Two contestants go home on American Idol

by Ruth Anne Boulet

Over 55 million votes were tallied in last night’s American Idol voting. Oooh! Big numbers from Ryan Seacrest.

First up for cheesy is a duet between Scotty and Lauren. Scotty is in full-head-tilt performance mode. It’s super irritating. And Scotty, I know you’re a guy so you can sit with your crotch open, but I’d rather not see it. Thank you. I had to fast-forward through most of their number. Too much twang for this girl. The judges are all up & excited.

Scotty & Lauren get pulled center stage. The intro to the show promised surprises. It would be truly surprising if either of them went home. Both of them are safe, so no, no excitement. Yawn. I would’ve rather been surprised.

Does anyone else think Jennifer Lopez’ hair look like it was styled for her to go to prom? Very 80s updo, JLo.

Next up is Naima & Jacob to do a duet. They’re singing Solid from Ashford & Simpson. Awesome. These two actually moved while they sang. You could also see just how silly they thought it was that they were supposed to be singing it to each other. Ryan dims the lights — one of them is safe, and one in the bottom 3. Naima is in the bottom 3. Jacob is safe. So far, I’m not surprised by the results.

Fantasia is back, singing her new song Collard Greens and Cornbread. I didn’t listen to it. Was it good? I did listen to her advice, which was good. Listen to the woman who hasn’t had the easy ride after Idol. It could be you, kids.

Haley, Thia and Pia are performing next, Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. The producers will force Pia to go uptempo if it kills her. Did they have to have Thia sing a song where the lyric is “Let’s go all the way tonight?” Ew. Haley and Pia get a solo. Thia does not. Hmmm. Dim the lights! Pia is safe. Still waiting for the surprise, Idol. Thia is in the bottom three, and Haley is safe.  Great, so at least 1 girl is going home. Nice. Haven’t enough girls gone home?

Paul, Casey, James and Stefano debut their ‘band’ with Band On The Run. They don’t really know how to harmonize with each other. They all play instruments. Stefano and Paul definitely seem like they’re straining. They’re like a scruffy over-the-hill boy band.  Dim the lights & send one of these guys home. Steven Tyler offers them the opening slot on an Aerosmith tour. I can hear Joe Perry screaming NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Casey is safe this week. They don’t even attempt to torture him. James is safe. We’re down to Stefano & Paul. Paul is in the bottom 3 and Stefano is safe. Richard Lawson is so excited right now.

Song from Rio: Jamie Foxx wants to party. That is all. Oooh, except for the synchronized swimming moves on the Idol stage! This season is full of firsts! First reggae performance, now the first synchronized swimming routine! And I think the first demo of Capoeira on the Idol stage as well. Wow.

After the nationwide vote, Paul is safe. Ridiculous. Not saying Naima and Thia weren’t going to go eventually, but man, one guy ALMOST gets sent home and he gets the save. Everyone sent home up until this point has been a girl.

What does a girl have to do to move on in this show? All I can say now is, go Haley.