Branson Famous episode 2 recap: The New Girl

If the theme of the first episode of Branson Famous was “power struggles,” I’d say the theme for episode 2: The New Girl was “bitterness.” The second episode of the musical reality series begins with Patty breaking the news to Megan that Heather Gentry has been hired onto The Baldknobbers Jamboree. Now, I, a polite Midwestern girl, was raised to believe 2 things: 1) If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all … or just pretend to be nice. (I’m the best at being fake nice. It’s one of my superpowers.) 2) As sweet as we girls may be, up here in cheese country, Southern gals are 1000% more polite. Megan didn’t adhere to teaching #1, and thus disproved everything I’ve been taught about #2. She didn’t even try to be cordial; she just went right into cold-as-ice mode, and so set the tone for the rest of the episode.

Megan is more bitter than a spoonful of blackstrap molasses, when it comes to her competition, so much of the episode focuses on her trying to knock Heather down a few pegs. She and Brandon go to see Heather’s current show at Branson’s God & Country Theatres to find some ammunition to keep her out of their own show, which is upsetting to Heather. After scrutinizing her performance, they spout off about her gyrating and flipping her hair too much. “She’s literally going to have to become a different person,” in order to become a Baldknobber, Megan says. (Side note: I don’t think Megan knows what “literally” means.)

Branson Famous Episode 2
Heather Gentry in her God & Country show

 

Megan and Brandon don’t think that Heather is going to transition well from her current style to a more country style, which launches us into singing confessional number one. Oh, it’s just so terrible that it’s wonderful. Heather sings to us about how she’s always dreamt of being a glamorous country star. She’s paid her dues! (Slow motion montage of Heather applying makeup!) She’s sexy, country glam! (Slow-mo earring insertion! Hair flip!) She ends the song telling us that she’s going to be “like a country Britney Spears.” DOES SHE NOT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO BRIT, YOU GUYS? I hate to admit it, but I’m falling right into this show’s editors’ trap: I adore Heather, which is funny to me, because in real life, I would be totally intimidated, and possibly annoyed, by her. And (predictably), I do not adore Megan. She irks me so, so much. (I am putty in the editors’ hands, people.)

Patty points out midway through the show that Megan would be jealous of anyone talented and pretty, and she’s dead-on. This chick does not like competition, and she doesn’t hide it. As Heather gets dressed, Megan makes a comment that perhaps it would be better if she and Heather swapped dresses, as the one Megan is currently wearing is little bit bigger. Perhaps Megan would be better off in the smaller one, and the larger one would be better suited to Heather. (It always baffles me when tiny, perfectly-proportioned women snark on each other. When a size 2 implies that a size 4 is fat, it always makes me want to laugh, kick back, and reach for my bucket of popcorn. “This should be interesting. Munch, munch. That tiny girl is so mean to that thin girl—oooh, is this butter flavoring?”) I’m not sure if Megan’s implications that Heather is fat actually hurt Heather; I don’t think she is successful, because Heather tells the camera that not only will she and Megan never be friends, but that Megan “acts like she has a stick up her butt and she likes it there.” Oh, Heather, you’re the best. Know what else is the best? Singing confessional number two. This song is a dueling snark-fest about how these women are so different from each other (they’re not), how they’ve met their match (okay) and how they’re each going to win at this game (sure, sure). And, like in episode one, I find myself terribly uncomfortable, yet mystified by the sirens’ songs.

Sadly, it seems toward the end of the episode that Megan and Brandon have, in fact, gotten the upper hand, because by the time the rehearsal ends, the entire family seems to have plenty to complain about regarding Heather’s talent. She’s oversinging, she’s moving around too much, she has pitch problems, blah blah blah. Heather starts crying, because they’re all being so hard on her, and she doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong. Oh, Heather – you poor, sweet glam-country vixen. Good thing all of that mascara you applied during your first video confessional was waterproof!

Speaking of crying, we do have a small subplot going on in this episode, and it too ends in tears. Breezy is frustrated and seems a bit bitter (shocking) that Heather has been hired on at The Baldknobbers Jamboree. So Brandon and Breezy come up with a clever scheme to get Breezy into the show! (IMHO, it’s not really all that clever—kind of lukewarm, actually—but it seems like it might be a big deal for a few seconds. “Oh, hey, plot twist! Wait! What’s going ……. meh.”) Brandon decides that Breezy is going to do a comedy bit in the variety show (instead of showcasing her vocal talent), to gain confidence and get used to being on stage. Of course, he doesn’t clear this with Tim. Tim doesn’t like being unprepared. Tim is a little annoyed that Brandon is overstepping his boundaries. Tim seems frustrated. Tim makes Breezy cry. Breezy cries like a blubbering 4-year-old, in fact, because she assumes that her daddy doesn’t want her in the show. “I don’t want to do this. I just want to go. Dad doesn’t want me to do anything,” she sobs into Brandon’s shirt. At this point, Brandon looks into the camera and says, “We’ve complained about not evolving, not evolving, not evolving — and we need to evolve — but then when it comes down to it and change actually presents itself, we’re afraid to go there.” HELLO, BRANDON? Irony, much? It’s rich to hear this coming from him after he tries to undercut Heather. Change has presented itself, in the form of Heather Gentry. Just go with it, guy.

I think there’s supposed to be another subplot with Brent and Denton, but that falls flat. I’m still not really sure how these guys fit into the show. The two go fishing, and discuss how they’re unsure whether Heather is the right fit for the Baldknobbers. There’s a small mention that Denton lost his inheritance, and that Brent and Denton really have no say in anything with the variety show, and … well, that’s it. That’s really all we hear from them. Will they be making more appearances? I really would like a good opportunity to either snark on or develop a TV crush on one/both of these guys, but truTV so far hasn’t given me a chance. Perhaps we’ll see / in episode 3 / if we’ll ever get a good mention / of Brent Mabe, and Denton. (That was my attempt at country songwriting. Not so good, huh? Hey, we can’t all be Baldknobbers.)

2 Comments

  1. HEATHER IS AS BORING AS A MANILLA FOLDER. A VOICE MADE FOR A THEME PARK AND PITS IN HER FACE MAKE UP CANT EVEN HIDE. SHE IS A NO TALENT SUCK UP THE IS TOTALLY A DUMB BLONDE THAT FORGETS WHERE SHE IS HALF THE TIME. HOW DO ANY OF THESE CLASSLESS IDIOTS THINK THIS WILL HELP THEM, PEOPLE WILL FLOCK TO THE PRESLEY SHOW AS FAST AS THEY CAN… GOOD LORD I WISH FAILURE ON ALL THESE IDIOTS.

  2. Great story! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who sees this as a guilty pleasure. My favorite part is where Megan acts like Heather is some sort of floozy because of the way she dances and flips her hair. Meanwhile, Megan and Brandon have been canoodling for quite some time and he left his wife for her. Can you say “hypocrite”? LOL!

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