“Duck Dynasty” airs Wednesdays at 10pm ET on A&E.
“Battle of the Brothers”
They sure made getting into this Duck Dynasty recap pretty easy. The gist of this episode becomes apparent right away when Jase and Godwin pull up to the Duck Commander warehouse and see an impressive-looking Harley Davidson motorcycle parked in Willie’s spot. Jase goes in to investigate, knowing that even though Willie is a pretty easygoing guy, you don’t want to mess with him when it comes to parking. That, and food, but that’s not important right now. Jase finds Willie in his office strumming a gee-tar with his beard dyed black, looking like he’s going to audition for Skynyrd. Or maybe a Skynyrd cover band. (Willie and the Free Birds, perhaps?) Of course, he sounds more like a guy who just picked up the axe yesterday, because he literally did. Oh, and he’s wearing a Warrant shirt. From 1994!!! That’s a little like walking around with a Van Halen shirt from the Gary Cherone days.
Willie’s sudden change — midlife crisis anyone? — is all the talk among the gang at the warehouse, although Si apropos of nothing sees fit to start talking about a cockroach he saw recently. It was 12- to 18 inches, of course. (Si vs. Science: Cockroaches usually only get to be just over 1 inch long.) It was apparently fast, too. After shaking off Si’s little aside, Jase decides his brother needs a “redneck intervention.” Strange choice of words, because on its face you might think that means an intervention to stop someone from becoming too redneck, but that’s not really the kind of thing that’s in Duck Dynasty‘s wheelhouse.
The guys circle Willie as he’s admiring his new hog and Jase challenges him to actually get on it a bit and show what he can do. Willie goes so far as to straddle the seat and turn the key, but soon has to admit he doesn’t know how to ride it. Si insists he knows how to do it, even though he talks about putting the two-wheel bike in four-wheel drive. That doesn’t stop Jase from resuming his ribbing of Willie, which Willie endures just fine. But when Jep tries to pile on, that’s all Willie can take. He’s not going to put up with it from the baby of the family, and a bunch of trash talk leads to a declaration of a “Battle of the Brothers.”
The first event — BTW, anyone believe none of this is scripted anymore? — is a human truck pull, with the guys harnessing themselves to the back of the pickup to see how far they can pull it. Willie fails miserably, until Godwin realizes the parking brake was still on. After that, Willie notches a respectable, um, foot and a half. Jase can barely move the thing at all, while Jep actually comes out on top. But Willie and Jase call foul because Jep is wearing tennis shoes, which they see as an unfair advantage.
Next up is the endurance contest, which involves seeing who can eat the most hot peppers. This is Si’s idea, channeling his inner Emeril Lagasse (or “Emerald Legacy” in Si-speak). They all talk a good game, but none of them has a strong constitution, it seems, and the three bros agree to call this one a draw.
The final contest is a bit makeshift in nature. Martin can’t find Trivial Pursuit anywhere, so he brings in Perfection. You know, the game where you have to fit the shaped pieces into the right slot before the timer goes off and launches them everywhere. Jep goes first, doing pretty well, while Jase follows it up with a truly pathetic effort. Sour grapes dictate that he must write it off as just a toddler game that proves nothing, but we all know better. Walk away, Jase. So it’s down to Willie. Can he beat Jep and prove himself the master? Close, but no cigar. Little Brother wins! Although that’s not much consolation when Jep finds himself duct-taped to a pole, just like the good old days.
Over at Phil and Kay’s homestead, a mice invasion is making life difficult. As Phil so eloquently puts it, “My cornflakes are starting to look like Raisin Bran.” Ew. He’s setting traps all over the place, even though Kay suggests a cat would be a better solution. Phil is against having a cat in the house, but it’s not long before we see them driving home with a carrier in the back seat that seems to be making a strange meowing sound.
Then in a completely expected development, the cats turn out to be better pets than exterminators, as the feline trio lounge around on the furniture basking in Miss Kay’s attention. But it’s hard to overlook their hissing, barfing and other bodily functions that are already wreaking havoc on the household. Still, Miss Kay is smitten and determined to keep her new furry friends, until Phil mentions that they whizzed all over the quilt Miss Kay’s mother gave her, then it’s adios gatos. But Jessica agrees to take the kitties off their hands, as Phil can barely contain his excitement. Actually he doesn’t contain it at all, nor does he try to.
Next week is the one-hour season finale, with the Robertsons taking a family trip to Hawaii. Ought to be good, right?
Willie: “He can hate all he wants, but when I’m slayin’ it, he’s going to be all jealousville.”
Si: “I tell a story like an M. Night Comalong movie. I’m just settin’ ya up for a big twist.”
Phil: “We’re cat people now. It’s all downhill from here.”
Miss Kay: “This cat is passing gas.”
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Photo: © 2011 Credit: Zach Dilgard