Welcome back to sunny L.A., Dance Moms nation. We’re still 3rd Street Dance squatters and this week’s sidewalk discussion is about how pyramid should go well because of last week’s win and how we’re all headed in the right direction. Winning! Videos! Records! Plus we’re getting a visitor! Oh. That’s no visitor. It’s Erin Babbs and the Murrieta Dance Project group, who will be at the same competition this week. They beat us last time we went head-to-head, so oh oh.
Inside the girls are stretching and Kendall gives a little a cappella version of the song from her upcoming video. Left turn, left, strike a poooo-oooose! Uh ohhhhh! Kendall’s glad she’s finally getting to do something cool. Nia just hopes her pal doesn’t see their videos as competing with one another. Doesn’t matter, kid. Everyone else around you does.
Abby talks about how we won the competition (that wasn’t really a competition) and how winning is everything. Which is why you go to a competition that isn’t one. Bucks your odds righteously.
The pyramid is actually shaped like a pyramid this week.
Bottom row: Nia, Mackenzie, Jo Jo.
Middle two: Maddie first. Whoa. Abby even craps on her technique, which she says has gone all to hell because Maddie’s out there doing all that trippy-dippy undisciplined crap on TV with Sia. Making Abby look bad, that’s what.
Kalani is next. Turns out they were invited to something called the Fifth Quarter Fashion Show (Google, Google, Google. Hey! Fun! Pony Express game on Google! I suck at the Pony Express Game! What was I on Google for in the first place? Oh. Fifth Quarter Fashion Show. Aw! Nice! Benefits Children’s Hospital.) Kalani is going to stay behind and dance. Kira’s headed back to Arizona for the event. Abby splits the difference.
Top: Kendall. Big winner last week. Has to be a mega-major professional this week. In fact, she’s such a professional this week that she requires all the other dancers and mothers to be production assistants on her video, so sayeth Abby, amen. Holly reminds Abby that Nia has a video shoot, too, so she could really use that time to practice and Abby says fine. She can’t count on Nia. Yes, says Holly, but, you know … her own video, and … Abby cuts her off. Holly mutters. Lori posts way too many screen caps of Holly looking like this these days.
This week we are going to World Class Talent Experience in Riverside. In (Google, Google, excuse to play the Pony Express game one more time….). I can’t find any evidence of a WCTE competition in Riverside. Oh. Invitational. Who bets we win everything!
Kalani gets a solo called “Innocent.” Contemporary.
Maddie’s is called “Dreams Come True.” Lyrical.
Group is called “The Rose Garden” Dark and contemporary. The moms cheer. Batting in our wheelhouse this week! Abby says the dance is sharp and precise like a thorn. Maddie won’t be at practice tomorrow though, because Abby is very proud to announce that she will be further assing up her formerly impeccable technique on Ellen.
In the Mom Closet, we talk about the message of the group dance and Holly opines that the thorn in Abby’s side is MDP. Oh, I don’t think so, Holly. But we’ll go with it for now.
Meanwhile, Abby is yelling at everyone, Maddie included. See, you guys? She does not either play favorites.
Then we talk about how Abby is favoring Kendall over Nia and why can’t both videos be equally exciting for cripes sake. Abby comes to get Kendall for a little outdoor, one-on-one confab, which makes poor Kendall look like this:
For good reason. Abby tells the poor kid that, because Holly and Nia made their own opportunity without her overlordship, Kendall must be an agent of Abby’s army and CRUSH THEIR STUPID VIDEO LIKE A BUG! Capiche?!
Time to rehearse Maddie’s solo. Abby tells her that because she was perfect last time, she has nowhere to go but down. Melissa tells the other mothers that she’s surprised Maddie got a solo this week, what with all the other things she has going on. Jill says pffffft! Abby would never set Maddie up to fail. Pfffft!
Also, someone is trying out a fancy Real Housewives of Pittsburgh hairdo!
Cut to Erin Babbs and her dancers. Erin would like us all to know that Obby is ready to get her bett kecked one more time and it’s up to them to prove that Uh-lay is too tough for her, you guys! Totally!
MDP’s group dance is called “Passing Through Time” and it’s about old Hollywood and features chairs. Also, no one here is afraid of Obby. We repeat: Not afraid of Obby.
In the Mom Closet, Jill — who is also trying out a new hairdo —is having the blackouts about how last night went down. Let’s see here. They got home. Wait. No. She got home. And then she waited for the children to get home. And theeeeen … hmmm. Oh. Yes. Abby summoned them and they went. And then they hung out with Todrick, a.k.a. Toddyrockstar (a.k.a. Teddy Ruxspin, because my mind wanders like a toddler these days). Turns out Melissa, Maddie and Mack were there, too. Holly and Nia knew nada about it. Found out when the others slapped it all over social media and Nia cried herself to sleep.
Jess, ever the Zen one, explains to Holly that basically Jill will do anything to keep Kendall in Abby’s favor, even if it’s hurtful to the other kids on the team. Jill insists it’s not her problem if Abby didn’t invite everyone. We agree that someone is missing the point and someone is a coward, but we can’t come to consensus on whom, exactly. Let’s drag Kendall in the middle of it. She’s no help either.
Holly says Abby is evil and using Toddy Rock Star as a minion in her evil plan.
I am a birdie! You are a birdie! We are a leedle flock of birdies!
Abby says Kalani better kick it into gear and get to beating Maddie.
Melissa has gone back to sucking her teeth to pass the time. For the sake of her enamel, let’s revisit the Todrick thing. Melissa says if she had known the details, she would have invited everyone, swear. Oh, me too, says Jill. You didn’t say that yesterday, says Holly.
“That’s because I didn’t say it yesterday.”
Even Holly has to laugh.
Let’s try to salvage this. Looking to heaven for help and manically flapping and folding her hands, Jill says she got all confused because she was being bullied. So you know ….uh … thing.
No? Not working?
Let’s try something else. Jill feels overshadowed by Holly and Nia, so technically it’s all their fault.
Still no? Durn. Maybe third time is the charm. We all know how Abby works so when she’s “givin’ it out, you have to take it.” Er, right? <crickets>
Holly says that Abby is trying to create division in the ranks and Jess opines that they should all stick together and just have a super weekend!
Finally, Holly throws a common enemy into the mix — MDP — and for a minute I think Melissa is hollering for help, but she’s just emphatically agreeing with what Holly says about not letting them beat the ALDC.
Over at the MDP, teeny, adorable Keara is going to be a teeny, adorable Mother Nature and bring a big ol’ raindown of defeat to the ALDC. Erin says she feels sorry for anyone who gets in Keara’s way. Except that footage was recycled from episode 5 when Erin was sorry for anyone who got in Talia’s way. Erin feels sorry a lot. High five. Good job. Love you.
The nails are supposed to represent the thorns on the roses and I completely agree with Jo Jo’s hope that no one loses an eyeball during this thing.
Telephone! Erica Taylor, real estate agent, calling! The bad news: Lots of construction in Abby’s future. The good news: It’s because she finally has a dance studio! And apparently if the team loses the studio will implode. So no more losing.
In the get-ready, we discover that the MDP has left us love messages in lipstick on our makeup mirrors .
Also, they are talking smack on social media. So what the hell — let’s go ask them about their questionable behavior. All in good fun, says Erin. Unless the ALDC kids are unconfident ninnies, of course. Are not, says Jill. They are fine young ladies who would never boast on the Twitter.
Somewhere back in Canton, Cathy Stein is having a fine laugh at this Rated G exchange.
When Abby comes in, Jill tries to stir up a discussion about the MDP, but Abby will not let her get past D. If she can’t handle what gets said on social media, she shouldn’t be on social media. Jill says Abby’s cool is a ruse.
Melissa tries to have a little pre-dance snuggle with Maddie, but Maddie is clearly so over this Dance Moms thing that she can’t even muster an expression. Don’t blame you, kid.
Beautiful. Nothing more to say.
Bedazzled Dale Evans Dance Moms Fashion Moment!
Ride ’em, cowgirl.
Keara is next.
Yeah, no way on Earth she is going to beat Maddie and I’m pretty sure Erin knows that. She looks and dances like a very talented little bitty kid. Kira says she’s worried, but I’ll eat my shirt if that’s the truth.
Kalani’s costume appears to be strapless so I spend the first watch having a mild coronary that this isn’t going to end well until I see the clear straps at the end. Start over. Yep, Kalani should always do dances with this much power and flair.
Abby says she has no idea which of her girls will win.
There’s pheasant feathers in the rose garden. Also don’t say, “I heard!” to Abby if you want to live through your video shoot. Stay classy, Abby!
The group dance is lovely. It will do well.
The MDP’s group dance elicits oh so many emotions in the audience.
It, too, is classy and pretty and dramatic and makes good use of dancers of multiple ages and sizes. Should be a shootout.
Keara gets fifth overall and collects her prize after establishing that “Resurance” was indeed her dance.
Kalani gets second. Maddie wins. She and Kalani hug it out. Group wins, too. MDP gets robbed third.
Clean sweep for the ALDC. And the Dance Moms Abby Lee Redemption Tour marches onward.
Afterward, Erin busts Abby chatting up the judges and calls shenanigans. She says the ALDC was much better than last time, but their win — and this confab — is questionable.
It all stays very civil. Boring! Let’s put all the mothers in the same room and see what happens there. That stays civil, too. Jill says the MDP was very good but didn’t kick their butts. “Oh, they did,” says Erin cooly.
Little more dust up about doing the same routine with different costumes and slightly different music and Melissa talks about math and then Abby stalks in. “Our kids win because of that lady,” Jill crows, pointing at Abby. “Your kids win despite that lady,” zings an MDP mom. Erin’s over it. She leads her mothers away.
Abby says that the competition was not just an artistic success, but also a business success. Also fun and cool, as well.
But tomorrow is another day and it belongs only to Kendall. Make that KendallK! Oh ho! Who’s clever?! Who’s a clever one! This one right here:
Let the video wars begin.
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