by Ruth Anne Boulet
Ryan is all emotional about the 30 million votes last night. Awwww. America likes us. America really likes us. Apparently we still have the judges save. Why on earth would they use the judges save tonight. It’s round one.
Casey Abrams is sick again. Dude, what do you have going on? Severe stomach cramps again? But we don’t dwell on that too long. Instead we focus on the really cool mansion the kids get to live in. Like they’re almost going to have time to enjoy it outside of filming that video.
Group number! Michael Jackson’s “Gotta be Startin’ Somethin'”, then “Wanna Rock With You” and other various MJ songs. At times it sounds like they’re singing live, but other times definitely not. You know, like when they need to harmonize. It’s as cheesy as any Idol medley. We’re also treated to a crappy Ford commercial. Glad to see we’re not messing with the excessively long results show. That didn’t need to change at all.
The kids got to go the premiere of Red Riding Hood. Surprisingly Amanda Seyfried is there. Who’d have thought that would happen? The Idol kids get to meet the stars! Paul has no idea who some actress is. It’s ok Paul, I didn’t know who she was either. Casey is voted most looking like a werewolf. I’d go with Paul, actually.
Ryan is looking for the bottom 3. He first calls Jacob, Stefano and Karen. A lot of Ryan recapping what we all watched. A lot of contestants saying “I can do better next time” and “I’m just blessed to be here!” Karen is sent to the Stools of Sadness after Ryan psyches her out.
Adam Lambert’s up next doing an acoustic version of Aftermath. He’s all toned-down & not Boy George fabulous, which is kind of disappointing. His skin looks better than when he was a contestant. You go with some microdermabrasion boy! Oh, wait, he shifted. Well he got great lighting at least. He throws in a run for fun toward the end ’cause it’s Idol and people expect that. He’s got to throw down for the Durbin. That’s how it’s done. That song is also available in a dance version for The Trevor Project charity. We apparently have so much time that JLo can teach everyone how to Dougie.
Oh, wow, a commercial for Red Riding Hood. Imagine that!
Ryan dims the lights to strike fear in the hearts of Lauren, Ashthon and Haley as they are called to the stage. I’m noticing the girls have a feather theme. Feathers in their hair, feathers on their ears. Feathers, feathers, feathers. Ryan makes Lauren apologize and then because she’s going to cry he sends her to the Couches of Safety right away. Wuss. She makes some baby noises at Pia. Stop it. You’re not bad but you need to grow up fast. Surprise! Ashthon AND Haley are in the bottom 3. Wow. What a wussy torture show. Over half of them weren’t even get put on the rack!
So instead of torturing contestants we get treated to the musical stylings of Diddy Dirty Money aka something else for P Diddy to call himself. I liked Skylar Grey, but she is from Mazomanie. It’s the law in Wisconsin that you gotta root for anyone from the area. All so damn talented. Except Gokey. I wasn’t about to root for him in that group. Otherwise the performance is pretty unexciting without the lighting. I hope P Diddy pays his lighting crew well ’cause they make him look good. I wonder if seeing P Diddy is awkward for J Lo.
Ryan then has run out of time so he’s got to speed through the eliminations. Karen is safe. Ashthon is headed home; Haley is safe. But will the judges save her? Doubtful. She’s going to sing Diana again. Ryan tells her to go for it. Put everything into it! I’d rather hear Ryan say – go ahead & sing, but it’s really unlikely it’ll make a difference so phone it in! Randy notices the camera & figures maybe they should look like they’re deliberating. Ashthon, they already saved your butt once. She’s crying. Ryan is all comforting. Are these contestants more emotionally fragile than they’ve been in year’s past? Jennifer delivers the bad news & seems all sad. Sorry J Lo. You’ve got to thicken that skin girl. Ashthon is serenaded out with “Don’t You Forget About Me” as done by David Cook. Would’ve rather heard Simple Minds.
And we end with a group hug. Awwww…. Maybe next week we’ll get a bit more cutthroat. A girl can dream.