Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People recap: A Wolfpack Divided

Alaskan Bush People Discovery Channel

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

In the May 29 midseason* premiere of Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People, “A Wolfpack Divided,” the Brown family is ready to move into their new home when Ami requires immediate medical attention and must travel to a big city for surgery. Meanwhile, the pressure is on the boys to secure a wood-burning stove so the family can stay warm over winter.

*Discovery Channel has been pushing this as a new season, though the May 29 new episode is listed as Season 2, Episode 9. We’re going to call this Season 2B until someone at Discovery who knows what the hell is going on tells us otherwise.

Alaskan Bush People Season 1 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | The Wild Life

Season 2 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2Episode 3 | Episode 4Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8  | Wild Times | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14 | SHARK WEEK! | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Lost Footage | The Wild Year

Because no one received the memo from new Discovery Channel President Rich Ross, we have more new episodes of ABP.

Picking up where we left off at stately Brownton Abbey on Chicago Bears Island, the Browns are very happy with The House That Discovery Built, except that it has no heat source, and WINTER IS RIGHT THERE! Actually, it was right there a few minutes ago. Where is it now?

Remember when Ami was so eager to flee Ketchikan, the city of vice and whoredom, that she bypassed getting surgery to remove her infected “remaining teeth”? Well, that decision finally came back to bite (Ha!) her in the ass. Her teeth are hurting somethin’ fierce, and they’ll need to get her some surgery pronto. The Browns distrust modern medicine and avoid it unless absolutely necessary. (That time Billy stayed overnight in the hospital because he had a cough? That apparently doesn’t count.) I’ve grown weary hearing about all the Browns’ random plot-device ailments. If I want that kind of stuff, I’ll talk to my father-in-law.

This tooth extraction is going to require a trip to Juneau via a puddle-jumper plane. Airplane charters and oral surgeons probably don’t take a garbage can full of trout as payment, so this is going to cost the Browns a pretty penny. There goes all the money for the wood stove!

Ami packs the essentials, her bible and her gun. Billy, Rainy and Birdy come along for the boat ride to Hoonah, where they’ll catch the float plane to Juneau. They’re all bitching about having to fly, even though they have their own plane, there’s no jackass reclining a seat into their knees, and Ami gets to bring a big-ass gun onboard an aircraft. Someone needs to just drug them B.A. Baracus style and throw them into the luggage compartment.

Back home, the boys decide they’re going to get jobs for which they will be compensated with currency they can exchange for goods and/or services. Novel idea! Matt’s buddy, Crazy Kenny from the junkyard, knows a guy, Bryce, who’s willing to appear on TV and let the Brown boys pound a few nails for the cameras.

Rainy and Birdy get the opportunity to hit the big city of Juneau to ransack drugstores and marvel at modern conveniences like feminine razors and People magazine.

At the doctor’s office, Ami has to get a high-tech “Jetsons” whole-mouth X-ray, which reveals that 12 (!) of her teeth have to come out. I wonder if Spacely Sprockets had a decent dental plan.

Birdy and Rainy are entranced by a gas-fueled fireplace with its artificial logs that summon fire without flint or tinder. Fire on. Fire off. Fire on. Fire off. Fire on. Fire off. JUST KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!

The boys get the wood-burning stove into the house, and they’ve got to install the chimney duct by cutting through the second floor and the roof. One of them gets the idea to shoot a gun through the ceiling. I’ll have to remember this technique the next time I’m tempted to just drill pilot holes. Noah Da Vinci is the only sensible one who doesn’t want to be discharging firearms at the house from within the house. He is voted down by his AWESOME and EXTREME brothers. Bam blasts the ceiling. That was some good ol-fashioned unnecessary fun. Bear climbs up on the roof to cap the chimney. He’s not too keen on caulk guns, and he just likes to spread roofing cement all over the place with his bare hands, because severe skin irritation is AWESOME and EXTREME! The wood stove is finally ready to blast out some massive BTUs.

Grouchosaurus

Digression! At my factory job in high school, we burned all of our garbage in a cornfield behind the parking lot (not my idea, I assure you). On my first day of incinerator duty, I had an awful time trying to ignite a big pile of corrugated cardboard. I must’ve been out there for 20 minutes with a lighter trying to get that stuff to catch fire. One of the other guys noticed my incompetence, and advised me to tear off one side of the cardboard and light the corrugated part inside. Yep, that got ‘er going. I guess the point of this story is that cardboard insulation isn’t a fire hazard if you’re an idiot. The Browns will be fine.

Ami got her teeth yanked and everything was fine. The winner and still champion: MODERN MEDICINE!

Ami, Billy, Rainy and Birdy arrive back at Brownton Abbey just as the boys are putting the finishing touches on the stove. Everyone’s happy. The Wolfpack is whole again. And the Tooth Fairy will reward Ami handsomely.

Overall, not a great start to Season 2B. I’ll give it points for a Crazy Kenny cameo, but this episode was mostly a big steaming pile of schmaltz. It’s probably just me, though. It’s been a long short workweek. I’m tired. Maybe I’ve got Bush People burnout. When you can’t resist trolling religious radio talk-show hosts on Twitter, it’s time to seek help.

At least @DeebsDad had fun.

https://twitter.com/DeebsDad/status/604464839147331584

49 Comments

  1. Ryan……where are the posts from yesterday from myself and Ramona O’Malley? Are they on a different page and if so how do I get to it? Do not see anything that even says there are other posts. Thanks for your help !

  2. Janice T: The Brown children were all allegedly “home schooled” but if you saw examples of their writing and grammar capabilities you would question that. It has been reported that the youngest girl, twelve year old Rainy, has been enrolled in school in Hoonah, but has yet to attend.

    Jody: You are one rude and heavily opinionated individual.

    David: AWESOME post. Saw Jodys posts and the remark about how she would have to “break it down to us Barney style” and thought…….just you wait until David gets ahold of your opinionated rude self ! You did NOT disappoint ! HIGH FIVE, my friend.

    Ryan and David: Got some 411 for you. A 20 million dollar loan has been given to Hoonah for improvements at Icy Strait Point, a cruise ship destination. Another five million has been given to the improvement project by Northrim Bank. This project will supposedly be done by the fall of this year. Lots of temp jobs will be created and there will be 35 permanent jobs created as well. This may tie in with the fact that the Browns are gearing up to have “tours” of their camp site there on Chicago Bears Island. Also, their June court date was continued until January 11, 2016. There are now a total of 63 indictments against the state of Alaska, involving six of the nine family members, for falsifying residency applications in order to collect PDF funds, going back several years.

    Ryan: Never you fear. I have seen other “recaps” but none hold a candle to you. I think you will have a field day with tomorrow nights episode. You made an interesting comment about how hard it is to mock something when they are “in” on the joke. What they don’t realize is that THEY are the joke. And is it me or has Matts behavior been more and more “out there” ?

    And don’t forget, there are two other musketeers that are behind you all the way. ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL.

    Sherlock here…….signing off for now.

  3. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Ryan !!! David is backkkkkkkkkk! It is the three musketeers, together once again, battling the atrocities of Reality TV !!!! Whew! You had me worried there for a minute, David. Thought you had gone to the campground in the sky to sing kumbayah. leaving us alone to fight the evil forces of Brownnoses.

    • Nope, not in the campground in the sky. I am still here for the ride.
      I liked the link about the brawl on the dock. Good gosh 98% of the poor people in Hoonah who aren’t getting paid by this show have to be ready to throw the entire Brown clan off the dock into the ocean.

  4. Excellent Ryan! You are the gold standard of snarky recaps. I even enjoy what I might be picking up in your writing as just a pinch of ABP fatigue. I think it ads to the flavor wonderfully. Keep up the good work

    • Thanks. You are too kind! Yeah, I have ABP fatigue, and I hope I can still keep these recaps funny. That last episode was just brutal. It’s harder to mock something that seems more and more like it’s in on the joke.

  5. Ryan…..I did read all of the info on that brawl between the local boys and the Browns and what is written is all anyone knows….it is about as accurate an account as its going to get. In the days after the mayhem and foolishness the Browns did not go anywhere without police escort, clearly concerned for their well being. The Browns supposedly thought that their women folk had been mooned and things escalated from there. Bear did sucker punch Mr. S, which is a no no in anybody’s book but in his defense I will say this: Bear is the best tempered of the five boys, in my opinion. I have never known him to ever be anything but mannerly and sweet so I knew that something had to have been bad wrong for him to react the way he did. However, with so many people involved it is anyone’s guess who was truly at fault and to drop the entire mess would be in the best interest of everyone. Now whether DC will leave it alone is another story altogether.

    Jody…..apparently you need to read Ryan’s response to an earlier post by you, AGAIN, as you obviously did not understand a word he said.

    And David S……if you are reading this……you are missed.

    This is Sherlock signing off for now.

    • I am here Sherlock. Just been really busy. True Alaskans are usually quite busy during the long arctic summer days getting all of our work done. Had a lot more time during the endless winter nights to come on here and play around with people. I am in real estate and the building has to get done in the next few months. That and I got involved with a local running club and somehow got talked into umping softball a couple of nights a week.
      I have the latest episode of ABP sitting on the DVR unwatched. It is kind of weird with this show now. It is so stupid and fake to the extreme (that is for you Bear), that since we have had that break in the new episodes it hard to really want to take what little time I have to watch this over other shows. I think I will watch the ABP at some point, but honestly they drag this show out so much, with little to nothing actually happening over the hour that it is hard to even turn it on. That is why I love Ryan so much! He is saving me a lot of time with the fantastic recaps.
      Lastly, it seemed more fun before to go back and forth with the Jody’s of the world. Now it seems a bit less entertaining because they are going to just believe what they want to believe no matter what the facts are. Kind of like talking to a wall. I am sure it just because I have such limited time. But I am with you guys as far as ABP take us! Judging by the latest ratings and the fact that the Browns got their trial moved back to next year that might be much farther than I want to journey to be.

  6. The first episode of the “new” season was disappointing, probably in part because I know the truth (and nothing but the truth) about this family and DC. The manolescents get a “pretend” job to buy a wood stove for a cabin that they did not build (Art Williams from Hoonah was the construction master), nor will they ever live in this cabin because they do not own the land. It is leased by the Discovery Channel. They actually reside in Hoonah at the Icy Straits Lodge where they enjoy the comforts of clean sheets and cable tv. Ami defied logic by not wanting dental surgery that was explained to her by a qualified and experienced dentist to being at the point of life and death if she did not have it done. Rainy and Birdy go shopping and defy logic (must run in the family) by wanting all necessary feminine items such as nail polish, jewelry, make up, and fashion magazines that you must have when living in the bush 24/7. One had to question where the store clerks were because these two young ladies were oblivious to the fact that you do not open a package unless you intend on BUYING it and even then most people have the courtesy to wait until they actually have receipt in hand. Must be a “Brown” thing. Ami arrives home to discover that her sons actually worked (one half a day that we know for sure) and did such an extremely awesome job that they were paid in advance so they could purchase a wood stove for her. They installed it and was actually burning wood in it when she arrived. The miracle of this was that the boys did not kill each other while using a rifle to shoot holes in the ceiling to insert the stove piping. It must be a “Brown” thing. Most people would consider that foolhardy, to say the least. The kudos that Mom gave the boys upon discovering her brand new stove and recognizing their hard work and dedication was truly a Kodak moment…………I think I need a good cry………..or a therapist.

  7. The other site pointed out Ami was shown at the end to have all the teeth that she had before her fake trip to the Dentist, and there was not a hint of blood on the gauze in her mouth, Considering she was missing a bunch of teeth before no way they pulled 12 teeth.

  8. Loving how EVERYONE on here thought their opinion was desired in MY comment to Ryan Berenz . However, since EVERYONE misinterpreted what I wrote, I’ll break it down for you Barney style.
    #1. If a person makes judgements/comments on a subject of which that individual has NO experience, (ie. being a journalist), I know zero about that Life path. If i make comparisons and espouse condescending opinions trying to compare what I THINK I know to what being a journalist actually is, I look and sound like an IDIOT to journalists. Same for trying to compare your City Life path to that of Natural Life paths.
    #2. I would never drag my 3 kids out there….they would revolt! Besides, they have a Right to choose the best opportunities available for the Life path they feel drawn to. When they are 18, I am free to Live as I choose as well!
    #3. All of the uneducated judgements regarding the families leather coats-garb Have any of you tried to cut wood or done other physically aggressive jobs in a North Face down jacket? It would be shredded by the end of the day! A $300 feather cloud! My family and neighbor, (8 miles distance),wore the SAME type of coats/clothes!
    #4. I’m NOT defending this Brown Family, or how they handle their finances etc. AI’m setting the record straight that YES, people DO Live this way…EXACTLY like this. My parents do right this minute!!
    #5. I served a little over 7 years in the Military. I’ve physically experienced/witnessed MANY different ways of Living. The majority of Americans are soft, spoiled, blind, and vapid. They can’t comprehend that yes, this IS a Normal Lifestyle that actually, a majority of the World does in fact, Live in.

    • Thanks for clarifying, Jody. I’ll clarify, too. I write about TV for a living, and Alaskan Bush People is a TV show. I’ve never claimed to have any knowledge about living wild, nor have I passed any judgment on people who live that lifestyle. Actually, I admire those people. The Browns and their TV show, however, are a farce. There is nothing about them or this show — these recaps included — that’s worth taking seriously.

    • I love how you post your opinion on a open chat board and can’t believe people would post their comments to your opinion. Jody I would like to introduce you to the internet. Apparently you aren’t familiar with it and the general workings. Also I don’t think anybody misinterpreted what you said. Most of us just think you are 100% wrong. Your basic argument is that you believe this show is 100% real and are stunned others don’t feel the same. Actually pretty comical the passion in your argument when you have 1) Never met the Browns and know nothing about them or their real life, 2) Don’t see to have ever been to Alaska and know much about our environment or way of life, 3) Seem to be forgetting that this is a show made for entertainment and is not some true to life documentary. I would also point out that I am quite sure some of us on here have done a lot more research and fact finding about this sorry excuse for a show then you have. So, lets break this down Barney style…
      1) You are going to pass judgement on others about their comments, but yet take the high road about other people who pass judgement? I am a life long Alaskan and have travelled all over this great state. This show is a complete fabrication of life up here. These people are going to be facing 24 felony counts for lying about even living in the state of Alaska (they lived in Texas for a number of years in a normal neighborhood). So unless I see you on the next episode dating one of the Brown boys don’t lecture us on how we don’t know anything but after watching this show you are the expert and you know the facts.
      2) You won’t drag your kids out there because you don’t have a TV show and it would be foolish to be out there unprepared. The Browns seem to know nothing about living outdoors, but they live in Hoonah in a lodge and don’t live there either (many people who live in Hoonah have reported this many times. Even the lodge they live in won’t deny they live there).
      3) There is no way you could be more wrong this. Absolutely impossible. We don’t wear leather jackets in Alaska for work or outdoor activities. I am in the heart of Alaska and it can get quite cold. Leather is horrible in the cold. It is terrible for insulation and in fact holds the cold in quite well. That and when the temperature drops it gets stiff as a board and you can’t even move. If you go to any of our outdoor clothing stores, which we have many, there is zero leather for sale. There is a reason for that. The Browns are in southeast Alaska where it rains a lot. I mean like rainforest rain. Leather is a bad material for rain. There is reason when you watch Deadliest Catch the crews don’t wear leather. So yes, the Browns wearing leather shows how made up this show is. It is a horrible outerwear for Alaska. BTW if it is cold out I have cut wood in a down jacket. $300 feather cloud? I guess here in Alaska we cut the wood with the ax and not the clothes we are wearing. If you can’t not cut your coat to pieces when chopping wood then I would suggest wearing a suit of armor or better yet stay away from axes altogether.
      4) So your parents lie about where they live and their lifestyle to film a made up TV show? A TV show so completely made up that there is a cottage industry in pointing out how made up it is? A TV show where the local townspeople report how your parents actually live I a hotel and not out in the forest? A TV show where in actuality your parents don’t own the land but the Discovery channel has leased it for 7 years and hired a construction company to come out and build the house but act like your parents did? Good to know.
      I personally know people that live so far out in the wilds of Alaska they own their own airplane to get back and forth to town. They hunt and trap along with living a subsistence lifestyle to survive. I can tell you that these bumbling people wouldn’t last a day out there. Even trying to say the Browns have lived in the bush is an insult to the true pioneers of Alaska.
      5) Thank you or your service to our great country. My hats off to all people who have served including my Dad and currently my son.
      Yes, people all over the world live vey different lifestyles. But don’t confuse that with what you watch on TV. As my Dad would say this show is s phony as a $3 bill.

      • Thanks David sorry to say but some people still believe this show is real….

        I could start listing things but I would just be beating a dead horse, its a show and a bad one mind you, but its like watching a train wreck you just can’t look away. My family loves finding the problems with the story DC is telling. So I will add just a few quick simple thing, sorry Jody the show is acting this isn’t really happening, it maybe based on stories but DC has a responsibility to ensure the story looks somewhat real.

        In this episode:
        1.) If Am-e had 12 teeth pulled and mind you she only had about 12 of the 32 the good Lord gave her then why at the end of this train wreck episode did she have her teeth again as she smiled and saw the new stove (that is too tiny to heat a cabin that size.)
        2.) When they installed the stove, the stove pipe was polished steel connected with mormon clamps and at the end of the episode it was black tin with metal tape.
        3.)I agree with David about winter, I live in the Great Lakes area where we get stupid cold and measure snow in feet not inches…no one who cares to be warm wears a biker jacket, OK OK yes you see folks but they are just running from one warm place to another, especially if you’re hunting you would will be moving like the tin man. If you showed up at the hunt shack wearing a biker jacket, the whole place would be laughing, no one would go with you because of the swishing sound you would make as you walked around.
        4.) Finally if your children will no go camping for a few days in the woods in winter, I advise you turn off the TV and hide the remote…I do it every winter with my family and friends, we call it the winter freeze out, our record was -17 before counting wind chill (that was at night), its a blast….excuse the pun.

        Thanks for serving 330,000,000 Americans slept at night because you stood the watch, every vet is my hero, I did 30 years and now 100% combat disabled, but I still do more before 0900 then Scammer Billy does in a day.

  9. I just like watching the show because I think the sons are cute…well parts of them anyway, I like to watch the show and put together all the different parts from each one and make one sexy Brown son (except bear, I don’t find anything about him attractive).

  10. Why the pretense that they cannot afford a wood stove?? What about all the money from Billy’s books that have been published, and all the money from the show?? They have plenty of money, they just have to act like they are struggling……for their “reality” series! Ha! And it also gets my goat the way the network hypes up a tooth problem and makes it sound oh-so-dramatic and critical. “Ami is rushed to the hospital and needs emergency medical care.” LOLOL! What an exaggeration! First, it wasn’t a hospital, it was a dental office…..second, it was not an emergency…….third, it was not medical care, it was DENTAL care! The Discovery Channel is getting to be worse than TLC! Tune in next week when Bear must be rushed to the hospital for emergency medical care!!!! (Tree-bark rash.) har har

    • I agree on that. Definatley no emergency. I have have infections and abcess, painful at times. Thats for over 5 years atleast and I’m still alive. So if your healthy you don’t need to believe this dentist BS. I’m living proof!

  11. I had to read your article first – hilarious! Then braced myself to watch the train wreck… I. Just. Can’t. Look. Away.

    BTW, since when do they all howl? Even Matt looked like WTF when Noah joined Bear. So weird.

  12. Hey Ryan! I’m baaaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkk!!!! Sure have missed your recaps!!!! As usual, you did not disappoint ! Thanks for the fun and the insight.

  13. @ryan berenz I grew up VERY similar to this family. Please, do yourself a favor. Stay in your lane and write articles on what you have experienced to be Fact. I LOVE how people who have NO clue, (ie. never accomplished- lived-seen with their own eyes), always seem to be the ones who have the most judgement to pass, completely revealing their true level of ignorance, intolerance, and inhuman, shallow worthlessness to the rest of us. At 18, I left that way of Living as fast as I could….funny thing is…after meeting fake, useless people for the past 17 years….I can’t WAIT to go back. ‘Modern’ ‘humans’ from the Industrial Revolution forward are U.S.E.L.E.S.S. shadows.

    • You grew up in a family that lies, cheats people, defrauds the government and will probably serve time in jail? And you want to go back?
      I actually lived in the Bush for many years and if you insist the Browns are real wilderness people, I call bullsh@t!

    • I would love to know where and how the Brown kids got any education. It is never mentioned, at least not that I recall. There’s no mention of home-schooling, and I have never spotted or heard any text books mentioned. If they were in the bush all these years, a school bus wouldn’t exactly have been picking them up, now would it? LOL

      • Somewhere (I think on another blog) I read that they were homeschooled. I found Matt on youtube and looked at his comments…not good grammar.

    • Jody,I live in Hoonah. If you believe any shred of this show is in any way, shape, or form REAL; you are in fact, an imbecile. Kudos to you if you grew up “off the grid.” These people live in town and film a TV show in “the Bush” – a short boat ride away. It’s FAKE.

  14. #1 – Nice recap!
    #2 – Were the Brown’s sporting some new leather coats for the flight? ANd the oldest daughter seemed to be wearing some sort of newer jacket as well
    #3 – “Oh we hate to fly” – Really? Last year Billy-boy you flew up to see your buddy on the house boat after yours sank.
    #4 – 4 hours of work and they had enough money for (a) A wood stove (b) Interior chimney pipe (c) Metal-bestos insulated pipe and (d) the pad for beneath the wood stove
    #5 – “It’s warm in hear” Billy says as his breath is clearly visible in the cold air (maybe the cardboard insulation is not a high R factor)
    #6 – My wife asks “Why do you watch this junk?” – “It’s like a train wreck dear, I can’t look away”
    #7 – And always my favorite, really? Leather coats in the “bush”

    • Great comment. You have a great memory, pointing out the inconsistencies in the Brown Clown narrative. I love reading the comments and articles. They are more intetesting than the actual show. The defenders of this crap seem unable to do so without attacking other commentors. That is a shame.

        • What kills me is that the price of a used wood stove is the same as flying four people to a town to have an oral surgeon pull twelve rotting teeth and their roots under anesthesia. This dentist in the town must be pretty damn cheap.

          • gessiewtf
            good to see you here not being a snot face like you usually are on housewife boards.

    • Looks like Ami got some consumer medicine to make the new soft diet (bush blender project for Noahdavinci?)go down easier. She left for the big city with her same old bush coat and came back sporting new full length fur. So much for plumbing and furniture in the new digs.

  15. Maybe the Brown boys can work more than 2 days a year and Ami could have got her teeth fixed the first time…

    Those girls are freaking menaces, destroying merchandise and screwing around with a gas fireplace they supposedly have now idea how it works without permission.

    Getting low is Exxteme!

    Can’t wait to see the methhead build a tire fort next week. He is 32 and single for a reason, living in a tire house is more fun than getting laid!

    • Please, go back to school, stay awake, and learn Spelling and proper sentence structure….ANYTHING said by scholastically ignorant individuals immediately negates ANYTHING you try to say….

      • For someone who doesn’t like judgey people you certainly are judgemental. I think you should go back to the bush as soon as possible, crap in a hole and wipe your ass with some leaves.But don’t forget leaves of three leave it be.

      • Damn, a Masters degree is not enough for the religious idiot that think reality shows are reality, I Iz Sadz!

      • What did I spell wrong except “exxtreme”? That was on purpose by the way as that is how how extreme people like Bear spell it.

        You have more errors than me!

        • Nah, I think you just misspelled extreme, perhaps just for emphasis, right 😉 I found myself getting more aggravated than usual with this darn show. If Ami had just listened to the dentists back in Ketchichan, but no it’s got to be all fake and dramatic!

          • It was on purpose, I had to ignore it being red and underlined from spell check.

          • I guess I need to use “Exxxxxtreme” to convince the yokels.

            Funny this person believes everything on the show is real but not that I can spell “extreme” on a computer that has spell check.

  16. Thank you once again.Your recap gave me some chuckles and saved me from the aggravation of actually watching this steaming pile of bush crap called Alaskan Bush People. You are awesome.

      • It’s like watching a train wreck, I can’t look away. Haven’t I always promised you a house? She’s got thirty five year old kids and he is just getting around to it now? Whatta guy. Snow covered gypsies.

Comments are closed.

About Ryan Berenz 2001 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.