Total Divas second episode recap, what we learned about the WWE

Total Divas second episode recap, and so much more …

Total Divas, Episode 2: “A Tango With Fandango,” Original airdate August 4th, 2013


Quick Intro: I’m Gerry Strauss (@gerrystrauss), I’m a lifelong pro wrestling fan, a freelance writer and, last I checked, I’m a guy. Confession time: I’ve never watched a female-centric reality show before, but I’m going to leap into this with both feet and watch from the point of view of someone who is more Kardashian-centric than Undertaker-friendly. Instead of giving you the play-by-play, let’s look a bit deeper and find out what we REALLY learn each week as we follow the WWE Divas in and out of the ring, starting with …

Eva Marie: This week’s main storyline revolved around the naughty newbie’s plan to earn a spot on the main WWE roster by becoming ballroom brawler Fandango’s newest dance partner. There was just one problem: she couldn’t dance to save her life, which didn’t stop her from telling management (and Fandango himself) that she had an extensive ballroom background. Oh wait… did I forget to mention that her boyfriend randomly showed up at her door early in the hour and proposed? Apparently she did, as much of the episode saw her building upon her initial lie by also hiding her new engagement ring and flirting with Fandango (“Flirting With Fandango”… now THERE’s a concept for an E! show) to earn an audition that she was destined to screw up. And screw up she did, putting herself on thin ice with WWE Creative VP Stephanie McMahon, yet living to pseudo-fight another day.

The Bella Twins: This week, Nikki and Brie’s (pictured) romantic lives took center stage, as they embarked on a mini-vacation with their boyfriends, John Cena and Bryan “Daniel Bryan” Danielson. The plan was for the foursome to spend time at each of the menfolk’s homes to give them all (and us, presumably) a peek into their vastly different lifestyles. First stop: Tampa, where Brie was wowed by the size and comfort of Cena’s palatial estate, complete with indoor pool and waterfall, as well as a Cigar Room. Yup, John Cena is a playa. From there, we were off to Aberdeen, WA and Danielson’s much more modest home (formerly his parents house, and yes, much of the décor and furniture was theirs as well). Although clearly the less extravagant of the twins, Brie confessed to her sister that she had reservations about eventually leaving sunny California to live in cloudy Boringsville (for pete’s sake, Danielson doesn’t even own a TV). With Nicole continuing to nurse her impatience for Cena’s reluctance to marry, it would appear that neither sister are completely comfortable with their relationships, but it remains to be seen how they deal with these issues in upcoming episodes (or if they just settle for taking out their frustrations on the Newbies)

The Funkadactyls: Despite being a well-oiled dancing duo every time they walk through the curtain into the arena, Ariane and Trinity continued their in-fighting this week. For the second time in two weeks, Ariane bucked typical WWE protocol … this time, by going behind their usual seamstress’ back to order new outfits from an outside designer. When Trinity’s outfit proved a bit too revealing, Ariane was forced to apologize and beg the WWE seamstress to help them make the necessary adjustments. The ‘dactyls live to shake it another day, but Ariane’s selfishness is clearly winning her no admirers among her coworkers …least of all, her own tag-team partner.

JoJo: My wife watched the show with me for five minutes this week and asked if JoJo is simply there to react to everything Eva Marie does. After watching two full episodes, my answer thus far would be yes.

Nattie: After Nattie’s one-note presence last week as an overlooked whiner, we wondered whether this attitude would lead to a prominent role for her week-after-week … a luxury she has never received on the WWE’s usual programming. This week, she was as nonexistent as longtime WWE fans have come to expect, only showing up to help push along the stories of the other Divas. I guess just as art imitates life, reality TV imitates sports-entertainment.

John Cena: I wasn’t sure at first how WWE Champion John Cena would fit into this show. Strangely, it took me two episodes to realize that the dude is rich, charming, ripped to the gills and apparently hates wearing shirts. For a show geared towards the female demographic, how could he NOT be on this program? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to dig out my ab-roller …


Till next week, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @gerrystrauss or drop me a line with questions or comments at


Brie Bella, Total Divas photo: Timothy White/E!