by Ruth Anne Boulet
People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Woman in the World has decided to show off her figure with a dress featuring a poof in the front & a sheer mesh in the back. Did you listen to Gwen, Jen? That’s a bad idea.
Paul McDonald — Old Time Rock & Roll by Bob Seeger
What is Will.i.am doing there again? Is Jimmy Iovine lonely? Does he really need a sidekick for giving feedback? Looks like Paul is going to just sing & not play an instrument. Oy. He’s in another glittery rose suit. This one’s in black. Wow, it’s a trainwreck. He actually plays the tambourine. He’s not in tune, not in control. He’s that crazy dude doing karaoke that no one wants to make eye contact with. Steven Tyler loves the sax player. He also loves the energy. Seriously? J Lo thinks he’s getting more polished. Are you kidding me? Randy thought Paul threw it hard. Ok, the judges have completely given up. They’re not going to even try to give any sort of constructive criticism. Simon? Where are you Simon? We need you more than ever!
Lauren Alaina — The Climb by Miley Cyrus
Lauren is amazed when Jimmy says that she’s a better singer than Miley Cyrus. Well, duh. Jimmy and Will.i.am tell Lauren to snap up old Pia fans. She’s mock horrified about that. Lauren decides to sing directly to the camera with her back to the entire studio audience. I hate this song, but at least it’s age-appropriate. And it doesn’t look like Gwen Stefani dressed her this time. JLo loved to hear her sing that, but says that she needs to go further. Ok, why does Lauren need to go further, but Paul is given a free pass for the mess he just put down? She moved Steven beyond tears. Gack.
Stefano Langone — End of the Road by Boyz II Men
Stefano is going to start fresh, just after Jimmy Iovine & Will.i.am yell at him. It’s an ok performance if you like strained & nasally. His dad is happy. Randy name-drops & says Stefano is in it to win it. Steven thinks it’s just the beginning for him. The most beautiful woman in the world says that it was “the shit.” No one calls her on that either.
Scotty McCreery — I Cross My Heart by George Strait
Jimmy Iovine pulls out the oldie-but-goodie: “You could sing the phone book.” How original. Scotty is going back to his country roots. Did Scotty ever leave his country roots? Where was I when that happened. We get less of a crotch-shot this week. For that I’m grateful. He’s still listing to the left, but one tic at a time. Can’t expect the boy to change overnight. Does anyone else think that Scotty feels like he’s so on top he doesn’t really need to try anymore? Maybe it’s the country thing, but I don’t get a lot of energy off that boy. Steven is worthless. Jennifer comments that everyone wants her to be tough, but they’re all so good that she just wants to say “Wow!” Thanks Jennifer. Saying wow every week is such exciting TV. Randy: “Scotty, hot.”
Casey Abrams — Nature Boy by Nat King Cole
So I hear the tease that Casey will be singing Nat King Cole and it’s the first time I’m actually excited to be watching this show tonight. Jimmy tries to get Casey to sing In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins. Jimmy thinks Casey’s nuts for not listening to him. They give him a super-cool old-school microphone. Casey is in his comfort zone with his upright bass & does a call-out to Ray Chew for a little jazzy breakdown. It’s quite the risk to have an instrumental break when you’ve got 90 seconds to show off your voice. The judges leap to their feet. JLo does a whole speech on the beauty of American Idol this season & how unique everyone is. Randy thinks this season is about education & embracing yourself. Really? American Idol? Steven thinks Casey represents the truest sense of the word artist. Apparently Steven Tyler’s mother used to sing Nature Boy to him as a kid.
Haley Reinhart — Call Me by Blondie
I’m concerned for Haley because she’s eating the microphone with a dark lipstick again. Her dress & purple boots are great. She does an ok job with the song and manages to not get lipstick on her face again. Randy didn’t love the beginning of it. She gets the karaoke comment. Again, and Paul wasn’t karaoke? Steven agrees but thought she sang it great. Jennifer is afraid to say anything bad about the girls because she doesn’t want any of them to go home. Then why is she getting slammed when she wasn’t any worse than some of the guys?
Jacob Lusk — Bridge Over Troubled Water by The Sweeney Sisters
Jacob is going to try to inspire us. With hip thrusts this week? Does my not voting for him reflect on myself? Jimmy slams Jacob for preaching to people. Jacob first starts with Dream the Impossible Dream. Then Will.i.am discusses many ways one might ingest corn. Jacob is very careful to not to demand votes this time. He’s pretty restrained for The Lusky Stank. He also sounds like he’s getting hoarse on some of the power notes. I’m amazed at how still he can stand while he does some of his power notes. It’s like he completely freezes immobile. There’s a couple moments of dropped audio. One of those times was something from Steven. Don’t know who dropped the other bit of naughtiness. The judges rave about the notes he can hit. Kathy was not raving about those notes next to me. I believe she said “Well THAT wasn’t pretty.” Randy calls him special and perfect. Really? And Haley needs work? Meh? Kathy’s longing for Clay Aiken.
James Durbin — Heavy Metal by Sammy Hagar
Jimmy Iovine thinks James is nuts. James fights for this song. I really wonder how much the guys are fighting for things, or how much we’re being led to believe they’re fighting. The poop cloth is in full force tonight. My brother would play this soundtrack quite a bit so I’m familiar with this song. Don’t know how many others are familiar with it. James decides to get up close & personal with the judges. James, they’re useless at this point. They will not help you. Play to the crowd & the camera. They’re the ones that count. There’s cornutos flying all over this stage. Jennifer thought that felt really real. She also calls it pure heavy metal. Um, Sammy Hagar is not really heavy metal. Randy gives a shout-out to Zakk Wylde. Steven, again, is useless.
Whatever America. The judges want to eliminate as many girls as possible. Are you going to fall for it or are you going to do what’s right and finally axe off one of the guys?