Is it strange that I look forward to strangers getting naked and going on televised dates? I’m actually starting to buy into the possibility that people can meet under bizarre and unusual circumstances and forge a connection. My husband and I met reaching into a garbage can filled with beers at a college frat party. My parents met in SCUBA diving class at the local YMCA. Why can’t people find love on a naked reality show?
Maybe I’m just a twisted romantic, but I’d like to hope that anyone can find love anywhere. Anyway, let’s meet the hopeful lovers on Dating Naked Episode 6…
Greg from Carlsbad, CA. Greg used to be a computer nerd but once he became a pro-fighter, he got into shape and found confidence. “I’m like a wine, I get better with age.” Gulp.
Ashley from Denver, CO and is an artist. She’s also into art therapy, which I didn’t realize was a thing. She’s a hippy flower-child, she’s like Jenny from Forrest Gump. Endearing and just a little crazy. Ashley, I hate your nose ring. Seriously. Hate it. Why look like a bull if you’re not? There are so many cuter facial piercings if that’s what you want. And more artistic ones too.
At the start of the show, I need to mention that Amy is looks beautiful in her cornflower blue gown. This is the prettiest dress Amy’s worn on the show.
It’s pouring rain. Ashley and Greg are standing in the rain. Naked. Despite the chill, they both look pretty good and comfortable naked. Greg looks like a big guy. Amy is slender and heavily tattooed.
Ashley ”I’m a little surprised that Greg’s package is small compared to the rest of his body. Maybe it’s because it’s cold?”
Greg “My first impression of Ashley is: a whole-lotta bush. You cold practically put dreads on that thing.” Far out!
Their date is an art date and Ashley is almost giddy with excitement. Greg said something about the date, but I was distracted by the gigantic boil behind his right ear. It looks ouchy and may be pulsating.
Ashley poses first and Greg draws her. It takes him a few seconds of TV time and he’s puts zero effort or artistic ability into it. My son is more talented and he just turned 5.
Ashley’s artistic ability is mediocre at best too. Maybe markers aren’t her medium because her drawing sucks too. Her drawing shows Greg with an eagle’s head, in her words, “His spirit animal.” Uh… Then they break plates and do art therapy. According to Hippy Woo-woo, the plates that she’s heaving onto the ground represent the times that men have broken her heart. And she’s taking control and putting her heart back together. Breaking dishes definitely looks like fun but I can’t get over the amount of sharp jagged pieces littering the floor. And now they’re sitting on the floor. Naked.
Greg and Ashely aren’t fooling anybody. They’re both nice enough people, but they’re not suited for each other. They shake hands, call it a night and look forward to the next day.
Greg meets Angelica, a New Yorker, and a virgin. This may be the first time that a virgin has appeared on VH1. The poor dear is so utterly terrified upon seeing a real, live penis for the first time that she cowers behind her hands. It’s kind of endearing, because she’s absolutely lovely-looking, but confident Greg isn’t impressed. And, if Greg’s peen is as small as Ashley says, at least Angelica has nothing to be disappointed by either. They are on a dock, so I assume their date is yachting.
Ashley’s second date is Alika, a heavily tattooed hottie from Woodside, CA. He’s a sexual healer. You heard me. A sexual healer. Cue Marvin Gaye. Their date is surfing and Alika has actually taught several people to surf so this date is completely in his comfort zone. Ashley is stoked: her date is hot, tattooed, a sex person, and he knows how to surf. He’s checking all of the boxes for her. If she wasn’t already naked, she would be now. This is her fantasy date! This is every woman’s fantasy date.
Over with Angelica on The Love Boat, things have gone from bad to worse. Angelica is horribly seasick and barf isn’t an aphrodisiac.
Ashley and Alika talk about his job. He teaches G-spot stimulation and instructs women in female ejaculation and sexual satisfaction and offers her to give Ashley a session. Who could refuse some G-spot stimulation from sexy Alika? He looks like a Hawaiian Rob Lowe!
That night. Ashley, Alika and Greg hang out. Anjelica joins the group, clothed in a swimsuit and cover-up. She’s only poolside long enough to tell Greg that she’s leaving the island. She can’t get over the nudity and elects to leave.
Greg, “If you’re going to be so clothed-minded…” Oh Greg, you’re just so punny.
Now that the group is a threesome, it takes Greg an embarrassingly long time to realize that he’s the third wheel. He finally leaves Ashley and Alika alone and she walks him back his room. After a few kisses, they disappear inside. The next morning, Ashley admits that she and Alika had sex. Steamy!!!
The next morning, Ashley meets J.R., another tattooed hottie with a nice butt. Ashley isn’t J.R.’s usual type, he’s into rocker girls, but she’s instantly intrigued.
Greg meets Tessa from Littleton, CO. A funny beauty who seems like what Greg’s looking for. And after a terribly date the day before, he’s earned a good time with someone fun.
Ashley and J.R. take a romantic muddy stroll through the woods. It’s so ridiculous to see nude bodies wearing only shoes. It seems unnatural.
Greg and Tessa take a sailboat to a table in the middle of the water. They share embarrassing date stories (which make them both seem jerky, perfect for each other) and enjoy a snack.
Ashley and JR check out the pool area but before they can head to their respective rooms to get ready for the night, J.R. leans in for a romantic kiss.
Ashley is torn between two guys that she has connections with: J.R. and Alika.
Thankfully, Greg and Tessa get each other and enjoy talking with each other. I’m not sensing incredible chemistry, but sometimes even the strongest chemical reactions take a while to develop.
Once the group gets back together, J.R. makes some off-color remarks about women and totally blows it with Ashley. When she tells him that calling women “bitch” as a put-down word offends her, he keeps talking instead of apologizing or even better, shutting up.
Ashley flees the pool, upset. Which of her two paramours will chase after her?
It’s J.R.! He apologizes to her and they disappear into her room.
Tessa and Greg are connecting, but she plays coy and doesn’t want to return to his room.
Ashley and J.R. talk on a balcony. And they kiss.
Surprise, Surprise! Tessa shows up at Greg’s room, but it’s just to give him a kiss goodnight. I’m sure most men would like a kiss like that before bed. But Tessa’s a traditional girl and leaves Greg to slumber in his bed alone.
The morning of the Selection Ceremony, I am happy to see that 4 of the 5 remaining contestants are wearing flip flops. (Greg, why the sneakers?!? It just looks to terrible.)
It’s a no-brainer that Greg selects Tessa.
Ashley is choosing between Mr. Sexual Healing and Mr. Foot-in-Mouth. Clearly, sexual healing is the right choice. He has eyes like looks Ian Somerhalder and, he’ll heal your lady parts! Ashley is tired of looking for love and wants someone that she can trust. She wants to choose Alika but wants him to be committed to her. He agrees and they kiss. Ashley gives him her necklace.
As they walk to the beach, Ashley jokes that she and Alika are getting married and she’s already pregnant. Funny. But actually it’s partially true. That’s right, Ashley and Alika are the happy couple getting married on A Naked Dating special on September 18. Congrats to the horny couple! Mazel Tov. Best wishes.
Want more Dating Naked?
Episode 1: Joe and Wee Wee
Episode 2: Steven And Taryn
Episode 3: Keegan and Diane
Episode 4: Chuck and Camille
Episode 5: Mike and Candace
Interview with Dating Naked Host Amy Paffrath
Dating Naked Wedding Special
Images © VH1