Tonight on “Dance Moms”: Wildly Inappropriate prosti-tots!

By Lori Acken

Hellooooooo, fellow members of Dance Mom Faithful For Better Or Worse. DaMoFFBoW, for short.

If you’re wondering what we’re in for this week, suffice it to say two things, 1) The name of the episode is “Wildly Inappropriate.” And 2) Christi — she of the “as long as my $16K check is cashed and my kid learns to boogie, let’s drank!” mindset — pronounces Abby’s newest surefire idea for competitive victory “prosti-tots.”

Yes, indeed, there will be no more little pastel dancin’ Esther Williamses out there in ill-fitting headwear for Abby Lee (though, to be fair, they did come out on top in their competition category in Phoenix) — this time, we’re talking Parisian hooker hair, shiny turquoise latex hot pants and bra tops, and thigh-high stockings.

“Where is the rest of her costume?” wheezes Holly when she gets a load of daughter Nia.

The routine, “Electricity,” says Abby by way of explanation, is “sexy and sizzling.”The girls, wails Lori, have yet to hit puberty!

Nobody cares what Lori says.

And these ladies — Abby and the Dance Moms — aren’t exactly the anti-exhibitionist types, so the show, as it must, goes on. I mean there’s MUCH worse stuff on YouTube, right? All those onesie-wearing “Single Ladies” tots and stuff like that? Still, word of the outfits and the routine hits the competition before the girls hit the stage, and the air is ripe with scandal.

No screeners were made available for the rest of the season, but Lifetime PR says the performance does “blow away the audience.” But are we talking shock … or awe?

Find out tonight at 10pm ET on Lifetime.


  1. Not just this dance! Why is it so hard to put on a leotard and look a little more classy? Give me one good reason that they need to show up to dance every day in bra tops and bootie shorts? Bikinis are for the pool. Cum on people.

  2. I was disgusted… they spread their legs and grinded with the floor, touched themselves sexually and with the shiny bras and hot pants, the fishnets and the poofed out hair they looked like hookers! Chloe looked simply trashed leaping onto stage first, looking at the audience and singing “Ooooh” starting the lap dance. Then Nia, slapping her tush and slightly tugging up her pants and then them all just being absolutely sexual…I couldn’t believe it.

  3. I found that the dance was wretched. It was more of a lap dance than a normal competition number. And with the hair strung out into afros, the black outlining the eyes, the shiny material around the bosom, the hot pants and the black tights, I felt they appeared mini prostitutes! They’re seductive moves and the lyrics in the song they danced to qualified in my book, as Wildly Inappropriate!

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About Lori Acken 1195 Articles
Lori just hasn't been the same since "thirtysomething" and "Northern Exposure" went off the air.