The Bachelor episode 6 recap: Killing two psychos with one rose

The Bachelor episode 6 beings with Kelsey — a.k.a the black widow — laying on the floor having a “panic attack” …  yeah, right. She gasps for air and asks for Chris. The stunt manages to keep her around for yet another week, and it manages to annoy everyone watching the show. I’m officially anti-Kelsey.

Following the drama of the ceremony, the group of lovers travel to dream-destination South Dakota (eew), where Becca is the lucky recipient of the first one-on-one date.bachelor_episode_6

Becca and Chris ride horses and shoot guns – a perfect date for farmer Chris. The two take things back on a nice dinner date where they actually form a real connection. Other than Britt (my obvious fave), Becca shows true potential. Chris feels the same; he even said, “This is the most real date I’ve been on.”

Becca is literally adorable. She is the only girl in the house that hasn’t kissed Chris (#respect), and she vocalizes her nerves in kissing someone on national television like a normal human being. Becca actually feels real to me, and I’m not talking Ashley I. real. I’m talking real real. I’d be friends with Becca. Chris and Becca share their first kiss and the moment is sweet — it feels like real life, not an over-the-top Bachelor date.

The Bachelor KelseyWhile Chris and Becca were out things got nasty at the house. Carly, Whitney and Kaitlyn decide it is time to confront Kelsey (pictured) about her fakeness. The girls express true concerns, and Kelsey just considers the conversation to be beneath her. The girls think Kelsey is nuts, but Kelsey just thinks they are intimidated by her self-described “eloquence.” Can someone just punch her and make her shut up, please?

Next, comes the most awkward group date where everyone cries. The date begins on a fun note where the girls are asked to write a song with the help of Big and Rich (the country duo), and perform their creations for the group.

bachelor episode 6the-bachelor-episode-6Although Jade manages to complain the entire time, (*cough cough* Debbie downer) everyone has fun and does a great job performing onstage for Chris.

As much as I can’t stand low-self-esteem Carly, her performance is really cute, and Chris and Carly share a super special moment, and, as Kaitlyn said, “I was almost in love for them.”

Each of the girls in the group date had a little one-on-one time with Chris, but when it came time for Chris and Britt’s time – they were nowhere to be found. Yeah, that’s because they ran away from the date. OK you two, get married all ready. Seriously, the whole thing was just rude. They are in love with each other, we all know it, and it’s really not fair to everyone else for him to lead them on when he knows he loves Britt the most. Anyway, Chris and Britt sneak off, and Chris takes Britt to a Big and Rich concert.

Britt and Chris party onstage, and Britt “loses her country virginity.”

bachelorUpon returning to the group date, more than an hour later, rose in hand, Britt becomes the target of all jealousy. I hope the girls wore waterproof mascara. Carly, Whitney and Kaitlyn cry. Normally, I can’t stand waterworks, but this time it was totally warranted. Here they are, on a group date, with a guy they like, who is obviously more into a beautiful girl. As Kaitlyn said, “its humiliating to fight for attention,” and I genuinely feel bad for everyone – other than Britt— who was on that date.

Then comes the greatest two-on-one date of all time: Kelsey, Ashley I. and Chris. This date was quality reality television. Let’s put a psychopath and a Kardashian wannabe together and see how it all pans out, said no one, ever.

With the amount of trash talk going on before the date, you would’ve thought Kelsey and Ashley I. were about to have a WWE-style wrestling match. From minute one of the date, the sassy Ashley I. eye-roll tally is at 10 and the annoying level of Kelsey is at 100.

Ashley pulls Chris aside and finally says something to him about Kelsey’s inability to get along with anyone on the show, and Chris turns around two seconds later and confronts Kelsey about it. Typical Kelsey attempts to manipulate her way through the conversation and nearly pulls it off.

Following her confrontation with Chris, Kelsey confronts Ashley. After the longest and most intense stare-down in Bachelor history, Kelsey begins the girl fight with: “I know what would you did.” DAMN. As much as I can’t stand the wanna-be-Kardashian-with-the-trashy-belly-button-ring, I find it hilarious that Ashley calls Kelsey out for thinking she is smarter than everyone because she “uses big words.” LOL can’t make this up people.

That really pissed off Kelsey, who thinks Ashley “needs to go home and play dress up.” HAHAHA, seriously though, Ashley, go home.

In the end, Chris sends both of the nut jobs home, and the girls back at the hotel celebrate the removal of Kelsey with drinks. Cheers to another week of The Bachelor!