After a few weeks of fighting, the ladies of Little Women: LA are hanging out in hopes of rekindling their friendship. Why does it look like they are sticking their feet into a koi pond? Is this a real pool?
Elena reveals that she wants implants. And asks Briana about hers. Hold on, what?? Sweet, mom, finding-her-strength, 3-foot-8 Briana has some fakies? No way. She explains that she had a reduction, nursed her daughter for almost a year and then got small implants. Ok, that makes sense — she got a mom-over post-kid. Lots of women do.
Briana encourages Elena to feel her boobs. Men around the world fall off of their chairs as Elena gropes Briana’s ta-tas. A lot. I have a feeling this isn’t the only chestal manipulation we’ll see this episode. Briana says she has no feeling in her front and gestures to her entire frontside. I hope that’s just an exaggeration because perhaps she should be on E!’s new plastic surgery mishap show Botched
Terra is shooting her own music video for her song, “Booty-Bee.” Elena is hesitant to participate in what she things might be “tacky.” Of course this is going to be tacky. Has a reality TV music video ever not been tacky? But it’s going to get 5 million views on YouTube and Vimeo, so who cares? Christy is still angry about Terra’s comments about her sobriety and refuses to participate.
Christy uses her time with Todd washing his car for an upcoming job interview as an opportunity to trash Terra’s upcoming video shoot. Sexy booty video isn’t really Christy’s vibe anyway. And why are they washing Todd’s car for a job interview? Is he picking someone up and driving them around as part of the interview?
While Terra stumbles in her recording session, Tanya tells her that Christy is trying to get the other girls to boycott her video. And her song isn’t ready for the video shoot. Oh reality TV, always compacting processes that take months into a few days. Your production schedule is as rushed as my attempts at anything off of Pinterest.
Christy teaches Briana and Elena some dance steps in preparation for Terra’s upcoming video shoot. It’s shocking to me that Elena is as uncoordinated as my two young sons. Perhaps they don’t have the electric slide in Russia, but it’s kind of nice to know that she’s not perfect after all. Because that’s the “choreography” that Christy is teaching them. The Electric Slide. I can’t wait to see if they learn the hokey pokey next.
At dancer casting, Terra sent out the wrong address to the dancers. Whoopsies! Fortunately, Tanya gets some excellent hottie (which means “Meh” in LA) dancers to come to the audition. And one guy who is terrible. Finally, plenty of bootylicious lady dancers (and some terrible ones) show up and soon Terra has a bounty of booty dancers. Methinks this may be a staged reality TV moment, several of the dancers who were told to “freestyle it” did the exact same dance move. It had a human-centipede vibe to it.
Elena takes Christy to her breast implant surgery consult. Because who better to fondle pretend boobies that medically-minded Christy? After some goofing with implants, Dr. Garth Fisher (‘member him from Extreme Makeover and Keeping Up With the Kardashians?) discusses breast implant options with Elena. Remember Elena, if you get implants from Dr. Fisher, you’re getting the best surgery that reality TV can buy and then air in a 60 minute special. But I don’t think that Dr. Fisher specializes in “The Natural Look.”
Joe and Terra are eating tasty tacos from a truck trashing Christy’s refusal to participate in the video shoot. Do you really want Christy in your video? Really? Terra is spending $10,000 on the video. Hopefully she’s spending 10G of Lifetime’s money or she didn’t negotiate her contract very well. Either way, that’s a lot of money, perhaps don’t have dancer auditions 2 days before and don’t cut your single the week before. Planning, planning, planning. If Joe’s the planner, maybe let him plan. Then you can do what you’re great at, perform, be beautiful and have fun.
As part of their diet, Christy and Todd are juicing. I don’t get this trend. If you want to lose weight, instead of separating the carrot juice form the carrot fiber, simply eat the whole carrot. A plate with a carrot, an apple and a cucumber on it would be a lot more filling than a glass of juice. And as Christy so elegantly informs us, “I need juice to take a deuce.” The fiber is what’s going to move your bowels, not the liquid.
The day of Terra’s music video, Terra is a nervous wreck. If course, Christ doesn’t show up, Traci doesn’t look like she’s there, and Elena’s barely interested. In fact, she storms off the stage because she doesn’t want to do it. It’s too much for her. Poor Terra, this is her dream but it’s turning into a nightmare. Next time, don’t rely on your friends. Pay people $50, because then you can tell them what to do. Volunteers are volunteering and then you’re not their boss. But she is handling this pressure much better than I would have.
Christy pulls a crazy stuntwoman move and walks over her stove (which may be on) to get something from a high cabinet. Todd didn’t get a job he’d interviewed for, but there are plenty of other job options out there bro! But he’s not 100% sure he didn’t get the job because he’s a little person. It’s a bummer that he may face job discrimination because of his size.
Back at the video shoot, Joe is acting like a diva. And a jerk. And a tool. And a d-bag. This isn’t his moment. Support your woman. She’s footing the bill. After the shoot, Terra and Elena have put their past arguments behind them and are moving towards friendship. Aww.
A week later, Terra is ready to debut her video. But just before she does, Christy and Todd walk in. Instead of ignoring them, Terra murders them with her eyes and then they got into a verbal fight. Awkward. Just shut up and watch the video!! The screaming and confrontation could have waited. For real. Todd calls Terra’s video “Dumb,” but no one really says anything because Todd’s a big guy. Joe tells everyone that they should agree to disagree, which isn’t supportive and should have been said before the fight started. The best way to end a fight is not to begin one. But no one asked me. Finally, the ladies hug it out and watch the video.
When Terra and I spoke a few weeks ago, she told me that singing is her true love. I didn’t really hear a lot of singing. It has some rap-ish lyrics and a reggae vibe. I wish there was more singing. But I will say this about the video, there’s definitely a lot of booties banging around in it. Where do you rank it in reality show music videos?