Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People recap: Home Alone

Alaskan Bush People Discovery Channel

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

On Season 2, Episode 7 of Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People, “Home Alone” (Feb. 13), the Brown family increase their defenses after finding rogue bears near the home site. Billy must seek medical help. The Browns build a raft to move lumber.
Alaskan Bush People

First, an announcement:

I’ll take a shot at live tweeting the Bush People “Home Alone” episode tonight. You don’t need to know anything about Twitter or even have an account to follow along. Just view my Twitter feed here at @ChannelGuideRAB or the #AlaskanBushPeople hashtag (ignore Twitter’s Sign Up! crap), watch the show tonight at 10pm ET/9pm CT. (If you’re on the West Coast, I’m sorry. You should probably move.) We’ll see how this goes. It might turn out to be a plastic wrap hut. [Update: It was kinda fun!]

ALSO SEE: What Happened to Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People?

Alaskan Bush People Season 1 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | The Wild Life

Season 2 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2Episode 3 | Episode 4Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8  | Wild Times | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14 | SHARK WEEK! | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Lost Footage | The Wild Year

Now, on to “Home Alone.” Let’s just get this out of the way.

Home-Alone-1

Winter is coming. Brownton Abbey still has no permanent structure to keep the Browns from freezing and becoming bear chow. The milled lumber from Lumber Guy II is ready to be picked up, but first, Billy needs Noah to engineer a pulley-lift tree-elevator platform contraption that will allow the family to keep its food out of reach of bears. Since the peak of Noah’s technical abilities is making arm-band radios, someone is most assuredly going to die on this thing.

Billy is coughing, a serious medical condition if ever there was one. Billy has been sick lately. Sick of WORK, amiright?

To build this crow’s nest thing, Noah puts together a rope harness for Bear that will prevent bear from falling to his awesome and extreme death. Given the family’s knot-tying track record, Bear would be wise to make his peace with the Lord. But Bear accomplishes whatever it was that he was supposed to do up there and then swings around like he’s got the lead role in Bush Peter Pan.

“When Billy gets sick, I do really worry about him,” Ami says. I’m not sure I understand this. She may need to repeat it for us.

While Billy is bed-ridden with Stage 3 Billy Brown’s Syndrome, he puts Matt in charge of building a log raft that will transport the lumber from the mill to Chicago Bears Island. Billy must’ve also slept through those times when Matt built something that failed miserably. Bam doesn’t like playing second fiddle to Matt, and the two butt heads over the best strategy for turning this into a giant clusterf**k.

“Well, when Billy gets sick, I do really worry about him,” Ami says. This “worry” thing is a strange concept to me. We in the Lower 48 just don’t understand. We’re told that Billy has a “complicated” medical history. He once collapsed on the property and had to be airlifted to a hospital, where he fell into a coma for eight days. Ami’s worried because it could happen again at any time! The producers are probably saving that for Season 3.

“Well, yeah, the guys are just going to have to take care of everything on the house building today,” Billy achingly groans. And how is this different from every other day? Bam Bam, M.D., steps in with his own diagnosis: “When he starts getting a little bit, like, discoherent [sic], or like slow in thinking, I think it shows his brain is fighting for it.” Neurologists call this Discoherence Fever.

Back at the shipyard, Bam and Matt get into a pissing match over properties of buoyancy. We have the full, uncut video here.

The debate continues into the night over a feast of canned meat and tomato. Matt resists the urge to choke Bam to death. They need to settle this the Bush way: Thunderdome!

Bam is a master strategist, always thinking two steps ahead. He’s just going to wait for Matt to fail in 3 … 2 … 1 …

MATT IS COUGHING, Y’ALL! This whole family is going to die of Consumption. Matt’s plastic bubble house would’ve made a great place to quarantine him. The other boys realize this is a blessing in disguise and tell Matt to just go away. And he does. And there is much rejoicing.
https://twitter.com/rayniemcewicz/status/566441313302638592

Meanwhile, Birdy is helping Noah with the Brownton Abbey dumbwaiter so they can lift Emmanuel Lewis up and down from the crow’s nest. Noah is also worried about his father, because he says the doctors were unable to determine the cause of Billy’s eight-day coma. This is what you get when you pay for medical services with beaver pelts.

The raft is somehow seaworthy, and they use the Skiff of Doom, made from metal forged in the fires of Hell itself, to tow it along. Then it’s time for the LUMBER PARTY! LUMBER! LUMBER! LUMBER! WOOOOOOO!

Lumber King
Lumber … We need lumber …

And there is a metric shit-ton of lumber they have to move. The max capacity of the raft is three boards. So they’ll definitely get their house built before the winter … of 2019!

Night falls, and Bam has bear watch. He hears leaves rustling and stuff, and the other boys get up and get their firearms and flares and the whole thing turns into a scene from Platoon.

Oh, hey, Billy’s back and he’s just swell. Go figure. Noah gets all philosophical, like “What good is faith that’s never tested? What good is a wall that’s never tested against the wind?” Eh, it’s probably still pretty good. Wall science has come a long way. Bear feels awesome and extreme and he does his tired-old Bear Schtick and howls. I’d start asking the writers for better lines, dudebro.

Coach Billy has the boys huddle up and take a knee. He says, “It really makes me feel good to be able to not be here …” and some other stuff. I stopped listening.

“This house is basically a correlated dream of 35 years in the bush for Mom and Dad,” Gabe says, not 100% sure on what correlated means, but it sounds cool so he’ll say it.

Things get tense when winter comes early and threatens to disrupt construction, just like in Season 1. Tune in next Friday for the midseason finale of …

What? MIDSEASON finale? You mean …?

Someone please put me in a coma for eight months.

(Hey, you guys read this and tell me what you think in the comments: ALASKAN BUSH PEOPLE Interview: Billy Brown Leads These Modern-Day Waltons with Faith, Humor & Love)

51 Comments

  1. Ryan: I saw the article and photos of the TV Ruckus interview. Billy came off as pure as white driven snow. I could see how very “effective” he has been with his family. Also saw the family on “Right This Minute” and wanted to SCREAM. That family would follow Billy to hell and back, which we are going to witness in June when they go to trial.

    David: As usual, you nail it on the head every single time !

    Ryan: I think Channel Guide Magazine should give David a job ! Not YOUR job….but a job. He is fantastic at this.

    • Sherry thanks for the compliment but I am a hack and Ryan is the pro.
      I still have yet to figure out if my life will be better off with or without the Alaskan Bush People in it.

      • David, we’re always looking for freelance writers to recap these kinds of shows. If it interests you, I’m sure we could work something out. You can express yourself rationally and coherently, which makes you more qualified than 98% of the Interweb. Your contributions to these blogs have heightened the level of discourse and greatly advanced the study of Bush People Science, and for that, I thank you.

        • It feels rational and coherent until I re-read my posts and cringe at the misspelling, lack of punctuation, run on sentences and general disregard for the English language. Other than that, terrific!
          Actually I think writing a recap would be a hoot. I say that now until I am assigned to watch something like Sister Wives and rethink what the true meaning of life really is and where it all went wrong. I would actually be interested in giving it a shot. Feel free to contact me (not sure if you have access to my e-mail)

  2. Ahhh! I just heard about the mid season ending and I do not want to wait for the next episodes; I want to see more now. I love this show!!! I think Bear is hilarious. These men can make mistakes and I laugh so hard. Love the family!!! Also, all reality shows are scripted by the way, but this show is way more entertaining than any sitcom. So script away and entertain me. Thanks, Discovery Channel for a great show.

    • Mitt, he is AWESOME and extreme. Bear is just flat out AMAZING! Think about it… he runs, he jumps, he rolls, he swings, he rubs mud on himself and he howls. WHOA! He basically does what my neighbors 5 and 7 year old kids do. And he is only 27 years old! Like many other people how can you not find him HILLARIOUS! I mean the complete social awkwardness, still living with his parents with no wife or even a hint of a girlfriend, no apparent job prospects or any real discernible skills of any kind and a very uncertain future. Yea, that is something to find funny.
      What does he do that my neighbor kids don’t. Well last I heard the neighbor’s kids weren’t going to trial in Ketchikan Alaska on 4 counts of felony theft and fraud and facing 20 years in prison. So yea, he is awesome and extreme

  3. Best case scenario:
    The Browns take the money they made from their entertainment show and pay back every penny they owe to the people of Alaska.
    They bring financial gain to Hoonah and the other communities in that area from doing the show there.
    They continue to provide their fans with episodes of hilariously funny and heartwarming entertainment.

    Worst case scenario:
    The Browns, who appear to be a very close family, end up behind bars for a long time and the money is lost.
    They run into a very long winded, grumpy ol bear nicknamed D who apparently has been stalking them for some time.

    • Last I checked I haven’t seen a single Brown family member come on this site in the comments section. So how again am I stalking them by commenting on a satirical recap of their show? I think you need to look up the definition of stalking. I enjoy coming to this site because Ryan’s recaps of this show are terrific and it is fun to swap posts about the show. If you haven’t noticed yet this won’t be confused with a superfan site.
      The reason my friend that my posts have been long winded is because somebody loves circular repetitive arguments, not based on facts but emotions. I take the time to share my info that I have found out and break down the facts. So yes, in that context it does take time to go over things multiple times. Some people here are probably hearing a lot more about the Alaska State Permanent Fund Dividend then they ever wanted to.
      Good luck on your scenarios. Hope it all works out for you. I would add that even if they have done nothing wrong and are completely innocent, this show love it or hate it has no long term legs. The show is really based on them trying to find a place to live. They can’t keep selling this nomadic lifestyle where they can’t find a home. Even genuine fans of the show will get bored with this. So it is not speculation but a fact that they don’t own the land they are on now. So after this made up building a house segment is over they have to go find a real home. They can only keep selling this for so long. When they do have a home what are they supposed do then for the show? Will they set up a camera and we will watch Ami tend here garden for an hour? They are supposedly in a rush to build a house before winter sets in on their 35 year wait for a home of a lifetime. Yet nothing happens. Last episode they basically built a tree fort (not bear proof btw which is why it was built), built an unessasary raft and we watched them move a few pieces of lumber. Other than a few details of watching Billy cough nothing happens. Good heavens help us all of they actually got a house. Basically this is a quite tedious drawn out show. There will always be some superfans that even if Bear goes into town and eats live puppies would go “Yea, you get em Bear!”. But the masses will move on to something new and exciting.

      • But here’s the thing….they don’t even own the land. They aren’t building their dream house. They are CAMPING in a national Forrest on land that they have a permit to use. Its not even leased I don’t think. Read the credits at the end… They just chop enough wood to keep their fire going. This isn’t a long term survival situation….they killed a deer; correct? What steps did they take to #1 preserve the meat & #2 keep it away from bears at that time? ….and you gotta love the surge protector you can see inside the tent. If they have a generator; show us. Its not a big deal to have one….and what is up with the skiff? Had no motor in the beginning of the season as they are rowing around & getting “lost” and then magically they have a motor to get logs. Did I miss something? Its just insulting to believe us all to be idiots

        • On the land here is what I found out so far and the most likely scenarios… They are leasing the land from the government under a special permit just for the purposes of filming the show. That is basically what is says in the credits. It seems to be land in the Tongass National forest. I have heard a few things from people in the area that they are leasing the land from a private party and the person may be the mayor or related to him. Either way it says in the credits it is leased for the purpose of filming. Hence why they don’t cut down trees and build a log cabin. Which is what it seems like 90% of the people in the actual bush do. As I write this I am sitting in a log cabin in Alaska. Course there is very little to support that the Browns are great builders. Last season the folks in Chitna had to go build their house for them because it was getting cold and they were never going to get it done.
          As far as the deer they shot, it has been widely reported from the people in Hoonah that a local had to shoot it for them. That is because the Browns do not have any valid hunting licenses. They didn’t seem to know how to dress it out nor take care of the meat (hanging it up by its neck…really?).
          The surge protector, the headboards in the tent, the magical lining in the trappers cabin that appears and disappears, the skiff that clearly had no motor then later one appears, all of the fishing poles lined up leaning against a tree, the wood stove they magically made from parts they found only to later have perfect welds and feet under it, the woodstove that appeared in the trappers cabin, on and on and on. Did this film crew just graduate from film school? Ami has had on the exact same white angora sweater on the entire time (that is 100% perfectly clean btw). It is amazing the lack of attention for detail.
          You bring up a bigger point though about being honest. Rather than lie about basically everything, why not just tell the truth. They could still make a show out of this. In my opinion the reason the show is so popular is that it is striking a cord with the public about living a simpler more fulfilling life. In out very complicated and electronic world people dream about leaving the city in their cubicle and striking off on their own and what it would be like. So just tell the truth that the Browns want to try to start living in the wild and see if they could do it. Heck, people would relate to the mistakes and the screw ups. They could almost make this a fish out of water story, or at least just normal people. It would be just as popular if not more so without 95% of the criticism (which I find totally deserved). Instead they have painted themselves in a corner with a bunch of lies and a story line that honestly can’t continue. This seems like a flash in the pan at best even for the fans of this. No that you have built thins think on falsehood you can feel it crumbing already. Even some of the fans of the show can’t even defend all of the overwhelming evidence that this is 99% BS. Billy has written two books himself that contradict his own story. Even the trial coming up wouldn’t be quite as bad (still bad any way you look at it) because as it stands now, if convicted is basically tells the public that you are a confirmed liar. If you were just honest and said you have spent many years in Alaska (which they did) instead of some long lost tribe of people that were just recently discovered by civilization they could make this a much better and believable story. Instead trying to way oversell this is what will bring it down

          • Yep. Its this claim that they are rustic & don’t know what a “microwave” is; yet on their website they own snow machines & “Yamaha outboard engines”; yada yada yada. Yet y’all don’t know what a microwave is!? Crap…I don’t live in Alaska but have watched & read alot. From what I can tell; almost every Alaskan has a generator & snow machines. Hell; even other machines such as bulldozers. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. From what ive seen; most homesteaders have all of this stuff in the harshest conditions because we are in the 21st century and it makes it that much easier to survive and live a fulfilling life; where your closest neighbor is 15 miles away….. Everyone says what a loving family; and I’m not saying it isn’t true–But not all things are as they seem sometimes. Another Alaskan family I read about “the Pilgrims” had everyone dupped into thinking they were the perfect bluegrass playing Christian family. They even performed at the Alaskan republican convention for cryn out loud! But Papa Pilgrim was an Evil dude & brainwashed his family. And after reading that book; I see some similarities to the brown family. And let me repeat; I’m NOT saying they are the same one bit; but it kinda makes you think twice about labeling them the ultimate close-knit family. Again; they may be–but the whole teeth issue with the entire family; the kids speech problems; and Noah’s leg bring up a lot of questions for me. Sheeeeet; billy supposedly shares a tent with his daughters. Its papa pilgrim creepy. AGAIN; not saying such horrible things are happening; but a Lil weird; no?

          • You bring up an excellent point on the Papa Pilgram debacle. I have wrote on that before (think it was here but a few weeks ago). Like you, I am NOT accusing them but there are some questions. That was discussed a bit with the media from the people of Chitna last season. After the Pilgram incident it made the locals a bit uncomfortable with the Browns. Also like you said here is this family where nobody lives away from the parents and the daughters are staying with mom and dad away from the other kids. Some of the kids appear to need medical and dental attention but aren’t getting any. Some of their youtube stuff where they are hawking Billy’s books look like POW taped videos. Honestly when fans of the show say “aren’t they so close” and think it is great it give me pause. Kind of like think about that statement for a second. Don’t they seem a little TOO close? Two of these kids are in their 30’s and nobody has moved away? Nobody has gotten married or has a close boyfriend or girlfriend? Noah is almost mocked for writing a girl in Ketchikan. For me it does make me think and something seems a bit odd. The other angle on this show that basically makes me sad is the parents seem to have kind of ruined these kids lives so far. Nobody appears overly educated. Nobody seems to have any real employable skills. Nobody seems to have ever held a real job. What is the future for these kids? This show isn’t going to last. I don’t know the Browns contractual arrangement with the film company, but only the big time reality stars ever make much money off these shows. People way over estimate what these folks get paid on these type of shows. One of the reason the TV industry loves reality shows is compared to a scripted drama they are dirt cheap to make in comparison. I would bet the family is making 10-20 thousand an episode, maybe. Could be less because the film company is facing a lot high filming and production costs because of the remoteness. So after this season all these people combined maybe make 100 grand lets say, amongst the entire family before taxes. That is nothing really in the long term. So what are these kids being set up to do in life? The family seemed borderline giddy they could build a crappy raft and get a few pieces of lumber without dad. What does the future hold for these kids? Two things in this show just aren’t funny at all to me. The kids and all of their issues and the legal stuff.

  4. If billy was so sick & went to the doctor; why didn’t the camera crew go with them? Why? Why wasn’t the camera crew with Matt & Gabe when they got lost looking for the crab pot? Why? Because its all BS. BS up to your eyeballs. This is a bunch of people who went CAMPING. AND VERY BADLY!! they wouldn’t survive a week in wife beaters & leather jackets. Matt don’t even wear waterproof boots. What a joke!! The saran wrap house & the fake girls was the line for me. I just read these hilarious recaps now; as they are awesome. This show needs to have a parody of it done; but then again its a parody in itself……BTW Billy looks like the actor that was the convict pilot in the movie “ConAir”….

    • If I were to go with a title for this show I would go with your “People who went camping and very badly”. That sums it up quite nicely.
      Totally agree with whole idea of Billy going to the hospital and no camera crew goes with them. This show is so starved for ideas that they will film building a tree fort and tying a rope around somebody so they can swing around like Peter Pan, but the leader of the pack Billy is on deaths doorstep and they wouldn’t have a camera follow along to the hospital? Yea right.
      How about this logic… Billy and Ami go to the hospital in town and take the Lorcan, which is there only real boat. The boys need to get lumber in the same town. So wouldn’t the boys just take dad to the doctor then pick up the lumber? Why on earth would the actual people doing the work be left with a tiny skiff while dad, who just needs a ride, takes the Lorcan and keeps it? That or he takes the skiff and leaves the Lorcan for those who actually need it. Or, why wouldn’t the boys just grab the Lorcan while they are in town and then move the lumber more efficiently? The boys claim the whole purpose of that raft they built (which would make any Cub Scout roll his eyes on how badly it is built) is to keep the lumber dry. Yet when they get the lumber it is clearly entirely in the water getting wet. The lumber will float on it own, so in actuality the cruddy raft never even had to be built. Plus the raft was so poorly constructed it would have been nearly impossible to pull with the skiff as the front was a square and would be like pulling a dam behind you. Of course lets not forget about the Lorcan, in which the lumber could have been tied up in great quantities along the sides of the boat and stayed perfectly dry. But why do anything smartly on this show because, well, they have an hour of airtime to fill in this do nothing show. The whole raft storyline was probably a good 30-35% of the whole show.
      That is in the end the only true fun of this show. Taking any scene and being able to find gigantic holes in the plot do to the poor writing and the making it up as we go story line.

  5. The Discovery show Alaskan Bush People is for entertainment. I love the show and it does not matter to me if it is real or not. I am being entertained and it takes my mind off of real things like ISIS.
    Just enjoy the beautiful Alaskan scenery if nothing else.

    • Cathy I think we need to send you to the middle east to help with the peace process because you have indeed found middle ground here. I think we can all hold hands in a circle and sing Kumbaya and agree that yes, ISIS is worse than the Alaskan Bush People.
      Enjoy the show and I do think that southeast Alaska is quite gorgeous. My wife and I took the Alaska state ferry from Haines to Bellingham Washington through the inside passage last year and were blown away by the scenery.

  6. I got a question for you David, do you know for a fact that the Brown family kids did not grow up in “the wilds” of Alaska? Do you actually have proof? They may be adults now but how do you know for a fact that they did not grow up in the Alaska bush? You make it sound like they have no right to be there making an entertainment show. You make it sound like Billy himself came and robbed you blind. Its a free country and if The Browns want to make an entertainment show loosely based on growing up in the bush who are you to say such terrible things about them? So what if they have people working from the film crew and have hired locals to help? That’s what happens when your making a show. Reading all your hostile comments makes me think perhaps you’ve been in the bush too long and have turned into a mean ol brown bear! (that’s a joke David- calm down) I have read comments from 3 separate people who met The Browns and I have had email contact with a person who knows them personally and they all said that The Brown’s were good people and a very close family. And lets not go over the 60 counts again. They are charged not convicted remember?

    • I am so sorry but I just am not following most of this CCR. My fault not yours.
      #1) We already went of the whole charged versus convicted thing so I have zero idea why you keep bring this up again and again. It just seems so clear to me the difference, but please lets continue to discuss that point over and over endlessly
      #2) Yes, there are people in Haines, Ketchikan and Texas that are indeed reporting that the Browns were not living in the wilds of Alaska. They lived in Haines alone for 7 years. I have been to Haines and it is a pretty small community so people don’t go unnoticed. Billy in his two books has said that he was a commercial fisherman for over 30 years living in various towns along the coast of Alaska. That coincides with what other people are reporting. Again, this is in Billy Bryan Browns two books that he wrote. Some of the kids have had youtube channels for over 5 years and in some of their posts there is pictures of them in the house they said they lived in. There are pictures of Snowbird riding a lawnmower cutting grass in a neighborhood with lots of houses in the background. Many people have screenshots of other stuff that were taken down over the past year or so as the show was being shown on television. Why are the Browns being charged with felonies? They are being charged because numerous people in Texas turned them in as living there full time for over 5 years when they claimed to be living in the Alaskan bush. Obviously this will come out in June during the trial. Maybe they will be found innocent of all charges. I don’t actually remember a single time the state of Alaska hasn’t won one of these cases (I am sure there has to be some but I don’t know of any). There are lots of tips sent into the state about people lying about being eligible to receive money. The state only takes on the strong cases they feel they will win because of evidence. Bottom line it sounds like no matter what evidence is presented to you, you will not accept it so in the end you will believe what you want to believe. There is probably a pretty good chance in a courtroom in Ketchikan that this will be proven 100% beyond a doubt for you in a United States court of law.
      #3) “You make it sound like they have no right to be there making an entertainment show”. I don’t care if they make a show. I have spoken to residents who live in Hoonah and I have told them that I in fact hope the show has provided an economic boost to their part of Alaska and it has done some good. Winter time in Alaska in a pretty slow time for many of our residents (lack of tourism, fishing, construction Ect Ect Ect). So hopefully the show has brought some cash into town. Again, I hope for those that enjoy the show they have a great time with it and it is a nice hour they spend with their families. But don’t jump up and down and get mad when people refute that this an absolute real show and these people are the second coming of mother Theresa. Many Alaskans such as myself are quite interested to see what happens in June in Ketchikan. This seems like it is going to go from just being made up to a lot more sinister.
      #4) “You make it sound like Billy himself came and robbed you blind”. Just don’t know what to tell you. I have gone over this twice in a decent amount of detail about how the Alaska State Permanent Fund works. If you didn’t get it then there is nothing left to say. I would somehow make it clearer if I knew how, but I don’t.
      #5) What HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, DIRTY ROTTEN NO GOOD THINGS did I say exactly? I never called them names (which you have called me numerous). I didn’t accuse them of sexual assault or molestation or something of the sort. The worse things I have done other than point out the facts of what they are charged with was make a joke about Billy flipping off the camera and a rant comparing the facts of the show to some obviously made up things I have never done. Just not seeing where I risk finding myself sued by the Browns for slander. Honestly you have said much worse things about me and it is no skin off my nose.
      #6) You wan’t me to “calm down”? When have I lost my cool and been mean about anything with you? In fact have been overly patient and explained my point of view on this whole thing. Sometimes going over certain facts multiple times.
      #7) “I have read comments from 3 separate people who met The Browns and I have had email contact with a person who knows them personally and they all said that The Brown’s were good people and a very close family.”. That is great and all, but nothing more than hearsay. Is there any chance these three people have never met the Browns? Quite possibly. More importantly I have never on a single occasion said they aren’t nice people who are close and a very close family. In fact I am absolutely 100% sure they are close. I mean not one of their children seems to have a life outside of the parents and everybody still lives together. So yea, that is pretty close. I have not attacked them personally, I just think their show is extremely fake and they are facing a ton of legal charges.
      Well I think I have addressed all of your points the best I could. In the end I think you are going to believe what you want to believe no matter what facts, eyewitness reports, evidence or court charges say. I would be very interested if your view of the Browns would change if they were found guilty and were sentenced to prison. For me, if they are found not guilty in a court of law, then good for them for not breaking the law and stealing state money. As far as the show the story would be nice if it were real but honestly, I have no idea how that could be the case at this point. But hey that is just my opinion that I have formed after looking at a lot of evidence.
      Have a great night

    • FYI: I started the statement with “charged” not “convicted”, and Billy is “facing” time in prison not “going”. So I understand the difference very well. Apparently more than you can read. They will get their day in court which is the American way.

  7. David you sound like a obsessed jerk. Its an entertainment show loosely based on the Brown family growing up in Alaska. Give it a break. Yes they have been charged with fraud and there are legitimate records to prove it but do you have to be so hostile? Did they defraud you? Did they take from you? Ok then, give it a rest and let the people who enjoy the “entertainment” just enjoy it.

    • Well if pointing out reality versus fantasy makes me an obsessed jerk in your world than have a ball with it. Remember how this post derived as it is only right below your post. I was asked a question on how this fake show is hurting me. So I clearly explained how potentially defrauding our state effects all Alaskan’s including myself. Did they defraud me or take from me? Yes and yes, which I explained in plain English. Somehow you missed the giant paragraph how I broke down how the Alaska State Permanent Fund Dividend works. Its collectively shared amongst all eligible people. So when non-eligible people take from the fund, everybody gets a little less. It really isn’t that complicated to follow the logic.
      This show is loosely based on their life? Umm, no it isn’t. There is no evidence whatsoever that they spent much of anytime living in the wilds of Alaska. Unless you count Wrangell, Haines and Ketchikan in Alaska, and Texas as the bush. They are in their second season of filming a television show about living in the wild, yet they can’t even pull that off. Last season they lived in a neighborhood near Chitna Alaska a mile from the store and the pizzeria. This season they are living in the Icy Straight Lodge in Hoonah Alaska with food, satellite TV and a full bar while they hire a boat to take them to the land for filming during the day. Land which the show even says in the credits they do not own, despite what the Browns tell you in the show (were they just unaware of what the credits were going to say?). Again, they can’t even suck it up and live in a tent while they film a television show about living off the grid. Wow. You think these people are awesome survivalists but for the heck of it they stay in a lodge and just fake the filming just to mix things up? Many folks in Hoonah are getting quite tired of this circus and are starting to not keep quiet about what a farce this is and posting it on many different social media sites.
      Despite all of this… GOOD GOLLY ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF THIS SHOW! If it entertains you than wonderful. Have a great time with it. It is non of my business if you and your family enjoy this. Never have I said otherwise. In fact I haven’t ever called anybody that enjoys or defends the show names (i.e. Obsessed Jerk). In fact I don’t call the Brown’s names. I do comment when people call this show a fact and how awesome it is how they lived in the “bush” because the facts don’t support it. Enjoy the show, but don’t get crabby when somebody comments that this is just a scripted TV show.
      Lastly I do find it a bit funny and a touch ironic, that you come to the comments section of a column that is satirical comedy of this show, and somehow cannot believe everybody here isn’t bowing down to the Browns. Really? Do you even read the columns and know what kind of a site this is? Do you go to Better Homes and Gardens and comment on how in the heck they aren’t talking about girls, guns and motorcycles and what the heck is wrong with those freaks? So I can only assume that it is you coming on to pick a fight and call people names because how dare they say anything against the Alaskan Bush People. How are my comments ruining the show for people who enjoy it exactly? That is an honest question I am not following. I am giving my opinion based on information I have found, that differs with your opinion, and that has taken the joy of the show out of it for you? People are forced to read comments on a funny recap of this show? Interesting

  8. I would just like to say that I have read all of your comments. You are all right in your own way but seriously it is a TV show that people like to entertain themselves. This is the same entertainment as video games on the computer, cartoons for kids, it is an escape. Who gives a shit if it’s real or not. It is entertainment! I have to wonder about people who love to pick something apart. Tell me this genius, how is this hurting you and if it bugs you so much quit watching the show and turn your attention to another program to tear apart. Seriously!

    • Did you breeze over the part where this family is facing 60 counts of felony theft and fraud? Billy alone faces 120 years in prison. Now here is where this affects me PERSONALLY…
      The fraud they are accused of was for taking money from the Alaska State Permanent Fund Dividend. This is money that comes from an oil income saving account and is dispersed to all Alaskan residents in equal amounts. They lied about living in the state for multiple years for which they were not entitled. I for one am a lifelong Alaska resident along with my family. This money is important to many Alaskans as we have sky high costs to live here (my Dad’s house which is no mansion takes about $8,000 a year just to heat it for example). So it is important money for many families to make end meet. So when people who shouldn’t be collecting money lie about it and take money it takes money out of all of our pockets. So that is the part where I honestly couldn’t give a crud less about how made up this show is. But when they are lying about living in the state of Alaska (let alone in the remote bush) to film so said show and make money off of it, yea it doesn’t sit really well with many people who live in Alaska. So no this isn’t just about entertainment, it is about morals, ethics and being crooks. Again you must have missed the comments about this below.
      As for the show itself… it is taking making crap up to a new level. Here the Browns are wintering in Texas, but telling you Jeannie that they are this rough and tumble family that grew up in the wilds of Alaska and hardly knew civilization. Good Gravy!!!! In Browns logic I hit the game winning home run in the world series, scored the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, spend my weekends fighting ISIS in the middle east, have walked on the moon not once but twice, visit Vladimir Putin at least once a year in the Kremlin and we discuss world events, am undercover CIA and personally own 1/12th of all the oil in the world. Between what the Browns are trying to show you on TV, and what I just said I might have a more believable story.
      As facts go Billy Brown might as well have two middle fingers up to the camera at all times

  9. Ryan, if you did that interview, you could probably also chat with plenty of REAL folks here in Hoonah. Stop by the US Forest Service office, town hall, the PD, Misty Bay Lodge, Icy Strait Lodge, Huna Outfitters, Chipper Fish restaraunt. You’ll find the people that built the cabin, shot the deer, drive them around town, cater their meals, etc…just saying.

  10. Wow people, you are such haters. I rather watch them than Keeping Up with the Kardashians who have been on for years. They have been successful even though they are a trashy rich family; talk about disfunctional! Imagine Bruce having a so many kids. All of their episodes are scripted also. I much rather watch the Brown family. One thing though, if they would only take a real shower, wash their hear and go to the dentist. Do you think real actors would have teeth that look like that?

    • Brenda the difference between the Kardashians and the Browns is that the Kardashians aren’t facing 60 (yes count them… 60) felony counts for fraud and stealing money amongst most of the family. Billy alone faces up to 120 years in prison. For me I can totally live with this being a fake show. Many shows are fake (although I must admit this show takes fake to a whole new level), but it is the criminal behavior that makes this a travesty. So when people run to their defense to say what a great, wholesome and tight knit family they are and they just love the show… think what you are rooting for here.

  11. I donot believe they lived in the bush or homestead ever.
    The men, yes, men not boys at their age, would know that winter is coming and you need fire wood, food etc. Not a plastic shelter! Why are they chopping just enough wood as needed? Why can’t they function with out daddy at the ages of 32?. Why can’t they shoot? And the whole bit with the buoy. Come on! Something is not true here! It is obvious that they donot understand how to do much.

    • WHat about that great buckskin in a 5 gallon bucket Ami showed them how to make? Wonder how that is coming along!

      • Agreed. As stoopidhousewives pointed out.. wouldn’t they already know this if they spent their whole lives in the bush. This is the first time this has come up for 20 year old Snowbird?

  12. As usual, Ryan, you did not disappoint us. Always hilarious in your insightfulness and observations.

    Should you do that interview …..an ABP set visit for Discovery, I have complete and absolute faith that you will not let us down, as you are an individual with a conscience…..something that Discovery, nor anyone else involved in that train wreck, has.

    David said it straight in his comments to you…..that entire fiasco is lies, lies, lies. If you knew the gravity of it all you would want to throw up.

  13. As far as the TVRuckus interview goes it is a crock at best. It is like getting the ability to interview Bernie Madoff and asking about his childhood. Nobody cares. It is a poor interview because Mechele R. Dillard kisses Billy’s butt and doesn’t actually interview him. How about asking some actual hard hitting questions like, oh I don’t know, why is he facing 120 years in prison? Why does he face such scathing criticism? Interviewing is a true skill. You dig deeper to bring out info that we wouldn’t otherwise know. She asks what was it like raising a girl in the bush?!?!!?! Seriously!?!?!? They don’t live in the bush, but who wants to get wrapped up in details. Then Billy says it tough but wanders on and never says why it is tough or ever answers the question. Then the interviewer allows him to paint himself as this, aw shucks, great guy who is being bullied for no reason. I have read a couple of TVRuckus pieces on this show and they are just puff pieces that seem to think this whole thing is real. If not for your link I wouldn’t read anything from that site on this show.
    Ryan, this whole show is going to make my head explode eventually. It is such a bunch of crap.

    • I don’t know the circumstances of the interview (they’re often a delicate dance), but the story was frustrating to read. The writer turns into a shill for Billy, who employs his faith as a means to deflect valid criticism or questions about his character. But what do I know, anyway? Maybe we’re all just trolls who should ignore hypocrisy and let God into our hearts.

      • I think you are right Ryan. I don’t know the rules of that interview. It may very well be that certain questions were out of bounds. But at a certain point is it even worthy of doing the interview if you can’t ask anything of substance? Is that really and interview you want to do? It was a complete puff piece to let Billy have a platform.
        You also bring up a certain valid point in what do any of us know? We have formed a certain opinion about information we have found. I do think some of us have actually looked into things and have formed an opinion well other are just lemmings and take everything they see on TV as fact. If we share these opinions other do find us trolls. But in the end we don’t know 100% for a fact what happens behind the scene.
        That said I still think these guys are money hungry fame whores who entire backstory seems to be dubious at best.

        • One of my colleagues was pitched an interview and an ABP “set” visit from Discovery, and passed it along to me. I haven’t pursued it for the very reasons you point out. I don’t want to go up there just to be subjected to smoke and mirrors, and then report back that everything is AWESOME and EXTREME and real with the family and their exciting off-the-grid adventures in the bush.

          • Not knowing your industry very well I don’t have any idea if it would be something that would be good for you professionally or not. It would be hard to imagine they would even allow you to really dig in and ask some tough but fair questions. So with that backdrop I am not sure what the upside would even be for you. Everything I have ever read where Billy even does an interview is just a butt smooching session where he is given a platform. Not sure if the extra exposure would do anything for you. They are definitely love them or hate them people so I guess you would have an audience on both sides. Doesn’t seem like the type of thing that would get you on TMZ that is for sure.

  14. You DID tweet! How fun! Too bad I missed it (I’m on the West Coast and can’t move… gahhhh!)

    Great review, as always! Well, except for that one time… 😉

  15. Good recap Ryan.
    I just can’t believe this is a show anymore. They don’t do anything. Billy goes back to the hotel… I mean gets sick and leaves. They build a tree fort, build a raft and gets some lumber. And that a wrap!
    Really? Is just me or is 98% of this show just fluff. I think 2019 to get the house completed is pushing things. I don’t even have the effort left in me to point out all of the mistakes in the show. Every scene is just riddled with them. The last two episodes have honestly been exhausting to watch. They do so little. Talk about trying to stretch things out to make a season of shows. If this show were real (which of course at this point is laughable in how bad of a lie this whole thing is) they might have a few day mini-series. There is just nothing here.

  16. The background music is so loud you can not understand what they are saying people who are hard of hearing can not understand what is being said all discovery channel seem to be this I have talked they have quit watching the shows this will be my last season if it is not corrected thank you hope to hear from you

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About Ryan Berenz 2057 Articles
Some thing I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife