So here we are, about to watch another show starring naked folks. But this time, instead of searching for water, food, clothing and shelter, the participants are looking for love (Or sex. Let’s be honest, they’re looking for sex.) VH1 has thrown a spin on the reality dating genre by taking singles, stripping off their clothes and hopefully removed their inhibitions towards love on Dating Naked.
The show’s theme song has the words, “When I met ‘cha, I saw everything. I know you now.” How fitting. How many of the show’s contestants are going to vote with their eyes and not their brains. We’ll see how quickly this turns into a nude version of Temptation Island ( remember that classy show, brought to you by the good people at FOX?) or if the show’s contestants are actually searching for love and romance.
Want more Dating Naked?
Episode 1: Joe and Wee Wee
Episode 2: Steven And Taryn
Episode 3: Keegan and Diane
Episode 4: Chuck and Camille
Episode 5: Mike and Candace
Interview with Dating Naked Host Amy Paffrath
Dating Naked Wedding Special
Images © VH1
Let’s meet this week’s daters…
Age 24, from Deer Park (Long Island), New York
Wants a white picked fence and a traditional romance despite his tattooed and muscular “Guido” look
Got married at age 19. Was married for 5 months and got an annulment.
Looking for an opportunity to find love. “You see me, I see you. Boom”
Wee Wee (yup, that’s a name, not a thing.)
Age 36, lives in Nashville, originally from Brooklyn
Has no idea why she’s single. Dated a guy for 10 years, but hey broke up when he wouldn’t propose.
We learn later that her real name is Christina, but she’s known as “Wee Wee” the entire episode. And everyone seems okay with this.
Wee Wee and Joseph stand clothed before host Amy Paffrath and learn that they have to go on a date with each other. Wee Wee likes the way Joe smells. But will Joe like the way Wee Wee smells?
As they strop down, Joe’s strategy for not getting “excited” on his date is, “I’m going to think about elephants and monkeys.”
Now that Wee Wee and Joe are naked, they re-meet and it’s as awkward as you’d think. It’s even more awkward than Naked and Afraid because on Dating Naked, their partners genitalia are actually relevant.
Joe and Wee Wee’s naked date is to go Zorbing. A zorb is a giant clear ball, is guess the best way to describe it is that it’s a giant hamster ball.
Joe, wants Wee Wee to go first. Is it because he’s a gentleman, or because he wonders “what if I fart?” Stay classy, young Joseph. And he goes first anyway. After Joe is reborn and slithers into the Zorb, Wee Wee gives him a massive blowjob by inflating the now deflated sphere with a leaf blower. And, it appears that Joe may somehow have gotten something foreign on his crotch, because Wee Wee blows there too.
Zorbing looks like a lot of fun. Especially when you’re sweating and naked. There’s a lot of splaying and unattractive open-legged poses. Hilarious.
After the date, Joe and Wee Wee sit in a beach-side cabana and talk about their hopes for love. It seems like they’re both looking for the same thing in a relationship and they seem extremely compatible.
At the beautiful Jungle Villa, Joe and Wee Wee don clothes and eat a romantic dinner. They reveal their past romance woes and I must admit, they’re really open with each other. I would have thought they had known each other for years. Joe is more than his Guido appearance.
They get naked again and go swimming before retiring to separate bedrooms.
On Day 2, Joe and Wee Wee get naked again and prepare to meet their next dates.
Joe meets a gorgeous raven haired-woman named Jasmine. She’s a giggle-monster from Israel and for their date they’ll be boogie boarding.
In the jungle, Wee Wee meets Jack. Jack is as pale as I am so I’m looking forward to watching him get incredibly sunburnt. The producers have taken pity on pale Jack, he and Wee Wee will be making art.
Over at Joe and Jasmine’s magical boogie board ride, She takes him to a whole new world by flopping her butt around. There wasn’t much boarding on this date. Joe is asking “Wee Wee, who who?”
Wee Wee and Jack paint with their bodies. Jack is a loveable goofball and according to Wee Wee, “Jack is packing.” Hence his confidence. They pour point over themselves and press themselves to canvasses. Jack even attempts to paint using his man-brush, and then the two of them share a barely dripping shower.
Jasmine and Joe drink wine in a hammock. Jasmine is an adventure seeker, and likes skydiving and SCUBA-diving. But she doesn’t seem too cerebral. And she giggles a lot. Joe downplays his previous date with Wee Wee.
Jack and Wee Wee have an awkward conversation about his life and his terrible upbringing. While drinking juice. Joe is digging Wee Wee but she’s thinking about Joe.
At the villa, both couples hang out together. Wee Wee is totally jealous of Jasmine. And Jack his so taken by Jasmine, but he’s forgotten who Wee Wee is. After a nude, but chilly dip in the pool, Joe and Jasmine head upstairs a steamy shower complete with a few hugs and kisses.
Day 3, Joe and Wee Wee prepare for date #3.
Joe meets Crissy, a professional violinist with a punky look and an awesome accent. Joe and Crissy will be tubing. Naked. They are wearing water belts, which I’m pretty sure aren’t USGC Class 1 flotation devices.
Wee Wee meets Justice. And he’s a big man; in all ways. He does events and parties in South Beach Miami. He’s suave. Their date is bird watching. Justice uses his binoculars to check out Wee Wee’s butt.
After tubing, Crissy and Joe drink on a yacht and then Joe starts to rap. It’s embarrassing. Crissy is a little egocentric and perhaps it’s because he’s so successful. She doesn’t need to impress anyone.
Wee Wee and Justice aren’t really vibing. His occupation as a nightclub promoter overshadows his personality.
That night at the jungle villa, the foursome increases to a sextet. Joe says “Jasmine isn’t the girl you bring home to mom, she’s the girl you bring back to your house to have fun with.” I’m pretty sure this show won’t result in too many trips to the altar. When Wee Wee and Joe “Go pee” (classy, right?) they see Jasmine and Justice snuggle. Wee Wee still pines for Joe and Joe is happy for a little drunken snogging.
Jasmine is jealous that Joe paid attention to Wee Wee, so she comes up with a masterful plan for luring him. “I’m going to look in his eyes, smile at him and say, ‘I like you.’” She’s as complex as a child’s board book. Joe is also game for a little porn-looking make-out session with Jasmine. Wee Wee walks in on them kissing and Wig Wigs out.
The final day, all 6 daters participate in a ceremony where Joe and Wee Wee reveal which date they had the least connection with and who they had the best connection with.
Host Amy Paffrath is the only person wearing clothes during this ceremony. Not remarkably, both Joe and Wee Wee felt the least connection with their final dates, Crissy and Justice. Joe says he has the greatest connection with Wee Wee and my jaw drops. I can’t believe that Joe actually isn’t as shady as I thought. He chose personality over looks. Wee Wee is still confused form the night before where Joe pulled some Bachelor-like shadiness by kidding multiple people in rapid succession. Jack (who I forgot was even on this show) totally thinks he’s going to win because he and Wee Wee had so much fun.
But when Wee Wee and Joe start bickering like an old married couple, you know they’re perfect for each other. Wee Wee chooses Joe and they walk, hand-in-hand into paradise. Naked.
What did you think about the first episode of Dating Naked? Are you brave enough to take it all off in search of love?