Dating Naked Episode 8 Recap: Mike and Moenay

Dating Naked Epsiode 8
If I was Moenay, I wouldn't put my mouth on something so dirty.

Are you ready for some naked???  I may be the only person alive who isn’t watching TV right now. My husband is actually willingly cleaning our playroom so he can watch tonight’s NFL season opener.  Oh, what I’ll do for my shows….

Let’s get cracking. If I hustle, I can watch the second half of football.

Dating Naked Episode 8Mike from Philly
MC, Radio Host, in a music group, and “I’m awesome.” He forgot, “and I’m a tool.”

Mike claims that he tours all of the time and his primary focus is his career.  Who doesn’t like a man with ambition?
Mike usually dates party girls. Ya think?

Dating Naked Episode 8Moenay from LA
Dancer on a cruise ship. Not that kind of dancer, dirty bird, an actual dancer who has actual training and skills.
She’s afraid to end up alone, which is surprising because she’s so beautiful.  It’s hard when you’re a dancer because I can imagine that many of the male entertainers may be gay.

Mike is actually kinda charming, but I can’t get over his terrible, terrible hair. Who shaves a fleur de lis into the side of their hair?

Dating Naked Episode 8
Who’s a Baldwin…this guy!

Mike has a great body and kind a looks like a Baldwin brother, if his name was Skeevy Baldwin.

Date #1
Their date is naked jet skiing. Mike: “I absolutely felt Moenay’s boobies against my back. I wanted to motor boat ‘em. I won’t lie.”

Later they make ceviche, and Mike is totally grossed out by anything from the sea. But he takes a bite of the octopus anyway, to Moenay’s delight, “He took a bite for me, he took a bite to impress me”

That night, they have fun and drink in the pool. When Moenay gets out of the pool to get them drinks, I have to admit, her butt is spectacular. Dancers have incredibly fit bottoms. Mike also notices Moenay’s posterior and lets loose with a debonair, “Dat ASS!!!!”

They spend a little time hanging out in the poolside bed, talking about favorite sex positions (Mike like to be behind and Moenay likes mirrors) and they share a steamy goodnight kiss.

Date #2
Dating Naked Episode 8

Mike’s date is frolicking in the ocean (in slow motion) and when she turns around, Mike lets loose with an über classy “Dayyyyyyyyuuuuuuuummmmmm!!”
“This girl got some enormous titties” barf.

We meet Stephanie from Walnut Creek, CA
With her big fake ta-tas and her baby voice, she’s perfect for any moron with a penis.

Moenay meets Dan, a blonde Adonis and calls him “an older, blonde Ambercrombie model.” He’s a life coach, has a pale tush and non-existent eyebrows. That leads me to wonder if his eyebrows are non-existent, does he have invisible hair “down there” too?

Mike and Stephanie play beachside carnival games. Their date is as classy as the Jersey Shore. I think my favorite game had to be ring toss using bananas as the “posts” for the rings. But popping balloons with blow darts looked fun too. It would have been awesome if one of the darts had hit Stephanie and we could have watched her fly around the beach as her empty head deflated. Mike was terrible at the games, which must be humiliating for someone who grew up New Jersey-adjacent. But somehow, Mike manages to win Stephanie an embarrassingly large bear and the other toys in the “prize booth” appear to be gifts for an infant.

Moenay and Dan decide instead of Paddleboarding to go surfing. I’m sure that nice grippy board was way fun for Moenay to lay upon. Ouch! Dan also was a terrible surfing instructor/board pusher/ I’m not really sure what the hell Dan was attempting, but his coaching skills sucked.

Over at Phoney Island, they guzzle tequilas, and eat food off of sticks. They talk about past relationships and Stephanie reveals that her sexual fantasy is having sex on the beach. Mike makes a mental note and gives himself a mental high five. He is pretty positive that he’s going to score with Stephanie.

Moenay and Mike chat on the beach and suddenly Dan starts talking about vibrations and cultivating energy. And he’s 42. I thought Dating Naked was only casting for people 18-35, so he’s way older than many of the other participants.

Dating Naked Episode 8
Dan, Dan, Bizarro Man

I can’t understand what he’s saying because I keep looking where his eyebrows should be. The more I look, the more freaked out I am feeling.

Moenay: “I’m not sure what the hell’s going on in his mind. He’s giving me this weird stare, like he’s trying to steal my soul.” Exactly, Moenay. Run away, save your soul. Send out an S.O.S!

That night, at the Jungle Villa, Moenay is sad that Mike had a great date with Stephanie. She’s jealous. Dan is game to strip down and of course, Stephanie’s breasts appear to loathe clothing. Mike and Stephanie get comfy canoodling in the pool while “Old Man Dan” again bores Moenay with talk of universal vibrations. Dan is human though, and we catch him taking a few sneak peeks of Moenay’s goodies, but before long, she heads off to bed to prepare for date #3, and Mike and Stephanie head back to his room for sex. Classy, classy sex.

Date #3
Mike Meets Shealyn, a more alternative woman.
Shealyn admits that she usually dates uglier guys. Their date is riding in a golf cart and Mike intentionally drives over every bump he can so he can watch her breasts bounce. Have I mentioned that this guy is a tool?

Dating Naked Episode 8
Maybe he bailed because it’s cold and his tiny peen got smaller?

Michelle is rocking the body chain but date #3 says no way and decides that he can’t date naked. “My mother said, ‘if you do this, you embarrass us all.’” Go back home to momma, chicken. It’s too bad that they don’t show the spineless guy, but they do show one of the show’s make producers who is easy on the eyes. Maybe he can tag-in and date Moenay!

Amy Paffrath has to be the one to share the bad news with Moenay. She’s sad that she’s missing out on the opportunity of the romantic date and the chance to connect with another person. She’s heartbroken. And a female producer tells her to have a relaxing day alone.

Over on the beach, Mike and Shealyn do the limbo, which has to be the lamest date ever. Enough said. And once they both realize that they’re both Geminis, they know they’re only going to be friends. I bet Mike wants this date over ASAP so he can get back to porking Stephanie.

That night, Mike is sad that Moenay was stood up and feels pressure to entertain all three women. But not really, because he forgets about Shaelyn, pauses to acknowledge Moenay long enough to make her get him a drink and yell “Dat ASS!!!” at her, and then proceed to have shower sex with Stephanie.

Dating Naked Epsiode 8
If I was Moenay, I wouldn’t put my mouth on something so dirty.

The next morning, before the selection ceremony, Moenay talks with Mike about choosing her. She wants him to think about what will happen once the tequila bottle is empty saying, “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” Mike admits he screwed things up and Moenay kisses him. She does know that she can do better, right? I mean seriously, waaaaaay better. Like so much better. Any choice is better than party boy Mike.

At the selection ceremony, Moenay chooses Mike because she’s not going to pick “Dan, Dan the Creepy man,” and Mike chooses Stephanie. Because he’s a moron and likes pink frosted lipstick.  Stephanie is thrilled to be chosen, and ends her on-camera with “Sorry, not sorry” which is classy, because she is.

Amy invites Moenay back to appear on another episode of Dating Naked, to which Moenay happily agrees. I sit here shaking my head because Moenay doesn’t seem to understand that she can do SO, SO much better. I mean seriously, VH1 already set her up with three (well, technically 2) guys who were quasi-matched for her and it was like choosing the best of the worst. But since she’s excited, I hope that next time they can line up some better guys.

Bleeech, this week’s entire episode was disappointing overall. Booooooooooo.

Want more Dating Naked?
Episode 1: Joe and Wee Wee
Episode 2: Steven And Taryn
Episode 3: Keegan and Diane
Episode 4: Chuck and Camille
Episode 5: Mike and Candace
Episode 6: Greg and Ashley
Episode 7: AJ and Liddy
Interview with Dating Naked Host Amy Paffrath
Dating Naked Wedding Special

2 Comments

  1. Moenay is so pretty I really would love to get to know her I feel so bad that he didn’t see da moenay I seen and I was looking from TV. Moenay your a lovey sexy pretty woman keep look love well find you mama.

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