Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People recap: Home Alone

Alaskan Bush People Discovery Channel

Do the Alaskan Bush People get paid? We asked! Read our interview with the Brown family.

On Season 2, Episode 7 of Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People, “Home Alone” (Feb. 13), the Brown family increase their defenses after finding rogue bears near the home site. Billy must seek medical help. The Browns build a raft to move lumber.
Alaskan Bush People

First, an announcement:

I’ll take a shot at live tweeting the Bush People “Home Alone” episode tonight. You don’t need to know anything about Twitter or even have an account to follow along. Just view my Twitter feed here at @ChannelGuideRAB or the #AlaskanBushPeople hashtag (ignore Twitter’s Sign Up! crap), watch the show tonight at 10pm ET/9pm CT. (If you’re on the West Coast, I’m sorry. You should probably move.) We’ll see how this goes. It might turn out to be a plastic wrap hut. [Update: It was kinda fun!]

ALSO SEE: What Happened to Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People?

Alaskan Bush People Season 1 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | The Wild Life

Season 2 Recaps: Episode 1 | Episode 2Episode 3 | Episode 4Episode 5 | Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8  | Wild Times | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12 | Episode 13 | Episode 14 | SHARK WEEK! | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Lost Footage | The Wild Year

Now, on to “Home Alone.” Let’s just get this out of the way.

Home-Alone-1

Winter is coming. Brownton Abbey still has no permanent structure to keep the Browns from freezing and becoming bear chow. The milled lumber from Lumber Guy II is ready to be picked up, but first, Billy needs Noah to engineer a pulley-lift tree-elevator platform contraption that will allow the family to keep its food out of reach of bears. Since the peak of Noah’s technical abilities is making arm-band radios, someone is most assuredly going to die on this thing.

Billy is coughing, a serious medical condition if ever there was one. Billy has been sick lately. Sick of WORK, amiright?

To build this crow’s nest thing, Noah puts together a rope harness for Bear that will prevent bear from falling to his awesome and extreme death. Given the family’s knot-tying track record, Bear would be wise to make his peace with the Lord. But Bear accomplishes whatever it was that he was supposed to do up there and then swings around like he’s got the lead role in Bush Peter Pan.

“When Billy gets sick, I do really worry about him,” Ami says. I’m not sure I understand this. She may need to repeat it for us.

While Billy is bed-ridden with Stage 3 Billy Brown’s Syndrome, he puts Matt in charge of building a log raft that will transport the lumber from the mill to Chicago Bears Island. Billy must’ve also slept through those times when Matt built something that failed miserably. Bam doesn’t like playing second fiddle to Matt, and the two butt heads over the best strategy for turning this into a giant clusterf**k.

“Well, when Billy gets sick, I do really worry about him,” Ami says. This “worry” thing is a strange concept to me. We in the Lower 48 just don’t understand. We’re told that Billy has a “complicated” medical history. He once collapsed on the property and had to be airlifted to a hospital, where he fell into a coma for eight days. Ami’s worried because it could happen again at any time! The producers are probably saving that for Season 3.

“Well, yeah, the guys are just going to have to take care of everything on the house building today,” Billy achingly groans. And how is this different from every other day? Bam Bam, M.D., steps in with his own diagnosis: “When he starts getting a little bit, like, discoherent [sic], or like slow in thinking, I think it shows his brain is fighting for it.” Neurologists call this Discoherence Fever.

Back at the shipyard, Bam and Matt get into a pissing match over properties of buoyancy. We have the full, uncut video here.

The debate continues into the night over a feast of canned meat and tomato. Matt resists the urge to choke Bam to death. They need to settle this the Bush way: Thunderdome!

Bam is a master strategist, always thinking two steps ahead. He’s just going to wait for Matt to fail in 3 … 2 … 1 …

MATT IS COUGHING, Y’ALL! This whole family is going to die of Consumption. Matt’s plastic bubble house would’ve made a great place to quarantine him. The other boys realize this is a blessing in disguise and tell Matt to just go away. And he does. And there is much rejoicing.
https://twitter.com/rayniemcewicz/status/566441313302638592

Meanwhile, Birdy is helping Noah with the Brownton Abbey dumbwaiter so they can lift Emmanuel Lewis up and down from the crow’s nest. Noah is also worried about his father, because he says the doctors were unable to determine the cause of Billy’s eight-day coma. This is what you get when you pay for medical services with beaver pelts.

The raft is somehow seaworthy, and they use the Skiff of Doom, made from metal forged in the fires of Hell itself, to tow it along. Then it’s time for the LUMBER PARTY! LUMBER! LUMBER! LUMBER! WOOOOOOO!

Lumber King
Lumber … We need lumber …

And there is a metric shit-ton of lumber they have to move. The max capacity of the raft is three boards. So they’ll definitely get their house built before the winter … of 2019!

Night falls, and Bam has bear watch. He hears leaves rustling and stuff, and the other boys get up and get their firearms and flares and the whole thing turns into a scene from Platoon.

Oh, hey, Billy’s back and he’s just swell. Go figure. Noah gets all philosophical, like “What good is faith that’s never tested? What good is a wall that’s never tested against the wind?” Eh, it’s probably still pretty good. Wall science has come a long way. Bear feels awesome and extreme and he does his tired-old Bear Schtick and howls. I’d start asking the writers for better lines, dudebro.

Coach Billy has the boys huddle up and take a knee. He says, “It really makes me feel good to be able to not be here …” and some other stuff. I stopped listening.

“This house is basically a correlated dream of 35 years in the bush for Mom and Dad,” Gabe says, not 100% sure on what correlated means, but it sounds cool so he’ll say it.

Things get tense when winter comes early and threatens to disrupt construction, just like in Season 1. Tune in next Friday for the midseason finale of …

What? MIDSEASON finale? You mean …?

Someone please put me in a coma for eight months.

(Hey, you guys read this and tell me what you think in the comments: ALASKAN BUSH PEOPLE Interview: Billy Brown Leads These Modern-Day Waltons with Faith, Humor & Love)

22 Comments

  1. Ryan, will you be doing recaps of this season of A.B.P? Life will be so empty without them. I see in the promos that they seek the help of a “matchmaker”. Maybe we’ll have a mysterious Bush Pregnancy of one of S-NO-w Bird. Think “bush cures” for morning sickness and maybe a guest appearance from Jerry Springer to determine which of the boys is baby-daddy, “the test is back and, Bear… you are… NOT the father. Thanks, Ric

    • Yes, Ric, I will be recapping ABP Season 2B. Actually going to start recaps with tonight’s “Wild Time” highlights show. New episodes start May 29. Thanks for joining in!

  2. I enjoy the show for what it is, a show. It is just as real as Survivor and the Kardashians. Why by so critical. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. When will there be a season 3?

  3. While watching season 2 episode 7 I noticed something very odd. When Billy is coming out of the tent to talk with Matt about him being in charge while Billy seeks medical attention. You can see their dog playing with a bear in the background. I had to rewind and check because I couldn’t believe it. What would be the explanation for that?

  4. This show should be canceled and never replayed . I’m a life long Alaskan of 48 years. My grandfather actually homesteaded after the war. [WWII for you idiots on the show].
    This show is a true embarrassment of all Alaskans. The people in the show are at the bottom of intelligence level. The Un-classy people on the show are just white trailer trash that have no actual experience in surviving Alaska off the grid bush living.
    What’s worse is that Descovery channel plays this crap. You may as well watch Jerry Springer cause that’s how factual and classy this show is.
    This is bull, remove from the air.

    • Discovery Channel and too much people I believe that the which people is a bunch of actors and disgrace to Alaska there’s many hard people working in Alaska to earn a living under take care of their kids and families and they be lovely the Alaska done and spiritual plac you can tell that they’re not from there not reason why I say this is because I spent many a summer is in there with my grandparents and I know the native people there

      • Is attachment to what I said earlier my grandfather worked on that boat for 40 years hard labor to take care of his family I’m I don’t care for them to live in Alaska but just under my grandfather my grandmother who lived there for many years and then people who work hard to take care of the family

    • We can tell were your class and intelligence level are by the way you try to put other people on the scale under you without even knowing the people you are talking about .And its a show not real life I’m sure someone has explained this to you at some point in your life. If not I will. Not everything you see on TV is real. So does that help? I’m sure your not on the top of the scale when it comes to IQ either.

  5. Will there be a season 3 can’t find a answer only insults on this family I have grown to watch every week & looking forward!
    Sincerely

  6. I know the Browns and Discovery employees read what is being said about that family and the show. Does it seem that they are ‘fighting’ back or maybe thats too strong…maybe defending their goof ups is better. I mean Billy was on a later show ‘explaining’ about why the lens cap was left on. Then there are these interviews that seem to be explaining the same type of things. It’s not important. I cant help wondering each time I read what the Browns have said, the way the interviews are put together or what is said on the show.

    • Look at it another way Tressa, they are getting called out on the carpet so badly they feel the need to address it IN the show. Like the lens cap. They are trying to cover their tracks as fast as they can, but to no avail. Never seen a show before that had a one hour special that was basically “we aren’t lying, we are real”.

      • You are so right! When people try to convince you they are not lying that is surely is a good indication they are!

  7. I read the above interview with Billy Brown. I have difficulty believing anything Billy says. He has lost all credibility with me on account of his dishonesty. He reminds me of a few con artists that I’ve had the chance to study.

    Billy stated that they did not eat brown bear because it tastes “awful” and they don’t shoot anything they don’t eat. I recall hearing that you can get into big trouble shooting a grizzly bear unless you are protecting yourself or your property. (If this is true they wouldn’t be hunting browns anyway.) However, the area where they are filming the show isn’t that a high population of BLACK bears in that area?

    My personal opinion is that this interview was carefully orchestrated and the person doing the interview was paid by Discovery.

    • I went and checked and it seems that I was wrong about the bears. Seems grizzly can be hunted and those are grizzly and not black bears where they are filming.

      Still don’t trust Billy.

      • Don’t worry Keleka, you just got unlucky on that one. Pick almost anything else out on this show as being fake and you have a 99% shot at being correct

  8. Wow. All the commentary was exhausting! <):^D%~

    "Alaska: The Last Frontier" is a "reality" show about homesteading in the wilds of Alaska tho' the family is just a few miles from town & civilization. The point is to present what it takes to be such a homesteader & not depend on Stores. That is what the show presents, plain and simple, regardless of whether or not the Kilchers live the life 24x7x365x infinity.

    "Alaskan Bush People" is the same except that it presents what it takes to live life in the bush whether or not they do it 24x7x365. I don't see any problem or hypocrisy in being a commercial fisherman yet living in the bush. Lots of folk live in the country yet work in town.

    As for putting The Boys in the Trapper Cabin & the girls in with Mom & Dad doesn't strike me as creepy. It's a privacy thing, same as the outhouse. The girls are the youngest & it makes sense to me. Would you want your sons & daughters "sleeping together", so to speak? YUCK!

    Of course, I'm coming at this from an entirely different angle. I'm a 2nd gen American whose parents were raised by Old World folks with Old World values & part of that was you lived at home (especially the girls) until you were married & that was The Norm, not an aberration.

    Lastly, the cracks made about the kids education? I'd like to read their English. I've read enough "English" in the above commentary that begs for more education. Just sayin'…

    • Congrats if you made it through all of those comments. It got a bit lengthy.
      Lorri, I would be the first person to agree with you on my posts not making my college professors very proud. Many were done a little too hastily. My take on it (I am assuming you were meaning me on your comment about their education) was never to make fun of them in any way, but to lament they seem to not have any higher education opportunities to move forward and better their lives. My personal feelings is I feel a bit bad for the kids and their overall situation. Maybe they don’t need my pity and everything is great.
      You may be correct on the reason for the girls sleeping in the parents tent and your logic makes sense to me. On the other hand I can’t imagine having sons in their 30’s who still live with me full time, let alone the rest of the clan. I have a 23 year old, and he has a great life going for himself and is long gone. So just a bit hard for me to relate to this whole thing. Social norms tell me that this seems a bit odd, but maybe it is just me. It is just the family dynamic as a whole that some people kind of raise an eyebrow to. Also, don’t forget that in Alaska we are all aware of the Papa Pilgram story, so maybe our radar is just set to high alert.
      Where I will disagree with you is the 24x7x365 thing. It comes across as more 0x0x0. These people claim they indeed lived in the bush away from civilization for over 30 years, with little or no contact with anybody. They have tried to play off all of the modern technology they know nothing about (microwave and escalator for example). That is where the controversy rages the hottest. If you read all of our comments I don’t need to rehash all of that. The evidence doesn’t seem to support almost any of it. When you live in a hotel and try to sell this as roughing it in the woods, I mean, come on. Sounds like they should have thrown some of that TV money around to the locals to shut their traps. So it is fine to be a fisherman, but don’t sell it has your kids grew up in caves in the wild. Again, we wrote a ton about their well documented lives in Haines, Ketchikan and Texas. As far as the fisherman story goes I am reading that locals have reported that this whole thing was basically made up (why not at this point as it seems everything Billy says seems dubious), including 99% of the books. He did indeed live in Wrangell, Haines and Ketchikan (all Alaskan fishing towns), but was basically on the government dole and other than a few odd jobs was not involved in the fishing industry. I haven’t personally spoken with anybody on this directly and I am just giving second hand info I have come across. But as Brian Williams is finding out, once you lose credibility, it is a long slide down.
      I have only seen a little bit of “Alaska the Last Frontier” so I can’t comment too much on that show. I do know they play down how close to town they are. It also definitely seems a bit scripted, but I think we all agree at this point they all are to a degree. Just seems to me that the Alaskan Bush People have set the bar so low it is hard to get under it at this point.

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About Ryan Berenz 2000 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.