Welcome to the Season 2 finale of Naked and Afraid. I’m sad this season is so short; six episodes is simply not enough!!
I am sure that Naked and Afraid producers made an original 13 episodes and had to split them up once they saw the great ratings. Last season had six hourlong episodes, two “Bares All” recap episodes, and a two-hour, two-couple special episode. This season, the six episodes have been 75 minutes long, and are followed by the disastrous live show, Naked After Dark. The show is currently casting for a new season (apply here) so I’m sure it’ll return as soon as they can get more episodes shot, edited and blurred.
Have you ever wanted to visit Bolivia? Read this, and get ready for …
Searing humidity and heat during the day
Frigid temperatures at night
Wild winds from El Nino
Flash flooding caused by tropical storms
Fleur de lance snakes
Giant poisonous spiders
Let’s meet the crazy kids on this week’s all-expense-paid Bolivian vacation …
Vincent Pinto, Age 49, Arizona, Married. Wilderness Survival Instructor and Naturalist
Skills: Rope-making, identifying wild edible and useful plants, natural shelters, natural navigation, flint-knapping and stone-age tools, primitive fire-making, plant identification, primitive hunting and trapping, hide tanning, wildlife tracking. Claims he’s one of the best in the world at making fire.
Vince: “I just want to fall off the face of the earth”
Sabrina Mergenthaler, Age 30, Married. Mother of 3, Homemaker and entrepreneur. Wiccan, so she feels close to nature.
Skills: Plant identification, wood crafting, tracking.
Sabrina has a lot of tattoos.
Sabrina says that at home the man hunts and the woman does the dishes. She wants those roles to be the same here. I want to rip my fingernails out.
Vince names their team “Team Two-can.” I hate him already.
Personal Survival Item
Vincent- container for two sticks to make fire. Did they run out of orange fire starters?
Sabrina- hatchet. Speechless. Enjoy filleting a fish with your hatchet, Paulina Bunyan.
I feel like these two are doomed.
Primitive Survival Rating: PSR
based on skill, experience, mental toughness
Vincent-8.2 out of 10, Sabrina-6.7 out of 10
Vincent is a wilderness teacher, so he loves to share his knowledge. But, he won’t stop talking!!
Sabrina’s butt is already sunburned!!
Thankfully, she has hair almost to her waist, which not only covers her chest, it covers her shoulders, keeping them out of the sun.
Vincent has a bald head, so the only hair protecting his body is his impressive man-pelt.
Bolivia is hot. And they have no water.
Sabrina is dehydrated and while her stomach clenches, Vincent finds her some eucalyptus leaves for her to chew on. Bitter things can help settle your stomach. I know a few bitter people who must have very calm stomachs.
They stumble upon the most beautiful waterfall I’ve ever seen. It must be 200 feet tall. Sabrina prances like a naked Disney Princess right into the water.
I will eat my hat. Vincent is a fire whisperer. Sorry for bagging on you about your prowess with your stick.
Two sticks-1, orange lighters -0
And the rain begins. They are in a box canyon, surrounded by tall limestone cliffs on three sides, they run the risk of being caught in a flash flood.
Vincent: “If I talk too much, tell me to shut up.” Can I tell him to shut up for you, Sabrina?
Vince leaves the base camp without telling Sabrina to camouflage himself to go hunting and foraging.
Vince makes some sweet love to some shallow water. And tries to throw rocks at a bird.
He finds a baby falcon and kills it while talking to the camera. Creepy! But also awesome!
Back at the camp, Sabrina is pissed that Vincent left without telling her. But is amped at the food. Yay baby falcon meat. Mmmm!
Sabrina, “MMmmm, I can’t believe you caught this …”
Vincent just looks into the camera with a cold, baby falcon-killing stare.
Vince heads out on another hunt. Sabrina stays behind to make a pentacle wreath and cast spells of “protection.” Blank stare from me. This witch stuff is so bizarre. Not sure who is winning “The Annoying Game” so far.
Sabrina and Vince have the hungries. Sabrina thinks that Vince “As a Man, needs to step it up.” I see a lot of Vince hunting, and a lot of Sabrina standing and watching.
More rain is headed toward Vince and Sabrina. We’ll see if they get flooded out. ‘Cause they don’t have a plan B.
Sabrina and Vince are hunkered down in their shelters. I say shelter with an “S” because it seems that they hate each other so much that they have separate shelters. Either that, or one of them has wicked gas.
The waterfall is gushing. The more water coming over that waterfall, the greater likelihood that they’ll get flooded.
Vince wakes up at night with pain stabbing his body. Sabrina calls the medics.
The medical team finds signs of dehydration, malnourishment, and fatigue, but he is cleared to continue the survival adventure.
Vince is still doubled over in agony. He has a deal with his wife that he will tap out if he feels like his life is in jeopardy. He taps out, leaving Sabrina alone. Way to tough it out, wilderness survival teacher! Way to throw your wife under the bus, her and her “your life is so important” deal. Boo!!!
Sabrina misses her kids, and we know that that is not good. Sabrina says her husband told her that she isn’t allowed to tap out. That is the only thing keeping her from tapping out. I am afraid of Sabrina’s husband and wonder if Sabrina the naked witch can send her broom to pick up her kids for a quick Bolivian fly-by?
Sabrina draws a smiley face on a rock that looks like a mushroom and talks to it. She likes Mushroom Man better than Vince. Me too. But I’m sad that she didn’t name him WILSON!!!!
Sabrina prays to The Goddess for help getting food. And fails at fishing. She finds a parrot head, you heard me, a parrot’s head and decides to eat it. YUCK!
Sabrina’s stomach hurts. Is her tummy angry because she ate the parrot head? My tummy is angry at her for eating the parrot head. Still so grossed out by it.
During the commercial break, We see a commercial for the new season of Naked and Afraid.
Naked and Afraid returns Sunday, June 22. OMG, I can hardly wait. It is like the best birthday present ever!
Sabrina is still in abdominal pain. The pain is on her right side, which is never good. Appendicitis? They evacuate her. She is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. At the hospital, it is determined that she doesn’t have appendicitis, but she is admitted and her survival experience is over, one day short. What a bummer!!! I am wondering if she just was faking. I can fake a lot of things, I can pretend that I like a terrible birthday gift, I can pretend that I like your new dress, I can pretend that I have a headache when I am just really tired and if I was miserable enough, I am pretty sure I could pretend that my appendix was about to burst. I watched enough episodes of ER and Grey’s Anatomy to know that a burst appendix is mega serious, and saying that your right side hurts is a guaranteed ticket back to civilization. That would totally be my M.O.
Even though he only lasted 16 days, Vince lost 20 pounds, After 20 days, Sabrina lost 10 pounds.
Mr. Scary-Voice Narrator tells us that after being home for a month, and still feeling terrible, Vince was diagnosed with three tropical diseases, including falciparum malaria, which is the most deadly type of malaria.
Sabrina’s PSR raised from a 6.7 to 7.5, Vince’s PSR fell from 8.2 to 7.6.
Like Naked And Afraid? Check out these recaps:
Season 3, Episode 1: Namibia,
Season 2, Episode 1: Peru, Episode 2:Madagascar, Episode 3: Fiji, Episode 4:Belize, Episode 5:Malaysia, Episode 6: Bolivia
Polls, What survival Item Would you bring?, Who is your Favorite N&A Couple?
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