Dance Mom yourself! Because life’s not cruel enough!

Dance Moms fans, if you’ve got some time — and feelings — to spare, has a brand-new app that allows you to place yourself, or your own little dance darling, right smack into a Dance Moms dance, black bobbed wig, alarmingly teensy red bolero and all.

Actually, you’re Dance Kidding Yourself. And — in keeping with the spirit of the show itself — if you take too many tries to get your uploaded photo perfectly positioned on a Dance Kid head, the app will cheerfully insult you.

“UPLOAD PHOTOS MUCH?” it silently snarked at me as I tried to master the Twenty Blue Balls of Proper Placement for the sixth or seventh time, without success. No, d*mb@$$ computer thingie. That’s why it’s taking me six or seven tries.

“DON’T CRY. IT’S YOUR FAULT TO BEGIN WITH,” the app warned me from the get-go, so I suppose I should have realized what I was getting into.

Even though I bailed before I came up with a dancing me that didn’t have one eyeball hidden under my wig or some extra white space sticking out of my head (Hence, no accompanying image of Dance Mom’d me. Sorry.), I did learn something valuable. I would never cut it as an Abby Lee student. Even a fake one. But given the language I spent a good half-hour unloading on a computer app, I’d make me one excellent Dance Mom.

Or “Dance Mom Me App” Mom, anyway.

New episodes of Dance Moms air Tuesday nights on Lifetime.

• Read Channel Guide‘s  recap of the latest Dance Moms episode.

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About Lori Acken 1156 Articles
Lori just hasn't been the same since "thirtysomething" and "Northern Exposure" went off the air.