Well that was a short-lived respite, wasn’t it Dance Moms nation? What did everyone do with their Lonely Tuesday? According to Lifetime, tonight’s is actually episode 517, but I’ve done 18 recaps even before this bugger — and not counting the specials — so if everyone could kindly just march along to the beat of my episode-count drummer so we all stay on the same parade route, I’d be grateful. We cool? Good.
So anyway, ALDC L.A. starts today! Well, kind of. Everyone is in L.A. , but we’re still squatting at 3rd St. Dance. Jill says Abby is a big fibber. Three trips west. Zero studio. The hell?
Before we head inside, Holly thanks everyone for coming to Nia’s Aussie performance, and Melissa points out that now it’s Kendall’s turn.
Inside, Abby’s a’waiting. And she has just revealed the source of her superpowers.
You guys, I’m serious.
She needs them.
Where are they?
That’s a new cookie. She just bought that.
You stay away from that, Melissa.
So are we having rehearsal or is she cleaning out her purse, wonders Holly. Abby says, well, she likes Holly’s earrings, if she’s so eager to move it along.
Ha! Abby made a funny.
Low blood sugar, Abby. Eat the cookie.
Even if it does taste like quarters.
Holly says L.A. does not bring out the best in Abby; it brings out the crazy.
And the itchy nose.
The really itchy nose.
The super, ultra itchy nose.
Itchy.
And it’s contagious. Just ask Jill.
Pyramid time. Jill wants to know what it’s based on, Australia or what? Abby says yes, Australia. This should be good.
Bottom of the bottom is Kalani for taking me-time. That she didn’t want. That Abby says she sanctioned.
Then JoJo. Too hoppy at the Astras.
Mack rounds it out. Not working hard enough.
Whoa. No Nia. Am I awake? *pinch* Yes. Awake.
Row two starts with Kendall. She did good. So. That.
There’s Nia. Abby offers her congratulations. Had to go to a cocktail party instead, but you know. Good job.
Top of the top is Maddie, even though she biffed it at the Astras. Abby gives her credit for wanting to include her entire team at the performance — which we punctuate with a hilariously misguided clip of Maddie nodding at the other dancers and telling reporters that even those guys listen to Sia’s music. Oh, poor Maddie. What this show does to you.
This weekend we are headed to Energy Dance. Well, we not including Abby. ’Nother cocktail party, Ab? Nope. Abby blames contractor drama. The mothers pout.
The group dance will be called “Shame On You,” but Abby’s not tellin’ how come. So much more fun when it’s a secret. The worst kept one ever, but let us humor you.
Solos go to Kalani, Nia and Kendall.
Oh, and Kendall’s video is going to premiere tomorrow night, too, Jill says this is why Abby is Kendall’s manager. Such huge announcements … in front of 12 entire people.
In the mom closet, the ladies discuss how unprofessional it is of Abby to not show up for the competition. Let’s go gang up on her. That always goes swell.
Abby will not attend this competition. This is America and therefore she does not have to. I Dream of Gisoni did not realize that “optional attendance of dance competition” is in the “America” contract.
The next day, the mothers are still pouty and Abby cares predictably much. She’s been at her new studio and also, she’s ready for the big reveal about why the group dance is called what it is. Like there is a single one of us who didn’t know it in the first place.
But let’s play along.
See, we’re a team. But we have a traitor.
See? Traitor.
And the traitor has a mother.
Who has looked like this through 97.83% of this season.
And the traitor is not going to take the title lying down, because she’s bad-ass Nia Sioux now!
Oh yeah? Well Abby wasn’t invited to your recording studio thingie either, so there. Where were we?
So we have a traitor and she’s all trying to get the other girls to come over to the dark side. Why are we doing this? Because Nia’s 13 now. She should be able to sabotage better opportunities all by herself. Or something. Whatever.
Holly says shame on Abby instead. Not going to get the Fraziers down, no ma’am. Nia has the opportunity to take the lead in the group dance and she’ll take the rest for what it’s worth.
Kendall’s solo is called “Just An Illusion.” Abby thinks she’s terribly clever for coming up with it. Also she wants to stab Kendall in the heel with a needle.
The pressure and exhaustion start to get to Kendall, whose lips begin to tremble. Abby bellows. Jill asks Kendall to suck it up. Kendall does. She is allowed to live to the premiere.
Kendall! Kendall! Kendall! And the crowd goes wild.
Now everyone remember — little girls should look like little girls in their videos.
Don’t get me wrong. I think the song is cute as a button and Kendall is adorable in the video and I’m proud as punch of our girl. But it was no less mature than Nia’s. So Abby owes Nia one of about 9 million apologies for the diss. Also, hi Payton.
Speaking of maturity — Nia congratulates Kendall on drawing a larger crowd than she did to her video premiere. Kendall gathers the team and says they’re all sisters. That, people, is how you do maturity.
CHEESE!
Nia gets to wear two masks in her solo, Master of Disguise, because that should be comfortable. The mothers talk about how it’s another phrase for two-faced and Abby really needs to let it go. Or stick It in her purse. That should be sufficient enough to lose It for good.
Rounding out a trifecta of message dances is Kalani’s solo, “Unbeauty.” In other words, stop relying on your looks. Be pretty on the inside. And smart. Holly says, whatever … the deck is stacked … Abby knows who she wants to win. Doesn’t she aways.
Meanwhile, Abby is “Unorganized.” Can we dance about that?
Remember, potential ALDC LA participants. This would be how your business owner handles her affairs. The mothers have a good laugh about it.
Time to head to Valley High School for the competition … in a slightly less swanky ride than our tricked-out bus of yore.
True to her promise, Abby is not there, but Jessalynn says that just gives them the opportunity to prove that they aren’t nothing without Abby. Everyone certainly looks more relaxed.
Nia looks like this.
Enjoy your nightmares, little children.
So Kalani has a costume. Nia has a costume ..ish. Where’s Kendall’s costume? Gia doesn’t know. But no costume, no prop, no dance. Short-lived glory for poor Kendall.
Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Timberlake.
Kalani is pretty in pink and graceful as a swan. The dance is particularly lovely. But it wasn’t Unbeauty. To wit:
Oh well. No Abby, so pfffft.
Not practicing with her masks comes back to haunt Nia instantly when the first one goes sailing on her as soon as she begins to move.
It’s a weird dance. Nothing more to say. But Nia takes the whole mess in stride.
Dancy McSwitcherson hears you, lady.
And props to you both for getting the job done, regardless.
Back in the get-ready, the mothers wonder how they can trust Abby when she can’t even provide the basics — adequate practice time, proper costumes, props.
Thankfully, the group dance is pretty much flawless. So booyah!
Awards time.
To her massive credit, Nia gets fifth.
Kalani gets first for her improv-ed beauty.
The group dance wins, too.
“Who wants to call Abby — Maddie, I vote you!” jokes Jill. OK, Kalani, you do it, instead.
So that’s handled. What should we do next? I know! Let’s call back with excuses!
And blow your streaming nose for you?
Abby said “groin.”
And also, the dog ate Kendall’s costume.
And Abby needs an accountant. And Abby-time. And …
…hello?
Next week on Dance Moms, Maddie’s new Sia video gets the usual reception, we get a guest choreographer and the West Coast crazy train chugs onward.
So what say you, Dance Moms nation? It was a farce from start to finish, but ya gotta admit it was pretty funny to watch. Where do you think Abby was really? Were you happy to see the moms all playing nice for a change? Did you like Kendall’s video? Will you rub my leg cramp and fetch me a tissue? Can I see what’s in your purse? Sound off in the comments section below.
New episodes of Dance Moms air Tuesday nights at 9/8CT on Lifetime.
I think the competition she was kicked out of was the one where she got in the fight with Kira, which I think is still coming up.
I ‘m questioning these girls videos. Both look like way more adult than a 12 year old and a 13 year old. Kendalls is talking about wearing out our military troops,while dancing in short shorts—is it just me?
When I saw the Dumping of the Large Prada Bag on the Floor, my 1st thought was that Abby is really losing her grip. Then I thought that maybe it was some sort of substance abuse. As a Health Professional I’ve seen a lot of both. Having read Lori’s theory about Abby’s sending her own “Dance Message” to the producers, I really hope that is the case, and that Abby is an evil genius. But I seriously think she needs to be evaluated by a professional, not just because of her recent erratic behavior, but because of all the craziness we’ve seen over the years. I think her mother’s death (and Broadway Baby’s), as well as the pressure of L.A. has pushed her over the edge. Just my humble opinion.
As far as the Handicap Placard in Abby’s purse, in her defense, I’ve always noticed that she had some difficulty walking, like maybe problems with a hip. I noticed the trouble she has with stairs, also. I don’t think it’s laziness that she’s always sitting, I believe it is painful for her to stand very long, or walk very far. Again, my opinion.
My biggest LOL moment while reading Lori’s recap of this episode was the “Eat the cookie. Even if it does taste like quarters.” Bwahaha 🙂
And after having seen Nia’s professional video, Kendall’s looked amateurish. Also, I had Nia’s song stuck in my head after seeing the full video, but Kendall’s…not so much. But I think both girls are adorable and performing well under so much pressure at their ages, and I wish both of them well! As Holly said, there’s enough room for both of them to succeed.
Oh, one more thing- was Jill wearing that white blouse backwards?? The one she was wearing near the beginning of the show- when she turned around there was a bow on the back that looked like it should be on the front, and it hung off her back in a peculiar, saggy way. Anyone else notice that?
I too was impressed with Nia’s maturity and poise. I am impressed by the fact that she showed up to support Kendall even though it was obvious that they tried to show her up by setting it up at universal studios so that a larger crowd can be drawn. Not a negative thing came out of that child’s mouth. I think that Abby may be snorting a bit of that nose candy because her behavior was off even for her. Why wouldn’t she be able to work because she had no earrings? I’m sad that the mothers want their 15 min of fame so much that they are willing to put up with this garbage!
Truthfully, I think Abby is just messing with the producers now. She clearly has her sights set on other things, but if she is contractually obligated to the show, then a show must be made. But no one said what kind of footage she has to give them. So we get Sour Patch Kids in a parking garage, fits about earrings, the dumping of the purse, the dumping of the receipts, ramblings about maladies. That’s my take on the whole thing. Abby’s doing her own message dance.
I agree Lori.
Abby also seems to be taking a lot more shots at the producers and Lifetime lately…particularly on social media. She was moaning on social media that the channel and producers did not send private transportation to pick them up at the airport when they competed in Washington a few weeks back….spouting something about “this is how you treat your stars”. Getting upset that they “forced” her to invite Nia and Jojo to Australia.
I also think Abby is trying to do a little damage control. She has been commenting a lot about how the show is not so real and she is editted to look bad. I think she wants to do other things and may need to try to repair her reputation to get that done….although acting crazy is probably not the best way to accomplish that….unless she can convince people that she is really a nice person and the producers edit the footage to make her look crazy and mean spirited.
Lori, once again you have not failed to entertain me during my lunch hour. Bravo again and the banter between John and the others, hilarious.
I thought about watching the episode but that would just ruin the recap for me, plus I chose to spend it playing Splatoon with my kid and wearing funny hats instead.
The purse, omg that had to be hilarious. I do need to get the bottle of wine chilled so I can watch it now and if they had not disabled fast forward on the On Demand feature I would be set. I could just fast forward through to watch the funny stuff.
Nia needs to be picked up by Disney or another major studio, she has talent and needs away from Crabby.
I love all these girls, loved Kendall’s video, But it absolutely kills me how Abby treats Nia, But I will tell you Now is so cool calm and always acts like a lady thru it all, I absolutely love her and Holly. She is more mature than Abby had ever been.
Hey LORI,
Did you appreciate the girls haughtily walking away at the end of the dance? I notice that Nia and Jojo exited stage left while Kendall, Mack, Kalani, and Maddie exited stage right with Maddie giving the final glance! Fancy stuff! But I think you and Maddie could totes go head to head for an ending poses battle!!!
I truly do wonder what Gia thinks of this stuff when she’s having to teach it to the girls. Hopefully, “It’s just for the show … it’s just for the show … it’s still a good dance … it’s just for the show ….”
What I often wonder about Gianna is how she can stand there and not say anything when Abby treats the girls the way she does…I mean I get that it’s her job and she’s been at Abby’s from the time she could walk, but that’s no reason or excuse to just stand by and let anyone talk to the students, or the parents, they way Abby does. In a way I almost blame Gia as much as Abby, she says NOTHING to defend those kids, and at times joins in the bullying and belittling, which is just sad. I’m sure she’s talented enough to open her own studio, I wonder if all the money she makes from the show is worth the respect she’s lost in those girls and parents.
FYI I have a handicap card. The doctor had to sign the form originally but now I just go into the DMV every three years to get a new sticker. Do I look handicap? No – I have MS.
I must be crazy because I like the show and am I big fan of Abby. Did you stop to think how her life has changed? Losing her Mom and Broadway Baby have left her alone.
Thanks for letting me get this of my chest.
Oh, BTW I am so glad Chloe is gone.
Nice try, Abby.
miller may be alone but that is her own doing. Nobody wants to be anywhere near her because she is a mean, hateful narcissist who never takes responsibility for anything. I suggest therapy.
Makes one wonder why she wants only to be with kids under 13. miller can get her way with little kids. she cannot handle being with adults. maybe she will get some help,,,, but she is her own downfall.
I’m sure you mean you’re glad Christi is gone. Chloe did virtually nothing but dance and be a nice person.
I’m actually glad Chloe is gone as well, she was too sweet, sensitive and humble to put up with that piece of trash for as long as she did.
Dance Moms just needs to be canceled.The show is old and tired and after Chole Lukasiak really the show has no appeal. Viewers would watch to root for Chole cause through all the adversity she faced from Abby she still raised above and did it with respect and as a role model for the world. And really Abby has to call up ET to get interview that is sad. Dance Moms is just painful. And shame on Lifetime Network. The reruns of Dance Moms get more viewers than the actual show. The moms well they will just do anything to get thier five minutes of fame.
Congrats to both girls (Nia and Kendall) on your music videos. It’s a shame that the girls couldn’t be there to support Nia for her video premiere tho. And the moms? I thought they had feces under their noses from the faces they were making. Too good to be up front?? It’s such a shame!! Kudos to Nia and Holly for not displaying the same behavior at Kendall’s premiere!!
Outright lies or wishful thinking? I saw an interview with Abby yesterday, where she implied that Kendall’s little tune was way up on the iTunes charts, passing even Taylor Swift. So I took a look. Maybe I was looking in the wrong places, but is no sign of Kendall anywhere on the iTunes charts, and her name (Kendall K, Kendall Vertes, Kendall) pulls up no search results. Ditto for the Billboard charts. It’s so like Abby to broadcast success where none exists. Delusional, optimistic, desperate?
Look under top music videos on iTunes. It’s number #1 above Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” at the present time of writing this post.
Are you on acid?
She’s not. https://www.apple.com/itunes/charts/music-videos/
Good for Kendall. After all the crap that kid’s been dealt, she deserves the big win.
Thanks Lori. It must be me.
*Dance Moms* got another 0.3 rating.
This episode was just a mess and looking at next week’s preview, I’m not excited for Maddie vs. Mackenzie because we all know Maddie’s going to win, Maddie always wins over her sister because Abby favors Maddie. Hopefully this will be the last season because I really feel sorry for the girls.
Look under top music videos on iTunes. It’s number #1 above Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” at the present time of writing this post.
Shoot I meant this for the post above, sorry
Chlo, I’m stunned. I guess this speaks to the power of the pre-teen dollar.
I know crazy right, pre-teens are definitely “passionate”
Actually, Mackenzie beat Maddie in the division and the overalls
Abby may be big (pardon the pun) back east, but she is way out of her league in LA. Nia had professionals producing her awesome video and who were not afraid to spend the money to make it great. Abby will never be able to compete with LA producers. If Nia is the bad one, then good for her. She’s got talent not yet tapped. I look forward to her first movie.
I’d love to see Disney pick her up and get her out of Crabby’s clutches. She is so Disney girl.
LMAO! I have long stopped watching dance moms because I enjoy the dancing…instead it has become a train wreck that you just can’t take your eyes off. The blog has become my favorite part about dance moms.
There are several scenes in this episode that are just insanely bad on Abby…the purse, the receipts everywhere, the putting down on 13yr old kids…no studio when that’s what you came the la for? Wth! And kindall not getting to do her solo because nobody knows where the costume is. The video wasn’t great, I didn’t really understand the concept of it. These poor kids, idk why these moms are still putting up with Abby, sure she can be amazing but there are also a lot of ther amazing teachers and choreographers out there too.
And seriously Abby looks and acts like she has a substance abuse problem or some type of mental illness. I am in no way trying to be mean or derogatory in any type of way, but I have family member and friends with these types of problems and this crazy behavior is what you get as a result. I hope she seeks help.
Thanks, Vanessa. The blog has become my favorite part of Dance Moms, too. 🙂
I am torn between saying the producers were terrible and that the producers did a get job. On one hand I am getting tired of pasting in old footage to fill up time, the we are a team versus we are not acting like a team, the Abby’s a genius versus Abby’s crazy, the competition is competitive versus winning with improv dancing, and so on…
On the other hand the producer had given the audience a challenge to find the best one-liner hidden in the show. Lori pointed out the conversation with Nia and Kalani after they danced. My favorite zinger was from Jill when Abby kept pouring stuff out of her purse and it kept coming, coming, and coming. Jill says it was because Abby purchased the LARGE Louis Vuitton bag.
Gia got dished in the show. In past episode we would have Melissa and some of the moms pumping up Gia with the “the team needs you’, ‘you’re the rock that holds the team together’, and ‘you can do this girl’ talk. So last night the show made Gia just another hired hand.
I do wonder what is up with Mack Z. Maybe her body is changing and she needs a little time to adjust, but her time on the TV screen has fallen way off. And to some degree Maddie time is down. No solo or featured dancer in the group number for Maddie? I know things will be back to normal in a few weeks – well kinda as Mack Z is #1 and Maddie is #2 in a future competition.
Gia is amazing! I don’t know why she’s still around. She should have stayed in Pitt and took over that studio. I’m sure she could get any opportunity she wanted.
I agree. I just didn’t get the moms saying they were on their own with Gia standing right next to them. She certainly did an excellent job in Australia.
Oh, man. Kendall’s video is embarrassingly bad.
To Whom It May Concern at California Department of Motor Vehicles:
Abbly Lee Miller has a DMV handicapped parking placard (in her purse). She looks plenty healthy enough to walk to me.
That’s ignorance on your part. You can’t always see a disability.
It could also be left over from her years of taking care of her mom. I have one in my vehicle, too, because my daughter has cerebral palsy.
I was thinking the same thing, it was more than likely from when she took care of her mom, although she should have returned it when ML passed away.
A few episodes ago, when they were in LA and she was chowing down Burger King and Sour Patch Kids, Abby parked in a 10-minute handicapped spot, right outside the strip-mall rehearsal space they were using. There was no sign of the handicapped tag in use, but maybe it was just not visible. It might have been the way the episode was filmed, but it seemed like she left her car there way over the limit.
Leigh, don’t let your ignorance fool you.
From the California DMV website:
—————————–
Who qualifies for a Disabled Person (DP) Parking Placard or DP License Plates?
You may qualify for a DP placard or DP license plates if you have impaired mobility due to having lost use of one or more lower extremities, or both hands, or have a diagnosed disease that substantially impairs or interferes with mobility, or one who is severely disabled to be unable to move without the aid of an assistive device. You may also qualify if you have specific, documented visual problems, including lower-vision or partial-sightedness.
——————————-
:::Cue Abby clip doing the drag queen strut:::
PS. That placard is definitely a California permanent disabled placard (temporary ones are red). They are reissued every 2 years.
Unless her mother was a permanent resident in California at some point, that placard is Abby’s.
Oh. Well. Er.
I don’t know California rules but in my state a doctor has to file a form to get a handicap plate or card. It could be any number of things why miller has it. She, if i have to guess, likely has heart problems. Clearly she can walk, but I do notice she seems to have trouble with stairs. Not that I care since I cannot stand that sow. 🙂
I guess Debra, I was more thinking liver.
The DMV in LA wouldn’t have time to check up, as they’re too busy dealing with passport requests ….
LOL. Annika for the win.
You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a bottomless purse whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Dance Moms Zone!
Abby is all over the place… there were some pictures online of her drinking during this trip to LA, which, absolutely its great that she’s unwinding and hanging out with friends but since there are so many examples of her missing coming up this season…eh. It shouldn’t affect her work. Also, if you’ve been horribly sick (which I don’t believe, but benefit of the doubt) maybe drinking late isn’t a the best choice.
Kudos to Nia and her mom for making the best of Abby’s snark, and Kalani for improving! Smart girls
I watched and was all wtf? And when miller said she wasn’t coming to the comp, i kept wondering why the moms were upset and not celebrating. 🙂
I heard an interview with miller and she said the producers threw her out. Literally. 🙂 That’s probably why she wasn’t there.
She is “off”. Really, what is with her and that tongue thing? ewwww.
Kendall’s video, umm, a warehouse and camcorder? I have to say that Nia’s was much better. I still get the impression that, given her own choice, Kendall would get out and go play tennis, but Jill won’t give up the infamy, errr, fame. 🙂