Dance Moms Seeing Red recap: Tainted Tongues

dance moms seeing red reunion abby tears Lori Acken

Sometimes I feel
I got to
BOMP BOMP!
Run away
I got to
BOMP BOMP!
Get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me, Dance Moms.

Yes, Dance Moms nation, I know. My homework is late. I tried to get it done last night, honest I did, but  a couple things happened. For one, after Abby said her tongue was tainted, I spent most of the rest of my night singing a retooled version of Tainted Love to myself (and wondering what reader John Linen will do with that bad boy). And also, am I the only one who found the non-dancing part of Seeing Red just deadly dull? Even after Christi staged a walkout and Holly got pointy.

This is what happens when we kids watch our mommies fight all the time. We get used to it. It just sounds like so much blah blah blah. And everyone on stage mostly looks like it’s an excuse to buy a new dress, get the ol’ hairs did and live through the hour.

RELATED: Abby’s Studio Rescue premieres on Lifetime in June
RELATED: Abby Lee Miller guest judges on Dancing with the Stars May 5

We start out with JC Executive Producer Superstar and Abby, who is a vision in shiny shades-of-eggplant amoeba print.

JC asks how she’s doing in the wake of Maryen Lorrain’s death. Abby says she is OK.

dance moms seeing red reunion abby ok

Turns out, Maryen has been laid to rest in a gorgeous Catholic cemetery in Miami. And she didn’t go alone. Abby put her dad’s ashes in there, too. And also stuffed Broadway Baby.

Well that’s one way to get out of that little severely misguided foray into pet taxidermy, now isn’t it? Since it’s the last time we’ll see her …

dance moms broadway baby stuffed

Abby also says it’s a little overwhelming to know that her whole family is in one casket. I have no argument. No argument at all.

Enough of this sentimental drivel. Let’s talk about The Fight. The one that got Kelly booted from the show, Abby’s hair pulled and, most importantly, my screeners taken away.

JC wants to know if Abby feels betrayed that 30 years of, well, pretty much hating each other’s guts amounted to hating each other’s guts in litigious fashion.

“Can I be curt? Yes,” Abby responds.  “Sharp? Yes,” Tainted of tongue, sure thing. (BOMP! BOMP!) But tainted hands are another matter entirely. No touching allowed. Even if someone’s gnashing teeth are a half-inch from your nose.

Tainted tongue. Ohhhhh oh oh!

Next, JC asks Abby about her relationship with Christi. Abby does not want to talk about Christi, thank you very much. There is no relationship.

Well, let’s bring her out, just to make sure.

Christi, who clearly got the memo that this thing would be called Seeing Red, sweeps looking uber glam in a flowing crimson gown with a high slit.

JC asks her if she feels alone without her bestie on the set. Christi says she does not.
At the beginning she was upset, but without Kelly to pick on, Abby’s been targeting Holly and Jill more and since they’re getting a taste of what she was talking about, they’re banding together more than ever.

JC asks about the reaction of the Twitterverse to what went down and Abby says the most upsetting part was that the kids were still in the room when it happened. Christi reminds Abby that it was she who advanced on Kelly, and that’s what turned the thing physical.

Just to make sure, let’s go to the tape.

Yep. Abby advanced. Abby bared her toofies. Kelly slapped her head and yanked her hair. One big batch of reheated bummer.

Abby says it doesn’t make her sad or angry now. She’s just relieved it’s over and Kelly’s gone.

JC notes that the silver lining of the thing, if you can call it that, is that it seems to have made Christi more empowered to stand up to Abby. Just to make sure, let’s go to the tape. Yep. empowered.

JC asks if Abby and Christi can still work together for the sake of Chloe. Christi says Abby doesn’t care one bit about Chloe, so it’s a moot point. Abby says yuh huh, she cares. She changes all of Chloe’s dances to make them better.

Not as good as Maddie’s. But better than, say, Nia’s. So there.

JC asks flat out what Abby thinks of Chloe … not Chloe as a dancer. Abby says Chloe is a beautiful dancer, a beautiful girl. Polite. Nice. [Inside Abby’s head: And her mother sucks. And her mother sucks. And her mother sucks. And her mother sucks.]

Christi isn’t moved by the pleasantries. “Everyone in America sees how you treat that kid,” she howls. Everyone in the audience applauds.

Enough of that. Let’s watch the girls do the Kinky Boots Dance. Here’s reminder of what it looked like the first time.

Then we have an ad for True Tori. Show of hands — who’s watching that little train wreck? If you are, check out my colleague Kelly’s recap. Mama’s not touching that thing, no ma’am.

When we come back from commercial, Chloe performs Seeing Red. Here’s a reminder of what it looked like the first time.

Then it’s time to take Abby to task for bringing in new dancers, but not a one to challenge Maddie. Wouldn’t a little challenge be good for Maddie, he reasons? Abby says it just so happens that out of the bazillion dancers she saw that were worth bringing in, wasn’t a one in Maddie’s age group. Go figure.

JC says well what about Kalani, who’s already in the building? Abby counters that Kalani is 13 and Maddie is only 11 — which is probably why it took so long to bring her aboard, now that I think about it. She had to age out of Maddie’s age bracket and into Chloe’s. Handy how they can duet together, but they can’t compete their solos, hmmm?

Well anyway, Abby says, Chloe has missed class at least 13 times and that one teacher named James hasn’t even seen her once this season. Uh, Ab? Yes, he has. Two episodes ago. Watch your own show, pookie.

Christi says Abby is just jealous of a little girl’s popularity.

Abby decides to deflect to the clip where Christi says the f-word eleven times. Uh, Ab? Seventeen. Seventeen times. Then we talk about how unfortunate it is that Abby and Melissa are teaching Maddie to lie. Let’s bring out Melissa to talk it over.

Nooooo ho ho way, says Christi. If she’s dealing with these two, she’s doing it with Holly and Jill to back her up. And. Don’t. You. Forget. It. J. C.

Melissa makes the Many Expressions of Denial, Special Total Dismay Version.

Abby feels about it like so.

dance moms seeing red reunion abby tears

JC looks like he has the man cramps.

Dance Moms seeing red jeff collins

Ouchie.

Christi gets her way and returns to the studio with Holly and Jill in tow.

Melissa explains that Chloe asked Maddie if they were competing the Two Sapphires duet at the studio, not at the actual competition. So it’s different. It is not either different, says Jill. Maddie knew full well what Chloe meant.

Melissa would like confirmation that Jill is calling her kid a liar. Jill is.

Then Holly jumps into the fray and says Paige and Chloe could have won in just the same way Maddie and Kalani did, if they’d only been giving the chance. Abby says it’s her studio, she decides who dances and that’s final. The audience applauds weakly and Holly admonishes them to think about how they would feel if it were their kids in Chloe and Paige’s shoes. The clapping trickles to a halt. We’re sorry, Dr. Holly.

Abby says she wanted to secure the win and Maddie and Kalani were a sure thing. Christi reiterates Holly’s point that Paige and Chloe only came in second because Maddie and Kalani competed, so they would have secured the win on their own. Abby says one child who shall remain nameless — Paige — flakes when faced with too much to do and just wanders right off the stage.

Except that she didn’t, Abby. She did her dance beautifully.

Ad for Abby’s Studio Rescue. Show of hands — who’s tuning into that little train wreck? And noooooo, that does not include me. No and no.

Since we’re fighting about it, what say we have Maddie and Kalani do Two Sapphires.

Perhaps to break up their little anti-Abby girl gang, JC asks Jill about accusing Christi of changing the lineup back when Kendall was supposed to go last, but Chloe did. Jill rehashes the tale. Abby backs her up on what went down.

We see the clip of the argument, after which Christi says the kids go when they’re told and everyone knows it. Jill says it was still kinda premeditated. Christi retorts that Chloe didn’t say, “Can I go last?” She said, “Am I last?” It’s different.

Speaking of switcheroos, let’s call Abby out on pulling Nia from the Bollywood group dance. Abby says it was merely a costume issue. Holly says costume issues have been a problem all season long and Abby isn’t doing the whole of her job.

Jill adds that they never get recognition for all the work they put in on that end, and Abby claps in her general direction.

Dance Mom Seeing Red abby claps

Dance Moms Seeing Red Jill

Christi gets the line of the episode — well after Tainted Tongue. BOMP BOMP! — when she says the night before a competition, they get handed a roll of toilet paper, a square of tissue and a sequin and are told to MacGyver up a costume that will make their kids look fab on television.

The audiences claps. Holly lets them.

Abby says Nia was the one who got pulled because she had a solo and Holly should be honored about that. Holly — who is just filled with piss and vinegar this evening — wants to know why Nia has to be either or. No other child is either or. Why is her child either or?

I’m genuinely thrilled to see her vent her grievances so emphatically.

Put an exclamation point on it, Hol.

you tell em holly

That’s right.

Abby says Holly knows darn well that Nia’s solos don’t succeed like everyone else’s, so she was just giving her extra time to work on it. So, you know, stop pointing and be honored already.

Then Kenzie — JC actually pronounced it Kinsey and throws me off for a second— does Cry and it’s still not as good as when Maddie did it. Would it have been so tough to let the kid do a solo that was made for her and let her shine? Or let her sing about Girl Parties? Or something?

Let’s talk about Leslie. Abby says Leslie is cray cray. An Energizer battery that doesn’t quit. Somewhere out there, the Energizer Bunny high-fives itself for dodging the comparison.

Leslie says she tries hard not to disrespect Abby, but all she gets is disrespect from this team. And yet she falls for the siren song of their invitation every time, even though it amounts to nothing but heartache. No lyrical dances. No beautiful custom costumes. Nothing but heartache for Payton.

Let’s go to the clip.

Leslie says even though this injustice continues to happen, she’s going to consider it an investment in her child. Abby ignores her and fluffs up her hairdo.

Then Maddie performs Game of Love, having first informed JC that it’s her favorite tap routine ever. Here’s what it looked like the first time.

Next, it’s Cathy’s turn to join us — she must be a contract player, too — but before JC brings her out, he asks if Abby has any advice for breaking her rival’s season-long losing streak. Can’t happen, Abby sniffs. And that is because Cathy is not talented. Plus also, she’s not even a Candy Apple anymore. She’s a Prissy Prune. Pa-DOW! Let’s see the logo for that studio.

Let’s also bring out the Prissy Prune, who understandably goes and sits on the Holly/Christi side of JC.

How do you feel about Abby, Cathy, JC wants to know. Cathy feels one sentence about Abby: “Abby is a joke.” She wins, yes, but her choreography is elementary. Clean. But elementary. The synchronized swimming of dance, if you will.

Dance Moms Season 1 Flashback!

DanceMoms_16

Then it’s time to take Cathy to task for pulling The Last Dance in the Fallon episode.

Cathy looks like she could care less about that and everything else that is going on here and she pretty much says so. Win or lose, it’s just fun to ruffle Abby’s feathers.

Since Cathy’s out here, what the hell. Let’s do The Witches of East Canton dance. We didn’t seem to save that one for posterity on the Lifetime site.

Did that bother you, Cathy, JC wants to know when the dance is done. Pretty much the opposite, Cathy says. It’s just evidence that Abby worries about her more than she worries about Abby. It is not, either, Abby says. Cathy’s just a dancer stealer. And besides, without her, Cathy wouldn’t get a paycheck.

We got a couple minutes left, so let’s spend them with Kira, who comes out and sits by Holly. She tells JC that despite her bumps in the road this season, everything is mostly just ducky.

Well, what’s her take on the duet that turned into the lawsuit, JC wants to know. Kira says the conflict had more to do with past history than her kid and Maddie dancing. Christi says it was Abby’s intention all along to replace Kelly’s kids with Kalani, so yes, it does have something to do with them.

Let’s build on that and revisit the new team for the waning seconds. Christi points out that 13 first places in a 15-dance season wasn’t good enough for Abby. Leslie wants to know why Abby didn’t assemble a team of dancers Payton’s age, since the original team  is winning. Abby tells JC that she will sometimes compete the new and old teams against each other. Sometimes the new instead of the old. Depends. We’ll just have to see.

Then she adds that when Kelly walked out and Kalani walked in, every kid on the team got better. Christi says it’s because they were terrified for their place on the team. Whatever it takes, Christi.

Jeff warns us that we haven’t seen the last of Dance Moms … and then we’re treated to 30 seconds of genuinely funny outtakes and I feel desperately cheated.

Next time, let’s do 40 minutes of funny clips, 10 minutes of the girls dancing and 30 seconds of the grownups rehashing ofd bitches, ‘kay, JC? That’s the show we want to see. Who’s with me?

Aaaaaand cut.

dance moms reunion abby chop

Next week on Dance Moms — at long last, it’s a Girl Party!

So what say you, Dance Moms nation? Same @#$%, different outfits. Worth the price of admission just to see the girls dance? Was Christi right to declare a fair fight? Was this a really cool version of Holly — or was she merely sinking to Abby’s level (and rising to her volume)?ANd how excited are you for next week’s all girls, no moms festivities? Sounds off in the comments section below.

The Dance Moms “Girl Talk” special premieres Tuesday, April 29 at 9/8CT.

Video: Lifetime

45 Comments

  1. Why is Christy such a bully with the other moms? The other moms just follow Christy… it’s weird. Chloe is a good enough dancer, but I’d be happy to see a show without her if it meant Christy was gone. Seriously, if these moms hate Abby so much……stop coming back. Simple.

  2. I have watched Dance Moms from the beginning and over the years, I have been so disappointed in Abby’s behavior. She has been so CRUEL to the girls and gets worse as the sason progresses. I know that Abby had a horrible year with her mothe dying. I was willing to cut her a little slack as I know exactly how that feels but she ha gone too far. Abby reminds me of Scrooge from The Christmas Carol. If she doesn’t get her act together, she will lose her show. The girls used to love her but not they look at her in fear. I cried when she screamed at Chloe because Chrirti said the “F” word. (which, by the way, pales in comparison to some of the hateful crap Abby has said). The look on Chloe’s face. Does Abby not see this? How would she like to be talked to in such a way or if she had a child and some beast treated her like that? Time to look in the mirror Abby! Do you really like what you see?
    On a lighter note: all the girls are amazing dancers and all have perfromed beautifully epecially with only 2-3 days of practice! Without the girls, no one would watch any show Abby was in.

  3. All the fuss about using the “F” word on this show has been niggling at me in the last few episodes. While I’m not a proponent of swearing, I don’t see it as the monumental offense that Abby and her defenders make it out to be. Yes, the moms make bad choices and it’s never ok to use this language in front of kids, but in most instances they do so under extreme stress. They have resorted to the F word when Abby blatantly (and rudely) ignores their complaints or screeches over their arguments. To my mind, her insults, aggressive behavior, and loud shouting–all played out in front of a roomful of kids–are far more offensive. Often, as she did with Leslie, Abby sets a trap for the moms–she winds them up so tightly with her bad manners, rudeness, and outlandish insults, so that they resort to the F word in order to be heard. Then the trap snaps shurt–she puts on her “holier than thou face” and uses the F word as an excuse to punish the moms and the girls. If even a quarter of what we see on television is true, Abby is an unspeakably horrible, manipulative woman and an unfit teacher. The fact that she doesn’t swear does not excuse her behavior to any degree at all.

    • I agree completely. I’m more offended by Abby’s actions and words than the occasional f-bomb. She LOVES egging them on and pushing them to that point so she can come across as this poor wounded little (ha!) bird who is being picked on by those mean horrible moms. Does she really think anyone is buying it?

      • At this point it doesn’t seem like she cares. The entire reunion she came in so aloof and uncaring it was shameful. She was talking to the moms as if she doesn’t know their daughters or care. Her description of Chloe was elementary, her handling the Nia Bollywood situation was unconcerned, and even how she spoke to Leslie (who was very calm) about what she does to Payton. The only one I saw an extreme emotion that was nothing more than contempt was Maddie. And its sad, it’s becoming Maddie and the back-up dancers, which isn’t Maddie’s fault, but Abby’s the one who’s setting her up. The other girls at least are happy with 2nd place, they can take a hit. Maddie? I worry for her state of mind like when she forgot her solo a while back, it took her a while to bounce back, but look at someone like Kendall, she went from 5th to 2nd with a technical award she was upset but she didn’t let it devastate her. My point is, Abby’s contempt, or disgust or tolerance of the other girls is truly showing and its coming off as disheartening and its gonna lower her ratings in the end. Also with this new team, I wouldn’t enjoy watching them knowing they replaced the original girls or Ab’s put the original team on the back burner in lieu of featuring the new team for an episode. I just need Abby to get it together.

  4. In onterviews, I have heard Abby scold her interviewee not to mention other people when they are interviewing her because it gives them power. She rarely mentions Chloe unless she says she doesn’t come to class or that her mother is “pimping her out” with meet and greets. Could it be that Abby does not support Chloe because Chloe is not fully affiliated with the ALDC? She takes classes, but Abby has stated in the past that Maddie, Mackenzie, Nia and Kendall also compete in regular competitions with Abby’s school. Chloe does not. Additionally, Abby is both Maddie’s and Mackenzie’s manager. Of course, she is going to give them the spotlights on the show. This is why Chloe was not part of MackZ’s music video.
    If Chloe was signed with Abby’s talent agency, she would get more perks, outside jobs, and choreography that can actually compete with Maddie. I wonder how many of the new dancers have also signed on with Abby’s agency in addition to the ALDC. this could be the reason Abby plans to showcase the new team. It will be interesting to see if Maddie stays on the new team. Abby has often said she did not get to choose who Lifetime cast on the original team. Now that she has her hand picked team, she wants to prove she can produce an unbeatable team…at the expense of the original girls. I for one! am tired of watching a show that rewards a grown woman who behaves so badly! and is not a positive role model. Please Lifetime, cancel the spin off before it begins.abby is not the reason we watch the show…it is the dancing.

    • You make some relevant points, but that reunion show was about the ENTIRE team, not just Maddie and Mackenzie. If Abby wanted to focus on just her favorites, or the ones she “represented”, then that’s another show she needs to pitch. I think it’s in extremely poor taste and unprofessional for Abby to only feature Maddie when the other girls were just as much a part of the show as Princess Maddie was. Maddie didn’t win those 13 comps all on her own, no matter how much Abby thinks she did. What’s that saying, you’re only as strong as your weakest link?

      • I can see why Abby may want to reserve some activities for students under contract to her studio. However, she has an obligation to be clear and transparent about that–she should have been upfront with Christi-Chloe about participation in the video. Instead, she allowed Chloe to audition and set her up for disappointment. She seemed to enjoy upsetting Chloe and Lifetime went right along with her, filming the audition in a way that highlighted Chloe’s exclusion from the video. Childish and mean-spirited behavior on the part of the “teacher” as well as the producers.

        • Yup, exactly. And then making it look like Kenzie had the final say on who got to be in the video….toss all the blame on a little girl, way to keep it classy Abs.

  5. I really wish the reunion shows would be more a dance recital then Q&A focused solely on the conflicts. There were so many more positive things that happened this half season, like 13 wins in a row, that they could have talked about. It also would have been nice to see each girl pick their favorite solo and get a chance to perform individually.

    I am beginning to think that Abby’s jealousy of Chloe is more than the fact that Chloe is more popular than Abby. I think it just kills Abby that Chloe is actually more popular than Maddie. I think that is why she is constantly making negative remarks to and about Chloe and talking up Maddie as a superstar….how she is all about dance and such a little professional. Abby thinks the more popular Maddie is, the more professional opportunities she will have and the more oppportunities for Abby’s ego to be puffed up. This is why Abby protects Maddie’s reputation as a winner so strongly.

  6. I found it interesting that they cut the part of the infamous ‘fight scene’ where Abby stormed across the room as she approached Kelly and cut right to the chase of the ‘slap and hair pull.’ I still think it is so amazing that there is a lawsuit pending and all the other stuff that we haven’t heard about over a silly girl fight. I still think that the producers are trying to make Abby look not quite so horrible. I think that is why Abby didn’t make eye contact with anyone or really respond in true Abby fashion to any of the Moms. Her changed line on Chloe where she has nothing but praise for her is another attempt to make her look better. She finally read enough of the comments on sites like this (the producers must have, too) and come to the realization that Chloe is the main reason a lot of people keep tuning in. She comments on every show (including last night) how popular Chloe is in the Blogosphere. That’s the reason she gets so many solos. Christi was right on track with her comment about Abby being jealous of Chloe, and Abby’s comments about Chloe missing class prove that Abby real feelings are just as they have always been for the last several years. She hates her Mom and the hate spreads to Chloe. The last couple of seasons she has called Chloe a liar and a cheater and a terrible dancer and a multitude of other horrible things. Abby forgets that many of us have been watching from the beginning and know how horrible Abby has been to Chloe. As Christi said, we have all seen it and most of us don’t think for a minute that all of Abby’s new praise has any ring of truth to it and is just a ploy to make people believe that Abby isn’t so bad. Don’t be taken in folks. Abby still hates Chloe…if anything, it is worse since Abby has been forced to ‘play nice’ when it comes to Chloe. Watching the ‘choreographers cut’ of last weeks show where Chloe won first place overall for her solo. No smiling Abby in the audience during Chloe’s dance. Barely a word for her after the win. I am absolutely not interested in the new team or any of the new Moms. You would have to pay me to watch the show about Abby supposedly ‘helping’ another studio. The producers are trying desperately to garner interest in this show, but I am just upset that they keep rewarding Abby’s horrible behavior like this.
    Thanks again, Lori, for keeping things in perspective for us with this great re-cap. Hope you will keep doing it for the duration. I will keep coming back for this, but not sure about the show yet. We will see what happens with Chloe.
    Watching last weeks show again, I noticed that the new groups dance ended with all of the dancers gazing ‘lovingly’ or ‘enviously’ or ‘whatever the heck their poses meant’ at Maddie. Abby’s remarks to Maddie about how nice it is for her to be able to look in the mirror and see everybody else’s foot in the air at the same time as hers…like the original ‘winning’ team is just so awful (including Chloe and Kalani) that they couldn’t possibly have their feet in the air at the same time as Maddie. No wonder Maddie is all messed up and thinks that all the old crew are crummy dancer’s. It is what Abby feeds to her all the time. ‘You are fabulous and everybody else sucks’. Maddie is a good dancer, but she is appearing more and more burned out to me. I have gotten the point that I don’t even enjoy watching her anymore…or all the group dances where the other girl’s are just backup. Gah! We will see what happens. My DVR cut off the end, so I missed the out takes! Boo! Sounds like fun! I missed the preview of the girl’s talking next week. Should be interesting.

    • You’re welcome, Kathryn. Thanks for reading and commenting. I have some time to see if absence makes my heart grow fonder, or a reasonable facsimile there of. In the meantime, I’m wide open to suggestions about what I should blog as summer approaches. Where should we gather next?

      • I don’t know yet if we are going to get a 3rd season or not, but keeping with the dance theme, there is this great show about a dance company in Salt Lake City. It started as a documentary type show about the group, but it was so popular that we got a second season. Talk about some great dancing, and a lot of backstage drama, too. The best thing is that all the players are adults, and there is no cruelty to children to get through. I am sorry I can’t remember the name of the group right now, but will do the research and get back. It would be a great show for you to do a commentary on. Anyone else out there remember the name of the company?

      • If it comes back, Cheer Perfection is a pretty good show. There are a couple of wacko moms but the primary focus is definitely on the kids and some of the stuff is hilarious.

  7. Well as someone said, not to be counting but I DID notice Maddie danced twice as much as everyone else but that wasn’t a shock. I wish Mack had did a different solo but for some reasons they enjoyed a Maddie and her shadow/back-up dancers hour. Not surprising.

    What was surprising? Holly! She gave me everything. I think she knows that Abby was already not listening to them so she raised her voice a bit to make sure she was at least heard and I don’t think any person disagreed with her. For as much time (at least what the show is showing) that Abby gives to Nia and the difficulty of her solos, its not a real wonder that she doesn’t place higher.

    Also surprising…Leslie was hittin some points. Either she took a shot and calmed down or something cuz she said was hittin Abby with some truths.

    What I did love…Chloe’s “Red” solo was AMAZING, she did way better on the reunion than she did on the show, I was very impressed.

    • I am new to the show this season. Now I can see why there is so much clamor about Chloe. The moms sucked the oxygen from my brain, but the solo was amazing. She really looked and danced pissed off.

      • Didn’t she look amazing?!?! especially the end when she smeared the lip-stick over her face?? I was like YIKES don’t wanna mess with her…my guess is she used her inspiration of the way Abby treats her at times but it worked she was wonderful. If she had did it like THAT as she did on the show, it would’ve been first.

  8. JUST DUCKY

    Took the last plane out of Phoenix
    Kalani was grinning
    What keeps the dancers spinning (uh)
    The script from the beginning

    We’ve flown too far, so give up, here we are
    So let’s raise the bar, turn our kids into stars

    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky

    Our presence is a given
    The contract has provisions
    What is this I’m feeling?
    If you wanna dance I’m with it (ah)

    We’ve flown too far, so give up, here we are
    So let’s raise the bar, turn our kids into stars

    She’s on the show ’til it’s done
    I’m on the show for the run
    She’s on the show for good fun
    I’m on the show, it’s just ducky

    We’re on the show ’til it’s done
    We’re on the show for the run
    We’re on the show for good fun
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky

    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky
    We’re on the show, it’s just ducky

    • Once I danced with you
      Now I’m going to sue
      This tainted tongue you’re slippn’
      I told you that my mom would sue you
      Shove your tears and that’s not nearly all
      Tainted tongue
      Tainted tongue

  9. Great recap Lori! As for that revamp thing, hell no. Not me. And as for tori spelling or whatever her last name is, no. Just no.

    Last night, dull as dirt. Same ole same ole. I actually now enjoy Cathy, and that speaks to how much I detest miller. 🙂

    As for the “kids no moms” show, anybody really believe they have not been coached? That they know not to say anything or face the wrath of miller the psycho? I expect it to be pretty much all maddie, all hour”. dulllll.

  10. Another awesome recap, Lori! I honestly was not looking forward to the reunion special at all because it’s the same thing every time! And most of what they’re saying and the audience clapping seems coached… So I don’t even know what’s actually real! I was most looking forward to reading your review, as you always have something funny to say and a point to get across – all of which I agree with! I’m deciding whether or not I want to watch Abby’s studio revamp show when it starts… Does this mean there will be no AUDC Season 3?
    All the best and can’t wait to read what you have to say after the Girls Only special next week!

    • Thanks, Talia — and thanks for reading. AUDC is usually a mid-fall dealie, so I’m guessing it will go Abby’s Studio, then return of DM Season 4, then AUDC if it returns.

      • I am totally guessing here but I don’t think there will be another AUDC. I heard miller say in some video that “the viewers weren’t there” (ratings were low?) and she said it was because the other countries know who the winner is so they don’t watch. Of course it couldn’t possibly be because nobody likes her. 🙂

  11. I was so impressed with Holly last night, she was definitely in mama-bear-don’t-eff-with-my-kid mode!! Loved how Christie directed her anger at the ENTIRE crew, not just JC, and the camera guy was acting like he had no idea what she was talking about LOL.

    Was it me, or did Abby avoid eye-contact with absolutely EVERYONE except for JC? Just a wee bit of guilty conscience Abs? I’m holding out hope that next week’s show with the girls isn’t all sweetness and “yes we are all friends still, even Chloe and Maddie”. I would love love love for them to just hash everything out, without any interference from JC or their mothers (you just know they’re going to be in the green room watching and listening to everything that’s being said). It’s too bad that Paige and Brooke couldn’t be there, I mean, what else do those kids have to lose?

    • You’re dead-on about the lack of eye contact. But I enjoyed watching Abby’s faces after the girl’s danced. Polite (obviously choreographed) but deadpan smiles and sedate claps for all the numbers except Maddie’s solo, which was rewarded with a gleeful giggle. Who’s counting, but Maddie got to dance three times–group, duet, and solo, while Nia and Kendall only appeared in the group dance. Interesting to see who gets to dance next week. Also, I generally skip right through Maddie’s solos, since I’ve seen way too many, but my new obsession is to carefully watch how she exits her turns–she’s a great little dancer, but her turns need work.

      • Actually, Maddie danced 4 times – 2 groups, duet and solo. But if you are going to be fair to all the girls, all the time, Chloe has had significantly more dances than ANYONE this season. One less thing for Christie to scream and complain about, I guess. But wait, that doesn’t matter. When Chloe doesn’t get dances, Christie screams favoritism. When she does, Christie screams “sacrificial lamb”, or “too much pressure. I’m not a fan of Abbey, but Christie and her selfish ways drive me absolutely insane.

        • If Christi is actiing, she is doing a great job
          If this is her real personality, I cant stand any more of her.

    • Really? I thought Holly looked foolish. Seriously, her daughter is a sweetheart but definitely not as good of a dancer as the rest.

      • Why, because she stuck up for her kid? Abby, did you hire another minion to post your responses for you again?

  12. p.s. I will probably watch the new show with Abby as well. I’m a sucker for a train wreck and this has the makings of a fine mess indeed.

  13. Lori I have to give you a round of applause, fabulous recap. You had me laughing all the way through.
    Weird of Abby to put the dog and dad in with mom but then she is a little off kilter anyway.
    I thought Christilooked pretty as did all the Moms. Even Leslie cleaned up for the event. The only one that I could have done without is Cathy.
    Loved, loved, loved Holly going all school principal on Abby. You go girl. She had valid points all of which Abby really couldn’t argue her way out of.
    I did miss seeing Kelli there and having her blow up with Christiat Abby. Would have liked to see the new moms come in as well, esepcially Christy with a Y, that would have been a little more fun.
    The girls all danced beautifully. I loved Chloe’s seeing red routine. I didnt care for the rehashed Maddie dance done by Kenzie. Give the kid her own dances and her own identity. Dont you think it’s hard to live in her sister’s shadow as it is? Seriously.
    I’m looking forward to watching the girls, I think they will be funny.

    Lori, I did tune in to the train wreck True Tori and it was truly a train wreck. I don’t know why you would want your failing marriage aired on TV other than you’re needing the money or are an attention hound. At any rate, I’ll watch it again, they make me feel better about myself and my two failed marriages. lol

    Keep up the great work, you make my Wednesday’s more tolerable.

  14. We applaud you, Lori, for choosing to skip both Tori and Studio Rescue, although we’ll now have to wonder what atrocities Abby is up to without you to recap the insanity for us. But we’ll survive.

    My question is is when is this supposed return of dance moms. If Stidio Rescue isn’t till June & we’re assuming dm returns after that, wouldn’t that be more of a new season rather than the end of season 4? Hopefully, it (&Abby) just fade away &don’t really come back.

      • I’ve been thinking that Lifetime thought fast when these lawsuits came up, realizing the possibility of Dance Moms going off the air if either judge finds there to be child cruelty, child endangerment, etc. The bad press would kill the show, and the producers know it. So what do they do? Somehow get the NY judge to delay proceedings until early May–when conveniently, the first half of the season has concluded with some damage control thrown into later episodes. Then, they plan to expand the Abby franchise into this Studio Rescue plan, and I’m convinced it’s entirely to have a backup plan so that Lifetime can continue to rack in the bucks with Abby even if all the Dance Moms girls are allowed to break their contracts because they’ve been judged to be abused. With Studio Rescue, there will be no minor children, so she can be her snotty self and no one can complain; Lifetime can have this in the can ready to go if Dance Moms Season 4 Part 2 dissolves. There wouldn’t seem to be enough time between the Rescue show and AUDC for the second part of the Dance Moms season, so I think Lifetime may be assuming either its loss or the AUDC. But Lifetime is really fighting to keep making money off Abby–not only is the studio owner who faced bankruptcy going to be advising studios on solidifying their operations, did you see she’s going to be a judge on Dancing With the Stars?!?!?! Why on earth would DWTS stoop so low?!?!?!?! That show has such a joyful, happy, sweet vibe–she’s going to make it feel like a lead balloon hit it.

  15. This was the worst of the worst. I think Abby’s mental state is eroding at an incredible rate. I thought she was totally gone until she stated the “Broadway Baby” had finally been put to rest. There maybe hope of mental reclaimation. Chloe needs to “GET OUT” She is too sweet to be involved with the manic bunch. This show was a total waste of an hour, even the host was bored. I loved the facial expressions of the men in the audience – priceless! The moms are becoming more and more crass as the seasons go on – I really think I’m finished. THe Girls Talk!! Now we get to see how much attitude the kids have picked up from their mothers and how far they will go for ratings. I see Kendal being eaten alive! She is another very sweet child. Chloe can hold her own – she is extremely intelligent and though sensitive, she can rise above. That makes me sound like a preacher!! oh well, I don’t think kids should be put into a situation where they are instructed to tear down others. I truly think it’s sick!! as for the Dance Studio salvage or whatever it is called – get real!!!!!!!! Is anyone with me who thinks this show has reached the end of its course? Unless it improves dramatically I am done an I have been an avid fan for years. I love watching the kids dance, but if the language of the mothers was in a feature length movie it would have an R rating. Note to produers! GO BACK TO THE ORIGINAL FORMAT – GIVE ABBY A VALIUM – GIVE THE MOTHERS A GAG! or your audience will be gone! Keep the kids sweet – the moms quiet and Abby under control – An Herculian task to be sure but do it.

    • I’m hopeful. I think Girl Talk might still be adorbs — unless JC does a lousy job of moderating and doesn’t keep it light and age appropriate. Which is not entirely out of the realm of possibility…

  16. I thought Christi’s dress was awful until I saw Jill’s. Where does she get this stuff?Leslie’s also was bad. It just amazes me that these kids can perform with their mothers acting lke raving lunatics.

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About Lori Acken 1195 Articles
Lori just hasn't been the same since "thirtysomething" and "Northern Exposure" went off the air.