True Tori Recap: Episode 1, Tori Speaks

True Tori Kellie Freeze

Tori Spelling is a busy woman. Just a few weeks before she and former 90210 co-star, Jennie Garth return to TV  their new comedy, Mystery Girls, Tori’s newest reality vehicle, True Tori, rocked Lifetime’s airwaves. True Tori promises a warts-and-all look at her life as her marriage crumbles and she struggles to raise her four kids. For the last 3 months, Dean has been in a rehab facility for his “overall mental health” after US Weekly revealed a December 2013 affair.

April 4, 2014 Tori drives to visit her adulterous husband at the rehab center where he is seeking treatment (Cough, hiding out) after news broke of an affair between Dean and a woman named Emily. Of course, the paps are there to record Tori’s humiliation for posterity. Thanks for keeping it classy, paparazzi. And, how did they know where Tori was going? Do they honestly follow her every minute? I can imagine a constant tail for an A-list star, or hanging out at Bristol Farms and catching celebs as they buy their groceries, but this is Tori Spelling!

Tori Spelling
This is my brave face. It is also my surprised face.

Rewind to 3 days earlier (April 1, 2014), Tori has allowed 2 cameras to follow her for 3 weeks as she figures out the status of her relationship with Dean.

Tori, “Don’t feel uncomfortable, because I don’t feel uncomfortable talking about it. Don’t feel sorry for me.”

Later, Tori says, “Everyone told the story of my life, except me. Every tabloid has always gotten it wrong. But one week (when Dean’s affair was revealed) the magazines got it right.”

Tori bravely reveals how she found out about Dean’s infidelity. In December 2013, Tori’s publicist called Tori and broke the news of Dean’s affair and the woman’s (AKA slut’s) attempt to sell her stories to the tabloids. Wouldn’t you hate to be Tori’s publicist? That is news that no one wants to deliver.

A week later, the story was confirmed and set to print. Just. Before. Christmas. Harsh.

After faced with Tori’s facts, Dean told her everything. Tori said she didn’t cry as he told her. She also didn’t punch him, curse at him, or cast any spells on him. I would have at least tried to cast a spell, a wiener-shrinking spell. The next day, Dean voluntarily went into treatment. A few days later, US Weekly ran the story. Tori and her children spent Christmas alone. How come Dean cheated and got to skate around the fallout, while Tori had to put on a brave face and face the press? Why didn’t she get to go to rehab, a health spa, or France to wait out the fallout? Dean and his wandering eye needed to stand and face public scrutiny, not Tori.

Tori Spelling
Sometimes, toilet taper has to be a paper towel

April 1 (Breakfast time) Tori is making breakfast surrounded by beautiful chaos, her 4 kids: Finn-18 months, Hattie-28 months, Stella-5 years, Liam-6 years.

I’m glad that Tori is as disorganized as I am, and has used toilet paper en lieu of paper towels. We’ve all had that day. Later, Tori is rushing her older kids to school and after Hattie barfs on Liam’s iPad (hey- Tori uses Costco wipes too) a paparazzo leech was there to record this awesome moment. Tori begs him to leave her and her sick child alone, he actually complies. So maybe that leech has a tiny sliver of a soul.

After drop off, (Tori was late again,) Tori’s GBFF Mehran returns (or as Tori says, her “Gusband,” or gay husband). He’s been in other Tori shows and is her voice of reason. I would like Mehran to talk me through my problems; his voice is as soothing as aloe on a sunburn.

A side note: the show is inter-cut with stunning photos of Tori, Dean and their kids. They really are a beautiful family!

Kate and Jess, her close girlfriends, go fabric shopping with Tori at Mood Fabrics. While there, Tori gets a mega-shady text from Dean that was meant for another person and it stops her cold. She doesn’t trust him at all.

Later, Tori takes Stella and Liam for pedicures and the paps bother her kids.  Liam grows at the leeches. Jeez-is this the same day? For someone who is mad about being hounded by Paparazzi, she sure spends a lot of her time out and about! But, I adore that Liam rocks a Manly Mani-Pedi!

That night, Tori calls Dean for his for his daily phone call and tragically, they get disconnected before Liam and Stella can talk to him. Tori is especially worried that Liam is being negatively affected by Dean’s absence. I disagree — I think that an absent parent is better than an angry, abusive, lying, addicted or cheating parent. Kids can’t be harmed by what they can’t see.

Back to April 4, and Tori on an LA freeway en route to see Dean in treatment.

After racing from her car to avoid shutterbugs, Tori ducks town to check her makeup. “It doesn’t matter what he did, he’s my husband and I want to look good. Don’t judge me.”

Tori Spelling
Grizzled…and gross.

Inside the treatment center, Dean is looking extra grizzled. Grizzly Adams grizzled. Zach Galifianakis after sleeping in a dumpster for a week — grizzled. What’s wrong Deano, isn’t there a mirror in your posh vacay spot? Or a razor? Or a treadmill? Do you think you’re going to woo back Tori with that beer belly and beard? Give her something nice to look at so she can forget for a moment that you broke your marriage vows with a Canadian.

Dean admits he’s a liar and has always been a liar. Does this mean that he’s been unfaithful before?

Tori’s first marriage to Charlie Shahnaian lasted about 22 months, and less than a month later, she married Dean. (Hmmm, fishy. Are we going to learn that Tori is a pot and Dean is her kettle?) But after 7 years of marriage, she refuses to give up on her marriage to Dean and her family.

It makes me shudder to hear Dean so calmly say, “I cheated on you.” So creepy. This is the voice that the bad guy on a CBS drama says, “I looked into her eyes as I killed her.”

Even though Tori says it’s hard to wrangle four kids, it doesn’t seem like she’s quite ready to have unfaithful Dean home again. And I’m not ready for that either. Dean is annoying and dirty. So far, the best parts of the show are Tori interacting with her kids. I can’t wait for Tori to leave the rehab facility. Dean is yucky now. Dean is frustrated because Tori isn’t ready to accept physical contact from him. Um, hello, Dean, you have a tainted penis. No hugs for you, ever again!

Poor Tori is constantly crying in this episode. Who is helping her through this mentally? Her friends are nice, and supportive and beautiful, but I can’t guess that any of them are psychologists.

What do you think about True Tori? Will you watch next week?

2 Comments

  1. I probably won’t watch it at all, but I may continue to read the recap. It’s my new thing. I followed a link from Lori’s Dance Moms recap for a show I used to watch. I feel bad. It’s kind of like I’m having you do my dirty work. Thanks for saving me from reality television! Anyway, I read an article a long time ago alleging that Dean was married with a couple of small children when he began his relationship with Tori. It seems kind of contrived. If it’s true, then there must be people who have been waiting to watch just this happen.

  2. Kellie – love the brave face / surprised face tag! Also, it’s her “upset stomach face” and “where did I put my car keys?” face.

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