In Discovery Channel’s Sons of Winter episode “Lost Boys,” Kole gets lost in the bog, while Shane and Dale have snowmobile trouble on their journey for a visit on Kole’s birthday.
Kole is turning 15. He’s going to have the kind of birthday party every 15-year-old boy desires: s’mores with Mom, Dad and the elderly neighbors. But first, he’s going to to have to help Randy clear the traps from the recent snowfall.
Shale is almost halfway through their 90-day adventure. They promised their parents they’d return home once during that 90 days, so they figure there was no better day than Kole’s birthday to pay their folks a visit. They check some traps on the way, and manage to stall their snowmobile. They get it started again, but I’m sure that thing is going to crap out on them again at the worst possible time.
Randy and Kole have a lot of miles of trapline to cover before it gets dark. They’re out in the bog, a frozen swamp that turns into a featureless landscape when covered with snow. Kole suggests that they split up to cover twice as much ground.
[FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYS]
I watch the show with the captions on, and it actually read [FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYS]. I’m going to have to start using that type of stuff in all my texts and emails.
“It’s not normally wise to travel apart out here, especially with the bog to cross and whatnot,” Randy says. It’s that whatnot part that really scares me.
[WHATNOT MUSIC PLAYS]
Kole is having trouble with his snowmobile getting stuck in the snow. There is apparently too much snow for the snowmobile. This is a thing? Really? Is there ever too much water for a boat? Or too much air for an airplane? Seriously, snowmobile! YOU HAVE ONE JOB! It’s even in your name! Ski-Doo should just call it quits and close up shop. Anyhoo, Kole finds nothing but empty traps. He decides to take a shortcut across the bog to meet his father, because nothing can go wrong when you take a shortcut in an unfamiliar place. He’s going to get lost and probably die on his birthday and he won’t even have a lousy dead weasel to show for it.
Shale is heading home when they spot some ptarmigans and pull over to hunt them for lunch. (This is known as a Bush Drive-thru.) Pturns out that the ptarmigans in the trees were just snow. Stupid snow, always pretending to be food. Their little roadside diversion gets them lost for a while, and when they finally do find their snowmobile, the thing won’t start.
Randy shows up to the rendezvous point. Randy’s snowmobile works just fine, because every good father has the wisdom to give his kids the crap snowmobiles and keep the good one for himself. Randy doubts that Kole understands the seriousness of the danger. But doing stupid stuff is just Kole bein’ Kole. “He is Kole,” Randy says. “He is Kole,” Randy repeats, in case you’ve forgotten.
Kole is lost. The producers have to step in and pretend they’re lost, too. The temperature is dropping rapidly. And they don’t even have a tauntaun to slice open and stick Kole into.
After following Kole’s trail and coming up empty, Randy heads home. Now the hard part for Randy will be to decide who inherits Kole’s birthday s’mores. Randy arrives back home and rounds up his ol’ smellhounds and asks Tara for Kole’s shirts. Tara is just relieved Randy’s not asking for dental records. Grandpa Griz joins Randy and the hounds in the search. Griz just came because he heard there was going to be cake. He didn’t ask to be in no search party!
“Worst-case scenario is death,” Randy says. Can’t argue with that logic. Randy releases the hounds, and Randy tells them to get serious. Griz just hopes he gets to use more dynamite.
Shale is still stuck, and they’re stripping down their snowmobile and whacking it with sticks and axes until the gears engage. “It worked. Your bush fix, using the bush to create the bush fix,” Dale says.
Kole has little to do but pour snowmobile oil on his signal fire and wait for help. “Now I’m getting worried,” Kole says. “Yeah, so are we,” a producer chimes in off-camera. And then the captions say:
But mirth and merriment returneth anon. Randy’s dogs are on Kole’s trail, and they get a whiff of smoke that leads Randy and Griz to him. Everyone rejoices, especially the producers, who are glad Kole doesn’t have to eat them to survive. Randy says something about the seriousness, and they all go home.
Kole’s birthday party is in full swing. The fire is roaring. Cake is eaten. Shale shows up, and it’s time for this party to get…
[ZYDECO MUSIC PLAYS]