Duck Dynasty airs 10pm Wednesdays on A&E.
All right, let’s try to put out of our minds that little salary dispute that’s holding up Season 4 and enjoy what we’ve got in front of us. I’m still not real worried just yet, but even so, it’s very nice to know there are still a couple of weeks left of original episodes before the end of the season.
“Bass Man Standing”
With the exception of chocolate and peanut butter, I can’t really think of a better combination than Bass Pro Shops and Duck Dynasty. So it makes perfect sense to start this week’s episode seeing Willie and Jase wandering around one of the massive outdoor retailer discussing the possibility of devoting an entire section of the store to Duck Commander products. Not only that, they’re letting Willie design it, something the always-practical CEO is thrilled about, even as Jase spends most of the time oogling the nightcrawler display and asking for free stuff. Jase also is adamant that whatever the store design looks like, it should have lots and lots of neon. Willie, not so much. He, along with help from the Bass Pro manager, decides a large picture of the entire family is the way to go.
Back at the warehouse, the vibe is even more, um, laid-back than usual as Godwin and Martin play Go Fish while Jep fiddles with Donkey Kong on a GameBoy. Willie has to interrupt, as usual, telling everyone about the picture they’re going to take, and he gets pretty excited about it, saying it needs to be “gritty” and “in your face.” Yeah, that might’ve been easier before you guys became the subject of a warm and fuzzy TV show, but sure, OK. Instead of hiring a professional photographer, Jep says he can take the picture. But wait, not on Saturday because he’s got his dodgeball league. It’s the playoffs, man.
When they get everybody gathered in their overalls and eye black, it turns out to be a chilly day. (As someone who’s spent the winter in Wisconsin, I can only wonder what folks in Louisiana consider cold.) Willie is determined to get a badass picture, something that evokes Rambo and Predator. And he decides the best place to get this picture is … on the loading dock? No one else is quite as enthused as Willie, and the photo session is mercifully brief, with Phil being the first one to decide that enough’s enough. But Willie eventually gets them all back out there for Round 2, and he comes prepared, donning a sleeveless leather outfit meant to remind people of Chuck Norris in Delta Force 2. “It’s the sequel to Delta Force 1,” he helpfully explains to Si. Willie doesn’t accomplish much besides looking stiff and awkward, but hey, more pictures get taken.
At the big unveiling, which occurs during a segment ominously titled “Bass Pro Flop,” the final product doesn’t quite mesh with Willie’s vision. Turns out Jep sent the Bass Pro people all the pics of Willie wearing the Chuck Norris gear and looking like a, his word, doofus. To rub salt in the wound, Jep has used Willie’s action-movie motif for the pictures with him in it and passed the idea off as his own. Willie says he’s going to kill his little brother, but they must have made peace to some extent because Jep is alive and well at the family prayer at episode’s end.
This week’s B story is Miss Kay rediscovering her love of bowling. As she’s playing with her beloved dogs, John Luke and Sadie stop by to return some flower pots and let her know they’re going bowling with some friends, and Miss Kay proceeds to invite herself right along. The kids try to be nice, but it’s obvious they’re not jumping for joy at having MawMaw (somebody please help me with the spelling of that one) come with them. She also seems to think the modern bowling experience consists of using pencil and paper.
Once at Bayou Bowl, Miss Kay goes into full-on Embarrassing Grandma mode, hugging all of Sadie and John Luke’s friends, then thinking she can act as John Luke’s wingman to all these girls, who she believes obviously like her precious grandson. Apparently she has wingman experience, having served in the same role for Si, and she says the job shouldn’t be as difficult with John Luke. For obvious reasons, jack.
Despite her, ahem, unconventional delivery, Miss Kay is a pretty good bowler, rolling a strike her first time out. But rather than rolling a 300 game, her real goal is to bond with her grandkids. So if that means asking them if they’ve had “the sex talk” with their parents, so be it. She even has “a few pointers” she can give. Thankfully she doesn’t seem interested in going into detail, other than saying there’s things married people do and things dating people do. Basically, she’s just warning against going too far. Oh wait, until she utters the horrifying phrase, “Did I ever tell you about the time your father was conceived?” That’s when John Luke and Sadie decide to call it a day.
Jase: “Most people are stuck in junior high, and y’all are kinda pre-K in here.”
Jase: “Let me tell you a secret: You’re not photogenic.”
Sadie: “She’s going to change her pants, right?”
Si: “Back in ‘Nam one time, it was 30 below, 12 foot of snow, everything had ice on it: truck, people, trees, fire.”
Jep: “There went my testicles.”
Si: “With these corrective lenses, I see so good I can actually see into the future. What I see is, hey, Willie’s getting a lot fatter.”
Willie: “Jep, I wanna do some selfies.”
Miss Kay: “Everybody gets a little fungus, yes they do.”
Miss Kay: “Look at these balls! They’re as big as my bosom.”
Jase: “You look like a hairy marshmallow stuffed with blueberries.”
Si: “He looks like Rambo made love to a beaver.”
Best Segment Title
Photo: © 2011 Credit: Art Streiber