Croquet, cricket and too much wine for Maggie (you go girl!) were the highlights of I Wanna Marry “Harry” episode 2, which aired on FOX May 27. This weekly mockery follows a group of American woman who are simply giddy over the possibility that they could win the heart of a mysterious Brit who they believe is Prince Harry (played quite eloquently by the no-royal-blood-in-this-guy Matthew Hicks).
In last night’s episode, kudos go to Kimberely Birch (pictured), 23, for making two big milestones. The first, and it’s a big one, was the realization during a self-confessional that no one in their right mind would ever subject the real Prince Harry to a situation that involved 12 crazed American girls. Thank God, someone gets how preposterous this scenario actually is. Her second milestone was winning the key to the crown suite, where she shares: “stuff like that doesn’t happen to me, I don’t even win bingo.”
The loser, however, was big-earring Andrea, 25, who raved about being extremely competitive in pageants, cheerleading and dance so she took this lost a little harder than expected. Fake Prince Harry (let’s call him FPH) explained to her that he had “no particular vibe or connection,” and then sincerely asked her to leave the estate. Between tears and a car ride off the estate, Andrea tried to shrug it off stating that FPH wasn’t really her type anyways, and the real issue was that she’s just not used to “being first runner up” and being out of a competition so early. But let’s quickly recap how we got there in the first place.
The episode began with Rose’s crown suite win (episode 1), where FPH made a surprise visit to her suite in the morning and caught her off guard with no makeup and toothbrush in mouth. Rose is treated to a day fit for a princess as FPH takes her on a helicopter ride, followed by a beach side lunch. Rose is extremely inquisitive and quite forward for a kindergarten school teacher and starts drilling FPH with all sorts of questions. ” So you do this a lot?” she asks of the helicopter ride. “So you must be pretty important.” FPH feeds into it responsding, “You could say that.” But than later admits: “It’s absolutely ridiculous. I’m not use to any of this at all.” But FPH is doing the job he was hired to do, which is to act like the prince so he pours it on. “I’m in the military so I travel a lot,” FPH confirms, as well as, that he has an older brother, he even makes mention to a date with a royal. “OMG did he say royal?” Yeah, he did and Rose took the bait and later relayed all the details back to the other girls at the compound. But before the two left, Rose makes her move and kisses FPH while the two frolicked in the water for a quick swim. Rose gets credit for the first lady to kiss Fake Prince Harry (Matthew Hicks).
While waiting for FPH’s return, the rest of the girls hung out poolside and talked boobs and butts and who looked good in what. Once FPH returned he took a group of the girls and challenged them to a game of cricket. All dolled up (the majority in white half shirts and minis) the girls turned on their charm. Maggie, the group lush, gets busted by FPH, when she cozied up against him. “Did you just touch my bum?” he asked her. Yep, she did and could care less, as she’s probably buzzed, anyways. FPH makes some time for some one-on-one conversations including one with Jacqueline, 25, who makes a rather dumb move (but really what isn’t on this show) when she tells FPH she’s a wild child who tends to get in a lot of trouble. And why would a prince be interested in someone like that? She’s most likely next to go, or Maggie.
FPH’s fake butler Kingsley makes the cattle call and rounds up the girls for some fine dining. Maggie’s in trouble. The poor thing doesn’t know what fork to use and what the hell she’s being served, but the good news is that she’s up for trying anything and she’s fun to watch. While Maggie explains how she needs to put “her big girl panties on” and down some of this foreign looking seafood, her facial expressions alone almost have FPH blowing his cover, as he found it far too amusing to watch Maggie gag continuously after swallowing oysters. Here’s where we learn our vocab word of the episode: vom. This is when Maggie says she is trying “really hard to keep down this ‘vom’ from coming up.” She acted like it was an episode out of Fear Factor where contestants are forced to eat cow testicles. Nothing she can’t wash down with a half bottle of red wine, though.
The girls continue to enjoy the fine wines of the castle but with excessive alcohol comes chaos. Turns out Maggie and Jacqueline are drinking buddies, and Meghan and Anna Lisa are considered to be the mean girls and a confrontation begins. While Maggie can’t complete a sentence, Meghan grows frustrated and confesses: “I think Stevie Wonder could see that Maggie knocks back the red wine a little too aggressively.” But Maggie’s in denial that she’s drunk (and she is) and she starts making a scene, which is unfortunately within earshot of FPH.
The episode closes with Jacqueline coming to Maggie’s defense, and Meghan (pictured) seizing a publicity moment, as well as the best quote of the episode, when she says: “ I could eat alphabet soup and shit something out and it would make more sense than what you are saying right now.”