“Dancing With The Stars” duos revealed

By Lori Acken

By now  you’re aware of the dozen famous folks about to try their hands — and, uh, feet — at becoming America’s ultimate favorite “dance-lebrity” for  what looks to be a kick-butt season of Dancing with the Stars.

Now we can answer the burning question whose answer can ultimately determine a celeb dancer’s fate — and how silly (or elegant) they’ll look along the way: Who’s their pro dance partner?

Here’s who:

• Season 12 winner Kym Johnson — who has traditionally fared well with turning big personalities into decent dancers — has her work cut out for her with Courteney Cox’s unpredictable ex David Arquette.

• Last season’s finalist (and world’s hottest hothead) Maxim Chmerkovskiy will  duo with pro goalie Hope Solo.

• Maks’ brother Val Chmerkovskiy scored himself a hot one in Italian TV presenter — and jilted George Clooney lover — Elisabetta Canalis.

• Season 11 winner Derek Hough, who went MIA last season while he worked on films, will teach actress and former talk-show host Ricki Lake to sail across the dance floor.

• The ever-energetic Mark Ballas lands his usual hot-young-chickie dance partner in former Laguna Beach and The Hills star Kristin Cavallari — whom we kinda wish would have been matched up with Hough instead.

• Perpetual fan favorite Cheryl Burke gets the K-dash treatment with Kimmy, Khloe and Kourtney’s bro’, Kob, er, Rob Kardashian.

Karina Smirnoff, who has yet to score the mirror trophy, will dance with All My Children star and Iraqi war vet J.J. Martinez.

• HLN show host and “Tot Mom” detractor Nancy Grace will face the judges herself along with new cast member and Irish dance pro Tristan MacManus.

• Son o’ Sonny and Cher — and the series’ first-ever transgender contestant — Chaz Bono will trip the light fantastic with my personal favorite pro, Lacey Schwimmer. (And maybe this year, the fancy-pants Brit announcer will even stop pronouncing her last name “swimmer.”)

• Sassy, competitive redhead Anna Trebunskaya and former Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guy Carson Kressley should make for a funny and feisty pair.

• Wilson Phillips warbler Chynna Phillips will make sweet music — or serviceable dancing, anyway — with Kate Gosselin survivor Tony Dovolani.

• Lakers star Ron Artest is double-tasking — occupying himself during the NBA lockout and thrilling his cancer-survivor daughter, to boot — by filling the male athlete position. Man jocks have traditionally done well in the competition, which is very good news for cast newbie Peta Murgatroyd. Who may  become our brand-new favorite just because it’s such fun to have a weekly reason to say Murgatroyd.

Oh Louis V, say you’re not gone for good. <sniffle>

Dancing with the Stars premieres Sept. 19 at 8pm ET/PT on ABC.

About Lori Acken 1195 Articles
Lori just hasn't been the same since "thirtysomething" and "Northern Exposure" went off the air.