Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.
In Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People Season 2 Episode 13, “A Big Gamble” (June 26), Billy is offered a deal on a one-of-a-kind boat and the family must decide if the opportunity is worth the risk. Noah goes on a blind in town, while Matt and Snowbird build a bush hot tub.
Alaskan Bush People Season 1 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | The Wild Life
Season 2 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Wild Times | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14 | SHARK WEEK! | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Lost Footage | The Wild Year
Ami takes her daughters Rainy and Birdy out for a little “quality time” shooting firearms at logs. Ami really pities all you working moms in the Lower 48 who don’t care enough about your daughters to go into the woods with them to squeeze off a few rounds to release all that anger and resentment you hold against your mother and brother. Rainy, the Katniss Everdeen of the Bush, fires off a few arrows at the log. “Kill that wood, Rain!” Birdy yells. And if you don’t want rain to kill your wood, treat it with Thompson’s® WaterSeal® Waterproofing Stain.
Bear busted a bone in his hand while being exxxxxxtreme! But fractures are just the price of being exxxxxxxtreme! Bear has to go see a doctor in Hoonah, and that’s going to cost mucho dinero. Plus, if the injury is too exxxxxxtreme, Bear might permanently lose his ability to climb trees or dig in the dirt, and that would be an awful shame. So, uh, hypothetically, is there any kind of injury that might keep someone from howling? Bear has to wear a cast on the hand for two months. That is not exxxxxtreme.
Billy has a buddy coming to see him who has an offer that is to good to be true, so it clearly is not. Every barter the Browns have been involved in on this show has been heavily unbalanced in their favor. Billy’s buddy swapped for this World War II era 62-foot wood hull sub chaser and he wants to unload it. Billy thinks such a boat could be worth $20,000, but his buddy is willing to sell it for a mere $5,000 to cover his commercial fishing fees. Billy’s burning to buy this thing, but he’s not sure about dipping into Ami’s Teeth Pulling Fund to pay for it. He does the “awww, shucks, we’re just a poor Alaskan reality TV show family” spiel. “I’m aware of your situation out here,” his buddy says. He also watches this show and reads these recaps.
Billy’s already got big plans for this boat, and he envisions one day hauling commercial freight with this thing. “It’s a blessing from up above is what it is,” Billy says, rejoicing that big boats are now raining down from Bush Heaven. But the Hoonah harbor master just soiled himself thinking of the refloating job waiting for him after Billy sinks it.
Billy’s going to check out the boat, which is docked in Petersburg, some 200ish miles southeast of Hoonah. He takes Bam, Bear and Gabe along on the ferry ride to Petersburg. Ami’s all weepy about the family being split up, and there is much silly howling at each other.
“Don’t come back without grandbabies!” – Ami #AlaskanBushPeople
— Ryan Berenz (@RyanBerenz) June 27, 2015
Arriving in Petersburg, Billy and the boys meet Deacon Blue, who looks like a hybrid of the Gorton’s Fisherman and a garden gnome. Deacon is keeper of the keys to the Integrity. The Brown boys are in awe of this vessel. I’m in awe over the irony of the boat’s name.
Back at Brownton Abbey, Noah has a blind date arranged by an acquaintance of Susie the matchmaker, because Susie’s sick of dealing with this family and is dumping dead-end clients on her friends. First, Noah must shave, and he’s got a bush shaving kit full of reclaimed and repurposed items. “Cleanliness is a virtue,” he says, and that these items are not a luxury but a necessity. Noah and Matt have vastly different approaches to courting the ladies. Noah likes 15th-century chivalry and other romantic ideals that make no practical 21st-century sense. He’s currently constructing matching bush chastity belts out of leftover bush clothes incinerator parts. Matt just likes to get laid down at the dump.
Noah, wearing what appears to be a goth pimp Halloween costume, goes to Christy’s house to ask her grandparents for her hand in … going to the swings. Grandpa has a shirt with zombie salmon on it that reads “Spawn Of The Dead.” Noah vows to protect Christy’s honor with his meager life. Gramps be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Noah takes Christy to the park, wipes off the swing seat so she doesn’t sully her arse with dirt. He offers to push her on the swing because she is a toddler. They talk about their mutual love of dandelions and how most people think they’re weeds but they are really beautiful flowers with medicinal properties for relieving indigestion, which we’re all suffering from by watching this show.
(Digression! I hate dandelions with a passion. Screw dandelions. I will eradicate every single one of those vile weeds. I come from a long lineage of turfgrass-obsessed lunatics who demand absolute perfection of their lawns. Unfortunately, my neighbors do not share these ideals. They grow dandelions as if they were cash crops. My sons, ages 2 and 4, have to go into the neighbors’ yards to harvest dandelions because their father gleefully kills every dandelion on our property. My boys like to take the neighbors’ dandelions when they’ve become seed-laden puffballs and blow the seeds in my yard. Yes, I did the same thing as a young boy, but I eventually learned of my folly from my father, and someday my sons will learn from theirs. This digression has been brought to you by RoundUp Weed & Grass Killer.)
Remember when I noted that Bear’s date with Sara/Sarah was the saddest ever caught on camera? Noah just blew that one out of the water.
In the sub-subplot, the producers give Matt something stupid to do because stupid is what Matt does. He wants to build a bush hot tub in a hole in the ground using a tarp as a liner and an old steel drum as a heat source. Ah, there’s nothing quite like relaxing in a lukewarm puddle with your younger sister.
Back in Petersburg, Billy is all giddy about the Integrity. “This is reaching the point of being too good to be true,” he says. I think we’ve passed that point years ago. “There’s a catch. There’s a catch somewhere.”
Billy hears voices in his head. I sense another coma coming. #alaskanbushpeople
— Ryan Berenz (@RyanBerenz) June 27, 2015
The catch is that the boat needs a lot of updating, and Billy’s thinking about higher fuel costs. “I can’t get something that’s just going to be a money hole,” Billy says, forgetting that he already has a money hole in Ami’s toothless maw. Bear is just happy to have “a boat that is almost as exxxxxxxtreme as I am.” Gabe wants to transport the Statue of Liberty on it. Good luck with that, son.
I’m organizing an Alaskan Bush People Boat Doesn’t Start Scene drinking game. Can they just knock off this cheap gimmick already? It’s so predictable. It’s tired. It adds no real tension or drama. It just pisses away more time, because someone felt this show doesn’t piss away enough. Billy gets the boat started and he’s pleased with how the engine sounds and performs. Of course, once he takes the keys from Deacon Blue, the engine doesn’t start. After much hand-wringing and buyer’s remorse, they discover that someone simply “kicked the fuel valve off.” The engines fire up and Billy is pleased. “I’m driving a dream right now,” he says.
But brining the Integrity back home will be a difficult journey, fraught with perils like bad weather, poor visibility, beautiful but dangerous Sirens, and the narrow passage between Scylla and Charybdis. “The journey will be the ultimate test of this boat,” our dear narrator informs us. I think we all know that the real danger awaits not on the high seas but in the home port:
Lynnda: Why thank you ! I consider any type of comparison to THE SKIFF a compliment since he is the star of that show, hands down.
Seems like you are taking things a bit personal yourself since my post was directed at an entirely different person, whose name was NOT Lynnda.
Buttercup? Hmmmmm. I have always seen myself as the “cheese puff” type.
“Kill that wood” that’s good enough for the Soup on E. Ryan, loved the dandelion digression. Hot tubbin with your younger sister, add crystal meth, & a Budweiser and you got a date. Who needs a matchmaker.
SC1009 in the photo was a 110 ft foot sub chaser; not a 62 ft!
AK
What photo is it that you speak of? Is there a link?
I know there is some of you that would like to see the Brown’s fail but with Billy’s knowledge it’s a very safe bet that you are right he will fail. Look how he punked out when someone shot at there cabin. He put his tail between his leg and headed for the water. We all know that he has been married for many years and all he has to show for it is an ass load of kids a wife with bad teeth and hair and then we have Billy himself. The man who does nothing except tell his kids what to do. You have 20-30 year old men who act like they are 12. I have never seen a family with more mental problems than the Kardashians and that’s a screw up family. Bruce Jenner has it more together than the Brown men.
Sad part is they didn’t even shoot at his cabin. He even admitted later that he doesn’t know what happened. Also the film crew called the cops on a neighbor not long before the shooting incident about then lighting fireworks. But when people are shooting to kill you, awww shucks, who wants to call the cops? Yeah, right. It is called we are freezing our asses off because we have no heat in this cabin and we to reset this storyline.
I think Sherlock IS the Skiff. Broke my heart to find out this isn’t REAL boo-hoo. But just to lay it out there, they don’t hunt without licenses’, they just shoot at logs. AND the Browns have not been convicted of 63 counts of fraud for receiving PDF – NOR has anyone been convicted of receiving welfare fraudulently, they are still awaiting trial for those charges. Correct? Innocent until proven guilty in the lower 48 and even in Alaska. We’ll see what Jan 11, 2016 results bring. I am trying to educate myself by searching available public records that are online – just so I don’t appear weak, elderly and gullible – never owned a pair of them there rose colored glasses. As for the oldest son and what you alleged against him, still looking, more people than would like to admit have DUI’s on their record. Other records may be sealed. If something is so disgusting you can’t even think about it, why the heck talk about it? Sounds a little personal with you and the Bush People – maybe? At any rate, since ABC cancelled all the good soaps, I’ve turned to shows like ABP. Mindless TV. It sure seems to bug the dickens out of you Sherlock. So sorry for your troubles with ABP. Cheer up buttercup.
None of us have troubles with ABP. If fact we hope people enjoy the show. We have troubles with people that come on here and mindlessly defend these people and then tell us we need to back off. Especially funny is people who tell us if we don’t like it then we shouldn’t watch. We don’t tell people what to watch and what not to watch. So don’t tell us what to do with our free time. So what if we think it is HILARIOUS people actually think this crapfest is real. We watch because all of the mistakes, terrible acting, horrible filming, lack of any editing skill whatsoever, poor storyline, ridiculous drama and absolutely any plot that makes this better than comedy on television. We would make it into a drinking game when any of the aforementioned happened but we would all be dead of alcohol poisoning before the first commercial break.
BTW buttercup, those many many felonies that your beloved Brown clan faces, well Alaska rarely ever loses a case. That’s because they don’t prosecute unless they know they are going to win (I am a lifelong Alaskan and have seen many of these cases. In fact they rarely go to trail and people usual take a plea.). Little funny don’t you think that the Browns have managed to get the trail pushed back twice now because of excuses? You would think they would want to clear their good name (Damn I thought I could type that out without bursting into laughter. No chance) and get the trail over with. Nope, because they want to squeeze every last episode out of this show before they are shown to be complete frauds. Remember at the heart of this case is the Browns are charged with not even living in the state of Alaska for five solid years. Let alone this ridiculous storyline that they lived in the bush and were “discovered” only a short time ago. What a steaming pile of crap that is. Billy wrote a book that in his own words undermines what they tell you on this sorry excuse for a real story. Billy can’t even keep the story straight. If you take any time to research most anything on this show it will be shown to be lies and completely fake. Heck you can go to Youtube and watch old videos of them trying to sell you videos and trying to gain support for their TV show and upcoming movie (neither ever happened obviously). Some of the videos or over 5 years old. Too bad you couldn’t have seen some of the stuff they deleted. Nothing like videos of the kids riding lawnmowers in their neighborhood in Texas (Whoops, that wasn’t the Alaskan bush was it?). Also just go to Courtview for Alaska and look up the pages of charges they face. It just goes on and on.
So were sorry if us laughing hysterically at this show, and people that believe that somehow they are watching a true story offends you. We never meant to ruin your day. So sorry for your troubles.
But cheer up Buttercup, put on some fancy clothes and some lipstick and go visit the Browns in the Seward Correctional Facility after their trail. I am sure they will have lots of time to sit and chat with you.
Deb M: There is no documentation to support the claim that any of the Brown man/boys have children. As far as there being any “dirt” on Bam Bam………..I would think that the mere fact that he is facing several indictments for fraud and embezzlement against the State of Alaska for falsifying residential applications in order to collect PFD money, dating back several years, should be enough to satisfy ones curiousity. At one point he was also charged with destroying government property but do not know if that has been resolved or not. The trial for the PFD charges is being held on January 11, 2016. Location of said trial will be in Ketchikan but have heard that that could be changed to Juneau.
OH! I am so sorry Ryan ! I forgot ! You can’t have much of a fan base (which equals ratings which equals money) by filming realism can you now? Therefore, the more ludicrous and the more ridiculous and the more dirty laundry we air the better !
So which one of these guys has a child somewhere and does Miss Ami know about this grandbaby?I’m sure much of this show is bs but for some reason I really like Bam. Any dirt on him?
Ryan: Whoever decided to write that scene about making a bush hot tub needs to be fired. I have never seen such a ridiculous thing in my life. And they expect the viewing populace to believe that these guys are serious bush survivalists? Instead of fooling around with a cockamamey hot tub from hell, try doing something constructive that is believable such as chopping wood for the upcoming winter months, hunting and storing food for the upcoming winter months, growing a garden and canning for the upcoming winter months, etc. Making twig hangers doesn’t mean didly squat when you are cold and hungry. I have never been out in the “bush” and never will be but I do possess something called “common sense”……..which appears to be in short supply with that group.
Come on, Sherry! All that real-life Alaska survival stuff is BOR-ING! Who wants to watch canning and gardening when you can have exxxxtreme Tire House buildin’ and Hot Tub diggin’? 🙂
The did “gardening” a couple weeks ago, they rakes some snow on frozen ground. Somehow a couple weeks later it is much warmer there. Time follows no line for the Browns. I think Noah made a time machine that straps onto his wrist with a soda bottle.
Lolololol he is the next Lenardo da Vinci you know!
The hot tub was so much worse than it even seemed. First off when they first put it together if you looked closely the barrel they were using for the heat source was not on the same side of the tarp as the water. I was looking at that and wondered what the heck they were doing. How was the heat source on the wrong side of water you wanted to soak in? I bet it was freezing cold when they jumped in. Course most people would probably have checked the temperature before jumping in. What if it was boiling hot? Matt: Mom, birdbrain soup is ready! Then when they came back later of course the barrel is on the right side of the tarp, has a nice welded frame along with a proper vent out of the top. Wow, so impressed with the Browns welding skills.
One last thought folks… When the Browns are done with the Matt hot tub, how exactly would you ever drain it? Seriously
Jack Evans: WAY TO GO ! You obviously know your way around engines…..and have made it obvious that the Browns DO NOT.
Noel: I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but there is not ONE thing that is real about this show. They DO NOT live in the bush. In fact, they reside in the small town of Hoonah, a short distance away, at a local lodge there. They did not build the cabin. A construction crew out of Hoonah and Juneau did. They have never shot a single deer because they do not possess legal hunting licenses. A local resident, the owner of the Misty Bay Lodge in Hoonah, shot the deer for the Discovery Channel and had them placed there for filming purposes.
As for moral compass, none exists with this family. They are presently up on 63 indictments of fraud against the State of Alaska for falsifying residential applications in order to receive PFD money when, in fact, they were residing in the lower 48. They have a trial date set for January 11, 2016. They are con artists to the empth degree, and have spent their lives preying on the weak, elderly and gullible (I think you might qualify), never caring who they hurt or what mayhem and destruction they leave in their wake. They are also up on fraud charges for receiving welfare from the State of Alaska under false pretenses. The oldest son has charges against him for DUI and drug related arrests, not to mention other things that this writer will not list because it is too disgusting to even think about. These are ALL documented facts so my advise to you would be to educate yourself, take off your rose colored glasses and see these people for who they really are.
Actually, Matt was convicted of the DUI and did his mandatory jail time. He now owes several thousands of dollars in fines and that of course has gone to collections.
I LOVE the Browns, the show reminds me kinda of Northern Exposure. So what if they don’t have the most perfect script, or the boys are doing or saying something off key, it’s what it is and not made to order. I can’t wait for the next episode. The show is real, let it stay that way.
The show reminds me of Lost in space the return of the half humans. I tried to watch Bush People but it made me want to quit my job, eat lot’s of candy and not brush my teeth let my hair just go crazy and move to Alaska and never work again. Then I check out the Browns and found that it was all LIES! They don’t even live in the bush unless you are talking about Billys hair or Amis grey locs. I beat her legs aren’t silky smooth either. They make me sick so I can’t stand the lying trash. It funny how if you lie, cheat and steal you can get a reality show.
Northern Exposure was a far superior TV show. It was fictional and fabulous.ABP can’t carry bush water for a bush soup with your sister.
They don’t have a great script, but it is real? Wow, there is no way to follow that logic and nothing to really say.
Where did Gabe learn to work on ww2 Era diesel engines. Just to clarify. There is no
A 71 detroit diesel engine perhaps he ment 6 71 which is a detroit engine.
Also the US navy never operated a 62 foot wooden subchaser the smallest vessel was the SC class at 110 feet.
I wondered the same thing. I googled that boat to see what the true value was and all of the same boats were 110 feet. This show can’t get anything right. Also it was kind of funny that suddenly out of nowhere Gabe is this great mechanic.
Really great recap, Ryan. My favs this week: “goth pimp Halloween costume”, “asking for her hand in……..going to the swings”………and of course……”I AM THE SKIFF…..and I have a STERN warning.” Priceless !!
As usual Billy Brown doesn’t know what he will do if the boat doesn’t start. He will however just sit on his assistant and give out orders to his sons, that they better fix it. How scripted can you get, “someone kicked the fuel valve shut”. Oh boy now they have to go out on big water. So dramatic. Don’t forget there’s probably another boat following them to film the boat. Ha ha
The home made hot tub was ariit. Ever heard of checking the water temptress before getting in. Lots of bush survival lessons here.
Billy: “Go below deck and don’t come back if you don’t fix the engine”.
And since when did Gabe become some awesome mechanic? Suddenly they portray him as this can’t miss mechanic that can save the day.
Another hilarious recap Ryan. Can’t thank you enough for taking one for the team and suffering through each show each week seesso we don’t have to.
Laughed so hard reading this, I cried.
At one point they said “3 weeks later” and yet it seems like summer now, so a month ago the ground was too frozen to dig and now the are dressed for warmer weather again and the ground is soft.
Good recap Ryan. Your ABP exhaustion is showing through nicely.
Poor Ryan, You are my hero.I still change the channel a luxury you do not have, so sorry. Your recaps are hilarious. I wait for them to pop up in my e-mail.
“Look at the rainbow to the ‘port’ ( left)” ! As Scammer Billy and camera pan to the right!