Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People recap: Rise of Browntown

Ryan Berenz

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

In Season 2, Episode 10 of Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People, “Rise of Browntown,” the Brown family moves into their new home, while Matt builds a house for himself out of tires.

Alaskan Bush People Season 1 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | The Wild Life

Season 2 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2Episode 3 | Episode 4Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8  | Wild Times | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14 | SHARK WEEK! | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Lost Footage | The Wild Year

“If we’re going to continue the Brown way of life, we’re going to need to bring more people out here. We’re hoping that the family’s going to grow,” Billy says. You just don’t see a lot of “Congrats On Bringing More People Out Here” gifts at baby showers.

Noah apparently hand-built Billy’s bed, and they’re going to move it to the upstairs of their cabin. They’re rigging up a pulley system to make it look more complicated. I’m curious to see what this bed looks like. I’m expecting some lavish, ornate, full king-sized chestnut canopy bed. Instead, they haul out what looks like a pallet that was made from wood reclaimed from that whole lumber-raft business. And like hell does that thing weigh 2,000 pounds. The Browns finally get the bed upstairs because of PHYSICS! or something.

Billy and Ami claim the bedroom upstairs. Rainy and Birdy will share a room. Gabe’s going to sleep in the corner somewhere. Bear is going to sleep under the stairs because it’s EXXXTREME! Plus, a DVD of the 1991 Wes Craven movie The People Under the Stairs finally made its way up to Alaska and Bear misinterpreted what that movie was all about. Noah Da Vinci will have his own studio space. Bam is going to take over the trapper shack, so he can have a place to bring some poor, desperate lady. Bam’s place will hence be called the Trap Her Shack.

And then there’s Matt. Billy and Ami want him to have a place that’s not made of Saran Wrap, and he should act like a grown-ass man and get a real house. Matt says his plastic-wrap shack was never intended to be permanent, but merely a temporary place where he could die from exposure and/or suffocation in a few days. Plus, the tight seal from the Saran Wrap would keep Matt’s corpse fresh days longer than the other leading brand.

It’s laundry day in Browntown, and the Browns wash their clothes in a creek, because people in the bush are not privy to the Ancient Chinese Secret.

Birdy uses a “tea-bagging” washing technique, which means exactly what she intends and has no other meaning and definitely not one that is sexual innuendo. Billy wonders if Noah can engineer some clothes-drying device, because the family’s run out of quarters for the laundromat next to the Icy Strait Lodge. A few of the boys take the “hour-long” boat ride into Hoonah to scour the junkyard for supplies and maybe the partially decomposed body of Matt’s friend Crazy Kenny. Matt spots a pile of tires and has an epiphany. He will build his home out of tires!

I get super creeped out when Ami and Billy have their talks about grandbabies and expanding Browntown because they don’t sound like parents who want their children to be happy and have families of their own. They sound like people who are trying to create new followers for some cult.

“I love the smell of rubber in the morning,” Matt says.

tirefire

Matt, Gabe and Noah are bringing tires to the dock, and acting like 10-year-olds. Where are the Skaflestads when you need them? Matt gets into two tires and tries to roll down the dock. It does not go well. And so is born Michelin Matt.

MichelinMatt

Matt would really be in a lot of pain if it weren’t for all that meth he smoked at the junkyard.

When the boys get back to Brownton Abbey, Michelin Matt continues this colossal waste of time and energy while Noah works on building the clothes incinerator. Matt has no plan for his tire house. He has tires of all different sizes. I’ll bet he didn’t even research the proper load index or speed rating of those tires. Dumbass.

It’s time for Billy and Ami to spring the matchmaker thing on the boys. “It’s a little bit out there, a little offensive,” Noah says. Besides, Noah still pines for Minnie from Ketchikan. Gabe just likes to let things happen naturally, because that’s what worked so well for him so far. “The matchmaker seems a little forced,” Gabe says. YA THINK? “It sounds a bit like you’re pimping me out,” Bam says.

Noah’s got his clothes-burning barrel ready to test. Bear’s awesomeness is called upon to light the fire under it. But it’s not nearly EXXXXTREME enough until you get inside the thing yourself and feel the metal searing your flesh. They throw a bunch of clothes in there, spin it a few times, and pull out a steaming shirt and say “Wow, look at that!” Bear throws on his scalding-hot and probably still very wet sweatshirt and runs off to resume his awesomeness duties.

Michelin Matt’s Steel-Belted Radial Deathtrap is coming along nicely. Soon it will be big enough to collapse.

Susie, the matchmaker of AlaskaMen magazine fame, arrives at the camp and Ami immediately starts in with the grandbabies business. “I will try to pick girls that will fit into the family group,” Susie says, already realizing she’s just going to resort to the Russian mail-order thing again. The boys groom themselves, even though visiting with the matchmaker IS NOT A DATE. “I like a girl, too, that when I howl, would howl back. That’s awesome. I love to howl,” Bear tells Susie, who finds it funny and cute because she hasn’t suffered through hour after hour of this kid’s stale schtick like I have. If you go to Susie’s Facebook page, you’ll find this and similar vomit-inducing stuff:

AlaskaMen

“You have to show your kids that they have to work for everything. Nobody’s going to give you something in this world. You have to work for it,” Billy says. Oy. I’ll let our commenters from Alaska handle that one.

The boys have to go to Hoonah to pick up mail from Susie, and they hang out at Misty Bay Lodge to see who got paired up with what. Bear and Gabe get matches, and they’re attractive ladies who are interested in being on the TV. Gabe phones his gal Christine and makes an ass of himself. Christine giggles and finds Gabe cute, because that’s what the script says. Then it’s Bear’s turn to pretend he doesn’t know how to use a phone. Bear calls Sara. “Hey, this is Bear. Is this Sara?” Long pause while Sara rethinks this thing she’s gotten herself into. “Yes,” she says. Sara works at a sewing embroidery shop. “Do you ever embroider any, like, trees or anything?” Bear asks. “Ah … no,” Sara replies. “Just thought I’d check,” Bear says. Sara does not hang up. She’ll regret that.

Michelin Matt’s Galvanized Rubber Hut of All-Weather Traction looks like someone from a Destination America lifestyle series got a hold of it. Could Queer Eye for the Bush Guy be in the works?

Sitting around the dining room table, Ami won’t shut up about the grandbabies. Matt tells Ami that Bear and Gabe talked to girls on the phone today, which if Rosemary’s Baby has taught us anything, it means that both Sara and Christine will be mysteriously impregnated overnight.

[Update: Smilin’ Susie Carter takes time out from pimpin’ the Brown boys to pimpin’ her mag.]
SusieCarter

41 Comments

  1. Ramona………holy crap! Are you saying that that phone call…..the one we saw on tv in their episode with the matchmaker was filmed in January ?????? And that they used your daughter’s photo and phone number without you knowing about it? Gabe calls and spoke with your daughter……and then two days later the matchmaker Susie calls you up and tells you that Gabe does not want to meet Christina and that he is “scared”? For crying out loud………is there NOTHING DC does that is on the level?????????? I need a drink. Bartender ! Make that a double !!!

    • Lmao that’s exactly how it happened yup. We live close to Bellingham wa in a town called sedro woolly Gabriel told her in the phone call ( which they of course edited out ) they take the ferry to Bellingham all the time and next time he’s in town he will call her they made it seem like next time he was in hoonah he would call when he meant Bellingham. There was so much twisted and if you listen good bear calls Christina by mistake and hits redial you can tell it’s her saying hello, hello and they cut to sarah and he did call by mistake lol before Gabriel called her . The production talked to her before he called and said were like family just be yourself . Ya ha right manipulaters 🙂

    • Oh and after this all happened Susie the so called match maker tried to set my 27 year old up with a 57 year old man Damn that’s 30 year difference fricken really Susie omg I hope these girls don’t trust her. She does not pay attention to detail she just throws them out there to god knows who. These people are too much !

  2. I’m sorry Ryan. I keep getting Barbara Crafts mixed up with DC when it is The Examiner she writes for. In my story I write that I tried to contact Bam Bam via Facebook but was unsuccessful. Not twelve hours after my article hit the cyber waves Bam “friended” me. But I was not alone. He also “friended” 600 other people ! Also, The Watcher picture of him that I posted in my article was also now his new cover photo on facebook. I thought that was really neat. But it was short lived. A few days later I was “unfriended”, along with anyone else in our group that had put in a friend request to him. And The Watcher photo of him was changed to something else. Was that DC’s doing? Was it “damage control?” No doubt. And to this day…….even though I am certain that BamBam did receive The Watcher, he has never so much as said a single word to me. I wasn’t worth the effort. I can take that. But I think my friend Kimmy was.

  3. Thanks for the link, Ryan ! Looked it up and saw so many posts……and soooooo many stupid women who buy into all of that nonsense. I saw a couple of people from my group too. I did not post a question …….. for obvious reasons. LOL

  4. Hey Ryan. That was quick !! Yes, I am saying that Bear and this young lady already know each other. I will apologize if I am wrong but do not believe I am. There is a recent trailer showing a clip of the matchmaker, Bear, and Sara sitting in a booth talking…..I am presuming……..on their “first” meeting. I recognized the young lady, immediately, as being in a picture that was posted in our group awhile back. It was a picture of her and Bear, on a “date”…..going sledding. There was also a picture of them with others (I assumed it was some of the other Brown boys) as they were all sledding. Perhaps they were not on a “date” but that is what the caption said under the photo. I do not remember who posted those pictures but I will ask the group. I am not the only one who picked up on that either, Ryan. A couple others in our group recognized Sara as well. That is why DC fears us like they do……..we are a far cry from a bunch of ignorant people who don’t know shit from shinola. And most of us have VERY good memories……..something the DC does not……or…….they don’t care that we know the truth…….because we are a small fraction of how many actually watch and buy into that show. It probably wouldn’t mean didly crap to us either, if we did not know about all of the fraud allegations against the state of Alaska, among many other stories of lies and distortion and scams affiliated with this family. Our files are full of documentation in regard to them.

    The “scoop” came from the horses mouth herself…..Ramona O’Malley. She posted a few times in our group and told us everything. To say she was “livid” is an understatement. She was one pissed off Mama. And now DC/matchmaker has contacted them AGAIN wanting Christina to hook up with Gabe? Wait a minute……didn’t Gabe say he was NOT attracted to Christina and did NOT want to meet her? That whole matchmaker thing is a scam………along with everything else that DC does in connection with that show. They are “recycling” females that the Browns/DC already know. We have seen pictures of filming being done on the dock where Matt is talking with a female. Another “date” that the matchmaker has set up? This female works as a bartender at the Icy Straits Lodge where the Brown live………and already has a boyfriend………and it isn’t Matt.

    I almost forgot ! Ryan and David…..when you have a minute….please check my facebook page (Sherry Hicks). I wrote an article that was published by Amia Says for Reality TV and Scandals. It is about my best friend and BamBam. Remember when I told you that my best friend had passed away (three months ago)? The article is called “The Watcher”. I wanted to see what you guys thought about it. I have it posted on my facebook page. Also, Barbara Crafts, from the Discovery Channel, also wrote a short article about MY article and she posted it on the Discovery Channel webb site. It is called “BamBam receives a special gift after a fan passes away”. Just thought you two would like to see what kind of trouble I have been getting myself into. I will tell you guys about the “fallout” from those articles after you read them.

    Sherlock here…….signing off for now……..

    • I did read your very touching tribute to your friend! Beautiful story!

      (Is there a spy camera hidden in the Watcher?)

      I read Barbie Crafts’ ABP stuff on examiner.com, but does she have an affiliation with Discovery?

      I wouldn’t worry too much about Discovery. They know that any chatter, even negative chatter, is good for business.

  5. Loved the recap Ryan! So darn funny. My favorite snarks are the “Trap Her Shack” and the “clothes incinerator”………laughed my ass off as I saw Bear running off with his jacket smoking that he had just pulled out of the “clothes incinerator”………..why did this episode remind me of The Three Stooges (plus six)………

    Billy was still referring to Noah as a genius……smh. Billy was telling us how, as a parent, he has always tried to instill in his family the value of working hard to provide for the family. I felt nautious.

    Ami telling the manolescents about the matchmaker was priceless. Their remarks to that newfound information was: “I’m not ready (for a relationship)”; “Seems a bit “out there” to me”; “I feel like I’m being pimped out”. Hmmmmm. Out of the mouth of babes. And babes is right. I had a flashback of the rolling down the dock in tires part of the episode and somehow “marriage material” did not exactly fit. Instead of hiring a matchmaker Ami should have hired a counselor…..one who specializes in social skills and emotional maturity.

    Here is some 411 Ryan that has been recently posted. The jury trial for the Browns has been rescheduled for Jan 11, 2016. There is a motion to dismiss charges and a opposition to that motion that was filed by the DA. They will be able to finish the season and maybe stall for another one before the jury decides that they had not been living in Alaska for at least 4 years prior to being “discovered” living in Alaska.

    Looks like their “team” of lawyers are busy…….doing what lawyers do best.

    Can’t wait to see your “take” on some of these posts, David.

    Sherlock here…….signing off for now.

  6. Ramona O’Malley I give you a HIGH FIVE and your daughter as well !!! There was something “not right” about those phone calls. To be a good lier you have to have an incredibly good memory……and obviously…..DC does not. They assume the American public is made up of morons that do not remember anything that happened previously on these shows. For one thing, this person named Sara that Bear talked to is a girl that he already knows and has been seen with her. There is a picture of them going on a “date” to go sledding or something of that nature. As for Gabe, this is the perfect example of “what goes around comes around”. I do remember when Christina was supposed to appear on the show and Gabe said that he was not “attracted” to her and did not want to meet her. Your daughter was devastated but DC STILL wanted her to come on the show so Gabe could publicly declare that he was not interested in her. I was appalled, but not surprised, as this was not the first time that DC displayed their lack of moral compass and respect. And now, matchmaker Susie is matching up Gabe with Christina……hmmmmmm. Somebody did not do their homework did they? And what happened with Gabe? All of a sudden now he is “attracted” to Christina? You and your daughter told the entire bunch to POUND SAND, which is EXACTLY what you should have done. It shows that your moral compass is worth more to you than anything those people have to offer. When this Susie matchmaker person “interviewed” the Brown manolescents their requests were something to behold: “I don’t want someone with a Brooklyn accent or anyone from Texas”; I want someone who will howl back at me when I howl at her;” “I would like someone who is a little crazy”; I thought I was watching an episode of the Twilight Zone. Matt confirmed it when he said: “I am 32, single, and there is a reason for it”. I thought “Yes, there sure is. It is called Open Mouth, Insert Foot. You will be single for another 32 years”.

    Ramona and Christina….my hat is off to you both for doing the right thing. How refreshing it is to see a couple of people who are NOT caught up in the limelight of show business and who put their self respect and integrity above all else.

    • “this person named Sara that Bear talked to is a girl that he already knows and has been seen with her. There is a picture of them going on a “date” to go sledding or something of that nature.” — Sherry, do you mean Sara and Bear were acquainted before Susie set them up?

      “I do remember when Christina was supposed to appear on the show and Gabe said that he was not “attracted” to her and did not want to meet her.” — Wow. How’d you get this scoop?

      • Everything you said is true I was saying all this online and never thought they would use her pic and phone call (that’s the one and only time they spoke and it was way edited they played 30 seconds of the conversation when they spoke for 15 minutes and then they twist it around. Me and my daughter find it quite amusing and let’s see next week why they say she didn’t come lol

    • I want to let you know back in January that phone call happened he did not call her recently. They still used the footage from January to make people think it was a match and she came out .they want more viewers and like I said we will see if they make it look like her not wanting to come when we all know it was him. They want ratings, but all this happened in January and there just now showing it and used her image still to try and fool the public. 2 days after that call they recorded the Matchmaker informed her he dident want to do it and was scared . After everything we found out we thanked god she never went we were ignorant about reality tv but not dumb we found out quick. DC thought she looks sweet and she is but she would have flipped her switch to bitch lol and they would have made her out to look crazy them manipulative quacks . Thanks for the support I’m glad all are not fooled

  7. This show is a fairy tale like many of the reality shows are. The thing that makes this show a little bit worse, is all the legal charges against them. If they have defrauded the government that’s bad. That should not be supported by watching the show. It is a funny show I agree. If Billy Brown can sell his story to Discovery any one can. I’m trying to think of something myself. I’ve had alot of interesting true adventures

  8. What is wrong with all you people – the BrownTownClowns are my heroes and idols. I have never seen such a pure, authentic, wholesome, clean, well spoken, and hardworking family of pretty bush-people. If I had a daughter I would ship her out there tomorrow. All the man-boys could play spin the bottle to see who gets to bed and marry her. Or they could just impress her with all there amazing highly skilled abilities and talents.

    Why do I think that the shows produces are trying desperately to follow the “Duck Dynasty” show format here? Look closely my follow BrownClown fans. Willie Robertson meets Billy Brown – let’s talk story lines. They always run out of time, money and equipment. Everything is always breaking and turns into a disaster. Life as we know it is always about to come to an end if something does not happen right away – so get in gear and get this done right now. Both poor Willie and Billy are stuck with families of character-character-character loud and noisy facial hair inept misfits. Even the females in both shows have some similarities.

    What is the difference between the two shows? In the beginning before Duck Dynasty ran into their bad public relations problem Duck Dynasty had a group of natural experienced reality actors with good story lines that came across well on camera. The production company that contacted Willie also lucked out with the Duck Dynasty team and there past TV experience. They also got a very lucky break with landing the right show and story producers that just instinctively knew what to do with the Robertson family. In the world of television it is a hit and miss and there are more misses than hits.

    Now let’s look a poor old Billy Brown and his family of frauds. None of them have any passed on camera experience and no one has any natural on camera talent for making good realty TV. The family does not have the ability or skill to create good story lines. The show produces are a big miss as well. No one on the producer’s team has the skill sets to work with the Brown family in ways that can develop good story lines or take the raw personalities and make them likeable and even loveable.

    So they all created a fraudulent overall storyline about their past and who they are now today. Maybe if the state locks them up in prison for lying of the forms the show will be over or they will use it as there next life setback for the show. The poor BrownTownClowns I feel so bad – Geeee my pop corns done got to go bye.

  9. That girl Christine is my daughter and she never went on the show the phone call was not scripted but I can tell you it was edited . Discovery wanted gabe to bring her out to dump her on tv my daughter and her name is christina omalley not Christine that’s what he called her she told discovery and that quack susie bye it there loss and her gain my daughter is sweet and shy and discovery wanted to use that to there advantage . I sure they thought great tv huh discovery is fake and brown clowns I’m glad she didn’t go thank god

      • Your welcome I want to c next week’s episode and see how they edit why she didn’t come you know it will be a lie lol we are quite amused here in Washington state (Sedro-Woolley )

  10. I guess the genius Noah does not realize that dryers work from moving the moist air out of them with a fan and a vented barrel?
    He “invented” a clothes cooker.

  11. it would appear that those who choose to denigrate this family do so because they lack that part of human intelligence that can separate ‘entertainment’ from peanut butter. as for ‘robert’, I would suggest a new source of ‘entertainment’ since you are obviously jealous of their success, real or imagined. I love the hell out of this family, their lifestyle, determination and straightforwardness.

    • Looks like you can’t separate a fake TV lifestyle from a bunch of criminals leeching off welfare.

      • That’s the part of this whole show that bothers me. We are encouraging fraud.

    • LOL Success, they live off food stamps and welfare and have dozens of felony fraud charges pending.

  12. So no mention of the thousands of dollars worth of finished shiplapped lumber that showed up on the cabin walls inside?

  13. I like this show, I am glkad & sorry a the same time to learn that they actually live in a loge and not in the bush, but the feeling of close family comes through and I like that`

    • Close like the Duggars, Billy really likes sleeping in the same tent with with 2 girls a little too much.

  14. While a bit overdone the overall idea is heartwarming. I would so live in Brownstown. I think they are a tight loving family that others may envy so they poke fun at the small things that don’t matter because if you put their families on TV would be just boring. I see only love and loyalty that so lack in modern families. I guess I like the brown family and if they wanted to entertain a new bloodline I would move there in a heartbeat. I love you guys keep on keeping on and I will watch.

    • Good for you Jenn. Your life could be a lot worse. you could meet Robert! I am 75, have three kids who live in Alaska and they love it, even tho they are more on the ‘city folk’ side of life there.

      • Do you steal electricity to grow weed like the Browns too? Don’t work and live off welfare?

  15. I keep seeing “ticklers” of Gabe having been ill, and saw him using a cane in a few of the episodes. But, I’m not finding anything to indicate that he is/was ill.

  16. What? The boys can’t work another day nailing wood to a crusty old cargo container and buy their mom a mattress?

  17. bush people, a group of retards, its stupidity is what is entertaining, cant decide if i want to shoot myself or be hauled off to another galaxy.

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About Ryan Berenz 2105 Articles
Some things I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife