lot on her young mind.
    Sorry, Lori- I can’t remember a thing about the last 2 episodes, much less my most favorite and least favorite things about them. It must be because I didn’t have clever recaps to read after watching them, or comments from the Dance Moms Nation, either.
    Again, so very happy that you are back, Lori!! I will begin doing my inappropriate cartwheels around the house now!

  12. Oh Mrs Acken, I missed your recaps, anyways welcome back. Hope you had a great time?
    Poor Mackenzie, no one cares about her, she cries and get called a baby but when Maddie does, its because she’s a perfectionist(my foot). MeLIEssa is such a bad mother for telling her to suck it up. Jill’s Cartwheel was hilarious, why would anyone do a cartwheel with a skirt except Jill. Everybody knew who was going to win, if I was Kendall, I won’t get nervous for anything. Nice recap Mrs Acken

  13. Yes, three cheers for Mrs. Acken being back! Let’s party! Man, it sucked not having something else to look forward to afterwards, but I’ve got em back for another two or three weeks so I’ll take it in open arms. Good to know you came back safely, and I hope you had a wonderful time!

    This episode was in the middle of sane, and then absolutely insane like the first Abby v Kira. You did miss some good numbers over the past two weeks, such as Kalani’s solo The Investment, Candy Apples Group # Famous, Infamous, Kendall’s solo Immortals, and another great group by the CADC now turned BDA, Run, Run, Run.

    But, anyways, the episodes are now starting off with same old Jill interview (I can’t stand her voice for some reason… something about it. Maybe because I’m hearing it all too damn much.) but, wonderful cartwheel! I was literally laughing so hard watching her and Melissa groove on. And then Lifetime decided to throw the names of the floorers in there for no purpose other than to show off their fancy font styles, but doesn’t matter.

    Pyramid was more or so meh. Kalani didn’t dance, no shock, Jojo didn’t win, no shock. Surprised that Nia got complemented! Those seem so few in far between, just like when Paige was on the team. Kendall was 3rd on Pyramid, and I expected Abby’s favorite “… place at competition, so you’re … place on pyramid.” I was extremely infuriated with Maddie’s reaction to not being on top. Like Abby said, you were the lead so you’re just expecting her to be smacked atop because why the hell not. It drives the living hell out of me. News flash to Abby, she is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. I love Maddie, don’t get me wrong, but just the way Abby acts about her is sickening. Mackenzie took top! Yippee! And a big fun fact to know about Kendall, was that she was 3rd overall for the whole solo competition, but got 1st in her division. Lifetime loves showing the overalls to add even more drama. *chortles* Like this show needs more drama. Puhlease!

    Based on the previews, I’m surprised that Mackenzie was awarded a solo, due to sometimes her solos being botched (i.e Take That, Disco Dude etc…) from previous episodes in the season. Batsh*t crazy. I thought it was just Bat Crazy, but I guess not. I found it weird that the mothers and Abby just spewed the word (as well as hell, nowadays) like it was nothing. Children in the room, dear adults! Please act like one.

    Maddie’s routine definitely sounded intriguing, but again Abby’s comment really made me want to slap her. I can count on one finger all the dark Maddie roles. Uphill Battle as a solo, All God’s Creatures as a solo, lead in Red With Envy, Drowning as a solo, and the lead in Amber Alert. Everything else was blended. So, I am sorry- but Maddie doesn’t do the dark roles like she’s heaven. That would’ve been Chloe, and will always be Chloe.

    Kira was pregnant for five months at the filming of this video? That surprises me, considering there is no showing whatsoever of any baby bump. Granted, I was born two and a half months early, almost killing my mom and myself during that time… but still! Anytime I hear of birth, it fills me with joy! I’m glad there was no negative connotation to that. Although Melissa was annoying with all those comments on “Abby shouldn’t tell her to get married etc…” Err… Melissa Ziegler, news flash, Abby really wasn’t doing that. Like at all. Also, times have indeed changed. But, women were still not forced into marriage in the twentieth century in America. Other countries still have that today, but I think Miss Ziegler over here is drinking something, and I don’t mean alcohol.

    I understood why Mackenzie cried, I know what she was going through. As a performer in my life, you do want things to be perfect and do it correctly in the rehearsal so on stage there is nothing holding you back. Her tricks seemed much stronger in rehearsal than usual, but that elbow stand drove her down. I was cringing as she talked with Abby, half afraid to see what Miller would do or say. The girl is ten years old. Hell, I was crying at ten years old back in 2010. You can’t expect a child to be completely stoic and never show emotion.

    The group title was cute, but I didn’t see the relations to the movie and dance. I mean, I’ve only seen maybe two scenes of the whole thing since I wasn’t allowed to see it as a kid, but I know enough to know there was nothing shared but the name. I didn’t like Abby’s way of assigning roles either. Kalani going for the food and wine, I for some reason saw as a dig to her weight, and not her mother. For some reason I did. Then she’s got to pick on Jojo by saying she’s an attention hog. Abby should do Jojo’s character. She’d excel! Nia got called an old hag, mainly because Abby can’t and never will get past Nia’s music career. It’s really ticking me off. And then we’ve got Maddie, who is so illustrious and beautiful that everyone else is just shit on the bottom of her shoe and blah, blah, blah SHUT THE F*** UP ABBY!

    Ahem *coughs* That was the delusional Christian, I apologize. Straightened him out real quick.

    At competition, I expected more fire. More anger and heat and just none of that when they first arrive. I giggled, reading that Jill’s pants disappeared. Closer examination proves that to a point. Kendall honestly should never get talked to before a solo, no matter what anyone says… it locks her up.

    Mackenzie went first, and who cares about the music? She got on beat and nailed it, so I don’t think it matters one way or another. I loved her wings, I wanted her to soar for the stars as that crazy bat. Her tricks were nice and strong, feet pointed, legs straight, knees weren’t bent. Good for her. But, in the same regard I give to Kendall, I got nothing from her face. Absolutely nothing, perhaps till the very end. She was just thinking of the solo, which took away from her face.

    Kendall’s solo was nice, it was good, but it wasn’t by any means spectacular. First off, why the title “Blowing Red”? That doesn’t make any sense. Secondly, I liked the music to it, it was rather jazzy and cool. I have seen better turns from her (Waiting, Welcome to a New World), but they were okay. Choreography didn’t match however with the song. When I first watched a 15-second clip on YouTube, I expected like Spanish or Latin Jazz based on the dress and scarf, but I guess not. Shame she dropped it. And hey, let’s play a game! How many solos has Kendall had with props???

    Blowing Red, It’s Just An Illusion, This is Major, Waiting on a Train to Paris, Victorious, Not Just Another Pretty Face, Battled Feet… and I think that’s it. Huh, seven. And none of the kids, except Nia and Brooke have used props in their solo that I can remember.

    Before I dive into Maddie’s #, I must say… what a beautiful costume. I don’t remember seeing something so beautiful on this show before in my life. I thought her Golden Girl costume was great, but this was exquisite. The leaves on her arms sold it for me- favorite Maddie costume ever. She looked ethereal in it. And that’s about as much praise as I can give her. She danced beautifully, I cannot deny that. Her turns were strong (but she still can’t nail that turn similar to the one in Loose Cannon where she holds her leg), leaps and acrobatics were seamless. Didn’t give a full 100% flawless performance, but she danced fine. The problem I have though is the choreography, theme, and song. The song was one of the worst I’ve ever heard on the show (no offense to the original artist, I’m sorry), but it didn’t coup together at all. It didn’t seem dark to me at all, her facials didn’t suggest any undertones of malicious or malevolent intent. It seemed typical. When Abby described the number, I really was stoked for it. After seeing it, I didn’t picture the growing tree in this gale of the woods alone, nor did it make sense matched with the steps and music given to her. I’ve seen Maddie tell way better stories than that *cough Leaving Berlin/All God’s Creatures cough*, but still nicely done.

    I loved the group number as well, the song was cute and I loved it. Still find it erroneous to me that Abby quoted to never wanting to do musical theater for her girls ever again, yet they’ve been constantly doing it all season long. Make your mind up woman! Anywho, I saw the spacing issues this time, mainly the right side of the dance (forgot whom was in those three spots), but the three girls there were too close to each other. The walking on stage was cute, understood Jojo, Nia, and Maddie’s characters instantly while Mackenzie, Kalani, and Kendall needed to strengthen it. Then, throughout the number the translation was lost, and the characters didn’t shine through. That is a struggle all the girls have, including Maddie at times. Get a character, and then have it throughout the routine. Keep at it! Cute dance that had me dancing myself, tapping out my solo to the beat. Ah, fun times!

    The announcer for this competition, as well as the gentleman saying awards are not the same people. The gentleman who does awards does them for every competition, and I believe is the owner of the Sheer Talent company as a whole. That man has a I believe to be a Russian or Ukrainian accent, so the announcer and him were two different people.

    Mackenzie won, which I expected. And we all knew Maddie was beating Kendall. You shouldn’t jump from Jojo (to which Abby clearly undermines) to top ‘dog’ Maddie. Kendall and Nia should’ve danced against each other, and maybe even Kendall v. Kalani, although Kalani would’ve taken that. Group won. They always win at Sheer Talent now. The only group loss they’ve ever had there was Season 4, Episode 1: Welcome Back, Now Don’t Get Too Comfy with the group routine Girls Night Out which got 3rd. Besides that I don’t think a group of theirs has ever lost at Sheer. Hmm… a little too suspicious for my liking.

    Kira’s baby shower was so cute! But, we all know that she is not putting her boy in that ALDC outfit. No way. Cake in her face, and somehow ruining eyelashes is the world. I laughed. And since I felt like I ended on a high note with the episode, I am not even going to really comment on Melissa and Jill except they’re both asses in the situation and really shouldn’t give to f’s about it. We all know Melissa so stop making it seem like it’s something new.

    Next episode, uh oh it’s MDP! Back to rattle Abby’s bones, and it works. We’ve got another solo battle with two rather strange picks, one student on the rise, the other constantly at the top for being the best dancer on the team. You’ll be shocked, and I repeat shocked of the outcome. And does anyone find it ironic, two times now, that Abby is doing umbrellas in her dance? Ava’s solo Drizzle and now next week’s group dance. She said to Cathy back in Season 2, Episode 26 Nationals 90210 that opening umbrellas indoors is bad luck, and then Cathy’s dance was a failure. So, now she’s doing taboo to herself. She makes another “Never Have I had a child of mine go on stage and have that happen…” comment because of the dance, I will personally find her and smack her so hard her weave pops out. I’m betting something will go wrong with Maddie’s umbrella and she won’t miss a beat. Abby will praise her and we’ve got the same situation thousand times over. Sorry for any fan who thinks I’m bashing Maddie- I’m not. Stating it as it is, since we know what goes on. The ALDC is televised. No one should ever get angry at it anymore.

    Good recap Mrs. Lori, and it’s wonderful to have you back! I just can’t wait for you to recap the Nationals episode(s). That’ll make you throw for a loop. Have a great day!

    ~ Christian

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About Lori Acken 1195 Articles
Lori just hasn't been the same since "thirtysomething" and "Northern Exposure" went off the air.