Little Women: LA Recap, Episode 5, “Movin’ On Up”

Last week’s tease of a lady fight had my interest piqued all week. They may be little women, but they bring the BIG drama. And I was interested in seeing a fight that wasn’t centered on Christy.

“Three days earlier” <- earlier than what???  I have no idea.
LIttle Women LAChristy and Todd are on a diet. While Veggie Shopping, Christy reveals another Little Person problem: Reaching high things. After some gymnastic climbing, Christy gets a hard-earned cucumber.

Christy reveals that despite her earlier concerns, she’s not pregnant. She’s relieved because she wants to be healthy and married before expanding her family. She wants this marriage to work. “Juicing and Dancing…and no secret hamburgers and no secret chocolate.”

At a cooking class, the ladies learn to cook. It’s hard to cook when you’re standing on a stool. It is also hard to handle giant knives when you have tiny hands. Be careful girlies, nobody needs stitches.

More Little Women: LA Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 6, Quiz

Tonya’s ex, Kerwin is coming into town. Although they never married, they’ve been in a relationship for 27 years, and have a 22y ear-old daughter. They’ve also been in an open relationship for 14 years. But Tonya is in a new relationship with speed-dating Trevor and ladies worry that Kerwin’s visit could threaten the good thing she has with a new man. They still have sparks, but he’s Tonya’s past, not her future.

Terra is using her newfound culinary skills to cook pork chops for Joe. She’s trying to get Joe in the mood. Cooking isn’t Terra’s strong suit, but Joe needs to be a little more supportive. And not be critical. If my husband wined every tie I made a meal that wasn’t a homerun, he’d never eat. Terra tried, but in Joe’s mind, she failed.

Joe “I’m wooed at your effort”
Joe, I’m boo-ed by your lack of effort.

Christy and Todd take a waltz class to get in shape. Christy loves to dance, and Todd wants to learn something that is so important to his lady love. Todd is game for anything, which is sweet. Todd is earnest and of course, it’s hard to look like a good dancer when the rest of the class participants look like professional dancers. And it’s hard to

While bowling, the ladies discuss Tonya and her two men. Brianna isn’t in this week”s episode very much, episode too much this episode, so here is my Briana comment for this week: WTF did she do to her hair? She looks like Joan Jett goes to Coachella. That is not her look. Then Tonya arrives to introduce Kervin to the ladies.  I love that Kerwin’s Chyron read “Tonya’s ex- with benefits.” Tonya admits she’s torn between two men, i.e. her past and her future. I vote for Trevor, He’s hilarious.

Christy is making hungry eyes at the bowling bar food. Fight the power, Christy. Dieting sucks, we all know it, but if you bite it, you write it. If you’re eating, you’re cheating. Todd totally busts her.

Joe is so still shady about his shared “Pseudo” status with Elena. Joe and Elena may share the same type of Dwarfism, but Joe should stop with the “Us Pseudos” comments, because I hate to tell you Joe, but you’re nowhere as good looking as Elena. And Elena is seriously skeeved out. Terra reveals that she and Joe have both been unfaithful in the past, so his attention towards Elena is a red flag. HE’S SO SHADY!! Terra is understandingly controlling. She is a jealous woman. And in her interview, Terra is in tears.

Elena “Terra’d better watch her man, because if he’s flirting with me, he’s flirting with somebody else.” I promise that it came out of her mouth not sounding jerky. Woman speaks the truth.

But later, Elena tells Kervin that Tonya is seeing someone new. Kervin’s response was to turn around and walk away with a semi-dejected look on his face. Whoopsies, another case of booze making lips a little too loose!

The next day,
Terra and Joe go to a lingerie shop. Sexxy.
And find a giant purple bra. Joe, “That’s like the bra for the Grimace!” Not sexy.
The shop employee calls Terra “Cute” and “Adorable.” For real? So not sexy, and eew, she’s not a child. Hey shopkeeper of A Total Woman, obviously this customer’s in your lingerie store because she’s got boning on the brain, so steer clear of boner-killing phrases.
Terra looks hawt in her purple outfit, but of course Joe says something bone-headed. “That would look better on Elena.”

Later, Tonya and Kerwin eat dinner and have “The Talk”…
Kerwin “After all of the years of me chasing you, what about us?” Kerwin thinks that Tonya is playing with his emotions. But let’s be honest, long distance relationships are hard. And when you have the chance for something new and local…
Kerwin, “My love is much deeper than yours.”

Little Women:  LATerra is ready for seduction. She’s dressed in her sexy new lingerie, and ready for nookie. Joe isn’t really in to mood. Perhaps it’s the camera crew in your bedroom?
Joe promises to chase her more. And I’m sure they then enjoyed naked time.

The next day, Tonya, Kerwin and daughter Angelique take a family trip to the beach. The family bond makes Tonya feel sentimental and makes ending her relationship with Kerwin harder.
“Relationship don’t come in a Cracker Jack Box, you have to work at it. But breaking up can be done easy, in like 15 seconds.”
To which Tonya replies, “I’m sorry, but we need to go our separate ways.”
Yikes, the beach just got cold! I hate when my on-again-off-again lover breaks up with me at the beach. Ms. Banks, you’re a nasty woman. And I like it.

Christy and Todd check the progress of their diets. Christy admits to eating a candy bar the size of her leg. She is so funny.
Todd’s warning. “You reap what you sow. Let’s go.” But she lost 5 pounds! Yay!!
Christy wants Todd to be healthy so they can live a long life together. Todd lost 5 pounds too. Baby steps buddy! Keep up the great work!

Little Women: LAAt the girls’ weekly drinks night. Tonya confronts Elena about telling Kerwin about Trevor. She reveals that they broke up. Tonya seemed ready to apologize to Tonya, but it turns loud, and physical. Pointing fingers, pushing, yelling.

Little Women: LATraci (hey, there she is! Now that she had her bridezilla moment, is she even still on this show? She needs to fight for more air time!) simply covers her ears and looks bemused. I think Traci secretly relishes the drama. Tonya goes all Samuel L. Jackson on Elena, saying “Mother F@#$ing” like it’s her Mother F@#$ing job. For the first time a fight doesn’t involve Christy!! The other bar patrons looks a combo of horrifies and thrilled. I bet, if you look, you can find this on YouTube, courtesy of someone’s cell phone camera. Terra splits up the fueling divas and gets everyone to cool down. They apologize and laugh about it a few minutes later. (Fashion note: Tanya wears at least three different lace tanks in this episode: Pink, Blue and Red.)

It’s weird to see normally stoic Tonya get upset.

Finally a free women, Tonya and Trevore go on a date. Sorry Trevore, I was spelling your name wrong, But I still adore you and your million-watt smile.

Next week, Elena wants a boob job. And Terra makes a music video. And the Christy drama returns!!!