by Ruth Anne Boulet
So tonight’s “theme” is a mish-mosh of inspirational numbers and the catalog of Lieber & Stoller, with mentoring by Lady Gaga. It’s like the American Idol version of “Will It Blend?” Just shove everything in a blender and see what happens. First up are songs that inspire the Idols.
James Durbin — Don’t Stop Believing by Journey
Anyone else singing this song in any other season would get the “karaoke” critique. It’s almost impossible to sing this song seriously after Glee. Don’t get me wrong. I love me some Glee, but since the song was so big for that show it’s hard to hear a regular singer do that song without thinking cheeseball. James doesn’t do anything different with the song and yet the judges go crazy. No one mentions karaoke. Save us Simon. When does X Factor start?
Haley Reinhart — Earth Song by Michael Jackson
I wouldn’t have picked this song for Haley because I don’t think it’s a very good song. She does a decent job, but gets the judges disdain. Again. But this time Haley gives a bit back to the judges. Randy and Jennifer give her crap about song choice. When Randy tells Haley something about her upper register, Haley’s finally had it & lets him know that she hadn’t gone to her upper register. Steven has had it and tells Haley to ignore the other judges.
Scotty McCreery — Where Were You When the World Stops Turning by Alan Jackson
Why are all of tonight’s inspirational songs crap? Why? Surely there are good inspirational songs out there. Scotty thinks this song means a lot to Americans and other people in this country. You know, other Americans. Oh, Scotty. You were 8 when 9/11 happened and now you’re singing a song about how us ‘mericans don’t know where them ferrignn countriees is. Iraq? Iran? What’er they? I know Richard Lawson is going to write something about apple pie exploding from his face. It is. I don’t know why American Flags aren’t unfurling from the sky. Randy thought it was the perfect song choice and thinks Scotty should keep his simpleness. Steven says something about greatness. Jennifer is in love with Scotty. Blech.
Lauren Alaina — Anyway by Martina McBride
Apparently this is a country classic. I don’t listen to country all that often so I couldn’t tell you. Lauren’s got a cranberry prom dress with a leopard print lining. It’s like she’s gearing up to be a cougar. She sings the song well enough, but there’s a lot of “God” and “anyway” in it and not much else. Lauren broke Steven’s heart. Jennifer is very proud of her & everything she says is to help Lauren get to the final. Um, when have you guys been that mean to Lauren? She’s been given some criticism but nothing that harsh. Randy declares Lauren in it to win it.
We have a crappy recap where the judges say more useless things. Randy says everyone but Haley was the best of the night. Wow, really? You can’t narrow it down any more than that? Randy thinks he’s being honest. No, Randy, you’re having no finesse or tact & don’t have the guts to really give feedback. That’s what you’re doing.
Haley Reinhart — I Who Have Nothing
Lady Gaga gets a stark white room to mentor the kids. She doesn’t get the regular studio room. It’s likely not fabulous enough. She also keeps Jimmy pretty silent during her comments. She powers through it like you would expect her to. Jennifer declares that she will never take it easy on her because she’s capable of amazing things. Randy calls her in it to win it. Steven thinks she Reinharted herself into the middle of next week. Ryan makes her go down & get love from the judges.
Scotty McCreery — Young Blood
Lady Gaga tells Scotty to center in on that hot dog of a microphone. She tells him to focus on it & sing into it like it’s his girlfriend demanding that he stick his tongue down her throat. Scotty had to kiss his cross when he was done & apologize to Jesus or something. Oh calm down you seventeen-year-old. I know you’re at that age where everything’s black & white, but he’s singing a song about lust. Apparently that doesn’t warrant an apology to the almighty. He totally mugs the whole performance. It’s totally indulgent & karaoke. I’m expecting the judges to just go crazy in love with it. Steven says Scotty made Gaga’s Yaya go Lala. Lots of love for The Body.
Lauren Alaina — Trouble
Lauren’s dressed like it’s formal night on a Royal Caribbean cruise in the 80s — all sparkly jacket-dress with big shoulder pads & bigger hair. Lauren is afraid to call herself evil. There is a lot of repetition of the word evil in this song. Gaga has to talk her down about it. Why Lauren picked the song when she was uncomforable with the lyric I have no idea. She’s glad that Gaga got her to get out of her comfort zone. Wow, just saying the word evil is out of your comfort zone? Man, Lauren is not ready for this. She should’ve waited a couple of years & gotten a little rejection on a smaller scale first to toughen her skin first. Steven loves her. Jennifer saw maturity in her. Randy said something, but I wasn’t paying attention.
James Durbin — Love Potion Number 9
Did James eat a big helping of cheese this week? Apparently James was being too casual for the Gaga & she actually gave him an assist & danced with him so he would freaking move. It worked for rehearsal at least. For the performance James goes into his typical “rocker” crap. Watch James walk down the stairs. Watch James run into the audience. Watch James stand on a little platform on the stage. Listen as James mugs for applause. I’m so tired of it. You haven’t won yet, kid. Even if you do win there’s no guarantee your career will last longer than a hot minute, so a little humility might be nice. Jennifer thinks James can sing anything. Randy thinks James is peaking at the right time. Peaking at the karaoke club maybe. Steven calls it a beautiful thing.