Fun in Figi.
Figi is a place that sounds and seems like paradise on Earth. Beaches with powder-soft sand. Tropical drinks. Crystal clear water. This week’s episode of Naked and Afraid looked like tropical paradise, but looks can be deceiving. Sand that looks feather soft is actually jagged and sharp and sun that looks warm is actually blisteringly hot, followed by bone-chillingly cold. This isn’t the Figi I’ve seen in travel magazines, but does it surprise you that Naked and Afraid chooses a location during its most inhospitable season? Maybe the airfare is cheaper?
Here’s some fun facts about Fiji.
- Poisonous Sea snakes
- Aggressive Black-tipped sharks
- Blistering heat
So this doesn’t seem like a place you want to go laying out in the water on an inflatable raft.
Let’s meet those crazy contestants…
Alana Barfield, 35 from Houston, Texas. Makeup artist and luxury goods salesperson. Redhead.
She does makeup for a living, but grew up hunting and fishing
Personal Quote: “Don’t judge a book by its cover”
Keith Bausch, 46 from Seattle, Washington. Sober Coach. Eagle Scout and recreational camper
Spent 10 years in the military reserves
“Quitting drugs and alcohol was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
As he gets naked, “I hope I’m not attracted to her. Things happen that sometimes I can’t control in my body.” Stop being so coy, Keith. What exactly are you talking about? Is he 10 years-old?
Now that they’re naked, Alana is SO pale!! Perhaps the palest human ever. She might spontaneously combust in this heat!!
Keith brought a Machete-the biggest knife I’ve ever seen
Alana-says she brought a “fire starter,” which had me worried, considering the failure rate of Naked and Afraid fire starters. Thankfully, she actually has flint and steel, so perhaps they have hope for fire.
Primitive Survival Rating (PSR) score as determined by a team of experts who measure each contestant’s skill, experience and mental toughness.
Keith-6.3, Alana-6.1 Kinda low.
Alana’s best quote ever… “I’m a ginger, There’s a reason island civilizations aren’t made of red-headed people.”
Alana starts a fire pretty easily. She is a fire champ.
In an attempt to find water, they chop a small palm and wait for water to collect in it. Unfortunately, it tastes like battery acid.
They have no way to contain water for boiling, so Keith decides to chop down a coconut tree. Apparently Keith is under the impression that palm trees are impossible to climb and no one’s ever knocked a coconut out of a tree with a pole or a rock. After an entire day of sawing, “Timber … bitch.” Too bad he chopped down a coconut tree with coconuts too young to contain water. Bummer.
Alana and Keith still haven’t had any water to drink. They find questionable rain water and desperation forces them to drink.
That night. The rain begins. Their need for water has ended, but now everything is wet. Rain, wind, cold. Sounds fun! I wonder what Alana and Keith would prefer – hot and dry? or cold and wet?
Keith has diarrhea and is bedridden. Naked with no potty is not the time to have a sick belly.
Keith is still ill and is ready to quit. He wants off the island.
After the commercial break, Keith finds a bunch of BANANAS! “A meal in a peel.” Rejuvenated, Keith recommits himself to staying in this journey the same way he lives sobriety. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. You can do it Keith!
Alana and Keith haven’t had rain for 2 days and they’re dehydrated again. Alana is dehydrated, and hungry, and sunburned and unhappy. Fiji is a wealth of extremes, isn’t it?
Keith and Alana kill a crab and then see a poisonous sea snake. One bite leads to paralysis in 6 hours. Run the other way! But no, Keith tries to hack off the snake’s head. Unsuccessfully.
Back in the shelter, they’re fighting like an old married couple. Just kiss and make up.
In the middle of the night, Keith has a seizure. Alana found him unconscious, which would have pushed me off of the edge. He is medevac’d to a hospital where although his CT scan was inconclusive, he is forced to tap out after 11 days. Dehydration is no joke, but part of me thinks that he is faking.
Back at camp, Alana is committed to staying the entire 21 days.
Alana cleverly used Keith’s, carry-bag to create the cutest Naked and Afraid outfit yet. A cute skirt. That night, we see two glowing eyes investigate Alana in her shelter. Either a Rat, or some other critter.
Alana is basically lying around camp. How is she going to survive another week?
Alana catches and eats a crab raw. So gross. Is she going to get a tummy bug too?
Alana is utterly exhausted and has no food.
Thank goodness! I have never been so happy to see day 21! Alana has no energy and resorts to eating termites to get a little protein before her hike to extraction. It is so hot, and she is painfully thin. She has absolutely no energy, and every step looks painful, but she is so tough!!
At last, she wades through stingray infested water, Walks through razor grass, climbs up a sharp lava-rock hill and stands, triumphantly as a helicopter swoops down and rescues her. What a sense of accomplishment! not only has she survived 21 days in Fiji, but she did half of it alone.
After he is released from the hospital with a clean bill of health (totally faking), Keith’s PSR has plummeted to a 4.5 out of 10.
Alana is the first person to end the 21-day journey alone. She gets total props for being a total tough stud! Her PSR increased to from 6.1 to 7.0 out of 10.
I’m pretty hopped up on girl-power right now. Not only am I impressed and proud that Alana was able to complete the experience alone, I am also impressed that she isn’t sunburned even a fraction that I would have guessed.
Next week, Naked and Afraid is headed to dark, bat-filled caves. I hope they have their rabies shots!
What did you think of Episode 3? Could you have survived alone?
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